# No more Mother's and Father's Day? **URL:** \ **Category:** Great Debates\ **Created:** [May 9, 2001, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843 "2001-05-09T04:39:40Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 4:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843/1 "2001-05-09T04:39:40Z")
I just saw this on the news today, and I figured it was a good topic to discuss. (I’ll try to find a cite later on.) I may get some of the details wrong, but here is the gist of it: It turns out that some private school in NY has decided to not let the kids (grade school age) do any crafts or things for Mother’s or Father’s Day. Apparently (according to one news source) a gay father (who is raising the kid with his partner) complained that his kid felt left out by all of this fuss over Mother’s Day. So, the principal has decided to not allow the kids to do anything special for Mother’s or Father’s Day, to be sensible to the feelings of these kids who come from alternative families. The debate goes both ways on this. I saw some debate about it on a news analysis show. One person said this will turn off people that have always be tolerant of gay rights, because they will see this as an attempt to “squelch” something they feel is important. A gay guest said that he was not really _against_ what the principal decided to do, but if it were his decision, he would have probably made the event “Parent’s Day” instead of just getting rid of it. Frankly, I am torn on this issue. I do see it as Political Correctness run amok, but on the other hand, I don’t think the idea of “Parent’s Day” is all that bad. (I find it to be a tolerable solution to any gay couple who may have ruffled feathers about their kids feeling left out.) So - what say the rest of you? ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 4:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843/2 "2001-05-09T04:45:07Z")
I think in a society that has plenty of single parent households, not all of them with a mother at home, spending time in class making gifts for either Mother’s Day or Father’s Day makes some kids feel uncomfortable. I don’t think it is appropriate. They are there to learn, not do craft projects. Was this in an art class, or some other type of class? Was it specified? ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843/3 "2001-05-09T05:00:40Z")
The information I got was that it was a craft the kid made for the parent. On Mother’s Day, the kids made a card (out of construction paper, I am sure). On Father’s Day, they made a pencil holder from a can (using construction paper again, I assume.) I personally like the idea of “Parent’s Day” - or else, when the time comes for Mom’s and Dad’s “special” crafts, let the kids decide whether the craft is for their Mom or their Dad. That way, all kids who had a traditional mom-dad family could still do their “Mother’s/Father’s Day” thing, but the other kids come home with something for their parent(s) too. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 6:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843/4 "2001-05-09T06:13:16Z")
Found a cite: (It’s an editorial, but at least it’s cite) [http://www.newyorkpost.com/commentary/30052.htm](http://www.newyorkpost.com/commentary/30052.htm) > [@](#): > > Students at Rodeph Sholom Day School on the Upper West Side, where tennis legend John McEnroe sends his children, came home Friday with an unusual note tucked into their book bags. > > “I am writing this letter to inform you that after much thought and discussion this past year, we will not be celebrating Mother’s Day and Father’s Day,” began the letter written by Cindi Samson, director of the school’s lower elementary division. > > “At this time, these holidays are not needed to enhance our writing and arts programs,” the letter continued. "Second, families in our society are now diverse and varied. > > “We are a school with many different family makeups, and we need to recognize the emotional well-being of all the children in our school. Holidays that serve no educational purpose and are not vital to the children’s education need to be evaluated in terms of their importance in a school setting, as the recognition of these holidays in a social setting may not be a positive experience for all children.” I’m watching Gloria Allred debate this topic on Fox News’ _Hannity and Colmes_. More points being brought up are “When will it end? _Anyone_ can find offense by _any_ holiday!” Allred wants _all_ family units be discussed, or none. The point is being made that since this is a private school, they can do whatever they want. ---
**Author:** ![Tejota](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/958977/32.png) [@Tejota](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tejota)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 6:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843/5 "2001-05-09T06:22:49Z")
How does a child manage to get born (and go to school) if he/she has no mother? I understand it’s possible (in theory) for us to make girl babies by mixing genetic material from two women into an egg and then implanting it. But I don’t think it’s possible to end up with a baby If all you have to work with is sperm. A mother is a _requirement_. tj ---
**Author:** ![Kayeby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/9de0a6/32.png) [@Kayeby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kayeby)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843/6 "2001-05-09T06:23:07Z")
Personally, I have nothing against Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, but my family is as nuclear as they come. I can understand that some children/parents might be uncomfortable with it and think that a Parent’s Day would be a nice alternative - it doesn’t take anything from students with both a mother and a father, and acknowldges that families come in all shapes and sizes. I still remember making gifts for Mother’s Day in school, and having a girl sob her eyes out because her mother had recently died. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![doreen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/858c86/32.png) [@doreen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/doreen)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 10:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843/7 "2001-05-09T10:44:25Z")
I don’t have any problem with Mother’s/Father’s Day, or with the idea of changing to a single Parent’s Day … but All I seem to hear is how this school has “banned” Mother’s Day. If a school doesn’t “celebrate” (by making crafts, I guess) another day, like Arbor Day or Flag Day, no one says the school “banned” it. I can’t help but think that the only reason this is being talked about at all is because a gay parent requested it. In fact, I can’t even imagine why the school sent a letter.Would people really question the school about why their child didn’t make a Mother’s Day card? ---
**Author:** ![SkeptiJess](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ea666f/32.png) [@SkeptiJess](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SkeptiJess)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 12:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843/8 "2001-05-09T12:36:07Z")
I think a ridiculous amount of silly fuss is being made over this “news” story. I heard about it on the radio several times, then on the TV news twice. And it was in the paper, too. “News?” Not. 1. It’s a _private_ school, for crying out loud. _One_ private school. 2. As has been mentioned – they aren’t “banning” Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. They’re just not going to be celebrating them at school. 3. Happy Mother’s Day, Opal! Sheesh – was it a slow news day, or what? ---
**Author:** ![Mars\_Horizon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mars_horizon/32/2804_2.png) [@Mars\_Horizon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mars_Horizon)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843/9 "2001-05-09T16:06:14Z")
**Jess** , you have a point about the fuss being raised. Over at the [Pizza Parlor](http://thebruces.stormbirds.org/forum/showthread.php?postid=42544#post42544) they are discussing this issue, and I’d like to reproduce my post on the subject: > [@](#): > > The decision by this school is just a bunch of silly, PC, feel good crap. I am all for respecting the diversity of our society, but part of that respect is allowing people to be who they are. > > So they’re just getting around to banning Mothers Day because of same sex couples? So, um, what about all those kids who are being raised by single parents? Don’t they all feel real sad when it’s Fathers Day but daddy ran off with another woman years ago? Why didn’t these people ban Fathers Day a long time ago? Where’s the respect, man??? Those poor poor kids are being sooo emotionally abused!!! > > Silly, silly, silly nonsense. I then concluded my post with this observation, which I think explains why there is so much fuss over the issue: > [@](#): > > As an aside, this story will probably make its way around the internet with great rapidity. One of my areas of great interest is urban legends. This story has all the hallmarks of a great one - the classic “foolish decision made by people who have more money than sense”. Just MHO. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 4:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843/10 "2001-05-09T16:13:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by yosemitebabe \* > \*\* “At this time, these holidays are not needed to enhance our writing and arts programs,” the letter continued. "Second, families in our society are now diverse and varied. > > \*\* Eh. They screwed up the letter some and went overboard PC wise (as others said, why didn’t they discontinue the thing when children of single parents started showing up. But I find the first paragraph pretty persuasive. I’m no parent, but I have to imagine that one of the best mother’s day/father’s day imaginable would be to have your kid read to you from a book a couple of grade levels up. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 4:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843/11 "2001-05-09T16:19:48Z")
How long have “Mother’s Day” and “Father’s Day” been traditions, anyway? They have all the earmarks of a holiday created out of whole cloth by the likes of Hallmark. 50 years from now, I’ll bet there’ll be this huge hue and cry over attempts to get rid of Secretary’s Day. ---
**Author:** ![Pariah](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/41988e/32.png) [@Pariah](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pariah)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843/12 "2001-05-09T20:13:05Z")
I felt as though I wanted to die. All around me, people rejoicing, throwing their arms about each other in exultation. Laughing, carefree, a sparkling chandelier of joy casting light into every darkened corner of the room. Except mine. I watched, waiting, hoping and praying someone might take notice but afraid to open my mouth for fear of ridicule, fear of being ostracized by my contemporaries, scorned by my superiors. I simply sat, downcast, and rued the day. I thought of my childhood, of the few memories I could still cherish and call my own, rather than the vagueries I’d concocted to tell people over the years in my efforts to survive and to “fit in.” How I wished for death to take me from this pain of isolation. How I prayed God would grant me some miracle, some small pittance to acknowledge my existence as less than futile. No miracle came. I sat, destitute, barely concealing the wellspring of tears from the ignorant crowd. The ones who made no effort to recognize me. The ones who could not, **would** not understand MY situation. And probably never will. And so the gifts, the flowers, the vast and myriad expressions of love and affection, something purely conceptual to me in these circumstances, served only to wound my already aggrieved heart. I was not recognized. I was not validated. I was not _whole_. Is there no justice? No faithful reassurance, no balm in Gilead to soothe my torturous pain? No salve to wipe upon my swollen eyes, no soothing breath to cool my fever? No. None. And so I wept, as I did every year on this day. Secretary’s Day. And I… _I have no secretary._ ---
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [May 9, 2001, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843/13 "2001-05-09T23:59:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by tracer \* > **How long have “Mother’s Day” and “Father’s Day” been traditions, anyway? They have all the earmarks of a holiday created out of whole cloth by the likes of Hallmark.** This sounds like a question for Cecil: “How did Mother’s Day originate?” A search of the Archives indicates he has never answered this. According to a book I read recently, _The Way We Never Were_, by Stephanie Coontz, Mothers’ Day (note where the apostrophe is) was originally intended to honor the work done by mothers outside the home, for their political work, as a group, not for mothers for their individual domestic accomplishments as we do now. (I need to find that book again to give a more detailed report on its origins.) The idea of women working in politics was intolerable by some and the day became what it is now. BTW, I mailed a card to my mother this morning. ---
**Author:** ![tracer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tracer/32/20578_2.png) [@tracer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tracer)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2001, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843/14 "2001-05-10T00:55:27Z")
jab1 wrote: > [@](#): > > BTW, I mailed a card to my mother this morning. The three of clubs? \ ---
**Author:** ![jab1](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ee7513/32.png) [@jab1](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jab1)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2001, 1:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843/15 "2001-05-10T01:27:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by jab1 \* > \*\*(I need to find that book again to give a more detailed report on its origins.) > > The idea of women working in politics was intolerable by some and the day became what it is now.\*\* I have the book. On page 152, 1992 hardcover edition: > [@](#): > > The fact is that Mother’s Day [was] originated to celebrate the organized activities of women _outside_ the home. It became trivialized and commercialized only after it became confined to “special” nuclear family relations. > > The people who inspired Mother’s Day… believed that motherhood was a _political_ force. They wished to celebrate… women who acted on behalf of the entire future generation rather than simply putting their own children first. > > The first proposal of a day for mothers came from Anna Reeves Jarvis, who in 1858 organized Mothers’ Work Days in West Virginia to improve sanitation in the Appalachian Mountains. She also provided medical services to soldiers and civilians from both sides of the Civil War. In 1872, Julia Ward Howe, who wrote the lyrics to _The Battle Hymn of the Republic_, > [@](#): > > proposed an annual Mothers’ Day for Peace, to be held [in Boston] every June 2… Later, Coontz writes: > [@](#): > > Mothers’ Day was originally a vehicle for organized social and political action by all mothers, not for celebrating the private services of one’s own particular mother. How did our present Mother’s Day come about? Blame Congress. Anna Jarvis, daughter of Anna Reeves Jarvis, organized a letter-writing campaign to have a special day set aside for mothers, partly to honor her own mother. However, > [@](#): > > by this period, there was already considerable pressure to sever the personal meaning of motherhood from its earlier political associations. The mobilization of women as community organizers was the last thing on the minds of the prominent merchants, racist politicians, and antisuffragist activists who, sometimes to Jarvis’s dismay, quickly jumped on the bandwagon. > > In fact, the adoption of Mother’s Day by the 63rd Congress on May 8, 1914 represented a reversal of everything the nineteenth-century mothers’ days had stood for. The speeches proclaiming Mother’s Day in 1914 linked it to celebration of home life and privacy; they repudiated women’s social role beyond the household. You get the idea. So, if people complain about Mother’s Day being disrespected or even abolished, they should know that what it is now is the exact opposite of how it was intended. Maybe I shouldn’t have sent my mother that Hallmark card. [sub]Just kidding, Mama![/sub] ---
**Author:** ![domina](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/96bed5/32.png) [@domina](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/domina)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2001, 1:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843/16 "2001-05-10T01:54:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tejota \* > \*\*How does a child manage to get born (and go to school) if he/she has no mother? > > I understand it’s possible (in theory) for us to make girl babies by mixing genetic material from two women into an egg and then implanting it. But I don’t think it’s possible to end up with a baby If all you have to work with is sperm. A mother is a _requirement_. > \*\* It’s a requirement for being brought into the world, but making a card for Mother’s Day assumes she’s a) alive and b) in the kid’s life. That isn’t always the case. ---
**Author:** ![Esprix](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/esprix/32/7899_2.png) [@Esprix](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Esprix)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2001, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843/17 "2001-05-10T05:12:56Z")
It’s also my understanding that the woman who was the active force behind Mother’s Day came out against it after all was said and done, because, as said, it wasn’t what she had planned at all. Esprix ---
**Author:** ![Tamex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ccd318/32.png) [@Tamex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamex)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2001, 7:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843/18 "2001-05-10T07:04:36Z")
In my elementary school, we usually made something for Mother’s Day every year. However, school was over by the time we got to Father’s Day, and we _never_ made a Father’s Day gift. Was Father’s Day “banned” at our school? Of course not. It just wasn’t celebrated. No one was there to celebrate. And nobody seemed to mind. Odd, huh? A “Parents’ Day” would have been more fair, I guess…except to orphans, foster children, and children living with relatives other than their parents for whatever reason, so it would have to be “Parents’ and Guardians’ Day.” :rolleyes: I guess I can see why the school in the OP decided to just get rid of the whole thing and make the kids make their construction paper cards on their own time. My mother-in-law is a teacher, and her school is considering a ban on all holiday _and birthday_ celebrations. Why? Jehovah’s Witnesses are feeling left out. She is all against it, but, again, I can see how a ban like that could potentially solve a lot of headaches for a school. ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2001, 11:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843/19 "2001-05-10T11:48:33Z")
My sister-in-law lost her father in high school. They had a father/daughter dance every year. Did it make her feel “different” because she was the only one who brought her teenaged brother? Absolutely! Should the dance have been eliminated to spare her pain? No. Pain is a part of life, people. Instead of having our kids avoid all painful things, we have to teach them how to DEAL with it. It is a part of growing up. AVOIDING all painful experiences does nothing to teach our children to deal with disappointment and anger. Of course, I have a feeling that however well-meaning this gay couple may have been, their plan back-fired big time. Because if this story has made national news, imagine what that child is going through NOW because of his over-protective parents. Besides, one day that child’s girlfriend may break up with him. And he’s going to feel pain. Should daddy and daddy try to abolish Valentine’s Day? ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [May 10, 2001, 12:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843/20 "2001-05-10T12:56:20Z")
Mothers day and Fathers day are notations on the calendar. Hallmark, retailers in general and restaurants are very involved in keeping the idea alive. the schools, however, are there for education. At times, they use a ‘holiday’ to enhance some other lesson (making decorations for Thanksgiving as the art project for example), but it’s not any deeper than that. It’s interesting to me that generally the same folk who bemoan the state of public education also are in line chanting ‘no no PC police must go’ on this one, instead of applauding the concept that the school **for whatever reason** is opting out of a marketing ploy, and perhaps, oh, say concentrate on education? All children will go through some phase at some point of being ‘the excluded one’ or ‘the different one’. When I was young, damn near all the kids at my elementary school had daddy at work during the day and mommy at home. We all knew the one family that didn’t have a daddy (she was **divorced**!!) . Many years later, when my son was in elementary school, the school would purposefully stagger the parent teacher conference times so that different shift workers could still participate, and so on. They did still tend to call me “Mrs. Sonslast name” (shudder), but not after I’d corrected them. I have no problem with the school concentrating on education. (but then again, I’d prefer to have the ‘take the kid to work day’ be in the summer where it wouldn’t disrupt the school year, and my kid is always on my case for scheduling routine doctors and dentist appointments for after school) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-more-mothers-and-fathers-day/64843.md?page=2)