# No soap, Radio! The Anti-Joke Thread **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 15, 2009, 3:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909 "2009-02-15T03:19:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 5:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/21 "2009-02-15T17:39:49Z")
> [@Lucky\_13](#): > > My favorite was one that a Doper told in a previous tasteless joke thread. > > Q. Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? > A. Because he was dead! But wait, there’s more! [spoiler] Why did the second money fall out of the tree? Because he was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third money fall out of the tree? Peer pressure! [/spoiler] ---
**Author:** ![Jeff\_Lichtman](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jeff_lichtman/32/1531_2.png) [@Jeff\_Lichtman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jeff_Lichtman)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 7:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/22 "2009-02-15T19:06:36Z")
Andy Kaufman used to do this with his Foreign Man character (Foreign Man was a stand-up comedian who didn’t understand the jokes he was trying to tell): > [@](#): > > My wife’s cooking is so bad, it’s terrible! > [@](#): > > Take my wife, please take her! Here are a few more: Q: What’s red and smells like blue paint? A: Red paint. Q: What’s the white stuff in the middle of bird shit? A: That’s also bird shit. A rabbi, a priest and a nun walk into a bar, and the bartender says, “What is this, some kind of a joke?” ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/23 "2009-02-15T19:17:12Z")
Okay, this may not even qualify, but it’s all I can think of. Q: What’s green and fuzzy and has six legs and if it falls on you out of a tree will kill you? A: A pool table ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/24 "2009-02-15T20:32:10Z")
Sorry. Too funny. It’s kinda like: Q. What has 200 balls and fucks ducks? A. A shotgun shell. I thought the white stuff in bird shit was bird pee, but I haven’t independently confirmed that. ---
**Author:** ![Chronos](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chronos/32/134_2.png) [@Chronos](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chronos)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 9:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/25 "2009-02-15T21:07:56Z")
Science fiction fans will no doubt be familiar with this one: Why is a laser beam like a goldfish? Because neither one can whistle. > [@](#): > > In the days when Usenet mattered enough to generate memes, many knew of the Green Golf Ball Joke. Long before Usenet mattered, back in the days when it was just Orson Scott Card and three other people using it, I heard a genuine Green Golf Ball joke. The details don’t matter, but it’s a shaggy dog story about a kid who makes it his mission in life to find “A real, green, golf ball. Not a white one painted green, but a real, green golf ball” (that line being repeated many times through the joke). At the end of the story (which is dragged out as long as humanly possible), he finally finds one as an old man, and promptly drops dead. ---
**Author:** ![Euryphaessa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Euryphaessa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Euryphaessa)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/26 "2009-02-15T22:48:59Z")
> [@Beware\_of\_Doug](#): > > Sorry. Too funny. It’s kinda like: > > Q. What has 200 balls and fucks ducks? > A. A shotgun shell. > > I thought the white stuff in bird shit was bird pee, but I haven’t independently confirmed that. IIRC, birds have cloacas, so their pee and shit is all one lovely mixture. ---
**Author:** ![De\_La\_Rue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/d07c76/32.png) [@De\_La\_Rue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/De_La_Rue)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 11:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/27 "2009-02-15T23:22:52Z")
What’s the difference between a duck? Its leg is one and both the same. ---
**Author:** ![seodoa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4af34b/32.png) [@seodoa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seodoa)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 11:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/28 "2009-02-15T23:35:50Z")
> [@Queen of Town](#): > > IIRC, birds have cloacas, so their pee and shit is all one lovely mixture. Don’t forget the sweat. Ooooh, that sweat! ---
**Author:** ![TheChileanBlob](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thechileanblob/32/435_2.png) [@TheChileanBlob](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheChileanBlob)\ **Post date:** [February 15, 2009, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/29 "2009-02-15T23:44:16Z")
My dad used to confuse us with: “What’s longer, a rope?” ---
**Author:** ![bagga](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/82dd89/32.png) [@bagga](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bagga)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2009, 12:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/30 "2009-02-16T00:36:51Z")
What’s got one leg and no eyes? A leg. ---
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2009, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/31 "2009-02-16T00:41:36Z")
Q: What’s big and yellow and shaped like a school bus? _Seriously_!?! You can’t _guess_? ---
**Author:** ![Mbossa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/73ab20/32.png) [@Mbossa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mbossa)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2009, 12:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/32 "2009-02-16T00:44:49Z")
Here’s one you may or may not have heard: Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side! ---
**Author:** ![Contrapuntal](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/e274bd/32.png) [@Contrapuntal](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Contrapuntal)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2009, 12:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/33 "2009-02-16T00:47:01Z")
> [@Qadgop\_the\_Mercotan](#): > > A termite walks into a bar, and says “where’s the bar tender?” Nu uh. He says “Is the bar tender here?” ---
**Author:** ![Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/malleus_incus_stapes/32/3293_2.png) [@Malleus\_Incus\_Stapes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Malleus_Incus_Stapes)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2009, 12:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/34 "2009-02-16T00:55:03Z")
^ Precisely. ---
**Author:** ![imfloating](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/bc79bd/32.png) [@imfloating](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/imfloating)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2009, 2:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/35 "2009-02-16T02:13:01Z")
Is it warmer in the summer or the country ? ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2009, 2:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/36 "2009-02-16T02:17:36Z")
Is it further to Boston or to fly? Why is a mouse when it spins? ---
**Author:** ![SSG\_Schwartz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9a140/32.png) [@SSG\_Schwartz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SSG_Schwartz)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2009, 2:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/37 "2009-02-16T02:26:07Z")
Nobody has thought of the classic Anti-Joke yet? Why is a raven like a writing desk? SSG Schwartz ---
**Author:** ![Knowed\_Out](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/knowed_out/32/7380_2.png) [@Knowed\_Out](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Knowed_Out)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2009, 2:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/38 "2009-02-16T02:52:41Z")
Two muffins are placed into an oven. The first muffin says “Man its hot in here.” The second muffin says “Oh my god! A talking muffin!” Thanks. You’ve been great. ---
**Author:** ![BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2009, 3:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/39 "2009-02-16T03:00:27Z")
> [@Queen of Town](#): > > IIRC, birds have cloacas, so their pee and shit is all one lovely mixture. But if you look closely (you know you want to) usually you’ll find a dark spot in the center and the white part all around. The white (IIRC, which I may not) is the liquid-processed waste and the dark part is from the solids the bird ate. ---
**Author:** ![chacoguy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/50afbb/32.png) [@chacoguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/chacoguy)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2009, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909/40 "2009-02-16T03:07:27Z")
> [@BellRungBookShut-CandleSnuffed](#): > > But if you look closely (you know you want to) usually you’ll find a dark spot in the center and the white part all around. The white (IIRC, which I may not) is the liquid-processed waste and the dark part is from the solids the bird ate. Ignorance fought; but I cannot look away. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-soap-radio-the-anti-joke-thread/485909.md?page=3)