# No, you can't use my bathroom **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 7, 2005, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491 "2005-07-07T19:05:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 11
**Author:** ![HPL](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/3da27b/32.png) [@HPL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HPL)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/201 "2005-07-09T20:20:31Z")
> [@Tentacle Monster](#): > > That toilet must have _really_ tied the room together. He must have been quite a dude. ---
**Author:** ![surrotobeinMD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@surrotobeinMD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/surrotobeinMD)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 8:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/202 "2005-07-09T20:31:19Z")
I came home this afternoon to find my dog had shit on the rug in the living room. THANK GOD he didn’t shit in my bathroom toilet. Think of it. What would I tell the neighbors? It smelled all… poopy like. I’ve got the rug outside drying just to prove he did it on the carpet and not in the bathroom. I mean really. ---
**Author:** ![Mama\_Tiger](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/6de8d8/32.png) [@Mama\_Tiger](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mama_Tiger)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 8:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/203 "2005-07-09T20:39:09Z")
To go back a bit to the discussion of “can you wait/can you not wait,” I’m a “Sure, I can wait a while” person while my husband is a “Gotta shit **NOW**!!” person. There are some foods I won’t let him eat when we’re on a road trip, for example, because I know we’ll be stopping at the next bathroom 1/2 mile down the road while he does that dance of the desperate on his way in to the facilities, and woe betide them if there aren’t any. I don’t understand it because my system only works that way about once every five years, when I’m ill, and often not even then. But I’ve learned to live with it, and have found out that all kinds of stores/businesses have bathrooms available to the public that I was previously unaware of. Perhaps my fondest (!) memory was the time we flew into Dulles and needed to get home to Silver Spring. He’d eaten something that gave him mild food poisoning, and even though when we got to Dulles a limo driver came up to him and offered to give us a ride home for $50, which I _begged_ him to do, he insisted on being cheap and, since we already had our bus tickets to the Metro, we should take public transportation home. Which meant a 15-minute bus ride, followed by a 30-minute Orange line ride, followed by a 30-minute Red line ride. Did you know that every Metro station manager has a bathroom available, and when you go up to him and beg, he’ll let you use it? We found that out. First when we got to the Metro. Then when we had to get off the train at an intermediate stop to the line-changing point. Then again at the line-changing station. Then when we had to get off the train halfway home. Then again at our destination. It took nearly _four hours_ to get home. We could have done it in one in the limo. I weep at the memory. And curse his bowels. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/204 "2005-07-09T23:00:51Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > Why even have a toilet in the first place if you’re not going to let it be used? Maybe it’s like those stupid little fancy soaps shaped like seashells, or the hand towels with the fringe and the embroidered hummingbirds. “No! Don’t **use** those things! They are expensive and they are for looking only! And, um, collecting dust. Anyway, now that we’ve gotten that sorted, here’s a bread bag to shit in.” ---
**Author:** ![Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/8edcca/32.png) [@Helen\_s\_Eidolon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Helen_s_Eidolon)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/205 "2005-07-09T23:19:41Z")
You guys are assholes. Where the fuck did you get ‘classist’ from? That’s a pretty fucking serious accusation. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2005, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/206 "2005-07-10T00:13:46Z")
> [@LaurAnge](#): > > Where the fuck did you get ‘classist’ from? That’s a pretty fucking serious accusation. Probably from right here: > [@Sat on Cookie](#): > > **It seems to happen every single time a worker sets foot in my home, and it grosses me out to no end.** Someone who can’t bear to use their lavvy for days after it is “soiled” by a labourer using it in the regular way apparently believes that worker poop has some metaphysical difference from the stuff that comes out of their own back end, or that of anyone else they invite into their home. Workers are expected to drive to the nearest public facilities if they have an urgent need? Assumed to be fucking _masturbating?_ Ridiculous and inhuman. Someone needs some [remedial reading.](http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0916291456.01._SCLZZZZZZZ_.gif) ---
**Author:** ![Xploder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/a183cd/32.png) [@Xploder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xploder)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2005, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/207 "2005-07-10T00:18:08Z")
> [@Uvula Donor](#): > > What are you, **Scott Plaid** ’s sister? SLAM!!! And the crowd roars!!! ---
**Author:** ![Xploder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/a183cd/32.png) [@Xploder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xploder)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2005, 12:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/208 "2005-07-10T00:29:05Z")
> [@laina\_f](#): > > If you’re told to “go shit on a roof” and then to “eat shit”, you’d be eating that infamous delicacy “shit on a shingle”. Having spent ten years in the Army, I can safely say that I **have** eaten shit on a shingle. Not bad with enough tabasco sauce. Well, at least it’s better than an MRE… ---
**Author:** ![bordelond](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bordelond/32/150_2.png) [@bordelond](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bordelond)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2005, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/209 "2005-07-10T00:33:06Z")
> [@Cervaise](#): > > Maybe it’s like those stupid little fancy soaps shaped like seashells … Um … those aren’t soap :eek: _Pssst, everyone – he doesn’t know how to use the three seashells …_ ---
**Author:** ![duffer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duffer/32/1026_2.png) [@duffer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/duffer)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2005, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/210 "2005-07-10T00:38:49Z")
> [@LaurAnge](#): > > You guys are assholes. Where the fuck did you get ‘classist’ from? That’s a pretty fucking serious accusation. Please tell us you’re whooshing everyone. Cuz it’s pretty damn funny. One thing I didn’t think about before. If that guy is both taking a shit AND rubbing one out in only 15 minutes, he’s the model of efficiency. This is a guy we should all try to emulate. Jesus, when is this stupid cunt coming back to clarify?!? ---
**Author:** ![Xploder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/a183cd/32.png) [@Xploder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xploder)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2005, 1:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/211 "2005-07-10T01:02:05Z")
> [@duffer](#): > > Please tell us you’re whooshing everyone. Cuz it’s pretty damn funny. > One thing I didn’t think about before. If that guy is both taking a shit AND rubbing one out in only 15 minutes, he’s the model of efficiency. This is a guy we should all try to emulate. > Jesus, when is this stupid cunt coming back to clarify?!? Ever stop to consider that he was rubbing one out WHILST shitting? Yeah, I know, WAY tmi…and no, I’ve never done that. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2005, 1:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/212 "2005-07-10T01:04:04Z")
> [@bordelond](#): > > _Pssst, everyone – he doesn’t know how to use the three seashells …_ Yeah, but neither do you, you maniac. A _seamstress?!_ ---
**Author:** ![Domokun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/c77e96/32.png) [@Domokun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Domokun)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2005, 1:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/213 "2005-07-10T01:11:01Z")
> [@Xploder](#): > > Ever stop to consider that he was rubbing one out WHILST shitting? Only coked up yuppies multitask. The lower orders generally prefer to read their dreadful tabloid newspapers while dropping downmarket dumps. ---
**Author:** ![Xploder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/a183cd/32.png) [@Xploder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xploder)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2005, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/214 "2005-07-10T01:17:17Z")
> [@Domokun](#): > > Only coked up yuppies multitask. The lower orders generally prefer to read their dreadful tabloid newspapers while dropping downmarket dumps. bwahahaha ---
**Author:** ![surrotobeinMD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6a8cbe/32.png) [@surrotobeinMD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/surrotobeinMD)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2005, 1:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/215 "2005-07-10T01:17:17Z")
Exactly how DO you use the three seashells? ---
**Author:** ![Xploder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/a183cd/32.png) [@Xploder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xploder)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2005, 1:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/216 "2005-07-10T01:18:48Z")
> [@surrotobeinMD](#): > > Exactly how DO you use the three seashells? You **REALLY** don’t wanna know. ---
**Author:** ![uglybeech](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/82dd89/32.png) [@uglybeech](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/uglybeech)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2005, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/217 "2005-07-10T01:19:02Z")
> [@LaurAnge](#): > > You guys are assholes. Where the fuck did you get ‘classist’ from? That’s a pretty fucking serious accusation. a pretty fucking serious accusation" ??? May in Cambodia under Pol Pot. But last I checked classist is usually just a fancy way to say snob. ---
**Author:** ![OleOneEye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/f14d63/32.png) [@OleOneEye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OleOneEye)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2005, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/218 "2005-07-10T01:19:55Z")
> [@Xploder](#): > > You **REALLY** don’t wanna know. Ben-wa soaps? ---
**Author:** ![Uvula\_Donor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/e19adc/32.png) [@Uvula\_Donor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Uvula_Donor)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2005, 1:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/219 "2005-07-10T01:34:34Z")
> [@LaurAnge](#): > > That’s a pretty fucking serious accusation. Yeah. Book 'im, Danno. ---
**Author:** ![Xploder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/a183cd/32.png) [@Xploder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Xploder)\ **Post date:** [July 10, 2005, 1:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/220 "2005-07-10T01:39:42Z")
> [@OleOneEye](#): > > Ben-wa soaps? Ya gotta love them there bubbles. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491.md?page=10) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491.md?page=12)