# No, we're not fucking quaint. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 24, 2002, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459 "2002-04-24T23:50:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Sweet\_Willy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Sweet\_Willy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sweet_Willy)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 3:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459/21 "2002-04-25T03:56:14Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nichol\_storm \* > \*\*You think you got it bad? I live in MISSISSIPPI. > > Dolts come here having seen “Mississippi burning” and three episodes of “In the heat of the night” and think they know everything there is to know about my home state. > > No, doofus, I have never been to a Klan rally. > > No, doofus, I’ve never lynched anyone. > > No, doofus, I’ve never been lynched myself. > > No, doofus, I do not wear a hoop skirt. > > No, doofus, I do not live at Tara! > > No, doofus, I do not talk like Vivien Leigh. She was ENGLISH, fer crying out loud! > > No, doofus, I will not say, “Y’all come back now, ya heah?” just so you can laugh at my quaint Southern accent. > > No, doofus, I do not eat chitlins. > > No, doofus, just because I say “y’all” does NOT mean my IQ drops ten points automatically. > > No, doofus, I am not married to my cousin. > > No, doofus, I have never anally sodomized a Yankee. Though I am strangley tempted all of a sudden… > > .:Nichol:. \*\* Well sure…but I bet you DO know Jerry Clower though?..well, don’t you? ---
**Author:** ![elmwood](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/elmwood/32/3060_2.png) [@elmwood](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elmwood)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459/22 "2002-04-25T04:04:11Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nichol\_storm \* > **No, doofus, I am not married to my cousin.** Well, do you have a mullet? Doesn’t everyone in Jackson have one? 😃 ---
**Author:** ![matt\_mcl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/7ab992/32.png) [@matt\_mcl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt_mcl)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459/23 "2002-04-25T04:21:08Z")
> [@](#): > > No, doofus, I have never anally sodomized a Yankee. Though I am strangley tempted all of a sudden… I know what THAT’S like. ---
**Author:** ![Hemlock](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c5a1d2/32.png) [@Hemlock](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hemlock)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 4:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459/24 "2002-04-25T04:37:59Z")
- rain - people walking around stuffing their faces with bits of chocolate while wearing ugly nylon “anoraks” - schoolkids stabbing people for a cell phone - people who think they’re being generous leaving a 20p tip after a GBP15 meal - a televised national lottery in which someone announces how frequently each number has appeared in previous draws, (it’s still got a 1-in-x chance of coming up, moron) - people who cook meat until it’s dry as a bone - vomit in the streets - young males who can barely talk (innit mate?) whose entire lives seem to revolve around soccer, beer, soccer, soccer, beer and more soccer (it’s a bunch of educationally sub-normal guys running round a field kicking a ball, OK?) - a population where half the population has less than (IIRC) GBP500 savings (some scary figure, anyway) - people who think the rest of the world envies their cretinous TV - people who think the rest of the world envies their 3rd World healthcare system - Heinz baked beans (you put that in your mouth???) I won’t go on. “Cute” is not in British dictionaries. In all fairness, Ralph Vaughan Williams is one of my favorite composers ---
**Author:** ![Mockingbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mockingbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mockingbird)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 5:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459/25 "2002-04-25T05:56:34Z")
This rant… it’s so _quaint_. ---
**Author:** ![yosemite](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/3ab097/32.png) [@yosemite](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yosemite)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 6:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459/26 "2002-04-25T06:05:52Z")
When I was a kid, we had some English cousins visit us in L.A. (My childhood memories include several visits a year from English relatives. My grandfather was from Kent and we all kept it touch with the folks from England.) We had these particular cousins, “Snookie and Nina” (yes, that was what they called themselves). Snookie and Nina owned a china shop in London (each Christmas we got a gift of some fabulous china from them). We loved Snookie and Nina. They were cool. Snookie and Nina visited us in Los Angeles one year. Snookie fully expected to see cowboys and indians chasing each other down Hollywood Blvd. He was very disappointed that California was not the Old West that he envisioned. (This was quite a few years ago, when I was very young - but dammit, it wasn’t _that_ long ago!) I guess he coped, though. He did embarrass my dad by yelling during a baseball game that the players were running the wrong way. Obviously, Snookie was a piece of work. Other friends and relatives who visit L.A. often expected to see movie stars at every corner. Usually they are disappointed. ---
**Author:** ![Max\_Torque](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/e9bcb4/32.png) [@Max\_Torque](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Max_Torque)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 7:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459/27 "2002-04-25T07:01:38Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Nichol\_storm \* > **No, doofus, I am not married to my cousin.** The best response to this I ever heard was by standup comic Blake Clark: “Well, I never dated my cousin! I _slept_ with her…but I never took her anywhere. So it don’t count.” ---
**Author:** ![Ms.Libertarian](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/4491bb/32.png) [@Ms.Libertarian](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ms.Libertarian)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 7:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459/28 "2002-04-25T07:15:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Francesca \* > \*\*I swear to god, if ONE MORE FUCKING PERSON uses the words “quaint” or “cute” as regards Britain or its people, I will hurt something. And no, it won’t be fucking funny if you say it as a comment to this post. It’s patronising and rude and belittling. We’re not cute or quaint compared to everyone else and to stereotype Britain as such is small-minded and really fucking annoying. That is all. \*\* I bet hearing you swearing would be a trip since you have that funny accent. ---
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 10:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459/29 "2002-04-25T10:06:18Z")
**Fran** predicted that it wouldn’t be funny if anyone responded to the rant by saying that it was quaint. People responded to the rant by saying that it was quaint. Survey says… **Fran** was right! Go **Fran**! pan ---
**Author:** ![widdershins](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/f0a364/32.png) [@widdershins](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/widdershins)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 12:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459/30 "2002-04-25T12:05:07Z")
Actually, I think this rant is kinda…cute. And, **Sweet Willy** , Jerry Clower is dead. Haaaww! ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 12:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459/31 "2002-04-25T12:37:57Z")
When I lived in Nebraska about seven years ago, there was a story in the newspaper about a teacher in New Jersey who told her class that the only people who lived in Nebraska were the governor, his wife, and a pig and the first person to say “Which one were you?” is gonna get _such_ a pinch! There are things in England which are decidedly “quaint”, but I don’t think any of them are in London, and none of them are **Fran** (cute, maybe, but not “quaint”). Maybe I should go to Ely. And **Hemlock**? It’s warm and sunny today. So _pbthtbt_. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![TheLoadedDog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/35a633/32.png) [@TheLoadedDog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheLoadedDog)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 12:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459/32 "2002-04-25T12:38:29Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by manhattan \* > \*\*Freaking _Australia_ has more up-to-date bankruptcy laws than y’all. > \*\* We’ve got electricity now too. And the horseless carriage. :rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Abe\_Babe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/3ab097/32.png) [@Abe\_Babe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Abe_Babe)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 2:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459/33 "2002-04-25T14:48:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Ms. Libertarian \* > \*\*I bet hearing you swearing would be a trip since you have that funny accent. \*\* Do British people have funny accents, or do funny people have British accents? ---
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 2:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459/34 "2002-04-25T14:50:24Z")
_Which_ British accent? I bet that we’ve got even more variation in our accent than you have in yours. ---
**Author:** ![seawitch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a587f6/32.png) [@seawitch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/seawitch)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459/35 "2002-04-25T14:58:54Z")
I’m sorry, **Fran** - you must not have gotten the announcement yet. The tourists who characterize your fine nation as “quaint” are representatives of the International Dumbass Exchange Program (IDEP). The nations of the world, recognizing that dumbasses are everywhere, has instituted an exchange program. Dumbasses from Colorado are sent to England to refer to everything as “quaint”, while dumbasses from Korea travel to Australia and ask whether everyone there is still in prison. Virtually every nation participates, each with its own irritating stereotype to uphold. Since I live in California, I personally am required to call everyone “Dude” and carry a surfboard on the roof rack during the dumbass season. Through this exchange, though you may still be afflicted by dumbasses, at least you get a little variety. Dumbasses everywhere apologize for any inconvenience you may suffer during the start-up phase. ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 3:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459/36 "2002-04-25T15:05:46Z")
Francesca, dear heart, SOME of England IS “quaint,” which is why I like it so much. I think of “quaint” as one of the highest of compliments! To me it means historic, picturesque, agreeably quirky . . . what’s the downside? I am queer for quaint! ---
**Author:** ![kabbes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e99b99/32.png) [@kabbes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kabbes)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 3:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459/37 "2002-04-25T15:15:54Z")
Quaint _also_ implies “not to be taken seriously”. ---
**Author:** ![elf6c](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c57346/32.png) [@elf6c](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elf6c)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 3:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459/38 "2002-04-25T15:22:23Z")
Feh I say- only a few parts of England are quaint. Now Ireland- that’s quaint. Heck they are **PROUD** of the quaint and have somewhat Irish actors on ads playing in the U.S. touting how damn quaint they are. In the U.S., New England- specifically parts of Mass and Vermont flog the old quaint for tourism angle quite hard too. Now when I think of England I don’t think quaint- I think drunken soccer fans banned from the continent, the goofy House of Lords (powered wigs- heh heh heh), and really bad food. Oh, and goofy scandles invovling the Royal Family. And London. _-me_ 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Billy\_Baroo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/76d3ee/32.png) [@Billy\_Baroo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Billy_Baroo)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 3:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459/39 "2002-04-25T15:25:16Z")
Well you do have that darling little monarchy thing going on. Have some bangers and mash and shut the fuck up. (kidding) ---
**Author:** ![Jodi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/7feea3/32.png) [@Jodi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jodi)\ **Post date:** [April 25, 2002, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459/40 "2002-04-25T15:27:27Z")
> [@](#): > > Do you have a PVC nurse’s outfit? Not so far as you know. 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-were-not-fucking-quaint/105459.md?page=3)