Heh, me too. Perhaps Scarlett67 could simply tell the caller that “I Don’t Owe You Anything.” That’s far from a Miserable Lie. Above all else, the OP shouldn’t Panic, as the caller may very well be a Sweet and Tender Hooligan, rather than just Half A Person. He tried to Ask for some information, but basically What She Said was that “You Just Haven’t Earned It Yet Baby.”
Then again, maybe we’re not seeing The Complete Picture. Perhaps This Charming Man named Smith is difficult to get ahold of because he’s Still Ill, or has a Girlfriend in a Coma who may be a mere step away from the Cemetary Gates.
I mean, These Things Take Time, so maybe the OP should just Stretch Out And Wait. There’s also the possibility that Smith moved Back To The Old House, or even to London. Is It Really So Strange?
So what should the OP do? Well I Wonder. Next time he calls and begs for her to Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want, she should refrain from saying that he’s going Nowhere Fast and simply give him the information so she can tell him that You’ve Got Everything Now.
I mean, What Difference Does It Make? Should the OP decide to employ this strategy, the calls will stop, which will be especially convenient if he calls at odd hours. Telephones can sound Louder Than Bombs when you’re Asleep.
Okay, okay, I’ll stop. I Know It’s Over and that That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore, but I feel like I Started Something I Couldn’t Finish.
Please, go outside, even if you don’t have a stitch to wear.
elmwood
February 22, 2006, 11:36pm
23
When I was a kid, my parents used to get calls every two weeks or so asking for “Cookie.”
“Yo, Cookie be there?”
We’re white. The people calling always spoke in distinct AAVE.
neutron star , your post just made me oscillate wildly. Great job.
jayjay : :eek:
This thread has so many great responses. neutron star deserves some kind of award for that post.
Slacker
February 23, 2006, 2:04am
26
Heh, me too. Perhaps Scarlett67 could simply tell the caller that “I Don’t Owe You Anything.” That’s far from a Miserable Lie. Above all else, the OP shouldn’t Panic, as the caller may very well be a Sweet and Tender Hooligan, rather than just Half A Person. He tried to Ask for some information, but basically What She Said was that “You Just Haven’t Earned It Yet Baby.”
Then again, maybe we’re not seeing The Complete Picture. Perhaps This Charming Man named Smith is difficult to get ahold of because he’s Still Ill, or has a Girlfriend in a Coma who may be a mere step away from the Cemetary Gates.
I mean, These Things Take Time, so maybe the OP should just Stretch Out And Wait. There’s also the possibility that Smith moved Back To The Old House, or even to London. Is It Really So Strange?
So what should the OP do? Well I Wonder. Next time he calls and begs for her to Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want, she should refrain from saying that he’s going Nowhere Fast and simply give him the information so she can tell him that You’ve Got Everything Now.
I mean, What Difference Does It Make? Should the OP decide to employ this strategy, the calls will stop, which will be especially convenient if he calls at odd hours. Telephones can sound Louder Than Bombs when you’re Asleep.
Okay, okay, I’ll stop. I Know It’s Over and that That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore, but I feel like I Started Something I Couldn’t Finish.
lol greatness. This post gave me such a shock I had to jump in the ocean.
phungi
February 23, 2006, 2:28am
27
Heh, me too. Perhaps Scarlett67 could simply tell the caller that “I Don’t Owe You Anything.” That’s far from a Miserable Lie. Above all else, the OP shouldn’t Panic, as the caller may very well be a Sweet and Tender Hooligan, rather than just Half A Person. He tried to Ask for some information, but basically What She Said was that “You Just Haven’t Earned It Yet Baby.”
Then again, maybe we’re not seeing The Complete Picture. Perhaps This Charming Man named Smith is difficult to get ahold of because he’s Still Ill, or has a Girlfriend in a Coma who may be a mere step away from the Cemetary Gates.
I mean, These Things Take Time, so maybe the OP should just Stretch Out And Wait. There’s also the possibility that Smith moved Back To The Old House, or even to London. Is It Really So Strange?
So what should the OP do? Well I Wonder. Next time he calls and begs for her to Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want, she should refrain from saying that he’s going Nowhere Fast and simply give him the information so she can tell him that You’ve Got Everything Now.
I mean, What Difference Does It Make? Should the OP decide to employ this strategy, the calls will stop, which will be especially convenient if he calls at odd hours. Telephones can sound Louder Than Bombs when you’re Asleep.
Okay, okay, I’ll stop. I Know It’s Over and that That Joke Isn’t Funny Anymore, but I feel like I Started Something I Couldn’t Finish.
And, on your answering machine there is a light that never goes out.
mhendo
February 23, 2006, 3:15am
28
That was my first thought too.
Debt collectors often call neighbors in an attempt to track down debtors.
For a couple of years, I was regularily getting phone calls asking for Susie, from what sounded like 10-12 year old girls.
After a while, I got rather tired of politely saying “Sorry, I think you have the wrong number” only to get the phone rudely slammed in my ear, without ever an apology or anything. And often the phone would ring again 30 seconds later, but hang up immediately when they heard my voice again.
And a few of them seemed to get angry at me, because I wasn’t Susie. I found it a little disconcerting to have a sweet little 10-year old voice say “Well, fuck you then”.
So I came up with a few responses that I used:
“No, she’s not her right now, but when I see her, I’ll tell her you called”. (But since I have no idea who she is, I’m not likely to ever know if I see her.)
“No, she’s not. You know, she doesn’t live here any more.” (Nor did she ever.)
“No, she’s not here. She’s off visiting her real father in prison this weekend.”
“No, she’s not. She’s back in treatment for a few days.”
“No, she’s not. Nobody’s been able to bail her out yet.”
Didn’t really do much to end these annoying phone calls, but this way I got a little enjoyment out of answering them.
Then there’s the ever classic “Sorry, she can’t come to the phone right now, she’s got my dick in her mouth.” Unfortunately I can’t use that one.
Amazingly, they didn’t call again yesterday. I just hope I’m ready for them if they ever do.
Thanks for the laughs!
a35362
February 23, 2006, 4:56pm
31
It couldn’t possibly be burglars casing the neighborhood, could it?
I know that’s kind of a wild guess but I thought I’d mention it.
Why not? I find that ending an argument with “Suck my dick!” is a good way to leave my opponents blubbering in confusion.
Extra points if a woman says it!
sunfish
February 23, 2006, 7:53pm
35
Just wondering if I’m the only one who read the thread title and had a sudden image of Scarlett67’s tongue flicking up over her eyeball…
“Do you know The Smiths?”
(Your best perv voice): “Yeah, I know Mrs. Smith…BIBLICALLY! If ya know what I mean hehehehehe” Go into graphic detail if necessary.
Oh, er …
Extra points to you!!!
The thought *did * cross my mind, scant seconds after I hit the “submit” button.
waterj2
February 24, 2006, 2:25am
38
a35362:
It couldn’t possibly be burglars casing the neighborhood, could it?
I know that’s kind of a wild guess but I thought I’d mention it.
Perhaps they’re preparing for when the Shoplifters of the World Unite?
Moirai
February 24, 2006, 2:36am
39
Wasn’t it Betty White in that gigantic alligator movie who said “If I had a dick, now is when I’d be telling you to suck it”?
Go Betty! You rock!
Do you hear that, Mr. Anderson? That is the sound of inevitability. That is the sound of your death. Goodbye, Mr. Anderson.
