# No, I DON'T know the Smiths! Stop calling me! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [February 22, 2006, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642 "2006-02-22T16:16:55Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642/1 "2006-02-22T16:16:55Z")
Last week we got two phone calls in one day (one asking if this was the “mylastnames,” the other asking for the “hubby’slastnames,” wanting to know if we knew the Smiths. (Yes, actually the Smiths, that’s not made up.) They mentioned that the Smiths live on our road. Mind you, we’re very rural out here, and the houses are at least 1/4 mile apart. The only neighbors that we know are because they’re family or friends who’ve lived here since Mr. S was a kid. We don’t have neighborhood barbecues or anything like that. On the second call, I informed them that it was in fact, the second time they’d called me, and no, I STILL didn’t know the Smiths. Guess who called today? I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop, since they’re obviously working their way through some phone listing (we have a dual listing because of the different last names). Next time they call I’m going postal. Why the hell do you need to know if I know them? How the fuck will that help you? Even if I DID know them, I sure as hell wouldn’t tell you a damn thing. I’m not a private detective, or directory assistance. (Hey, guess what, there are some Smiths listed in the fucking PHONE BOOK who live on our road. Go bother them!) Find the Smiths your own damn self and leave me the fuck alone! This is one of those times when I wish I had caller ID. (If this continues, is it harassment?) ---
**Author:** ![pravnik](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/8edcca/32.png) [@pravnik](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pravnik)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 4:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642/2 "2006-02-22T16:23:04Z")
Hi, this is Mr. Smith! Any messages for me? ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642/3 "2006-02-22T16:24:43Z")
OK, I was expecting the first reply to be a smartass remark, but that one was actually funny. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![usar\_jag](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/f0a364/32.png) [@usar\_jag](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usar_jag)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 4:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642/4 "2006-02-22T16:25:09Z")
So, is Mr. Smith there now? 😉 Seriously, spend the 50 cents to “star sixty-nine” them, and ask for Mr. (or Mrs.) Chowderhead. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642/5 "2006-02-22T16:31:02Z")
> [@pravnik](#): > > Hi, this is Mr. Smith! Any messages for me? We used to do this all the time as children. One of my favorite prank phone calls! ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642/6 "2006-02-22T16:43:07Z")
> [@Kalhoun](#): > > We used to do this all the time as children. One of my favorite prank phone calls! Yeah, my first thought was the one on _Freaks and Geeks,_ which I’ve been watching this week. “This is Maurice, any messages?” Pretty sure this isn’t a prank. It’s an adult female voice, sounds fairly serious, no giggling. Plus the thing about them living on our road. I don’t think it’s a collection thing; they don’t sound quite businesslike enough and I’d think they’d press the issue further rather than just saying “Oh,” and hanging up. Whatever it is, I hope they piss off! ---
**Author:** ![Ponder\_Stibbons](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ponder_stibbons/32/343_2.png) [@Ponder\_Stibbons](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ponder_Stibbons)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 4:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642/7 "2006-02-22T16:49:33Z")
> [@Scarlett67](#): > > … > Whatever it is, I hope they piss off! Hey, if they’re desperately trying to get a hold of the Smiths and keep getting you instead, I’m sure they’re pissed off! Sorry, couldn’t resist. ---
**Author:** ![Talon\_Karrde](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Talon\_Karrde](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Talon_Karrde)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 4:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642/8 "2006-02-22T16:58:15Z")
You should say “I’ve got your Smiths right here!” and play a Smiths song. I don’t have time to think of which ones would be best for the situation because I have to go to class. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 5:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642/9 "2006-02-22T17:55:27Z")
> [@Talon Karrde](#): > > You should say “I’ve got your Smiths right here!” and play a Smiths song. I don’t have time to think of which ones would be best for the situation because I have to go to class. I’d think that, regardless of how many times they call, subjecting them to Morrissey is far beyond the bounds of ethical behavior… ---
**Author:** ![FinnAgain](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/finnagain/32/12500_2.png) [@FinnAgain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FinnAgain)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 5:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642/10 "2006-02-22T17:56:38Z")
[Tell Trinity to call someone else to get some info.](http://www.routergod.com/agentsmith/smith_listens.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Apricot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bcef8e/32.png) [@Apricot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Apricot)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 6:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642/11 "2006-02-22T18:02:44Z")
Those are usually debt collectors. Doesn’t make it any less irritating, though. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642/12 "2006-02-22T18:14:59Z")
> [@Scarlett67](#): > > Guess who called today? The Smiths? ---
**Author:** ![Slacker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@Slacker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slacker)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642/13 "2006-02-22T18:22:11Z")
Stop me if you think that you’ve heard this one before… ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642/14 "2006-02-22T18:23:13Z")
> [@Talon Karrde](#): > > You should say “I’ve got your Smiths right here!” and play a Smiths song. I don’t have time to think of which ones would be best for the situation because I have to go to class. If they persist in calling, “Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now” might be an apt song title. Or, even better, “That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore” particularly if Mr. Smith rings up later asking forhis messages. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 6:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642/15 "2006-02-22T18:24:36Z")
**Slacker** , the more I looked through their discography, the more I found potentially punny songtitles. Don’t get me started! ---
**Author:** ![Slacker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@Slacker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slacker)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642/16 "2006-02-22T18:28:07Z")
> [@scout1222](#): > > **Slacker** , the more I looked through their discography, the more I found potentially punny songtitles. Don’t get me started! About those pranksters? They know it’s over, but still they cling. They don’t know where else they can go. Oveeeerrrrr… ---
**Author:** ![Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Carol\_the\_Impaler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Carol_the_Impaler)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 7:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642/17 "2006-02-22T19:03:46Z")
Just be glad you \*don’t \* know the Smiths. Cuz the next step when a skip tracer calls you asking if you know your neighbor is to ask you to ring them up and tell them to pay their bills!!! ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642/18 "2006-02-22T22:13:33Z")
Maybe you could just regretfully inform them that the Smiths broke up in 1987. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 10:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642/19 "2006-02-22T22:26:00Z")
Tell them you knew them, but as they wouldn’t stop calling asking if you knew the Joneses, they’re now rotting six feet below your basement. ---
**Author:** ![neutron\_star](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/51bf81/32.png) [@neutron\_star](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neutron_star)\ **Post date:** [February 22, 2006, 11:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642/20 "2006-02-22T23:03:30Z")
> [@scout1222](#): > > **Slacker** , the more I looked through their discography, the more I found potentially punny songtitles. Heh, me too. Perhaps **Scarlett67** could simply tell the caller that “I Don’t Owe You Anything.” That’s far from a Miserable Lie. Above all else, the OP shouldn’t Panic, as the caller may very well be a Sweet and Tender Hooligan, rather than just Half A Person. He tried to Ask for some information, but basically What She Said was that “You Just Haven’t Earned It Yet Baby.” Then again, maybe we’re not seeing The Complete Picture. Perhaps This Charming Man named Smith is difficult to get ahold of because he’s Still Ill, or has a Girlfriend in a Coma who may be a mere step away from the Cemetary Gates. I mean, These Things Take Time, so maybe the OP should just Stretch Out And Wait. There’s also the possibility that Smith moved Back To The Old House, or even to London. Is It Really So Strange? So what should the OP do? Well I Wonder. Next time he calls and begs for her to Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want, she should refrain from saying that he’s going Nowhere Fast and simply give him the information so she can tell him that You’ve Got Everything Now. I mean, What Difference Does It Make? Should the OP decide to employ this strategy, the calls will stop, which will be especially convenient if he calls at odd hours. Telephones can sound Louder Than Bombs when you’re Asleep. Okay, okay, I’ll stop. I Know It’s Over and that That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore, but I feel like I Started Something I Couldn’t Finish. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-know-the-smiths-stop-calling-me/345642.md?page=2)