# No, I don't want to hold your goddamn baby! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 22, 2014, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877 "2014-12-22T02:45:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/1 "2014-12-22T02:45:48Z")
Thanks for asking, but No, I don’t want to hold your goddamn baby. And when you ask me in 2 minutes if I’m sure, I still won’t want to hold your goddamn baby. What’s that you say? I show more affection to your dog than I do your goddamn baby? That’s something. How about that. I’ll tell you what: _YOU_ hold your goddamn baby! Happy Holidays. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/2 "2014-12-22T02:50:20Z")
Yeah, but you have to admit that it’s the cutest baby everrrrrrr, right? ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 3:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/3 "2014-12-22T03:24:04Z")
The least you could do is link to a photo of you holding the goddamn baby. ---
**Author:** ![bobot](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bobot/32/21622_2.png) [@bobot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bobot)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/4 "2014-12-22T03:29:52Z")
John: That may be what they thought, but it looked like your regular run of the mill baby to me. Jackmannii: I didn’t hold the goddamn baby. The dog was nice. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 3:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/5 "2014-12-22T03:37:29Z")
I don’t want to see your baby photos either. All babies look alike, and so do the pictures. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 3:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/6 "2014-12-22T03:42:39Z")
Once you hold someone’s baby, they’ve got you for child support. ---
**Author:** ![Ibanez](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/a4c791/32.png) [@Ibanez](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ibanez)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 3:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/7 "2014-12-22T03:50:45Z")
> [@bobot](#): > > What’s that you say? I show more affection to your dog than I do your goddamn baby? That’s something. How about that. I’ll tell you what: _YOU_ hold your goddamn baby! > Happy Holidays. > 🙂 You like dogs better than most people you’ve met too huh… ---
**Author:** ![johnpost](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f17d59/32.png) [@johnpost](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/johnpost)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 3:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/8 "2014-12-22T03:54:34Z")
> [@bobot](#): > > What’s that you say? i used to be the best drop kicker back in high school. wanna see? ---
**Author:** ![kayT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayt/32/3633_2.png) [@kayT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayT)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 4:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/9 "2014-12-22T04:00:13Z")
I don’t want to hold your baby. I don’t want to watch you talk baby talk to your baby. I don’t want to smell your baby. Guess I better be going… ---
**Author:** ![Penfeather](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/penfeather/32/384_2.png) [@Penfeather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Penfeather)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/10 "2014-12-22T04:06:43Z")
> [@bobot](#): > > Thanks for asking, but No, I don’t want to hold your goddamn baby. And when you ask me in 2 minutes if I’m sure, I still won’t want to hold your goddamn baby. What’s that you say? I show more affection to your dog than I do your goddamn baby? That’s something. How about that. I’ll tell you what: _YOU_ hold your goddamn baby! > Happy Holidays. > 🙂 Yes, but where do you stand on just eating him right up? ---
**Author:** ![Trinopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/2bfe46/32.png) [@Trinopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trinopus)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 4:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/11 "2014-12-22T04:11:28Z")
I’ve gotten very skilled, over the years, at hiding behind Aunt Margaret, the moment one of the cousins comes anywhere near, carrying the latest baby. If that fails, I’ll go around to the other side of the dinner table. I’ve even been known to duck under the dinner table, just to keep some safe distance. Babies are…moist… ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 4:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/12 "2014-12-22T04:13:23Z")
> [@bobot](#): > > Thanks for asking, but No, I don’t want to hold your goddamn baby. And when you ask me in 2 minutes if I’m sure, I still won’t want to hold your goddamn baby. What’s that you say? I show more affection to your dog than I do your goddamn baby? That’s something. How about that. I’ll tell you what: _YOU_ hold your goddamn baby! > Happy Holidays. > 🙂 Interesting way to speak to your wife. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 4:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/13 "2014-12-22T04:22:04Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > Yeah, but you have to admit that it’s the cutest baby everrrrrrr, right? Yeah he really is breathtaking. ---
**Author:** ![John\_Mace](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_mace/32/185_2.png) [@John\_Mace](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_Mace)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/14 "2014-12-22T04:25:31Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > Yeah he really is breathtaking. I thought Elaine was breathtaking! ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 4:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/15 "2014-12-22T04:27:24Z")
Well, you will feel differently after you have one of your own! My suggestion is to always be holding the dog, that way your arms are full. What, the dog is a full grown St Bernard? So just sit on the floor…then your arms and lap is full. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 5:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/16 "2014-12-22T05:10:24Z")
Human babies are boring. Let me hold a kitten. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 5:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/17 "2014-12-22T05:31:41Z")
Court order be damned! Of _course_ I’ll hold your baby. ---
**Author:** ![QuickSilver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/quicksilver/32/7832_2.png) [@QuickSilver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/QuickSilver)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 12:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/18 "2014-12-22T12:33:54Z")
> [@bobot](#): > > Thanks for asking, but No, I don’t want to hold your goddamn baby. And when you ask me in 2 minutes if I’m sure, I still won’t want to hold your goddamn baby. What’s that you say? I show more affection to your dog than I do your goddamn baby? That’s something. How about that. I’ll tell you what: _YOU_ hold your goddamn baby! > Happy Holidays. > 🙂 All I’m gonna say is, if Joseph had been a better father and held the kid, maybe Jesus wouldn’t have had all those daddy issues and we wouldn’t be in this fucking mess. ---
**Author:** ![foolsguinea](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foolsguinea/32/14751_2.png) [@foolsguinea](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/foolsguinea)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/19 "2014-12-22T12:38:52Z")
Am I allowed to _juggle_ the baby? ---
**Author:** ![Sattua](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sattua/32/11906_2.png) [@Sattua](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sattua)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 1:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/20 "2014-12-22T13:14:24Z")
My response to these threads, having been the parent of a newborn, is, “well I don’t want to LET your germy ass hold my baby. Everybody’s happy!” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877.md?page=2)