# "No Sex For You!" I Am The Sex Nazi **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 29, 2003, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492 "2003-09-29T15:38:13Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 3:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492/1 "2003-09-29T15:38:13Z")
SO and I are getting married on November 1. We’ve been seeing each other exclusively for 3 years, and have lived together since June of this year. We enjoy a very active sex life (we’ve had sex in our as-yet unfinished house several times already - I even got a splinter in my ass to prove it). Yes, we love to fuck, screw, boink, boff, hump, grind, horizontal mambo, play hide the salami, get jiggy wid’ it, lay pipe, schtupp, and do the wild thing. Alot. And now we’ve decided that, in order to make things a little more interesting around the house, we will forsake sexual gratification of any kind 'til the wedding. That’s right - we’re voluntarily giving up the Big O ‘til November 1. No masturbation, no oral, nothing involving vegetables, Clydesdales, or anything else for one month. Just to see if we can (I’m reminded of the New Yorker cartoon wherein one mountain climber, hanging from the edge of a cliff, is saying to the other, "Er…excuse me Mr. Hillary…but there are those among us who are beginning to think ‘Because it is there’ isn’t quite a good enough reason.’) I may report back on our progress in enforced chastity if I get the inkling. I may also explode, or go postal and start killing innocent bystanders, or suffer from abstinence-induced dementia, BUT I WILL NOT SPILL MY SEED UPON THE GROUND (or anywhere else for that matter). Please, wish us luck. ---
**Author:** ![White\_Lightning](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f04885/32.png) [@White\_Lightning](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/White_Lightning)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492/2 "2003-09-29T15:58:02Z")
A whole month, eh? Good luck. [sub]_“I’m out!!” -Kramer_[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492/3 "2003-09-29T16:02:30Z")
Same quote I would have used, **White Lightning**. Why White Lightning instead of Mountain Dew? ---
**Author:** ![Sinshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Sinshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sinshine)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 4:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492/4 "2003-09-29T16:05:47Z")
Oh, you brave people. :eek: Good luck. I seriously hope you can enjoy the wedding, instead of gritting your teeth until the wedding night. ---
**Author:** ![Jonathan\_Chance](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jonathan_chance/32/701_2.png) [@Jonathan\_Chance](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jonathan_Chance)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 4:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492/5 "2003-09-29T16:30:41Z")
I betcha she makes it, buddy. You, I give 4 days…tops. ---
**Author:** ![Ryle\_Dup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Ryle\_Dup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ryle_Dup)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 4:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492/6 "2003-09-29T16:44:59Z")
_Days_? ---
**Author:** ![emulsified](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emulsified/32/2915_2.png) [@emulsified](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emulsified)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492/7 "2003-09-29T17:21:14Z")
Ho hum. My wife and I did it–or refrained from doing it, rather–for a whole year, even with sleeping together every night. You should be able to handle a month in your sleep. (Count the double entendres in that sentence…) ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 5:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492/8 "2003-09-29T17:43:36Z")
BLAM! ---
**Author:** ![zoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zoid/32/336_2.png) [@zoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/zoid)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 6:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492/9 "2003-09-29T18:22:19Z")
Keep thinking of dead puppies, snow tires, old nuns waving yardsticks… ---
**Author:** ![Zebra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/c0e974/32.png) [@Zebra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zebra)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492/10 "2003-09-29T18:39:38Z")
Is your soon-to-be spouse going to have one of those lingerie showers? You know. That’s when all her closest female friends give her sexy lingerie for your honeymoon. Then they all try on the stuff and dance around and compliment each others bodies and… I’m out! ---
**Author:** ![Little\_Nemo](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/little_nemo/32/3120_2.png) [@Little\_Nemo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Little_Nemo)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 6:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492/11 "2003-09-29T18:49:37Z")
> [@](#): > > Keep thinking of dead puppies, snow tires, old nuns waving yardsticks… By late October, you should have a real fetish going on. ---
**Author:** ![emulsified](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/emulsified/32/2915_2.png) [@emulsified](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/emulsified)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 7:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492/12 "2003-09-29T19:01:51Z")
Wait I just read the OP again and I gather that you’re not going to allow yourself to umm shake hands with Mr. Johnson for this month. I take it back, if you can pull this off (or should we say avoid pulling it off) my hat’s off to ya. Though had I tried that stunt, my restraint might have resulted in an extremely brief wedding night. ---
**Author:** ![auntie\_em](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5e9695/32.png) [@auntie\_em](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/auntie_em)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492/13 "2003-09-29T19:11:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by emulsified \* > \*\*Though had I tried that stunt, my restraint might have resulted in an extremely brief wedding night. \*\* Not to mention an extremely brief _wedding_: "For God’s sake, **I DO!!!** Now start the music and bring out the cake! We’ll be back in seven minutes . . . " ---
**Author:** ![Monkey\_Chews](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@Monkey\_Chews](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Monkey_Chews)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 7:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492/14 "2003-09-29T19:22:38Z")
Some friends of mine tried this. They went for 1 month before the wedding without sex. They mostly made it, too, except for an accidental shag one week before the big day, when they both came home blind drunk from their buck’s and hen’s night. Oops! The whole affair was a source of much amusement for us all, although they admitted it made them very antsy during what was already one of the most stressful months of their lives. And you should have seen them fly out of that reception at the first available opportunity! But hey, good luck! And congratulations. ---
**Author:** ![Bongmaster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Bongmaster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bongmaster)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 7:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492/15 "2003-09-29T19:51:56Z")
Hmm, you’ve got me thinking here, not a bad idea. My SO and I had to wait a month just recently while she was in Japan seeing family. Of course that was much, much easier without her actually being here. 10 minutes after she got home I suddenly remembered why I was so attracted to her in the first place… ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [September 29, 2003, 10:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492/16 "2003-09-29T22:16:27Z")
Y’know, your first orgasm after a month is likely to blow your woman off your dong and through the bedroom wall. ---
**Author:** ![Muffin](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/muffin/32/4341_2.png) [@Muffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muffin)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492/17 "2003-09-30T00:02:35Z")
One month? Hope you don’t forget how to do it. ---
**Author:** ![Sinshine](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f04885/32.png) [@Sinshine](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sinshine)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 12:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492/18 "2003-09-30T00:08:42Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Cervaise \* > \*\*Y’know, your first orgasm after a month is likely to blow your woman off your dong and through the bedroom wall. \*\* bwahahahaha must clean monitor with industrial cleaners. must not drink when reading **Cervaise’s** posts. Thanks. I needed that. ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492/19 "2003-09-30T00:36:31Z")
Didn’t I see this episode of _Martin_? ---
**Author:** ![Engineer\_Dude](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9fc29f/32.png) [@Engineer\_Dude](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Engineer_Dude)\ **Post date:** [September 30, 2003, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492/20 "2003-09-30T02:03:35Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by plnnr \* > **And now we’ve decided that, in order to make things a little more interesting around the house, we will forsake sexual gratification of any kind 'til the wedding.** Are you sure this wasn’t HER decision, that you reluctantly went along with? This sounds suspiciously like an idea that would come from a woman. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-sex-for-you-i-am-the-sex-nazi/204492.md?page=2)