# No you CAN'T have one of my cigarettes **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [March 11, 2003, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638 "2003-03-11T19:19:18Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![pezboy2u](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@pezboy2u](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pezboy2u)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 7:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638/1 "2003-03-11T19:19:18Z")
A lame rant, but I need to vent. After working 8 hours, I finally get to walk to the train and enjoy a smoke or two. The pack has barely been extracted from my jacket pocket and already someone is asking “Gotta smoke?” with outstretched hand. Or I step outside to smoke (trying to be courteous for the sake of non-smoking roommate) and suddenly I’m the neighbourhood smoke vendor. NO YOU CAN’T have one. If you want one, do what I did- BUY them. Back when smokes were cheap, I might not have cared, but these were $5 a pack. Today I counted how many requests I got in the 4 short blocks to the train- 7 people. And lord help you if you do hand one out, because the guy ten feet away will pounce on you- “You gave her one- I want one too!” Don’t try to guilt trip me because I’ve got a whole pack - I plan on smoking each and every one. I’m greedy, you say? Yes, I am. Deal with it. ---
**Author:** ![Hamlet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/hamlet/32/2818_2.png) [@Hamlet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hamlet)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638/2 "2003-03-11T19:27:25Z")
Gotta smoke? ---
**Author:** ![pezboy2u](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@pezboy2u](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pezboy2u)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 7:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638/3 "2003-03-11T19:30:31Z")
Haha- yes, but only because you were the first to ask! ---
**Author:** ![ENugent](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/4af34b/32.png) [@ENugent](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ENugent)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638/4 "2003-03-11T19:40:45Z")
Been talking to [chula](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=168751), pez? ---
**Author:** ![Flutterby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/6f9a4e/32.png) [@Flutterby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Flutterby)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638/5 "2003-03-11T20:11:50Z")
Ooo I so understand that. As a smoker when I don’t have smokes… I deal. I sometimes ask people I know if I can get one (and pay them back when I have smokes) but that’s it. About a month ago two guys really pissed me off. I was walking to the train station to head home from school, I had a pop in one hand, bought with the last of my money, and one of the last couple smokes in my pack. Now smokes here cost about 10 bucks a pack (I’m in Canada so it works out to 5 bucks for you Americans approx) These two guys approach me and ask if I have any spare change. Well… no I don’t I just blew it on a soda as a treat for myself. Then they ask me for a smoke, I tell them no once again and tell them (honestly) That I only had a couple left. They shrug and start down into the station before one turns around on the stairs and says to me “How can you afford to get that and you don’t have anything to spare?” I don’t bother saying anything as they take off, it doesn’t really matter to me but _please_! You know fuck all about my financial situation. You approached me to ask for stuff that I do not have and am not willing to part with even if I **do** have simply because you are a stranger who walked up to me on the street. I generally don’t give money out on the street unless it’s to buskers who especially please me. And as I go to school downtown I get approached by at least 5-10 people a day asking me for smokes or money. Some of whom think hitting on me after asking is a good way to get me to relent. :rolleyes: Considering I’m downtown a _lot_ of the time (at one point I was there except for when I had to sleep and eat because I worked and went to school there) I recognize some of the faces. I also have a few friends who happen to be street kids. I’d be as broke as them if I gave stuff to everyone who asked me. ---
**Author:** ![Meatros](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b4bc9f/32.png) [@Meatros](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Meatros)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638/6 "2003-03-11T20:50:34Z")
A friend of mine is fond of saying “It’s NEWPORT not SUPPORT”. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![pezboy2u](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/ecc23a/32.png) [@pezboy2u](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/pezboy2u)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 8:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638/7 "2003-03-11T20:57:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Meatros \* > \*\*A friend of mine is fond of saying “It’s NEWPORT not SUPPORT”. > > 😃 \*\* I’ll have to remember that one! ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638/8 "2003-03-11T21:44:29Z")
I get the same thing (but not with cigarettes, as I’m an evil non-smoker. My workmates bring packed lunches to work, so do I sometimes, other times I buy something from the trolley, just once in a while I pop out for a bag of chips (that’s fries to you 'merkins) - now suddenly my lunch (that I took the trouble to go out and get) is suddenly a free buffet! “Oooh, chips, can I have one?” Grrr, it isn’t enough that you all descend on my sodding lunch, but you then have the barefaced cheek to say “Eeewww, Why didn’t you put salt and vinegar on them?”. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 10:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638/9 "2003-03-11T22:00:26Z")
Can you spare a square? (I don’t know if you folks ever heard cigs referred to as squares). Hehe. I made a funny. ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Hand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mr.Hand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Hand)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 10:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638/10 "2003-03-11T22:15:08Z")
My Good Deed of the Day: **How to Fend Off Cigarette Leeches Permanently and Passive-Aggressively; i.e., Without Resorting to Weapons of Mass Destruction.** You know who I’m talking about. It’s the people at work/school/home/the store/the coffeeshop/prison who smoke – but only your cigarettes. They are skilled at the guilt trip, but apparently not skilled enough to hold down a job that will pay enough money to buy their own pack. You fall prey to their psychological chicanery, each time kicking yourself for being such a pushover and vowing never again to share cigarettes. **_You’re worries are over!!_ Mr. Hand’s** new technique will help you fend off _ **cigarette vultures** _ without pain, without guilt, and without risking a felony conviction! For a limited time, **Mr. Hand** will share his patented/copyrighted/super-duper secret technique with you, the teeming smoking masses, _ **free of charge!!** _ Step 1: Identify the cigarette vultures. You will know them by their always asking to bum a smoke but never reciprocating. Write down a list of said vultures and where you might see them. Title the list, _ **"Vulture Alert Zones."** _ Step 2: Accept a higher power. Realize that you will never, without **Mr. Hand’s** help, be able to stave off the psychological techniques of cigarette vultures. Don’t count on your willpower preventing you from succumbing to their wiles (after all, you are a cigarette addict). Step 3: Go to your local **Head Shop.** Purchase one (1) pack of **Black Death Cigarettes** – which you will identify by it’s **black** color and the **grinning skull** on the front of the pack – for each _ **"Vulture Alert Zone"** _ on your list made in Step 1. Step 4: If possible, secret a pack of **Black Death Cigarettes** in each _ **"Vulture Alert Zone"** _ so that you don’t have to worry about carrying multiple packs of cigarettes with you everywhere you go. Step 5: Whenever you enter a _ **"Vulture Alert Zone,"** _ immediately retrieve the **Black Death Cigarettes** and have them ready for deployment. Step 6: If approached by a cigarette vulture and asked for a smoke – pay attention now, this is the crucial part – Give Them a **Black Death Cigarette.** Step 7: Watch them cough and hack on the _ **Extra Gooey Tar Goodness** _ of **Black Death Cigarettes!** Offer them another for added fun! If needed, summon the paramedics to bring the asphyxiating cigarette vulture to the hospital! Step 8: Repeat until cigarette vultures either (1) die or (2) learn their lesson. \*\* Warning: Do not yourself ever attempt to smoke a **Black Death Cigarette**. They’re nasty. **Mr. Hand** hopes you enjoyed reading about his patented/copyrighted/super-duper secret method for dealing with Cigarette Vultures Passive-Aggressively. If you found this information useful, please send a (smokeable) donation – no **Black Death Cigarettes** , please – to **Mr. Hand For President** , Chicago, Illinois. ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 10:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638/11 "2003-03-11T22:56:14Z")
Heck, if I was worried about cigarette vultures, I’d either use **Mr. Hand’s** black death cigarettes, but put them in a used pack of my own brand, or I’d load my own coffin nails, and keep them in a separate, marked pack. My husband quit smoking a little over a year ago, and the only thing I miss about it is the thrill of loading cigarettes, or making him THINK that I’ve loaded some. He’d take a cancer stick out of the pack, examine it closely for signs of tampering, and then cautiously light it. He wouldn’t relax with it until he’d managed to smoke it about halfway down, as that’s as far down as I could load them. Hehehehe… ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638/12 "2003-03-11T23:11:17Z")
“Nurse Ratched! NURSE RATCHED! I don’t want HIS cigarettes! I want MY cigarettes!” ---
**Author:** ![Mr.Hand](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c68b51/32.png) [@Mr.Hand](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mr.Hand)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638/13 "2003-03-11T23:11:38Z")
Disclaimer: In addition to forbearing from smoking the **Black Death Cigarettes** yourself, do not look directly at the **Black Death Cigarettes**. Pregnant dopers should not handle broken **Black Death Cigarettes**. Do not feed **Black Death Cigarettes** after midnight, nor expose them to direct sunlight, or get them wet. Do not taunt **Black Death Cigarettes**. Be sure to fill out any relevant Environmental Impact Statement paperwork before procuring **Black Death Cigarettes**. Check the law of your local jurisdiction. **Mr. Hand** hereby disclaims any and all liability arising from the use, misuse, or unleashing of **Black Death Cigarettes**. Thank you. ---
**Author:** ![Caught\_Work](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/919ad9/32.png) [@Caught\_Work](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Caught_Work)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638/14 "2003-03-11T23:21:56Z")
$5.00. WOW !!! In Australia a pack of 30 cigarettes is costing me $10.90. So don’t even THINK about asking me for one. ---
**Author:** ![BiblioCat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/ed8c4c/32.png) [@BiblioCat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BiblioCat)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638/15 "2003-03-11T23:31:16Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mangetout \* > **… - now suddenly my lunch (that I took the trouble to go out and get) is suddenly a free buffet! "Oooh, chips, can I have one?"** What’s worse is when they say, “Oooh, chips, can I have one?”, _as they’re taking one!_ Uh, yeah, you can have the one already in your freaking mouth, you rude pig. :rolleyes: And $5 for a pack of cigarettes? That’s insane. I’d say it’s time to quit. ---
**Author:** ![DrDeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b487fb/32.png) [@DrDeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrDeth)\ **Post date:** [March 11, 2003, 11:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638/16 "2003-03-11T23:59:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Caught@Work \* > \*\*$5.00. > WOW !!! > In Australia a pack of 30 cigarettes is costing me $10.90. > So don’t even THINK about asking me for one. \*\* Well, since one of your "dollars’ is worth about half of a “real” 😃 dollar, then it’s about the same thing. Pezboy- get even with the fuckers- die early.😛 ---
**Author:** ![StarvingButStrong](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/starvingbutstrong/32/335_2.png) [@StarvingButStrong](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StarvingButStrong)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638/17 "2003-03-12T00:09:58Z")
Remember those commercials, What would you do for a Klondike Bar? Think of the fun you could have. Just _how_ desperate for a free cig are these people? ---
**Author:** ![BlackKnight](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/eb8c5e/32.png) [@BlackKnight](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BlackKnight)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638/18 "2003-03-12T00:12:45Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Mr. Hand \* > \*\ ***How to Fend Off Cigarette Leeches Permanently and Passive-Aggressively; i.e., Without Resorting to Weapons of Mass Destruction.** > \*\* I have an addition to make to your already quite useful idea. Make sure you buy the German blend of Black Deaths. Back when my friend smoked them he told me there were two kinds: normal blend (not sure if it had a special name), and the German blend. The German blend, of course, was far more toxic. Oh, those crazy lethal Germans. ---
**Author:** ![Arden\_Ranger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b487fb/32.png) [@Arden\_Ranger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Arden_Ranger)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 12:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638/19 "2003-03-12T00:16:43Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Caught@Work \* > \*\*$5.00. > WOW !!! > In Australia a pack of 30 cigarettes is costing me $10.90. > So don’t even THINK about asking me for one. \*\* Damn. Before I quit last month I was bitching because mine were $3.79 a pack and among the most expensive ones that were never on special. ---
**Author:** ![kp\_72110](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e68b1a/32.png) [@kp\_72110](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kp_72110)\ **Post date:** [March 12, 2003, 3:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638/20 "2003-03-12T03:10:54Z")
They sound yummy. These Marlboros have started to get weak in recent years and I really do need to find something stronger. btw- cigarettes here are less the $3 a pack, and closer to $2.50 a pack if you buy a carton. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-have-one-of-my-cigarettes/160638.md?page=2)