# No swimming! A vasectomy celebration thread. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 14, 2019, 1:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-swimming-a-vasectomy-celebration-thread/829514 "2019-02-14T01:36:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Kelevra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/97f17d/32.png) [@Kelevra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kelevra)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2019, 6:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-swimming-a-vasectomy-celebration-thread/829514/41 "2019-02-16T18:39:10Z")
The funniest part of mine was the nurse was having a hot flash so she set up a big fan in the room. The doctor came in and said “You can’t have that! We’ll have shrinkage!” Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk ---
**Author:** ![Deereman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Deereman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deereman)\ **Post date:** [February 16, 2019, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-swimming-a-vasectomy-celebration-thread/829514/42 "2019-02-16T20:49:10Z")
Got mine done in December, celebrated Valentine’s Day by providing a sample to check My vasectomy was far from the painless procedure others mentioned. The numbing shots hurt, which I expected, but the cauterization of each side actually felt horrible, sorta like each ball being clamped in a vice as it burned. Right worse then left. Then recovery was long and painful, swollen, sore, tender for weeks, very quickly though only on the right. I have a job where I’m always walking or climbing on machinery so that doesn’t help much. The tender/soreness slowly diminished but is still there slightly even today, barely noticeable unless I’m moving them around. Worth it? As long as that test comes back clean, hell yes! ---
**Author:** ![Deereman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Deereman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deereman)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2019, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-swimming-a-vasectomy-celebration-thread/829514/43 "2019-02-19T15:14:11Z")
Not that anyone cares but my test came back clean…the only test I’ve been glad to fail in my life ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_Tightlips](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/57b2e6/32.png) [@Joey\_Tightlips](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_Tightlips)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2019, 7:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-swimming-a-vasectomy-celebration-thread/829514/44 "2019-02-19T19:02:21Z")
> [@bump](#): > > I’m curious- how many of you had the [no-scalpel vasectomy](https://www.dallasvasectomyclinic.com/No_Scalpel_Vasectomy.php)? That’s what I had. > > I’ve heard that the more traditional one is much more traumatic. When I asked my doc if I should do the no-scalpel option, he started laughing. He said that’s purely a psychological thing for men who think the surgeon is going to somehow accidentally cut their junk off. One way or another a hole is going to be cut in your skin and something sharp is going to cut the vas. Whether you feel more at ease by not using the word “scalpel”, there is no tangible difference. I had mine done last year with a scalpel and have no regrets. I never felt any pain, just a general tender feeling that the slightest bump _ **would be** _ extremely painful. And even that only lasted a day or two. I was driving by the 2nd day, and fully active in a week. I’m surprised to hear some of you saw smoke! My doc draped one of those surgical curtains over my waist so I couldn’t see even if I wanted to. It was over before I even knew what was going on. I’m sure it probably took 5 to 10 minutes but really felt more like 30 seconds. My LASIK, on the other hand, was 5 minutes that felt like an eternity. Thanks to all who contributed to earlier threads, reading those helped give me the confidence to go through with it. ---
**Author:** ![Inigo\_Montoya](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/inigo_montoya/32/124_2.png) [@Inigo\_Montoya](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Inigo_Montoya)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2019, 8:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-swimming-a-vasectomy-celebration-thread/829514/45 "2019-02-19T20:04:32Z")
> [@FairyChatMom](#): > > Eons ago, a couple I babysat for decided after their surprise baby showed up, he’d get the ol’ snip. And being a macho manly man, he couldn’t be bothered with the whole _rest-with-a-bag-of-peas_ silliness. yeah. Then he spent 3 days in bed in agony. May 5, 2000 Ha! Yeah, they gives ya a good dose of Novocain before they go to work. Then it’s all poke, tug, snip, cauterize. 5-10 minutes later they’re like, OK, go home, chill, ice it, take it easy." But I got bored just sitting around. Took advantage of the quiet house to clean the fish tank. Did a good job, too. All the gravel out, aquarium in the tub scrubbing the _hm, well that aches a little_ algae out, setting the tank back on the shelf, new bag of _hooboy, that smarts_ gravel or _oof_ two. Pot after pot _oh hey now that’s really getting uncomfortable_ of water to fill the tank. OK, it’s nap time. Couple of mildly nauseous days after that (Had to chase one of the kids down in the park before I ought to have). But I never let on. Hell no. It was absolutely no problemwhatisallthefussabout? Should have gotten it done 5 years sooner, but my timing never was any good. ---
**Author:** ![P-man](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/p-man/32/3606_2.png) [@P-man](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/P-man)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2019, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-swimming-a-vasectomy-celebration-thread/829514/46 "2019-02-19T20:08:25Z")
One side didn’t get numb enough. Left side, no problem. Right side, owwwwwww! ---
**Author:** ![Doctor\_Jackson](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctor_jackson/32/32_2.png) [@Doctor\_Jackson](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doctor_Jackson)\ **Post date:** [February 19, 2019, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-swimming-a-vasectomy-celebration-thread/829514/47 "2019-02-19T21:27:00Z")
I skipped the appointment for the after-op sperm count, trusting instead that the doc did a fine job. My youngest is now 22 years old, so I suppose he did! > [@Sicks\_Ate](#): > > The only drawbacks are that they’re PRICEY (worth it), and that they smell like…well…lamb. I’d have to keep the lights on at all times during hanky-panky to make sure the wife wasn’t pulling a fast one so she could get some extra sleep - our land backs up to a pasture full of sheep. In my defense, I’ve told her time and time again “You don’t have to stay awake for this, I know the way.” ---
**Author:** ![markdash](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ba8739/32.png) [@markdash](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/markdash)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2019, 12:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-swimming-a-vasectomy-celebration-thread/829514/48 "2019-02-20T00:20:07Z")
> [@Deereman](#): > > Got mine done in December, celebrated Valentine’s Day by providing a sample to check > > My vasectomy was far from the painless procedure others mentioned. The numbing shots hurt, which I expected, but the cauterization of each side actually felt horrible, sorta like each ball being clamped in a vice as it burned. Right worse then left. > > Then recovery was long and painful, swollen, sore, tender for weeks, very quickly though only on the right. I have a job where I’m always walking or climbing on machinery so that doesn’t help much. The tender/soreness slowly diminished but is still there slightly even today, barely noticeable unless I’m moving them around. > > Worth it? As long as that test comes back clean, hell yes! I have a similar story. My doctor said mine was one of the more difficult procedures he’s had to do, because of some scar tissue in the area (I had an undescended testicle operation when i was a baby, it probably stemmed from that). So much so that he wasn’t even positive the surgery was successful. It was, but I did have an uncomfortable 6 months or so, which apparently is much longer than the typical recovery. All that being said, it was still 100% worth it. ---
**Author:** ![Deereman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/a3d4f5/32.png) [@Deereman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Deereman)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2019, 3:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-swimming-a-vasectomy-celebration-thread/829514/49 "2019-02-20T03:09:55Z")
> [@markdash](#): > > I have a similar story. My doc made no mention of any problems, and he was talkative so I’d think he’d say something. Luck of the draw I guess ---
**Author:** ![Barbarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e19adc/32.png) [@Barbarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Barbarian)\ **Post date:** [February 20, 2019, 3:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-swimming-a-vasectomy-celebration-thread/829514/50 "2019-02-20T15:34:46Z")
I envy all you complication-free bastards. I seem to develop some sort of problem every second or third time I undergo a procedure, and my vasectomy was no different. I had frequent post-op pain for several years, and then one incident where I screamed blue murder during coitus because it felt like a testicle was being ripped off. Turned out to be a granuloma, and I was scheduled to undergo another corrective surgery when all the doctor’s manipulations made it resolve (medical talk for they popped the damn thing with their hands). A year after that I’m doing okay, but there’s always the chance I could develop another. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2019, 4:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-swimming-a-vasectomy-celebration-thread/829514/51 "2019-02-21T16:14:17Z")
> [@Joey\_Tightlips](#): > > I’m surprised to hear some of you saw smoke! My doc draped one of those surgical curtains over my waist so I couldn’t see even if I wanted to. It was over before I even knew what was going on. I’m sure it probably took 5 to 10 minutes but really felt more like 30 seconds. I couldn’t see what was going on, but he cauterized something, and the wisp of smoke rose up like 2-3 feet above my crotch, so there was no missing it. All in all, it was pretty much a non-issue. One little (\< 1/4") hole in my sac that he glued shut with some kind of medical adhesive, and that was it. Saturday and Sunday taking it easy with ice packs, and I was back at work on Monday morning. The most disconcerting thing about the whole process was after “cleaning the pipes”, and I saw some blood. I had been warned, but it was still a bit unnerving. ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [February 21, 2019, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-swimming-a-vasectomy-celebration-thread/829514/52 "2019-02-21T22:28:22Z")
> [@bump](#): > > I couldn’t see what was going on, but he cauterized something, and the wisp of smoke rose up like 2-3 feet above my crotch, so there was no missing it. > > All in all, it was pretty much a non-issue. One little (\< 1/4") hole in my sac that he glued shut with some kind of medical adhesive, and that was it. Saturday and Sunday taking it easy with ice packs, and I was back at work on Monday morning. > > The most disconcerting thing about the whole process was after “cleaning the pipes”, and I saw some blood. I had been warned, but it was still a bit unnerving. I never saw any blood…having been warned sufficiently, I was actually a little disappointed that I didn’t get to see that. ---
**Author:** ![DorkVader](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/73ab20/32.png) [@DorkVader](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DorkVader)\ **Post date:** [February 23, 2019, 9:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-swimming-a-vasectomy-celebration-thread/829514/53 "2019-02-23T09:23:56Z")
Oy! The blood! Be glad Tall guy, that you didn’t, it is, as Bump said, unnerving, yes, and startling too. I’d been warned, but hell who remembers that stuff when you’ve just had your junk worked on and your all calmed out from the valium iv? I uh, gave a loud short high pitched utterance of surprise when doing the “final house cleaning” after the procedure and saw the blood. Not just a little either. Stuff of nightmares and horror movies levels of blood in my case. ---
**Author:** ![Jophiel](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jophiel/32/66_2.png) [@Jophiel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jophiel)\ **Post date:** [February 24, 2019, 1:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-swimming-a-vasectomy-celebration-thread/829514/54 "2019-02-24T13:55:29Z")
> [@Kelevra](#): > > TMI: Doc told me I have a “short scrotum”. Didn’t mean anything to me as it’s the only one I’ve ever known. Until the procedure where the nurse had to pull on my nuts the whole time to give him room to cut/tie/burn/suture. It was extremely unpleasant. My doc decided I had a “tight scrotum” and put me under for the procedure. Means I missed any smoke or small talk with the doctor so I’m okay with that. > [@Dead\_Cat](#): > > For those who have had it done, why do you consider the fairly severe, one-off inconvenience of having it done preferable to the small, regular inconvenience of using contraception? Because having it done is now just a story from eight years ago whereas having to use contraception would still be an every time thing. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-swimming-a-vasectomy-celebration-thread/829514.md?page=2)