# No, really, it's not just about the cat **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [October 7, 2024, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-really-its-not-just-about-the-cat/1008522 "2024-10-07T00:52:35Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 4\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Dung\_Beetle](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dung_beetle/32/7945_2.png) [@Dung\_Beetle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dung_Beetle)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2024, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-really-its-not-just-about-the-cat/1008522/81 "2024-10-09T15:58:44Z")
> [@JaneDoe42](#): > > Before getting hit, I knew that men were bigger than me and I wouldn’t have a chance if one started swinging on me. After that, I _KNEW_ that I couldn’t take a hit and needed to have another plan. Ha! I remember the day I learned that lesson also. In the final days of my first marriage, I always felt so young and spry and full of rage that I thought I could handle that guy. When the showdown came, I went down like a balsa-wood airplane. ---
**Author:** ![Slithy\_Tove](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/slithy_tove/32/18248_2.png) [@Slithy\_Tove](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slithy_Tove)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2024, 6:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-really-its-not-just-about-the-cat/1008522/82 "2024-10-09T18:27:02Z")
Every day, three women are murdered in the US as victims of intimate partner violence 85% of the victims of IPV, fatal and non-fatal, are women, but it’s not a men vs women issue. It’s a perpetrator vs vulnerable issue. As a male member of the select 15%, I ascribe my own vulnerability as stemming from a need to be validated by being “worthy” of a relationship (since losers and loners are synonymous). Post-recovery and back in the dating world, I noticed how now I was less motivated by “wow, she’s pretty,” or “wow, she’s got it all together,” since I’d learned how ugly things could get despite those, and more “wow, she’s a genuine, kind person.” I myself had to endure a lot of “wow, he’s really guarded,” along with the usual suspicion that goes with that, but have no regrets. ---
**Author:** ![Beckdawrek](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/beckdawrek/32/3647_2.png) [@Beckdawrek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beckdawrek)\ **Post date:** [October 9, 2024, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-really-its-not-just-about-the-cat/1008522/83 "2024-10-09T19:18:30Z")
My brothers taught me to fight. Just in the course of siblings growing up in a house together. I learned how to punch early to the point my Daddy had to step in and teach me anger control. I thought I was one tough cookie. Til my baby brother got about 14. I hate to say it, but I tormented that boy for a few years. At 14, he’d had enough. I picked on him one last time and he knocked me on my ass. I said, right then my skinny butt was no match for any guy. I learned to be more careful with who I associated with. (Baby boy forgave me) ---
**Author:** ![needscoffee](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/needscoffee/32/1076_2.png) [@needscoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/needscoffee)\ **Post date:** [October 10, 2024, 2:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-really-its-not-just-about-the-cat/1008522/84 "2024-10-10T02:59:18Z")
> [@Slithy\_Tove](#): > > Post-recovery and back in the dating world, I noticed how now I was less motivated by “wow, she’s pretty,” or “wow, she’s got it all together,” since I’d learned how ugly things could get despite those, and more “wow, she’s a genuine, kind person.” I myself had to endure a lot of “wow, he’s really guarded,” along with the usual suspicion that goes with that, but have no regrets. Sincere congratulations on coming out the other side. And moving past. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-really-its-not-just-about-the-cat/1008522.md?page=4)