# No, I don't want to hold your goddamn baby! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [December 22, 2014, 2:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877 "2014-12-22T02:45:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![WolfpackJeep](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wolfpackjeep/32/2921_2.png) [@WolfpackJeep](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WolfpackJeep)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/21 "2014-12-22T13:39:14Z")
No one has mentioned how _leaky_ human babies are…seems like something is always coming out of one end or the other with no warning. ---
**Author:** ![monstro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba9def/32.png) [@monstro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/monstro)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/22 "2014-12-22T14:14:07Z")
I have the dropsies. Maybe this is why no one has ever asked me to hold their baby. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/23 "2014-12-22T14:14:30Z")
Fair’s fair. If you poop and puke while holding someone’s baby, they have to clean you up. ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 2:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/24 "2014-12-22T14:15:33Z")
You know, every time a friend’s handed me a baby, it’s because they needed their hands free, or just needed a few minutes of peace and quiet from that damn screaming bundle of joy. It’s not because they wanted me to hold the baby - it’s because they needed me to hold the baby. So I take it, because I’m a good friend, and I’ve been where they are before. Now back to your humorous ranting. ---
**Author:** ![Canadjun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/76d3ee/32.png) [@Canadjun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Canadjun)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/25 "2014-12-22T14:29:29Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > My response to these threads, having been the parent of a newborn, is, “well I don’t want to LET your germy ass hold my baby. Everybody’s happy!” Huh? I’ve never run into anyone whose ass is big enough to hold a baby! :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Folly](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/folly/32/3219_2.png) [@Folly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Folly)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/26 "2014-12-22T14:37:47Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > My response to these threads, having been the parent of a newborn, is, “well I don’t want to LET your germy ass hold my baby. Everybody’s happy!” This. I find it very hard to believe any parent is trying to get someone to hold their baby who demonstrated any reluctance in holding a baby. Now, I can believe that someone holding someone else’s baby might try to get you to hold it. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 2:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/27 "2014-12-22T14:44:02Z")
I’ll hold your baby. I’m not a misanthrope. ---
**Author:** ![glee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/b5a626/32.png) [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 3:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/28 "2014-12-22T15:04:06Z")
I’m friends with a charming couple. They started with an adorable dog, which likes to be petted. I like dogs, so that was great for both of us. Then they had a baby. Naturally I sent them a card, wishing them well. After a couple of months, I was visiting - and they invited me to hold the baby. Now I play chess (and used to program computers), so my reaction to a new situation is to imagine **what could go wrong**. In this case: I drop the baby :eek: So I demurred. But the proud mother insisted. So I held the baby - but I didn’t enjoy it and was extremely relieved when he was taken back. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 3:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/29 "2014-12-22T15:12:11Z")
I don’t mind holding the baby if the mom needs a minute or whatever. I don’t want to hold it just for the sake of holding it. People who want to snuggle with random babies are weird to me. But then I don’t really want to snuggle with random dogs, either. So I guess I am just not a snuggly duckling. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![billfish678](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7bcc69/32.png) [@billfish678](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/billfish678)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/30 "2014-12-22T15:14:05Z")
Sure, I’ll hold you baby. I need some inspiration for my Rugrats adult fanfic work. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 3:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/31 "2014-12-22T15:17:25Z")
> [@Alessan](#): > > You know, every time a friend’s handed me a baby, it’s because they needed their hands free, or just needed a few minutes of peace and quiet from that damn screaming bundle of joy. This. 1000x this. ---
**Author:** ![madmonk28](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/madmonk28/32/20811_2.png) [@madmonk28](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/madmonk28)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 3:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/32 "2014-12-22T15:20:20Z")
Fucking breeders, just hold the baby and then tell them, “it’s just like every other baby I’ve encountered, nothing at all extraordinary, you must be so proud.” ---
**Author:** ![Frylock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/ce7236/32.png) [@Frylock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frylock)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/33 "2014-12-22T15:22:42Z")
> [@Sattua](#): > > My response to these threads, having been the parent of a newborn, is, “well I don’t want to LET your germy ass hold my baby. Everybody’s happy!” I know right? I’m trying to figure out what’s going on in the OP, because in my experience new mothers kind of hate how grabby everybody is towards their baby. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 3:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/34 "2014-12-22T15:28:24Z")
> [@John\_Mace](#): > > Yeah, but you have to admit that it’s the cutest baby everrrrrrr, right? The cutest baby ever is one of my three. I don’t offer the privilege of holding them to all and sundry; they’re too precious. But I must restrain myself from asking to hold the less cute but still marvelous babies of others. I adore babies. ---
**Author:** ![CheshireKat](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cheshirekat/32/1207_2.png) [@CheshireKat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CheshireKat)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/35 "2014-12-22T15:35:34Z")
“No thank you. I’ve taken a pledge to save my first hold for my own child/grandchild.” ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/36 "2014-12-22T15:48:48Z")
> [@CheshireKat](#): > > “No thank you. I’ve taken a pledge to save my first hold for my own child/grandchild.” If you don’t practice with someone else’s, you’ll just drop yours. Seriously though, you’re (general you) about one trillion times less important to new parents than anything related to their new child, so if you don’t want to be subjected to baby related things, you might as well stay home because you ain’t gonna change them. The parents, that is. They’d probably let you change the baby. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/37 "2014-12-22T16:03:37Z")
Bring her back when she’s eighteen and I’ll give it a shot. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/38 "2014-12-22T16:03:59Z")
> [@Frylock](#): > > I know right? I’m trying to figure out what’s going on in the OP, because in my experience new mothers kind of hate how grabby everybody is towards their baby. Sometimes they ask you, it’s weird. “Do you want to hold the baby?” And everyone passes the baby around, like a doll. ---
**Author:** ![Leaffan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/leaffan/32/299_2.png) [@Leaffan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaffan)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 4:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/39 "2014-12-22T16:09:13Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Sometimes they ask you, it’s weird. “Do you want to hold the baby?” And everyone passes the baby around, like a doll. Before having kids I would say no. Since having kids for sure I’ll hold the baby. It’s rather fascinating to think that we can just create life from nowhere. Babies are very interesting. They’re human yet completely and utterly helpless. It’s rather fascinating to interact with them. ---
**Author:** ![kayaker](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kayaker/32/441_2.png) [@kayaker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kayaker)\ **Post date:** [December 22, 2014, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-i-dont-want-to-hold-your-goddamn-baby/707877/40 "2014-12-22T17:04:40Z")
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