# No, being gay doesn't mean you can have sex in public! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 9, 2003, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228 "2003-07-09T14:01:26Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Kwyjibo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/59ef9b/32.png) [@Kwyjibo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kwyjibo)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 2:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228/1 "2003-07-09T14:01:26Z")
(Kinda cross posted from my LJ Some minor additions… I figured you lot had to see this…) My dad just got called away to work last night. (He works as a mall manager.) Turns out, that earlier yesterday, there were a couple of guys that threatened to come back and kill (Yes…“kill”) one of the maintenance workers because they were being told to leave the bathrooms. Well…they came back last night. The maintenance guy called the cops. (He called them yesterday after they threatened him so the cops knew something was gonna happen.) The cops arrested the guys on charges of trespassing (One of the guys was warned the day before.) and for threatening behaviour. The two guys freaked out claming that they were being discriminated against because they were gay and that it is there **right** to have sex there. Now anyone who knows me I couldn’t care if someone is gay or straight, but this sort thing is bullshit. Heck, I understand the thrill of having sex ‘in public’ and everything, but it you’re caught, **YOU’RE CAUGHT!!!**! No argument! Hands down! It is not your fucking right to have sex there because you’re gay! Ya know…folks like that really can make the rest of the gay community look bad in the eyes of others…it’s sad. The bathrooms in this mall are actually an ‘advertised’ spot for gays to meet to have sex. I have the URL, but don’t want to post it as it leads to other pages with adult content. Because this mall is a known hang out for this sorta thing, the people working there have to deal with this stuff all the time. They even put a ‘dummy’ camera outside the bathroom door but it was it was smashed up. Unfortunately, the cops said there wasn’t much they could do. There are also parks here (Victoria and Motz Park) in town that is another local spot for this sorta thing, again, the cops can’t really do anything because those apprehended claim they are being discriminated against because they are gay…pressure is put on the cop and they let them go… (According to the cops, anyway.) ---
**Author:** ![Stephi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecd19e/32.png) [@Stephi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stephi)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 2:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228/2 "2003-07-09T14:20:31Z")
Wow. Remind me never to shop in _that_ mall! 😃 ---
**Author:** ![NurseCarmen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/5daacb/32.png) [@NurseCarmen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NurseCarmen)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 2:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228/3 "2003-07-09T14:21:26Z")
A local park here in the Twin Cities fell under the same situation. Families could no longer enjoy the park due to the men openly having sex, yet when law enforcement did finally start cracking down, claims of discrimination were raised. Listen, it’s not discrimination you morons. If a park were to be taken over by trapese swinging saran wrap wearing sado-masachists, I would expect and welcome a law enforcement response. ---
**Author:** ![Lord\_Ashtar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7ea924/32.png) [@Lord\_Ashtar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lord_Ashtar)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 2:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228/4 "2003-07-09T14:26:20Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Stephi \* > \*\*Wow. Remind me never to shop in _that_ mall! 😃 \*\* I got no problem shopping there. I’ll just make sure that I avoid the bathrooms. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228/5 "2003-07-09T14:47:49Z")
Well, way back in the day, before Stonewall, there was a slim rarionale for cruising in bathrooms (tearooms in old gay slang) because there just weren’t any places for gay men to met. But nowadays, there’s just no excuse for that behavior. Aside from my own opinion that public sex is icky in the extreme, guys who cruise in toilets give gay men in general a bad image, not to mention that guys like that generally ignore safer sex, thus passing on AIDS among other STDs. ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Kumquat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gary\_Kumquat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Kumquat)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 2:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228/6 "2003-07-09T14:59:34Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by NurseCarmen \* > \*\*A local park here in the Twin Cities fell under the same situation. Families could no longer enjoy the park due to the men openly having sex, yet when law enforcement did finally start cracking down, claims of discrimination were raised. \*\* One of the local parks here has become a popular place for cottaging (a rather lovely phrase and one I hope is used in the US, but if not it refers to gay men having sex in public toilets) Now this I have no problem with, but I must admit that I am disturbed by the frankly poor quality of the local gay scene. I like to think I’m openminded about male/female beauty and can appreciate a good looking guy in an unbiased manner. However either I am too repressed and uptight to actually do this or by god we have some ugly gay men in my town. Combine this with the frankly shocking state of some of the public toilets in that park and really, how people can manage to feel even vaguely turned on in such circumstances amazes me. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228/7 "2003-07-09T15:05:16Z")
Hell, I’m the wrong person to ask about this. I spent a good 2/3 of my teenage and immediately subsequent (14- ~21) years as a stall crawler. I was a very bad boy. My personal vision for the Improvement of American Gay Society is the installation of private “booths” in gay bars so two people who just meet can go off and have a quickie, then come back out into the bar to meet more, without the risk of arrest that comes with doing it in your car. Cleaning up after yourself would be a rule, of course… _clears throat_ Okay, I may not be the most sex-normal gay man in the world… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 3:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228/8 "2003-07-09T15:06:05Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gobear \* > \*\*Well, way back in the day, before Stonewall, there was a slim rarionale for cruising in bathrooms (tearooms in old gay slang) because there just weren’t any places for gay men to met. > > But nowadays, there’s just no excuse for that behavior. Aside from my own opinion that public sex is icky in the extreme, guys who cruise in toilets give gay men in general a bad image, not to mention that guys like that generally ignore safer sex, thus passing on AIDS among other STDs. \*\* I concur. Furthermore, gay guys claiming they have a _right_ to public sex in a public bathroom. I really want to bitch slap both of these imbeciles. ---
**Author:** ![Tir\_Tinuviel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bc79bd/32.png) [@Tir\_Tinuviel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tir_Tinuviel)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228/9 "2003-07-09T15:13:24Z")
**jayjay** … \*"Cleaning up after yourself would be a rule, of course… _ **clears throat** _…\* 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 3:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228/10 "2003-07-09T15:13:24Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jayjay \* > My personal vision for the Improvement of American Gay Society is the installation of private “booths” in gay bars so two people who just meet can go off and have a quickie, then come back out into the bar to meet more, without the risk of arrest that comes with doing it in your car. Cleaning up after yourself would be a rule, of course… See… it isn’t the risk of arrest that precludes doing it in a car, it’s that I’m 6’4", and it really would take a van to make it possible and comfortable. > [@](#): > > _clears throat_ Okay, I may not be the most sex-normal gay man in the world… 😃 \*\* Pfft. As if anyone on here is really normal. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Francesca](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/9fc348/32.png) [@Francesca](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Francesca)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228/11 "2003-07-09T15:36:58Z")
**Gary** - A friend of mine who cottages in London parks (the Russell Square area is popular, apparently) says that the reason for this is that all the good looking guys go to bars to pick each other up. The, uh, less attractive men (and the non-scene men) have to resort to hanging out in parks and public toilets if they want a quick shag. And of course, there’s the illicit thrill of it. If you call shagging in the Tottenham Court Road public lavs a “thrill”. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228/12 "2003-07-09T15:39:39Z")
> [@](#): > > See… it isn’t the risk of arrest that precludes doing it in a car, it’s that I’m 6’4", and it really would take a van to make it possible and comfortable. Well, it’s not so much the height as the need for ankle room. 😃 If we’re clearing our consciences, when I was a young’un in college, I cruised a local adult bookstore’s peepshow booths. While I deplore the behavior of my younger self, I at least had the excuse that I was doing my illicit activities in an environment where everyone else was doing the same thing, and there was no chance that any innocent civilians would be scandalized. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228/13 "2003-07-09T16:02:08Z")
**Nurse Carmen** , Loring Park? I really hate to think I’d missed one while I was living there. 😃 **gobear** , I’m not clearing anything. My conscience doesn’t even recognize my stall-crawling days. No shame. Shame over consensual sex of any kind, public, private, kinky, vanilla, gay, straight or mixed, is misplaced and silly. Admittedly, public sex is rude, especially if it’s persisted in when someone comes into the restroom whose sympathies are unknown, but rude isn’t shameful. Just ill-mannered. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Potter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Potter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Potter)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228/14 "2003-07-09T16:34:54Z")
In this country, the practice of cracking down on cottaging is discriminatory. It is discriminatory because other forms of exhibitionist or public sex, ones that are predominately heterosexual i.e “dogging” (gettin’ in on in a car in an area where crowds gather to watch) and that are well known to police, are not receiving even a slight percentage of police attention that the cottages or well-known queer cruising areas are. Yeah, I know if I’m boinking in public and I get caught, it’s my fault/problem, and nobody else’s. However, if I am more likely to be targetted or focussed on due to my sexuality then, yeah, I’d call that pretty discriminatory. Once the police start focussing on _all_ public sex, then I’m fine with whatever happens. Plus I’ve never got caught, and have indulged my whims for public sex on many occasions 🙂 However, if I’m threatening to kill people, then I’m a huge asshole and pretty much deserve all I get. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 4:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228/15 "2003-07-09T16:52:47Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gobear \* > \*\*Well, it’s not so much the height as the need for ankle room. 😃 > \*\* Yup. _sigh_ Oh, for the backseat of a large car with the optional stirrups installed on the ceiling. 😃 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Gary\_Kumquat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/4491bb/32.png) [@Gary\_Kumquat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gary_Kumquat)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228/16 "2003-07-09T17:07:07Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Francesca \* > \*\ ***Gary** - A friend of mine who cottages in London parks (the Russell Square area is popular, apparently) says that the reason for this is that all the good looking guys go to bars to pick each other up. The, uh, less attractive men (and the non-scene men) have to resort to hanging out in parks and public toilets if they want a quick shag. And of course, there’s the illicit thrill of it. If you call shagging in the Tottenham Court Road public lavs a “thrill”. \*\* Ah, that would explain it, and here I was about to write to my local rag, demanding that the council take immediate action to improve the standards of local gay attractiveness. After all, between this and the frankly rather scary women working in the red light district[sup]\*[/sup] we really are falling behind other scottish cities in the standards of quick relief. God only knows what visiting sailors must think of us. [sup]\*[/sup][sub]and before anyone asks what I was doing in the redlight district, you have to drive through it to reach the icerink. Honest.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 5:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228/17 "2003-07-09T17:35:45Z")
What, do you mean all Scots men don’t look like Ewan McGregor? Shame, because I would have done all the men in **Trainspotting** (well, I would need a few drink for doing Ewen Bremner) I’ve always fancied a trip to Scotland, since all the guys wearing kilts make for such easy access. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 5:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228/18 "2003-07-09T17:52:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mockingbird \* > **Oh, for the backseat of a large car with the optional stirrups installed on the ceiling.** Used to have one, a '72 Lincoln. Okay, there was only one stirrup per side (it would really hurt to use both at once) and it was more of a pullstrap, but there’s no law on how you use them. I have no problem with people boinking in areas and at times clearly understood by the authorities and locals to be for that purpose. When I was young we had a park with a parking strip on one side that was across from some small factories. After dark it was generally accepted that anybody hanging out there was screwing. Public washrooms at an open mall do not fit those criteria. ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 6:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228/19 "2003-07-09T18:13:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gobear \* > \*\*What, do you mean all Scots men don’t look like Ewan McGregor? Shame, because I would have done all the men in **Trainspotting** (well, I would need a few drink for doing Ewen Bremner) > > I’ve always fancied a trip to Scotland, since all the guys wearing kilts make for such easy access. \*\* [Homer Simpson] Mmmmmm. Men in kilts. _arrrrrrrrr_ [/Homer Simpson] I was _not_ thinking of Coldfire. Okay, yes I was. Heloise, leave my balls alone. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2003, 6:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228/20 "2003-07-09T18:48:15Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by gobear \* > \*\*If we’re clearing our consciences, when I was a young’un in college, I cruised a local adult bookstore’s peepshow booths. While I deplore the behavior of my younger self, I at least had the excuse that I was doing my illicit activities in an environment where everyone else was doing the same thing, and there was no chance that any innocent civilians would be scandalized. \*\* HAH! That one near the library? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-being-gay-doesnt-mean-you-can-have-sex-in-public/187228.md?page=2)