# No wonder that guys can get away with so much stupid shit! Women can be stupid. **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 21, 2013, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526 "2013-06-21T01:30:00Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![perfectparanoia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/a5b964/32.png) [@perfectparanoia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/perfectparanoia)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526/41 "2013-06-21T19:20:49Z")
Sadly, your kids are at the stage in their lives where all you can do is stand by when they are screwing up and help them to pick up the pieces later. Honestly, I wish I were in the first girl’s shoes instead of marrying when I did. I needed more time to myself and never took it. ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526/42 "2013-06-21T19:21:00Z")
> [@billfish678](#): > > That’s the most sad, disgusting, and disturbing thing I read so far this year. I guess you don’t read your own posts, huh? ---
**Author:** ![Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/6bbea6/32.png) [@Living\_Well\_Is\_Best\_Revenge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Living_Well_Is_Best_Revenge)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 7:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526/43 "2013-06-21T19:21:52Z")
> [@miss\_elizabeth](#): > > **BigT** knows a lot about romantic relationships. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SecretaryofEvil](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@SecretaryofEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SecretaryofEvil)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 7:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526/44 "2013-06-21T19:38:36Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I really don’t understand people whose only thoughts about life are “Does it make it easier for me?” Doing the right thing is sometimes hard. But it’s called the right thing for a reason. I could get into why you do this, based on utilitarian ethics, but I know that I’ll just get made fun of, once again, even though I’m agreeing with everyone before your post. What the fuck would you know about doing what’s right but difficult instead of what’s easiest for you? Aren’t you afraid to leave your house and rely on your mother and the state for complete support? In a similar vein, what the fuck would you know about relationships in general? Aren’t you a virgin? I feel bad for you, I really do. I don’t get sadistic joy out of pointing out your shortcomings. But you’re constantly commenting on issues you know nothing about. Even worse, you consistently display this ridiculous sense of moral superiority. Name one difficult moral decision you’ve made in your adult life. ---
**Author:** ![miss\_elizabeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/838e76/32.png) [@miss\_elizabeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/miss_elizabeth)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526/45 "2013-06-21T19:46:59Z")
> [@TriPolar](#): > > Now wait a minute, don’t women hate nice guys because they’re actually rapists? Now I’m really confused. What? Who says this? I’ve heard that Nice Guys have a sense of entitlement _similar_ to that of a rapist’s, and that they perpetuate the rape culture, but never that Nice Guys themselves are rapists. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 7:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526/46 "2013-06-21T19:47:19Z")
> [@Morgenstern](#): > > Two dogs for three cats? She got the best of that deal. Cats are much easier to cook, they fit in the oven. Tsk tsk. The oldest one sounds tough, and not worth eating. ---
**Author:** ![Kimballkid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b5a626/32.png) [@Kimballkid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimballkid)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 7:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526/47 "2013-06-21T19:59:07Z")
Just use that one for stew. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [June 21, 2013, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526/48 "2013-06-21T20:00:18Z")
> [@Maastricht](#): > > I see your point, and it is an interesting debate in itself. [Some personality types are more into revenge, and the punishing part of justice, then other personality types.](http://sitemaker.umich.edu/cognition.and.environment/files/reiss-intrinsic-mot.pdf) As you guessed, I’m more of the utilitarian kind of ethics. > Oldest will probably walk away from Ex thinking: “Huh. That was kind of a weaselly move, and not Ex’ finest hour”. She will feel insulted, and she will withdraw from him. She will probably say something like that to her Ex, to her friends, and to her and Ex’s mutual friends. Some will think less of Ex for it. Some will accept Ex’ version of things. New people in Ex’s life will accept Ex’ side of the story. And that is about it. Social punishment does not go much further. And it shouldn’t go any further, IMHO. > I mean, have you ever seen someone bent on punishing someone? Such people are usually called “psycho” and are told to get a grip and let it go. > Let me put it another way, **Big T**. What would you have Oldest do? How should she punish Ex? How should she make sure he feels the consequences of his actions? There is a middle ground between saying “drop by any time, I’m open,” and boiling his bunny. How about a simple “that’s a dickish move. Get lost, I never want to talk to you again, and take your damn cat?” Breaking up isn’t the sin. It is breaking up behind her back and acting like all is well and she should wait for him, while dictating who gets what. Bad sign in a guy. The only way to disabuse him of the notion that he can get what he wants is to say no, quite loudly. This isn’t just guys. We have a friend who is divorcing her husband of over 30 years, and who was just shocked that he didn’t want to do it exactly her way and that her grown kids were not supportive of her. (He is not the slightest bit abusive or evil - just not very ambitious.) I can comment because my daughters, while suffering hearbreak now and then, have never allowed themselves to be stepped on. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2013, 12:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526/49 "2013-06-22T00:56:12Z")
> [@Cat\_Whisperer](#): > > How old are these ladies? 28 and 23. > [@](#): > > Has he mentioned that he’s going to be dating other people? He’s hinted at the possibility. She thinks he’s too nuts to do it, considering he’s afraid to go shopping. Yet he works in a pharmacy attached to a supermarket. :rolleyes: > [@](#): > > Cause he is. Probably is already. Duh! > [@](#): > > Although that one is interesting - she could probably milk him pretty good for a while, if she doesn’t mind being some form of kept woman. She has always been the Evil Twin, so I have some hope that’s what she’s thinking, because it would indicate that she’s thinking. > [@amanset](#): > > Personally, I blame the parents. As do I. > [@Bill\_Door](#): > > Plus, maybe the leads aren’t shit, maybe you’re shit. We could get a guy in to give you a motivational speech and a chance to win a Cadillac. Or some steak knives. You don’t want the third place prize. Shut the fuck up, you cocksucker. You know what you can do with those fucking steak knives? You can stuff them up your ass pointy side first. I’m a closer, and that Cadillac is as good as mine. > [@miss\_elizabeth](#): > > Ok, for serious though. Two things. First, this is the Pit. Fuck “serious.” Two, remember who you are trying to school. A woman’s got to know her limitations, and the limitations of her student. ---
**Author:** ![Tequila\_Party](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a6a055/32.png) [@Tequila\_Party](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tequila_Party)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2013, 5:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526/50 "2013-06-22T05:12:14Z")
> [@SecretaryofEvil](#): > > I feel bad for you, I really do. I don’t get sadistic joy out of pointing out your shortcomings. But you’re constantly commenting on issues you know nothing about. Even worse, you consistently display this ridiculous sense of moral superiority. Name one difficult moral decision you’ve made in your adult life. I’ve only been here a short while, but I’ll second the gist of this. I see this guy post all over the place and give advice in such a patronizing, holier than thou way, like he’s a kindergarten teacher. And judging by the response he gets, he annoys the shit out of most people here, and never returns to answer their criticisms. If he ever has a good point, it gets lost in all the smugness. So, if you’re still reading this dude, consider whether you’re having your desired effect. Because I can guarantee you that you are not. ---
**Author:** ![TriPolar](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripolar/32/3008_2.png) [@TriPolar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TriPolar)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2013, 5:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526/51 "2013-06-22T05:15:53Z")
> [@miss\_elizabeth](#): > > What? Who says this? > > I’ve heard that Nice Guys have a sense of entitlement _similar_ to that of a rapist’s, and that they perpetuate the rape culture, but never that Nice Guys themselves are rapists. Ok, so then they’re not rapists, just rapish? ---
**Author:** ![flatlined](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/eb9ed0/32.png) [@flatlined](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flatlined)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2013, 6:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526/52 "2013-06-22T06:56:33Z")
> [@Tequila\_Party](#): > > I’ve only been here a short while, but I’ll second the gist of this. I see this guy post all over the place and give advice in such a patronizing, holier than thou way, like he’s a kindergarten teacher. And judging by the response he gets, he annoys the shit out of most people here, and never returns to answer their criticisms. If he ever has a good point, it gets lost in all the smugness. So, if you’re still reading this dude, consider whether you’re having your desired effect. Because I can guarantee you that you are not. Quoted just in the hopes that\*\* Big Tard\*\* will maybe read it. As to the OP, yeah, us wemen’s can be really stupid when it comes to thinking that someone else might love us enough to put our best interests first. Your daughters won’t learn how much betrayal hurts until they have experienced it first hand. And you did raise them right IMO. They haven’t gotten preggy, you probably hit them with books until they started reading them, and Thing One didn’t get married to that loser. They will get hurt, and you will be there to hold them and kiss them and then say " I told you so, why didn’t you ever listen?" Well, you wouldn’t say that, but you will think it. Isn’t that what good parents do? Pick them up after they fall down and love them? (I dunno, no clue about the good parents part, but its what I’ve heard.) ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2013, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526/53 "2013-06-22T11:20:48Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > I really don’t understand people I’ve snipped all but the relevant statement. No, you really DON’T understand people. Every time you post, you demonstrate this. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2013, 6:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526/54 "2013-06-22T18:14:03Z")
> [@Tequila\_Party](#): > > I’ve only been here a short while, but I’ll second the gist of this. I see this guy post all over the place and give advice in such a patronizing, holier than thou way, like he’s a kindergarten teacher. And judging by the response he gets, he annoys the shit out of most people here, and never returns to answer their criticisms. If he ever has a good point, it gets lost in all the smugness. So, if you’re still reading this dude, consider whether you’re having your desired effect. Because I can guarantee you that you are not. Well, excuuuuse me! Oh, you mean **Big T** , don’t you? _shrug_ It’s an easy mistake to make. ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2013, 6:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526/55 "2013-06-22T18:23:53Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > Yes. Because he did something wrong. Not fighting him is saying that what he did is acceptable. That’s what being a doormat is. It doesn’t matter that this is easier for her. That’s selfish thinking. The point is that there should be consequences for him leading her on and going behind her back. You don’t do that. She is being a doormat by letting him get away with it. > > I really don’t understand people whose only thoughts about life are “Does it make it easier for me?” Doing the right thing is sometimes hard. But it’s called the right thing for a reason. I could get into why you do this, based on utilitarian ethics, but I know that I’ll just get made fun of, once again, even though I’m agreeing with everyone before your post. > > But the point is that there is a reason why our first instinct is to think that she did something wrong. She did. She’s letting a jerk get away with being a jerk. I can actually agree with you on this, **BigT.** If she did feel led on, or deceived in some way from someone she considers a close friend/boyfriend, she should stand up for herself and do something about it. However, you cannot simply criticize without offering a solution of your own. What would you suggest she do in this case? ---
**Author:** ![Missy2U](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/3bc359/32.png) [@Missy2U](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Missy2U)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2013, 9:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526/56 "2013-06-22T21:16:58Z")
> [@flatlined](#): > > They will get hurt, and you will be there to hold them and kiss them and then say " I told you so, why didn’t you ever listen?" Well, you wouldn’t say that, but you will think it. Isn’t that what good parents do? Pick them up after they fall down and love them? Yup - that’s EXACTLY what we do. And Drop, if you want to go have a drink somehwere, I’m still around. PM me. If you want to bitch and moan and complain, I’m in the area. And I will buy the drinks. 🙂 Flatlined - you have a talent - you boil it right down to what it really is - thank you! You always seem to know what to say - and it’s appreciated. I’d send you a hug but that would be all sentimental and stuff. so HUGS - maybe noone will notice. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2013, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526/57 "2013-06-22T21:44:56Z")
No can do, **Missy2U**. First, I don’t drink anymore. Second, I don’t think I’d live long enough to finish saying, “I’ll be late. I’m meeting a woman I met online for drinks.” Which is why I instantly had the answer to **panaccione** ’s question, “What would you suggest she do in this case?” even though it wasn’t asked of me, “Slit his throat in his sleep.” That the idea hasn’t occurred to her is a testament to our parenting skills, because, as I mentioned elsewhere, we never watched The Sopranos because, as my wife says, “It’s too much like real life.” I mean, I swear that half the people I know IRL have been to Tony “Big Tuna” Accardo’s house, swum in his pool, went to college with his nephew, provided blood for him on his deathbed, or was a good friend of his 'til the end. But the cycle of casual violence, and not getting warranty work done on a camera that “fell off the truck,” ends with us. But Jesus, it could at least occur to her. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![Tracijo67](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/9fc348/32.png) [@Tracijo67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tracijo67)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2013, 10:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526/58 "2013-06-22T22:19:25Z")
OP: I feel ya. In my 45 years on Planet Earth, I’ve been in my share of seriously fucked up relationships that were causing me (and partner) more harm than good. I’ve been that midnight booty call, hoping that THIS time he might decide that he loves me after all. It eroded my self-respect and never turned out as my youthful self had hoped. The problem with the young is that they lack perspective. A few really bad relationships hopefully provides the context by which they come to understand that the end of a relationship is not the end of the world. After thinking that I would surely die of a broken heart a few times, then realizing as time went by that I was actually going to be OK, I learned perspective. Doesn’t mean I still don’t fuck up now and then, but at this stage of my life, I’d tolerate zero bullshit from a man. Wavering jerk who wants to move out would be encouraged to do so immediately, to lose my number, and to come get his damn sickly cat. Twenty-five years ago, I would have (and did) react just as Thing One is currently. So it will inevitably end, she’ll feel broken for a while, and hopefully she will learn a few valuable lessons to bring into the next relationship. Hopefully she won’t be dumb enough to ‘survive’ and learn from half a dozen of them, as I did. She’s lucky to have you as a shoulder to lean on. You’ve a wonderfully wry sense of humor. Thing Two, on the other hand, is probably already fine and just getting her freak on 😃 ---
**Author:** ![panaccione](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/94ad74/32.png) [@panaccione](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/panaccione)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2013, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526/59 "2013-06-22T22:49:30Z")
> [@dropzone](#): > > No can do, **Missy2U**. First, I don’t drink anymore. Second, I don’t think I’d live long enough to finish saying, “I’ll be late. I’m meeting a woman I met online for drinks.” Which is why I instantly had the answer to **panaccione** ’s question, “What would you suggest she do in this case?” even though it wasn’t asked of me, “Slit his throat in his sleep.” That the idea hasn’t occurred to her is a testament to our parenting skills, because, as I mentioned elsewhere, we never watched The Sopranos because, as my wife says, “It’s too much like real life.” I mean, I swear that half the people I know IRL have been to Tony “Big Tuna” Accardo’s house, swum in his pool, went to college with his nephew, provided blood for him on his deathbed, or was a good friend of his 'til the end. But the cycle of casual violence, and not getting warranty work done on a camera that “fell off the truck,” ends with us. > > But Jesus, it could at least occur to her. ☹ :eek: Well, that’s one way to go about it. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [June 22, 2013, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526/60 "2013-06-22T23:51:00Z")
Forget it, **panaccione**. It’s Chicago’s western suburbs. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-wonder-that-guys-can-get-away-with-so-much-stupid-shit-women-can-be-stupid/661526.md?page=4)