# No, I don't eat popcorn. That's not the point. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 18, 2011, 2:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689 "2011-09-18T02:22:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![Cheshire\_Human](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/5f8ce5/32.png) [@Cheshire\_Human](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cheshire_Human)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689/101 "2011-09-20T00:36:53Z")
> [@TexCat](#): > > Do microwaves cause stupidity? > [@ricksummon](#): > > All this talk about Peeps in the microwave and not one person has mentioned > > **[MORTAL PEEP FIGHT!](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=itGGVd3nHUw&feature=related)** This video would seem to indicate that the proper answer to your question is “yes”. But it could be “no”, since I can’t discount the “marijuana” theory, nor the “crack” theory, nor the “beer” theory. The “retard” theory is contraindicated, due to the vocabulary abilities of the video participants, but also cannot be entirely discounted, given how many apparently “normal” people I have encountered, who could use 3 syllable words like “microwave”, and “retarded”, and would still do retarded microwave experiments, to the detriment of the world around themselves. This question deserves more research, and more rigorous data gathering methods. Preferably conducted somewhere other than this researcher’s immediate vicinity. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689/102 "2011-09-20T00:43:36Z")
Cooking times, and popcorn buttons, have little or nothing to do with microwave popcorn. Put it in, turn the dial (or punch numbers) and wait. When the pops settle down to less than one a second, it’s done. It’s really simple; it only requires that the cooker stay by the microwave, and pays attention. ---
**Author:** ![Acsenray](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/acsenray/32/4519_2.png) [@Acsenray](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Acsenray)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 1:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689/103 "2011-09-20T01:05:29Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > it only requires that the cooker stay by the microwave That’s asking too much. You’ve got an ergonomic problem here. The solution isn’t to try to force people to do exactly what they’re resisting doing. ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 1:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689/104 "2011-09-20T01:12:40Z")
> [@Frank](#): > > When the pops settle down to less than one a second, it’s done. > > It’s really simple… Apparently not. Why is counting pops and judging time intervals easier than pushing one button that says, “Popcorn”? ---
**Author:** ![emcee2k](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/7bcc69/32.png) [@emcee2k](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emcee2k)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689/105 "2011-09-20T01:18:10Z")
In my mind microwaves that can’t be set over a few minutes fall into the same category as toilet seats that are spring-loaded to keep people from urinating all over them. It’s just sad that they exist. Where I work our microwave has a dial. It goes up to something ridiculous like 40 minutes. In the seven years I’ve been working there, the fire department has never been called for anything microwave related. If that ever did occur, we sure wouldn’t form a special committee to deal with it. We’d probably just ridicule the person who did it, at least daily, for the next year. Which is the way it should be. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689/106 "2011-09-20T01:41:23Z")
They need to hire a popcorn popping person, and of course a supervisor for that person, a consulting team to draft the popcorn popping procedures, and an implementation team to coordinate the instruction program and roll out the new system. ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689/107 "2011-09-20T01:51:38Z")
> [@Fear\_Itself](#): > > Apparently not. > > Why is counting pops and judging time intervals easier than pushing one button that says, “Popcorn”? I didn’t say it was easier; I said it was simple. So, OK, your popcorn cooker is incapable of simple. He or She can push a button and still hang out by the microwave, right? At what point would that person belive that there are no more corns to be popped, and that the bag has caught fire, and that they should beat feet? That seems like no easier a calculation than to think, “Popcorn’s done; better stop it and take it out.” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689/108 "2011-09-20T01:57:54Z")
> [@emcee2k](#): > > \ In the seven years I’ve been working there, the fire department has never been called for anything microwave related. If that ever did occur, we sure wouldn’t form a special committee to deal with it. We’d probably just ridicule the person who did it, at least daily, for the next year. Which is the way it should be. No kidding; “Hey Dave! Set anything on fire lately?” Hyuk hyuk. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689/109 "2011-09-20T03:24:23Z")
Hey Dave, want some popcorn? Oh wait, nevermind, this bag isn’t on fire. ---
**Author:** ![Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cabin_fever_1/32/2908_2.png) [@Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabin_Fever_1)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689/110 "2011-09-20T03:50:42Z")
Hey Tris, When you can’t dazzle management with brilliance, baffle them with [science](http://books.google.com/books?id=qMfj7HIlB4YC&pg=PA205&lpg=PA205&dq=microwave+popcorn+checklist&source=bl&ots=OsiUDPjwLd&sig=tunEhnWS3Dtw_hT9vzF5De85plk&hl=en&ei=sQt4TtKxIOuFsAKU9ajVDQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=8&ved=0CFUQ6AEwBw#v=onepage&q=microwave%20popcorn%20checklist&f=false)! 😛 OK, I will leave now. I’ve got my popcorn and coke. I’m good for a while. ---
**Author:** ![Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cabin_fever_1/32/2908_2.png) [@Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabin_Fever_1)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689/111 "2011-09-20T04:12:12Z")
I think we have completely derailed Tris’ rant. But you have made my month with your post. There are so many quotes I want to steal from this thread. Please keep us updated. And excuse our gentle ribbing on the subject. About 1:40 does it for me. Just waiting on the safety committee approval here - they are trying to see if butter or “I-can’t-believe-it’s-not-butter” is better for microwaves, or if we should just pop popcorn the old-fashioned way with hot oil in a pan on top of a stove. ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689/112 "2011-09-20T04:12:45Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > They need to hire a popcorn popping person, and of course a supervisor for that person, a consulting team to draft the popcorn popping procedures, and an implementation team to coordinate the instruction program and roll out the new system. Oh, God! I hope no one from our HR department reads that! Tris ---
**Author:** ![Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cabin_fever_1/32/2908_2.png) [@Cabin\_Fever\_1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cabin_Fever_1)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689/113 "2011-09-20T04:23:00Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > They need to hire a popcorn popping person, and of course a supervisor for that person, a consulting team to draft the popcorn popping procedures, and an implementation team to coordinate the instruction program and roll out the new system. > [@Triskadecamus](#): > > Oh, God! > > I hope no one from our HR department reads that! > > Tris Too late. Can I apply for that position? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Triskadecamus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b19c9b/32.png) [@Triskadecamus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Triskadecamus)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689/114 "2011-09-20T04:23:14Z")
> [@Cabin\_Fever](#): > > I think we have completely derailed Tris’ rant. Well, given the title of the thread, that is more or less a given. 🙂 > [@](#): > > But you have made my month with your post. There are so many quotes I want to steal from this thread. Thank you, thank you. Be sure to tip your waitress, unless you ordered the popcorn. > [@](#): > > Please keep us updated. > And excuse our gentle ribbing on the subject. I’ll be here all week. > [@](#): > > When you can’t dazzle management with brilliance, baffle them with science! And I am |…| this close to printing that sucker out, and taping it to the microwave. Tris ---
**Author:** ![j666](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/9de0a6/32.png) [@j666](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/j666)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689/115 "2011-09-21T00:27:31Z")
> [@Triskadecamus](#): > > Sure. But you will have to do me a favor, as well. Hire supervisors and managers who notice the difference between folks who cannot learn not to light fires, and those who already knew how to not light fires. Of course, then all your supervisors and managers will have to be from the latter group, huh? That could pose a problem. > > Tris I can’t believe you have managers and supervisors who actually get up and make popcorn. ---
**Author:** ![Chimera](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Chimera](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chimera)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 2:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689/116 "2011-09-21T02:02:09Z")
If, for example, your company was in the Minneapolis area, I might be available to fill the role of Microwave Oven Operations Supervisor. How’s $20 an hour sound? ---
**Author:** ![saoirse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/5daacb/32.png) [@saoirse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/saoirse)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689/117 "2011-09-21T16:54:45Z")
> [@ExTank](#): > > Magnetron… wasn’t he one of those transformers? One of the bad ones? > > Robot-that-looks-like-a-truck-but-acts-like-a-dick-or-something? No, it was the other way around. ---
**Author:** ![kaylasdad99](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kaylasdad99/32/3398_2.png) [@kaylasdad99](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kaylasdad99)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 5:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689/118 "2011-09-21T17:34:31Z")
I think it would make more sense to have a small dedicated popcorn machine, like you see in some bars. And instruct the guy who fills the vending machine to start putting something else where the microwave popcorn used to be. ---
**Author:** ![Cartooniverse](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cartooniverse/32/3084_2.png) [@Cartooniverse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cartooniverse)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 6:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689/119 "2011-09-21T18:25:47Z")
> [@Muffin](#): > > They need to hire a popcorn popping person, and of course a supervisor for that person, a consulting team to draft the popcorn popping procedures, and an implementation team to coordinate the instruction program and roll out the new system. Job Position # 90346-2743-Maze420: High Pressure Condensate Explosive Consumable Preparation Officer. Must show certification and proficiency with the following devices: 1. Hygrometer. 2. Hydrometer. 3. Salinity - to - Butterfat Ratio Compressor. 4. Napkins. 5. Wet/Dry Shop Vac. 6. Smoke Detector Disabling Clamp. 7. Trash Compactor. As far as the Procedures Team? They could take a page from the [Zero Gravity Toilet Instructions](http://mikecane2008.wordpress.com/2008/12/27/the-zero-gravity-toilet-of-adobe-drmed-epub/) from **2001: A Space Odysssey**. 😃 Seriously? People need to stand by because water boils at different temperatures depending upon altitude, humidity, how moist the popcorn IS when popped, and so on. Does # 3 on one microwaves equal # 3 on another? Of course not. One needs a bit of time to learn the vagaries of one’s microwave oven before walking away and assuming the building won’t be burned to the ground. ---
**Author:** ![buckgully](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb9ed0/32.png) [@buckgully](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buckgully)\ **Post date:** [September 21, 2011, 10:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689/120 "2011-09-21T22:44:54Z")
The real solution would be to get a nice, high quality theater style popcorn popper, let the employees who are so inclined totally geek out about perfect oil to kernel ratios and the like, and have awesome, delicious popcorn available all the time. That way, when it catches on fire, the big pile of popcorn spreads flames to a gigantic CostCo container of canola oil, and the next thing you know the whole fucking building goes up like a goddamn Texas trailer park. Let’s see the lazy shits at the fire department bitch and whine about that. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-eat-popcorn-thats-not-the-point/596689.md?page=7)