# No, you can't get to heaven (no, you can't get to heaven) **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [September 4, 2011, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127 "2011-09-04T02:03:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2011, 2:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127/1 "2011-09-04T02:03:18Z")
On roller skates (on roller skates) 'Cause you’ll roll right past ('cause you’ll roll right past) Those pearly gates (those pearly gates) No you can’t get to heaven on roller skates 'cause you’ll roll right past those pearly gates I ain’t gonna grieve…my Lord no more! * * * So how else can’t you get to heaven? I know a few other ways, but I’d be interested to hear what y’all got. ---
**Author:** ![Tatterdemalion](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/43a26b/32.png) [@Tatterdemalion](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tatterdemalion)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2011, 2:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127/2 "2011-09-04T02:18:47Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > On roller skates (on roller skates) > > So how else can’t you get to heaven? I know a few other ways, but I’d be interested to hear what y’all got. I understand that people in handbaskets don’t go to heaven. ---
**Author:** ![buddha\_david](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ee7513/32.png) [@buddha\_david](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buddha_david)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2011, 2:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127/3 "2011-09-04T02:50:28Z")
In heaven, there is no beer. That’s why we drink it here. ---
**Author:** ![Lucky\_13](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lucky_13/32/13209_2.png) [@Lucky\_13](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lucky_13)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2011, 3:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127/4 "2011-09-04T03:17:41Z")
I’ve already been to heaven. After 5 minutes I said “Let’s go!” ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2011, 3:28am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127/5 "2011-09-04T03:28:01Z")
> [@buddha\_david](#): > > In heaven, there is no beer. That’s why we drink it here. “And when we’re gone from here, our friends will be drinking all the beer!” ---
**Author:** ![SeldomSeen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/7ba0ec/32.png) [@SeldomSeen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SeldomSeen)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2011, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127/6 "2011-09-04T03:36:20Z")
[Your Flag Decal won’t get you into Heaven any More](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgRVNjsuycQ) ---
**Author:** ![Idle\_Thoughts](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/838e76/32.png) [@Idle\_Thoughts](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Idle_Thoughts)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2011, 3:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127/7 "2011-09-04T03:40:22Z")
My (former) youth group used to be fond of that song with the lines: Can’t get to heaven in a mini-skirt (boys up there don’t wanna flirt)… Can’t get to heaven in a dirty, old bus (all the Lord would do is fuss)… Can’t get to heaven in a limousine (God don’t have no [sic] gasoline)… Can’t get to heaven in my pastor’s car (My pastor’s car don’t go that far)… Can’t get to heaven in a taco shell (God don’t have no [sic] Taco Bell)… Can’t get to heaven in a tissue box (God don’t want no [sic] little snots)… They used the roller skates one, too. ---
**Author:** ![Rilchiam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/2bfe46/32.png) [@Rilchiam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rilchiam)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2011, 3:59am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127/8 "2011-09-04T03:59:31Z")
Dang, I’m only familiar with one of those! Well, two: it was motor car, not pastor’s car. Also, in a rocking chair (the Lord don’t want no lazybones there). ---
**Author:** ![Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hilarity_n.suze/32/6223_2.png) [@Hilarity\_N.Suze](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hilarity_N.Suze)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2011, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127/9 "2011-09-04T04:04:19Z")
You won’t get to heaven if you break my heart! So be very careful… ---
**Author:** ![blondebear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/blondebear/32/1022_2.png) [@blondebear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/blondebear)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2011, 4:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127/10 "2011-09-04T04:07:19Z")
If you wanna get to heaven you gotta raise a little hell. ---
**Author:** ![Two\_Many\_Cats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/8dc957/32.png) [@Two\_Many\_Cats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Two_Many_Cats)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2011, 4:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127/11 "2011-09-04T04:17:52Z")
"_Well, I’ve never been to heaven, but I’ve been to Oklahoma…"_ Wait a minute. No, I haven’t. Oklahoma is one of the three states I’ve never been to. Never mind. ---
**Author:** ![Hari\_Seldon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hari_seldon/32/5173_2.png) [@Hari\_Seldon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hari_Seldon)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2011, 4:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127/12 "2011-09-04T16:08:40Z")
For Philadelphians: You can’t get to heaven on the Frankford el Cause the Frankford el goes straight to … ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2011, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127/13 "2011-09-04T16:24:53Z")
Can’t get there on a Highway - ---
**Author:** ![Lukeinva](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lukeinva/32/17872_2.png) [@Lukeinva](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lukeinva)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2011, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127/14 "2011-09-04T16:34:21Z")
What’s all this Knock Knock Knockin? ---
**Author:** ![rocking\_chair](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rocking_chair/32/2918_2.png) [@rocking\_chair](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/rocking_chair)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2011, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127/15 "2011-09-04T16:34:48Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > Dang, I’m only familiar with one of those! Well, two: it was motor car, not pastor’s car. > > Also, in a rocking chair (the Lord don’t want no lazybones there). oh, you can get to heaven in a rocking chair. that chair will rock (et) you right up there! ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2011, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127/16 "2011-09-04T17:31:01Z")
You can’t get to heaven on rollerskates, you can’t rollerskate in a buffalo herd…What good are rollerskates then? ---
**Author:** ![Baker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bb73d2/32.png) [@Baker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baker)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2011, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127/17 "2011-09-04T18:35:56Z")
\*“Is this heaven?” “No, it’s Iowa.”\* C’mon, you know what movie that’s from! ---
**Author:** ![Fear\_Itself](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/fear_itself/32/19637_2.png) [@Fear\_Itself](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Fear_Itself)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2011, 6:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127/18 "2011-09-04T18:53:24Z")
Oh you can’t get to Heaven In **Rilchiam’s** shoes 'Cause the Lord don’t allow No big canoes! ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Girlfriend](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dr.girlfriend/32/193_2.png) [@Dr.Girlfriend](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Girlfriend)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2011, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127/19 "2011-09-04T18:54:01Z")
> [@Rilchiam](#): > > Also, in a rocking chair (the Lord don’t want no lazybones there). I learned that one as “A rocking chair don’t go nowhere!” ---
**Author:** ![USCDiver](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/uscdiver/32/354_2.png) [@USCDiver](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/USCDiver)\ **Post date:** [September 4, 2011, 6:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127/20 "2011-09-04T18:56:09Z")
_I swear there ain’t no heaven, But I pray there ain’t no hell_ [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-get-to-heaven-no-you-cant-get-to-heaven/595127.md?page=2)