# 'No Gifts please' - Presumptive? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [March 31, 2014, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-gifts-please-presumptive/684952 "2014-03-31T01:57:47Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 11:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-gifts-please-presumptive/684952/21 "2014-03-31T11:59:01Z")
> [@Shakes](#): > > Other than a card, or buying someone diner, I don’t think I’ve ever bought someone a B-day gift as an adult. Do people really do that? Lately I’ve been buying my friends gift certificates for the beer bar I frequent. It gives them (and me) a legitimate excuse to celebrate. ---
**Author:** ![elbows](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/b3f665/32.png) [@elbows](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elbows)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-gifts-please-presumptive/684952/22 "2014-03-31T12:00:10Z")
I attended a wedding where the couple insisted on no gifts please! (Both from prosperous homes, well positioned career wise, owned a home, already running a household!) It would be a big do, in a fancy place, at large expense, quite clearly. The almost irresistible urge to buy an expensive gift regardless, was running pretty deep in most attendees, wishes of the couple notwithstanding. So they let it be known that a family had already been selected to which they would donate all gifts! And it worked! We didn’t give a gift, nor did most people! And it pleased everyone! But it wasn’t as simple as just asking because, weddings especially, it is so deeply ingrained in our manners to give a gift. I really like the idea of the food bank collection, it fills the needs of both giver and receiver and benefits a good cause! ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 12:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-gifts-please-presumptive/684952/23 "2014-03-31T12:03:56Z")
I think it’s more than fair to ‘presume’ people are going to want to bring gifts to a birthday party. If you really, really don’t want them to, put the party off for a month or two and call it a dinner/backyard/garden party party and make it an annual thing. If you wait til the weather breaks you can do it outside and grill out. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 12:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-gifts-please-presumptive/684952/24 "2014-03-31T12:19:58Z")
I agree with the consensus that it’s fine. Those who weren’t going to bring a gift anyway will feel validated, those who weren’t sure of the etiquette have a clear instruction to work with, those who were going to bring one no matter what will do so, you (in the main) get what you want. Everyone’s a winner. ---
**Author:** ![Noel\_Prosequi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/b19c9b/32.png) [@Noel\_Prosequi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Noel_Prosequi)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 12:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-gifts-please-presumptive/684952/25 "2014-03-31T12:32:02Z")
**GreedySmurf** , your use of the word “Esky” reminds me that you are Australian, no? My sense is that here in Oz, it is quite OK to do as you suggest. I recently went to a 50th where the hostess indicated politely at the end that she didn’t want presents, and this a party at which I don’t think anyone present _wasn’t_ a doctor, lawyer or university professor. Some people (me included) brought a good bottle of red or whatever, even though it was catered. Some people just don’t like fuss. It’s OK to say so. Socially, I don’t think it’s presumptuous at all. We all are grown up enough to understand that adults dont necessarily have a child’s desire for nicknacks. ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-gifts-please-presumptive/684952/26 "2014-03-31T12:37:10Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > “No gifts, please. If you bring one I will set it on fire.” > mmm This is the credited response. ---
**Author:** ![anyrose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/54ee81/32.png) [@anyrose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/anyrose)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 12:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-gifts-please-presumptive/684952/27 "2014-03-31T12:43:20Z")
“The only presents I need is _your presence_.” ---
**Author:** ![twickster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ec9cab/32.png) [@twickster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/twickster)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 1:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-gifts-please-presumptive/684952/28 "2014-03-31T13:18:56Z")
Since you’re looking for opinions, moved to IMHO (from MPSIMS). ---
**Author:** ![Melchior](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e5b9ba/32.png) [@Melchior](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Melchior)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 1:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-gifts-please-presumptive/684952/29 "2014-03-31T13:24:35Z")
Not ‘presumptive’, but ‘presumptuous’. ---
**Author:** ![Lucas\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucas_jackson/32/303_2.png) [@Lucas\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucas_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 1:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-gifts-please-presumptive/684952/30 "2014-03-31T13:30:49Z")
> [@GreedySmurf](#): > > Sending out invitations (likely by email in the first instance) is it uncouth presumption to include a note of ‘No Gifts Please’? It’s completely fine. You will, however, tarnish your good username. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 2:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-gifts-please-presumptive/684952/31 "2014-03-31T14:57:48Z")
> [@Ace309](#): > > This is the credited response. Well, in only that some pyro will bring a gift so they can watch it burn. But, yeah, this sort of thing is on invitations all the time. Generally you do the “charity” thing or similar, but I’ve seen ones that were just explicit. The only people I could see getting mad are those who have a problem with you and are looking for an excuse to think poorly of you, and I doubt you’re inviting someone like that to your party. ---
**Author:** ![Quercus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/q/7ab992/32.png) [@Quercus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Quercus)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 5:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-gifts-please-presumptive/684952/32 "2014-03-31T17:07:48Z")
> [@Mean\_Mr.Mustard](#): > > “No gifts, please. If you bring one I will set it on fire.” > mmm > [@BigT](#): > > Well, in only that some pyro will bring a gift so they can watch it burn. You say that like it’s a bad thing! Anyway, the Quercus sapling just had a birthday party, and the invitation (to the parents) said No gifts, but if you want to bring something bring a picture drawn by your child for The Sapling. Worked fantastically: Instead of a bunch of plastic crap taking up space, we’ve got a fridge door full of pictures (OK, scribbles; and there was some parent help) by all of the Sapling’s friends (about once a day, all the friends get named as their pictures are pointed at). You could do something similar: say “No gifts, but if you have a great picture or story from the last 40 years, bring that instead” ---
**Author:** ![Sir\_T-Cups](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sir\_T-Cups](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sir_T-Cups)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 6:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-gifts-please-presumptive/684952/33 "2014-03-31T18:07:23Z")
Nothing wrong with it from my end. Given its a birthday I would assume that people would give gifts for a birthday (when one normally receives gifts) and it’s perfectly fine to just say “C’mon, I’m 40, no gifts” ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [March 31, 2014, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-gifts-please-presumptive/684952/34 "2014-03-31T20:25:55Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Well, in only that some pyro will bring a gift so they can watch it burn. It allows said pyro to update his priors and make an efficient decision. Pareto improvement! ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 3:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-gifts-please-presumptive/684952/35 "2014-04-01T03:02:06Z")
I came in here to post what **Lucretia** said. ---
**Author:** ![GreedySmurf](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a698b9/32.png) [@GreedySmurf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/GreedySmurf)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 3:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-gifts-please-presumptive/684952/36 "2014-04-01T03:26:01Z")
> [@Noel\_Prosequi](#): > > **GreedySmurf** , your use of the word “Esky” reminds me that you are Australian, no? > > My sense is that here in Oz, it is quite OK to do as you suggest. Sure am mate! 😛 I’m not really concerned that any of my friends would get their noses out of joint. I don’t necessarily know all of the spouses real well, and a few of mandated family I’m not 100% on. > [@SciFiSam](#): > > These are his friends, so they’ll probably know it’s his birthday. If he’s on Facebook it will probably tell them anyway. Also, you get more people coming to your party if they know it’s your birthday. > > No gifts please is fine. Perhaps rephrase as **“please don’t worry about bringing a gift - I have too much stuff already - we just want our friends there.”** I also like the “or if you want to, make them spectacular!” line because that could be fun. I really like that phrasing SciFi. Consider it pinched. _Yoink_😃 And yeah, I don’t think I could avoid most people knowing it was a birthday party. > [@White SIFL](#): > > It’s completely fine. You will, however, tarnish your good username. 😉 Well, it was originally bestowed due to my love of a feed, not for my greed for everything in general. So I’ll just make sure I consume massive amounts of barbecued ribs and pulled pork\* and all will be right in the world 😃 - That sort of food is not traditional in Oz, but my missus found a mobile caterer run by an American, that will come out to your place up to 7 hours before your party, set up their smoker/BBQ trailer and cater your party with some genuine ‘American BBQ’. I can feel my pants stretching already. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 7:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-gifts-please-presumptive/684952/37 "2014-04-01T07:45:34Z")
> [@Noel\_Prosequi](#): > > **GreedySmurf** , your use of the word “Esky” reminds me that you are Australian, no? > > My sense is that here in Oz, it is quite OK to do as you suggest. > > I recently went to a 50th where the hostess indicated politely at the end that she didn’t want presents, and this a party at which I don’t think anyone present _wasn’t_ a doctor, lawyer or university professor. Some people (me included) brought a good bottle of red or whatever, even though it was catered. > > Some people just don’t like fuss. It’s OK to say so. Socially, I don’t think it’s presumptuous at all. We all are grown up enough to understand that adults dont necessarily have a child’s desire for nicknacks. I also see it as fine - except that it should be a “Chully” Bin he is talking about. ---
**Author:** ![Dead\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9fc29f/32.png) [@Dead\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dead_Cat)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2014, 10:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-gifts-please-presumptive/684952/38 "2014-04-01T10:27:23Z")
> [@GreedySmurf](#): > > I can feel my pants stretching already. 😃 Your American pants or your Aussie pants? 🙂 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-gifts-please-presumptive/684952.md?page=1)