# No one could really be this stupid. Could they?
**URL:** https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927
**Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
**Created:** [February 4, 2006, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927 "2006-02-04T00:28:13Z")
**Posts on this page:** 20
**Page:** 1
### Author:  [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)
#### Post date: [February 4, 2006, 12:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927/1 "2006-02-04T00:28:13Z")
I laughed for a good 5 minutes after reading this.
After being burgled by a potential customer, a man called police to [report the theft](http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2006/01/31/national/a173948S65.DTL&type=bondage) of his marijuana.
> [@](#):
>
> Kory C. Tippetts, 18, identified the pot as his and then was arrested and booked into the Utah County jail for investigation of possession of marijuana in a drug-free zone with intent to distribute, police said Tuesday.
>
> Tippetts had called police on Monday evening after he returned home and found that someone had broken a window, got cut on the glass, and crawled into the house. Tippetts told police the only thing missing was the quarter-pound of marijuana he was selling.
>
> Tippetts also told officers that earlier in the day a man had called him about buying some marijuana, but he was on his way to work and told the caller no.
>
> Tippetts gave police the man’s name.
>
> Officers found Richard W. Hight, 23, at his mother’s home in Provo. He had a cut on his arm and blood-soaked pants. Police also recovered six ounces of marijuana at the home.
I keep trying to imagine how that call went.
“Yes, hello, police? I’d like to report a robbery. Someone broke into my home through a window, there’s blood everywhere.”
“Is there anything missing?”
“Well, yes, officer, there is. I’m short a quarter pound of the illegal narcotics I was planning on selling.”
---
### Author:  [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)
#### Post date: [February 4, 2006, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927/2 "2006-02-04T00:31:46Z")
They obviously didn’t steal **all** of his stash. 😃
---
### Author:  [@ryobserver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ryobserver)
#### Post date: [February 4, 2006, 12:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927/3 "2006-02-04T00:46:02Z")
You should watch “Cops” more often. The VH1 “Behind The Scenes” episode on “Cops” concluded with a clip in which a woman actually called the police claiming she’d given her neighbor $20 for crack, and the neighbor hadn’t delivered, and she wanted the cops to get her money back. The cop was good enough to cross the street and question the neighbor, who denied taking the money and added: “Everyone knows we ain’t got no crack. We’re prostitutes.”
---
### Author:  [@glee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/glee)
#### Post date: [February 4, 2006, 12:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927/4 "2006-02-04T00:54:51Z")
He grassed on himself! :wally
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### Author:  [@Spatial\_Rift\_47](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spatial_Rift_47)
#### Post date: [February 4, 2006, 1:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927/5 "2006-02-04T01:13:41Z")
> [@glee](#):
>
> He grassed on himself! :wally
His ass is grass?
---
### Author:  [@Harborwolf](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Harborwolf)
#### Post date: [February 4, 2006, 1:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927/6 "2006-02-04T01:49:43Z")
> [@Spatial Rift 47](#):
>
> His ass is grass?
That must be the part of the stash that wasn’t stolen.
---
### Author:  [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)
#### Post date: [February 4, 2006, 3:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927/7 "2006-02-04T03:46:52Z")
> [@ryobserver](#):
>
> You should watch “Cops” more often. The VH1 “Behind The Scenes” episode on “Cops” concluded with a clip in which a woman actually called the police claiming she’d given her neighbor $20 for crack, and the neighbor hadn’t delivered, and she wanted the cops to get her money back. The cop was good enough to cross the street and question the neighbor, who denied taking the money and added: “Everyone knows we ain’t got no crack. We’re prostitutes.”
:eek:
See, this is the kind of stuff you miss when you lead a reality t.v. free life.
---
### Author:  [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)
#### Post date: [February 4, 2006, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927/8 "2006-02-04T04:12:51Z")
> [@glee](#):
>
> He grassed on himself! :wally
Don’t you mean he NARC’ed on himself?
“Oh man, I can’t believe I NARCd on me! I thought I was cool! I am so gonna kick my ass when I find me…”
---
### Author:  [@neutron\_star](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neutron_star)
#### Post date: [February 4, 2006, 5:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927/9 "2006-02-04T05:46:14Z")
> [@Maureen](#):
>
> a man called police to [report the theft](http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2006/01/31/national/a173948S65.DTL&type=bondage) of his marijuana.
I’ve seen nearly identical stories in the news at least three or four times in the last few years. They never stop being funny, though. The idiocy it must take to do something like this is astounding.
I call people like this “the ten-percenters.” Have you ever noticed that every time you see one of those depressing surveys that points out how poorly Americans perform in math, geography, and other subjects, there’s always close to 10% of the population that misses questions an average second-grader could answer?
For instance, 11% of young adults (age 18-24) in the United States cannot find their own country on a world map.
I strongly suspect that Kory C. Tibbets is among them.
---
### Author:  [@UntouchedTakeaway](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UntouchedTakeaway)
#### Post date: [February 4, 2006, 11:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927/10 "2006-02-04T11:21:41Z")
> [@Maureen](#):
>
> I laughed for a good 5 minutes after reading this.
>
> After being burgled by a potential customer, a man called police to [report the theft](http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/n/a/2006/01/31/national/a173948S65.DTL&type=bondage) of his marijuana.
>
> I keep trying to imagine how that call went.
>
> “Yes, hello, police? I’d like to report a robbery. Someone broke into my home through a window, there’s blood everywhere.”
> “Is there anything missing?”
> “Well, yes, officer, there is. I’m short a quarter pound of the illegal narcotics I was planning on selling.”
I worked for a major corporate relocation company. Fortune 500 companies pay us to help move their people around. We once had someone call our moving division wanting to fill out a missing goods report (not unusual - in a move, something _always_ goes missing or gets broken). He wanted to report his stash had been stolen. :rolleyes:
VCNJ~
---
### Author:  [@FatBaldGuy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FatBaldGuy)
#### Post date: [February 4, 2006, 1:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927/11 "2006-02-04T13:39:54Z")
The other side of this is that after they arrested the thief and recovered the marijuana, they asked the original “victim” to come in and identify his stolen property. When he did, they promptly arrested him.
And now you know the rest of the story.
---
### Author:  [@Sternvogel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sternvogel)
#### Post date: [February 4, 2006, 4:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927/12 "2006-02-04T16:03:32Z")
I’m reminded of an item I read in the “News and Notes from All Over” column in _Playboy_ several years ago. Somebody had been arrested and booked, and his buddies were short on cash. So they tried to bail him out with a “bond” of cocaine and stolen clothing. All of a sudden, the original perp was joined behind bars by a few of his pals.
---
### Author:  [@633squadron](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/633squadron)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2006, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927/13 "2006-02-05T02:18:30Z")
> [@Maureen](#):
>
> “Well, yes, officer, there is. I’m short a quarter pound of the illegal narcotics I was planning on selling.”
OK, I thought about this for a good 5 minutes. I was sure that there was _some_ reason, no matter how incoherent, that he called the cops.
I gave up. I can **not** make myself stupid enough to follow his line of…
well, thinking just isn’t really it, is it?
Course, I’ve always believed that you could make more money and have an easier time in life if you did something legit rather than spending all that time, money, and paranoia trying to outwit the cops. It’s true, though, that most of my dream jobs don’t involve a lot of money.
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### Author:  [@Eleusis](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eleusis)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2006, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927/14 "2006-02-05T02:40:38Z")
Wow, [this guy](http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/D/DEPUTY_SOLICITED?SITE=NYROR&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT) is _even dumber_.
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### Author:  [@Mr.Blue\_Sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Blue_Sky)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2006, 2:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927/15 "2006-02-05T02:46:23Z")
> [@Eleusis](#):
>
> Wow, [this guy](http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/D/DEPUTY_SOLICITED?SITE=NYROR&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT) is _even dumber_.
Geez, what is this? A contest to see who can be the Stupidest Criminal Ever?
---
### Author:  [@What\_Exit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/What_Exit)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2006, 3:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927/16 "2006-02-05T03:06:29Z")
We should pity this poor man. Here he was trying to help the police capture a potentially dangerous criminal and all he got for his trouble was grief.
You know he should be applauded as a good citi…
😃😃😃😃😃
Okay, I can’t keep a straight face. The real answer can only be summed up by Bugs Bunny.
> [@Bugs Bunny](#):
>
> What a Maroon!!!
Jim
---
### Author:  [@imthjckaz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imthjckaz)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2006, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927/17 "2006-02-05T03:17:11Z")
Well…
[This person could be in the running.](http://www.sctimes.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=/20060204/NEWS01/102030035/1009)
Not a criminal though.
Nor a Mensa member.
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### Author:  [@Pullet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Pullet)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2006, 9:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927/18 "2006-02-05T09:20:09Z")
> [@Eleusis](#):
>
> Wow, [this guy](http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/D/DEPUTY_SOLICITED?SITE=NYROR&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT) is _even dumber_.
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
\
hahahaha!
okay, i’m done
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### Author:  [@Lok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lok)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2006, 10:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927/19 "2006-02-05T10:28:15Z")
You can find all kinds of stories like this at the [Bozo Criminal of the Day](http://www.wallerbroadcasting.com/bozo/) site. It is truly amazing what some people will do.
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### Author:  [@DiggitCamara](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DiggitCamara)
#### Post date: [February 5, 2006, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927/20 "2006-02-05T22:00:21Z")
I always enjoy this collection of weird-as-hell news to start my week:
[http://www.newsoftheweird.com/archive/index.html](http://www.newsoftheweird.com/archive/index.html)
[Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-one-could-really-be-this-stupid-could-they/342927.md?page=2)