# No Mouse = Whole Lotta Suck **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [January 29, 2006, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116 "2006-01-29T21:44:57Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2006, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116/1 "2006-01-29T21:44:57Z")
Ahhh…little Shayla, fast asleep on daddy’s lap as I surf the Dope…I think I’ll take a sip of my soda. _bonk!_ _gurglegurglegurgle_ Damnit! Sigh…Pepsi one all over my desk. The baby didn’t wake up, but what to do about this mess?? Ooo…her bib! Yeah, that sucker cleaned things up nicely, with only a little bit of baby spew now wiped into my desk. Ok, back to surfing. _click_ _Hurm?_ _click_ _mousewiggle_ _mousewiggle_ _mousewiggle_ Hmmm, no response from the mouse. Yeah, it seemed like it caught a _tiny_ bit of the Pepsi splash, but not enough to do any damage. Hmmm…let me turn it upside down… _copious amounts of Pepsi One come streaming out of the top of the mouse_ Ahhh, yeah, _that_ would explain it. Crap crappitty crap crap crap. So, even though I’ve been using computers since the days of the parcer and the DOS prompt, it’s been many, many years since I’ve been sans-mouse. Any idea what a bitch it is to try and surf without a mouse these days? Any idea how much of a pain it is to even start a thread bitching about what a pain it is to start a thread without a mouse? Oh well…at least I didn’t wake the baby. ---
**Author:** ![Hostile\_Dialect](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e495f1/32.png) [@Hostile\_Dialect](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hostile_Dialect)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2006, 9:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116/2 "2006-01-29T21:47:49Z")
Lame. [Get Lynx](http://www.fdisk.com/doslynx/lynxport.htm) and be done with it. You’ll find most of the Intarweb looks better in Lynx anyway. ---
**Author:** ![Lionne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2006, 9:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116/3 "2006-01-29T21:59:27Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > So, even though I’ve been using computers since the days of the parcer and the DOS prompt, it’s been many, many years since I’ve been sans-mouse. Any idea what a bitch it is to try and surf without a mouse these days? Any idea how much of a pain it is to even start a thread bitching about what a pain it is to start a thread without a mouse? I’ve often wondered what would happen if I didn’t have my mouse…how DO you surf without one? The only trick I know of is by accidently pressing the backspace key and getting the previous page. Is there a site out there that shows you how? umm…I can wait until you have new mouse… ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2006, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116/4 "2006-01-29T22:18:11Z")
> [@LunaV](#): > > I’ve often wondered what would happen if I didn’t have my mouse…how DO you surf without one? The only trick I know of is by accidently pressing the backspace key and getting the previous page. Is there a site out there that shows you how? > > umm…I can wait until you have new mouse… If you’re using Windows, you can go into Accessibility Options in Control Panel and turn on the arrow keys to move the cursor. ---
**Author:** ![engineer\_comp\_geek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/engineer_comp_geek/32/504_2.png) [@engineer\_comp\_geek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/engineer_comp_geek)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2006, 10:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116/5 "2006-01-29T22:32:19Z")
Also, pressing the TAB key usually will move the cursor from field to field on a web page. For example, if I hit TAB as soon as I’m done typing this, it moves the selected field conveniently down to the “Submit Reply” button, so I could post this by TAB ENTER instead of clicking with the mouse if I wanted to. If I wanted to preview the post, I could just hit TAB TAB ENTER. ---
**Author:** ![RyJae](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/9d8465/32.png) [@RyJae](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RyJae)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2006, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116/6 "2006-01-29T22:43:14Z")
Wow a few weeks ago I broke my mouse, and needed to use an old mouse without a scroll wheel thingie, and that sucked. I cannot imagine what you are going through. Congrats on not waking your child though 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Omniscient](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/omniscient/32/3290_2.png) [@Omniscient](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Omniscient)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2006, 10:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116/7 "2006-01-29T22:55:46Z")
_eyes can of Pepsi One nearby_ _pasuses_ _scratches butt_ _slowly moves Pepsi One to the FAR side of the desk_ Wheew… ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [January 29, 2006, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116/8 "2006-01-29T23:19:01Z")
Well, the mouse is dried out and plugged back in, but it is, for intents and purposes, effed. No scroll wheel, buttons response is only occasional, and the cursor is jumping around like a ferret on Pixie Stix. Off to Best Buy to make use of those Christmas gift cards! ---
**Author:** ![Lionne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8e8cbc/32.png) [@Lionne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lionne)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 10:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116/9 "2006-01-30T22:01:48Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > If you’re using Windows, you can go into Accessibility Options in Control Panel and turn on the arrow keys to move the cursor. I went to test it out, but it only works using the numeric keypad. I have a laptop, and the numbers are lined up on top of the letters. Annoying as hell because I much prefer the keypad, but I only have one USB port that I use for my wireless mouse, so I can’t get an external one. I guess if my mouse starts acting like a ferret on Pixie Stix (love that line!) I’m screwed! ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116/10 "2006-01-30T22:18:06Z")
Dude! Now’s your big chance to get a ball-less optical mouse! They’re practically free and they don’t get fouled with lint. Magic things amuse me to no end. Plus it’s got this really cool red laser or diode or whatever that you can gaze at. Pretty pretty! Oh yes, and I’d be remiss if I ddin’t allude to the Saturday Night Live sketch, “[The Pepsi Syndrome](http://everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=773483).” ---
**Author:** ![MacTech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MacTech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MacTech)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 10:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116/11 "2006-01-30T22:23:19Z")
So, just grab another mouse out of your backup hardware pile… you _do_ have a backup, right? \… ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 10:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116/12 "2006-01-30T22:25:44Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > Dude! Now’s your big chance to get a ball-less optical mouse! They’re practically free and they don’t get fouled with lint. Magic things amuse me to no end. Plus it’s got this really cool red laser or diode or whatever that you can gaze at. Pretty pretty! > > Oh yes, and I’d be remiss if I ddin’t allude to the Saturday Night Live sketch, “[The Pepsi Syndrome](http://everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=773483).” Hmmphf. Get the cordless, ball-less optical mouse. Little nubby thing hanging out of your USB port, and the mouse can be just about anywhere, no more messy mouse tails…uh, cords to fuss over!!! ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 10:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116/13 "2006-01-30T22:29:51Z")
> [@Inigo Montoya](#): > > Dude! Now’s your big chance to get a ball-less optical mouse! Optical? Good luck. I went to Best Buy last night, and found that optical is basically obsolete. Now just about all they sell is _laser_ mouses. Which, is to say, they’re basically the same damn thing. Just a little more accurate in their tracking. Oh, and scroll wheels now all have left-and-right support, so you can scroll horizontally, if need be. Unfortunately, I went cheap – I picked the $25 Kensington mouse (going against my better judgement of always getting either Logitech or Microsoft). It suck ass. Fortunately, I remembered today that there’s no reason for me to go cheap on it – I work from home now, and my company requires me to maintain a professional workspace. That includes things like mouses. Which means I’ll have no problem expensing a new mouse back to the company. I’ll be heading back to Best Buy tonight to exchange this POS for one of those fancy $85 mouses. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116/14 "2006-01-30T22:31:43Z")
> [@MacTech](#): > > So, just grab another mouse out of your backup hardware pile… > > you _do_ have a backup, right? Of course. But they all have…\…_cords_! ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116/15 "2006-01-30T22:34:33Z")
Hm…in that case, Hal, can you be absolutely sure that no beverage entered the PC case? Because I don’t have to remind you about the sanctity of data safety and the relative expense of replacing hardware vs. reconstructing data. Better safe than sorry I say. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116/16 "2006-01-30T22:42:57Z")
This is a brand new laptop. If I spilled soda on it, once they finished kicking my ass, I’d personally kick was was left of it. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a8b319/32.png) [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)\ **Post date:** [January 30, 2006, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116/17 "2006-01-30T23:25:03Z")
> [@Hal Briston](#): > > Optical? Good luck. I went to Best Buy last night, and found that optical is basically obsolete. Now just about all they sell is _laser_ mouses. You know, I was going to try to resist the urge to point out that a laser is made up of light, which makes it optical by definition, but I just couldn’t. ---
**Author:** ![TimeWinder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/bcef8e/32.png) [@TimeWinder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TimeWinder)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116/18 "2006-01-31T07:49:34Z")
> [@Spatial Rift 47](#): > > You know, I was going to try to resist the urge to point out that a laser is made up of light, which makes it optical by definition, but I just couldn’t. Well, if we’re going to nitpick, many of the old “ball” mice were optical, too: the spinning ball turned something (inside) that looked like a wagon wheel. A light was on one side, and a sensor on the other counted the flashes or shadows. That said, the BOXES say “Optical” vs. “Laser”, so I think he’s covered against your (and my) nitpicks. ---
**Author:** ![wayward](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a87d85/32.png) [@wayward](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wayward)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 1:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116/19 "2006-01-31T13:03:05Z")
I notice, **Hal Briston** and **LunaV** , that you both mention you have laptops. In that case, how is losing the use of a mouse a big problem? Don’t you have one of those little touchpad dooberries built in? I mean, I usually use a mouse with my laptop too because I find it much easier, but I’d still use the pad before resorting to the keyboard. ---
**Author:** ![Hal\_Briston](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a9a28c/32.png) [@Hal\_Briston](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hal_Briston)\ **Post date:** [January 31, 2006, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116/20 "2006-01-31T16:57:49Z")
I’m no big fan of small screens, cramped keyboards and wonky touchpads, so the laptop is hooked up to a docking station. That connects to my standard keyboard, the 21" monitor and my now-Pepsiless mouse. The reason I couldn’t use the touchpad when writing the OP was because I keep the laptop docked a good distance away from the rest of my setup (thereby conserving desk space). There was simply no way to reach the laptop, open it up and try to use the touchpad if I was to keep to my goal of surfing without waking the baby. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-mouse-whole-lotta-suck/342116.md?page=2)