# No, you can't use my bathroom **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [July 7, 2005, 7:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491 "2005-07-07T19:05:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![xbuckeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/x/9e8a1a/32.png) [@xbuckeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xbuckeye)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2005, 8:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/141 "2005-07-08T20:50:39Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > Why do we call it _taking_ a shit, though? Isn’t is more like _leaving_ a shit? Maybe **Shat on a Cookie** ’s problem is that **Working Class Oaf** actually _did_ take a shit somewhere. So _that’s_ the problem. **Working Class Oaf** stole a piece of **Sat on Cookie** ’s prize collection of shits that look like famous celebrities. In that case :mad: on **Working Class Oaf**. I’ll just bet it was the one that looked like Mother Theresa on one end and the Pope (JPII) on the other. It was the world famous Holy Shit! sorry…I couldn’t help myself. I tried to hold it in but the cramps overcame my bad joke sphincter strength 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2005, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/142 "2005-07-08T21:01:29Z")
> [@kidchameleon](#): > > I do it at work where I get paid for shitting. Me, too. Unfortunately, I work from home. E. ---
**Author:** ![Liz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/liz/32/17737_2.png) [@Liz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liz)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2005, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/143 "2005-07-08T21:58:24Z")
> [@friedo](#): > > Why do we call it _taking_ a shit, though? Isn’t is more like _leaving_ a shit? Maybe **Shat on a Cookie** ’s problem is that **Working Class Oaf** actually _did_ take a shit somewhere. 😛 ---
**Author:** ![kanicbird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/5f8ce5/32.png) [@kanicbird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/kanicbird)\ **Post date:** [July 8, 2005, 10:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/144 "2005-07-08T22:20:19Z")
This would be a very funny thread if **SoaC** wasn’t serious, but since I assume she is, I think she is just sad. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 12:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/145 "2005-07-09T00:24:12Z")
> [@Belowjob2.0](#): > > I was just surfing along, reading this shitty little thread, and then I saw **lieu’s \*\* name come up. \*\* Lieu** , shit thread, **lieu,** thread about shit. Well, I thought, I better get on the floor now, so that I don’t hurt myself when I collapse from the inevitable paroxysms of laughter. > > I made the right call. ROTFLMAO! A poop thread just isn’t a poop thread without **lieu**. ---
**Author:** ![ouryL](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ouryl/32/6067_2.png) [@ouryL](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ouryL)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/146 "2005-07-09T00:40:36Z")
> [@Sat on Cookie](#): > > Dear random worker who is doing random work in my home, > > Stop taking 15 minute dumps in my bathroom. It’s fucking disgusting. See that van you rolled up in? The one with the letters and business phone number on the side? Take your fat ass, get in your van and go to the local gas station. Wreck their bathroom. In fact, don’t wreck their bathroom either. The only place you should be taking shits is in your own home, you reckless bathroom stinker asshole. > > It’s been two days since you and your partner cleaned the carpets and I still can’t bring myself to use the bathroom you “occupied.” And by the way, you must know that I’m beside myself thinking you could be whacking off in there, in addition to taking a dump. Seriously, why do you think it’s OK to lock yourself in my bathroom for 15 minutes? > > Just so I’m clear on this: I’ve had it. You and all your buddies can die from human waste implosion for all I care. Shat on a Cookie? :eek: :eek: ---
**Author:** ![AncientHumanoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ancienthumanoid/32/278_2.png) [@AncientHumanoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AncientHumanoid)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/147 "2005-07-09T01:41:03Z")
> [@ouryL](#): > > Shat on a Cookie? :eek: :eek: [Gotta be quicker than that!](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=6341523&postcount=40) First page no less. 😛 ;j ---
**Author:** ![I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/8edcca/32.png) [@I\_can\_t\_believe\_that\_s\_butter](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_can_t_believe_that_s_butter)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 2:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/148 "2005-07-09T02:04:44Z")
> [@CRich](#): > > At least he asked & used the facilities–after our roofers were gone, we found a lovely little “present” up on the roof behind the chimney. A little odor & a messy bathroom is a heck of a lot easier to clean up than poop on the roof! The next time I am advised to “go shit on a roof”, I will keep in my kindest thoughts this noble pioneer who paved the way. ---
**Author:** ![ioioio](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ioioio/32/316_2.png) [@ioioio](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ioioio)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 2:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/149 "2005-07-09T02:10:59Z")
If you’re told to “go shit on a roof” and then to “eat shit”, you’d be eating that infamous delicacy “shit on a shingle”. ---
**Author:** ![Green\_Bean](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/green_bean/32/1760_2.png) [@Green\_Bean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Green_Bean)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/150 "2005-07-09T02:21:53Z")
> [@EleventyOne](#): > > Scenario one: The guy had a jet-powered sphincter and spattered poop all over all four walls and ceiling, finger-painted a picture of his penis on the mirror with it, and used her grandma’s antique linen napkins he found stored in the side cabinet to wipe his ass. Welcome to the SDMB, **EleventyOne**. I think you’ll shit in…err…fit in quite nicely here. Your post brought to mind one of the finest threads ever produced on the Dope– **Troy** already linked to it, above. Great minds, and all that. And just for the record, when I get the urge to go #2, I have to go ASAP. I can hold out for as long as it takes to get to the nearest bathroom, but that’s about it. As my brother, the esteemed **Billdo** once said, “You can’t fight peristalsis.” ---
**Author:** ![danceswithcats](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/9e8a1a/32.png) [@danceswithcats](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/danceswithcats)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/151 "2005-07-09T02:42:39Z")
> [@mr bus guy](#): > > I only lets fine lookin’ wimmen use my bathroom to takke big old dumps. > > Yours in poo, > > Chuch Berry Which brings to mind the classic quote from Full Metal Jacket: > [@](#): > > **Gunnery Sergeant Hartman** : I want that head so sanitary and squared-away that the Virgin Mary herself would be proud to go in and take a dump. If BVM took 15 minutes, would **Shat on Cookie** have a shitfit? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 2:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/152 "2005-07-09T02:42:54Z")
I’ve currently got a guy reassembling my shit-damaged flat ( no kidding, the flat above had a toilet that blew out, sending a raging torrent of “black water” flooding out my ceiling and down my walls, requiring all of my bathroom and hallway walls and ceilings to be ripped out and treated, a situation complicated by asbestos ) and he generally comes over when I’m at work. He’s there for several hours at a stretch and I fully expect him to use the bathroom and help himself to sodas in the fridge. Last week I came home at ten p.m. to a backed-up toilet and an apologetic message on my answering machine about it. I was slightly annoyed, yes, but only slightly. There was not much he could do about it, really - I keep my plunger, snake and other de-clogging paraphenalia in a locked storage area outside and I would hardly expect him to go buy one just for the one job. So I sighed, grumbled under my breath about the injustice in the world, got my plunger and cleaned up the mess. Life went on. It’s just not that big of a deal. Anybody so rude as to refuse somebody the use of their bathroom because of their oh-so-delicate sensibilities, needs to get a fucking grip. I’m usually not one to pile on the third page of a backfiring pit thread, but _sweet lord_. - Tamerlane ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 2:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/153 "2005-07-09T02:47:16Z")
> [@danceswithcats](#): > > Which brings to mind the classic quote from Full Metal Jacket: > If BVM took 15 minutes, would **Shat on Cookie** have a shitfit? 😛 Would we call it the Immaculate Defecation? ---
**Author:** ![Janx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b9bd4f/32.png) [@Janx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Janx)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 3:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/154 "2005-07-09T03:39:59Z")
Damn! Is that _ALL_ **lieu** has to say on the subject? > [@lieu](#): > > Maybe you should follow this fella home and launch a couple of adult sea pickles into his shitter. - That’ll learn 'em. I knew a thread like this would bring you out, but I was looking for a classic “send that dead sea dragon, (in an advanced state of decay), down the Ganges!” kind of statement. > [@lieu](#): > > I figure I get about two minutes warning, tops. Heck, if I’d been that carpet layer and Sat on Cookie was in there taking a dump herself I’d still be banging on the door telling her that “I gotta shit!” This is a little better, but still not quite up to, (heh heh), snuff. Yer slippin’ dude! ---
**Author:** ![LavenderBlue](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e95f7d/32.png) [@LavenderBlue](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LavenderBlue)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 5:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/155 "2005-07-09T05:22:01Z")
I haven’t laughed at this many poop jokes since I was eight. I’m starting to remember what I liked about being eight. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 7:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/156 "2005-07-09T07:16:59Z")
> [@bordelond](#): > > :eek: > > Holy … well, you know. > > Is that even halfway common? well, I don’t know if it’s “common”, but like **Matt** , unless I’m sick, I usually have no trouble waiting. ---
**Author:** ![matt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a6a055/32.png) [@matt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/matt)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 7:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/157 "2005-07-09T07:22:34Z")
That’s a relief. I was thinking I’d have to register as a mutant. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 7:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/158 "2005-07-09T07:34:12Z")
> [@matt](#): > > That’s a relief. I was thinking I’d have to register as a mutant. At least we wouldn’t be offending SOC with our crude working class poops. We’d have the “class” to wait til we got safely home. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![flodnak](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/838e76/32.png) [@flodnak](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/flodnak)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 8:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/159 "2005-07-09T08:10:08Z")
> [@EleventyOne](#): > > Well, in case the OP ever deigns to read the entire thread, I too am still wondering how this guy managed to befoul her bathroom so badly it’s unusable after two days. Perhaps the wallpaper really did peel off this time :eek: ---
**Author:** ![sturmhauke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e47c2d/32.png) [@sturmhauke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/sturmhauke)\ **Post date:** [July 9, 2005, 8:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491/160 "2005-07-09T08:51:50Z")
I’m with Sat on Cookie. Next time some lowly peon absolutely must enter my palace for some vital task, if he even deigns to look longingly at my toilet I shall have his fucking head on a pike in my front yard. All who pass by shall tremble and fear my wrath! No base shit shall defile my porcelain shrine! Only the most flowery feces shall enter that holy place! [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491.md?page=7) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-cant-use-my-bathroom/311491.md?page=9)