# No soap, Radio! The Anti-Joke Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 15, 2009, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909 "2009-02-15T03:19:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![George\_Kaplin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@George\_Kaplin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/George_Kaplin)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/1 "2009-02-15T03:19:03Z")
I have a somewhat quirky sense of humour, and my favourite kind of joke is the “anti-joke”. For the unfamiliar, anti-jokes are jokes that start like standard jokes but then turn out not to be joke at all. The surprise element thus becomes the joke. Here’s a few of my favourites: 1. A man walks into a bar. His alcoholism is ruining his life. 2. Q: What did the apple say to the orange? A: AAAAH!! AAAAH!!! I HATE YOU!! I HATE you because you’re DIFFERENT from me!! 3) Q: How many Polacks does it take to change a lightbulb? A: One. 4) Q: What do you get when you cross a duck with a sheep? A: A media circus that focuses on the morals and ethics of genetic engineering. 5) Q: What’s the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? A: Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk _on_ the moon, and Michael Jackson is a paedophile. 6) Q: Why does Donald Duck always wear a little sailor suit? A: Because he’s a cunt. What are some of your favourite anti-jokes? ---
**Author:** ![An\_Gadai](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/d6d6ee/32.png) [@An\_Gadai](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/An_Gadai)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 3:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/2 "2009-02-15T03:25:41Z")
My favourite one is probably… Q: What do call a black man flying an aeroplane? A: The pilot, you racist! ---
**Author:** ![seodoa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@seodoa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seodoa)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 3:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/3 "2009-02-15T03:29:35Z")
My favorite has always been _The Aristocrats_. Gilbert Gottfried does a fantastic version of it: NSFW [noparse][http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tw10xa\_xtNg&feature=PlayList&p=82D3331997A088C9&playnext=1&index=2[/noparse]](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tw10xa_xtNg&feature=PlayList&p=82D3331997A088C9&playnext=1&index=2%5B/noparse%5D) NSFW Not even remotely safe for anything, really. ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 3:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/4 "2009-02-15T03:58:01Z")
Darn it, **An Gadaí** , I was gonna do that one! ---
**Author:** ![ZipperJJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/zipperjj/32/211_2.png) [@ZipperJJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZipperJJ)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 4:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/5 "2009-02-15T04:25:44Z")
Q: What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? A: Where’s my tractor? (much funnier when told by a 5-year-old) ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 5:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/6 "2009-02-15T05:25:57Z")
**George** , you’d love my son. He wanted to tell jokes long before he knew what one was. My favorite joke ever will always be Kenneth’s very first attempt: “I met a man who said he hadn’t had a bite for three days. So I shot him.” ---
**Author:** ![Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/qadgop_the_mercotan/32/83_2.png) [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Qadgop_the_Mercotan)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 5:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/7 "2009-02-15T05:28:24Z")
A termite walks into a bar, and says “where’s the bar tender?” ---
**Author:** ![Lucky\_13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucky_13/32/13209_2.png) [@Lucky\_13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucky_13)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 6:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/8 "2009-02-15T06:32:53Z")
My favorite was one that a Doper told in a previous tasteless joke thread. Q. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? A. Because he was dead! ---
**Author:** ![lissener](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lissener/32/6139_2.png) [@lissener](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lissener)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 6:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/9 "2009-02-15T06:41:14Z")
Q: What’s worse than biting into an apple and finding a worm? A: The Holocaust. ---
**Author:** ![WordMan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e8c25b/32.png) [@WordMan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WordMan)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 11:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/10 "2009-02-15T11:50:43Z")
1. How many pancakes does it take to get the moon? 2. None, because ice cream has no bones! (sell it hard and look intently into the kid’s face when you tell it, expecting a laugh - my kids know me well so they know to check for Funny before assuming it _is_ Funny and then they just break up anyway and say “aw, _Dad_!”) As for the obvious ones: - Where do dumb generals put their armies? - In their sleevies! - What’s a foot long and slippery? - A slipper! And the Great Stick Pairing: - What’s long, brown and sticky? - A stick! - What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t return? - A _stick_ - what is it with you? (I find it helps if I lean in and say it seriously, like, do I really have to clue you in??) ---
**Author:** ![Sublight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/439d5e/32.png) [@Sublight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sublight)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 12:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/11 "2009-02-15T12:00:36Z")
A man walked into a bar. Ouch. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 12:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/12 "2009-02-15T12:54:12Z")
In the days when Usenet mattered enough to generate memes, many knew of the Green Golf Ball Joke. > [@rec.humor FAQ](#): > > Q: What is the Green Golf Ball Joke (GGBJ)? > A: It is the holy grail of rec.humor; everyone looks for it, but it doesn’t > exist. Some jokes have been written about green golf balls, or modified > to refer to green golf balls, but most of them have the same humor > potential as navel lint. Of course, there are those who are easily > amused and will claim to have the original, raucously funny GGBJ but be > unable to post it for some lame reason which would fool only algae, some > species of fungus, and of course you. > > ``` > Note: To find the actual joke, you need only imagine trying to play > golf with a green ball. > > ``` There will now follow a discussion of why this is not an antijoke, but a metajoke, or a practical joke masquerading as a nonpractical one. Finally, “golf ball” was more often spelled “golfball,” which is a quiet kind of joke in itself. ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 1:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/13 "2009-02-15T13:02:53Z")
> [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](#): > > **George** , you’d love my son. He wanted to tell jokes long before he knew what one was. My favorite joke ever will always be Kenneth’s very first attempt: > > “I met a man who said he hadn’t had a bite for three days. So I shot him.” Now that’s funny! It’s hell when you peak so early in life, though. [Although, he might have a future as a songwriter.](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rz47SXpbYdw) ---
**Author:** ![imfloating](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/bc79bd/32.png) [@imfloating](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imfloating)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/14 "2009-02-15T13:09:03Z")
Take my wife…shopping ---
**Author:** ![George\_Kaplin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/3e96dc/32.png) [@George\_Kaplin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/George_Kaplin)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 1:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/15 "2009-02-15T13:44:12Z")
Q: What do you get when you cross a duck with a sheep? A: A media circus that focuses on the morals and ethics of genetic engineering. Yo momma so _fat_, when she bought an issue of Cosmo for an article on breast self-exams she became deeply depressed when bombarded by page after page of images perpetuating an impossible standard of beauty. That night she skipped dinner and cried herself to sleep. Q: Why did the deaf guy take his parrot to work? A: He was weird. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 2:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/16 "2009-02-15T14:37:53Z")
I’ve heard this referred to as WASP humor. What does the WASP mother serve her children for lunch? A healthy salad with plenty of green vegetables. What did the WASP CEO say to the black man in the elevator? “Good morning!” ---
**Author:** ![Koxinga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/4af34b/32.png) [@Koxinga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Koxinga)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 2:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/17 "2009-02-15T14:41:50Z")
What’s long and hard and full of seamen? A penis, although technically only when at the point of ejaculation. Also, “semen” isn’t spelled that way. ---
**Author:** ![Ace309](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ace309/32/1050_2.png) [@Ace309](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ace309)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 2:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/18 "2009-02-15T14:47:31Z")
Two mathematicians are in the tub. One mathematician asks the other mathematician to pass him the soap. The second mathematician says, “No soap, ratio!” ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 3:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/19 "2009-02-15T15:23:52Z")
Why did they bury the farmer on the back side of his hill? He was dead. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Borgia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/larry_borgia/32/156_2.png) [@Larry\_Borgia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Borgia)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 3:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/20 "2009-02-15T15:52:51Z")
Hank Hill’s attempt at a yo mama joke: “Your mother is so fat it affects her self esteem!” [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909.md?page=2)