# No, you dimwitted bastard, we only take CASH! **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [September 13, 2003, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438 "2003-09-13T21:21:27Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438/1 "2003-09-13T21:21:27Z")
OK, I’m fine with people who’ve never before been arrested not understanding that we do not, under any circumstances take anything for bond but cold hard cash (and bond cards for traffic offenses). But you, of all people, who have been in our jail enough times to actually get miles on your frequent flyer program. You, whose name upon entry activates the Windows © auto complete feature. You who knows us all by our first names. You, actually has a preferred cell. You Bloody well know better! Your family knows better. Your friends know better. We do not take credit cards, we are not a department store, we only have ONE thing to purchase. We do not take checks. Doing so would be ludicrous, because, well, you’re ALREADY a criminal, and frankly, your actions have shaken our trust in you. No matter what it is you did, no matter where it is you did it, and no matter how often we haul your dumb ass in here, you know damn good and well we take nothing but cash, again NOTHING BUT CASH! Remember when you unrinated on the lawn of the City Hall? You got arrested and sat your drunken ass in the tank. You paid cash, you went home. Remember when you stole that bottle of booze from the plaza liquor store, and went BEHIND the plaza to drink it? You were arrested, you sat your drunken ass in the tank, you paid cash, you went home. Remember when you deficated in the street in front of the home of a trustee on Thanksgiving? You were arrested, you sat your drunken ass in the tank, you paid cash, you went home. If you take a minute to recall those incidents, dear dimwit, you’ll recall that each and every time you stayed here at the gray bar bed and breakfast, you PAID CASH! Never have we taken your checks or credit cards, and we aren’t about to start now. Now, pay your bond **in cash** , and get the F@CK out of here! DAMN IT! ---
**Author:** ![Muldoon\_s\_Squishiness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/13edae/32.png) [@Muldoon\_s\_Squishiness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Muldoon_s_Squishiness)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 9:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438/2 "2003-09-13T21:25:14Z")
How about a third party out of state travelers check? ---
**Author:** ![Revtim](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/revtim/32/1042_2.png) [@Revtim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Revtim)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 9:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438/3 "2003-09-13T21:29:27Z")
Do you take bad checks? ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438/4 "2003-09-13T21:33:45Z")
They say drinking too much alcohol kills brain cells. Maybe he’s overdrawn at the memory bank? ---
**Author:** ![Doomtrain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/0ea827/32.png) [@Doomtrain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Doomtrain)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 9:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438/5 "2003-09-13T21:38:57Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Lynn Bodoni \* > \*\*They say drinking too much alcohol kills brain cells. Maybe he’s overdrawn at the memory bank? \*\* Tell me this isn’t a reference to that horrible, horrible movie with Raul Julia… Good to see you back, by the way! ---
**Author:** ![wring](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/838e76/32.png) [@wring](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wring)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 9:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438/6 "2003-09-13T21:41:38Z")
does it have to be a certain country’s cash??? ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438/7 "2003-09-13T22:07:08Z")
There’s nothing else you can do? If you have to pay $100,000 or something you can’t leave the deeds to your house, you have to get a mortgage and walk in with a briefcase full of cash? I agree that this guy was a moron. OTOH, it’s not necessarily obvious to people what’s reasonable. Obviously cheques are out. But _I_ don’t know how much a debit card reader costs for instance. For all I know you _could_ afford one. ---
**Author:** ![Elza\_B](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/6a8cbe/32.png) [@Elza\_B](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Elza_B)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 10:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438/8 "2003-09-13T22:10:23Z")
**Buttonjockey** , where are you? Does your state allow bail bondsmen? I understand the cash bond, but are the jailed allowed to pay bail bondsmen to bail them out? Sorry, my family owns a bail bonding agency, so I’m always interested in things like this:). Ava ---
**Author:** ![Lynn\_Bodoni](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/e47c2d/32.png) [@Lynn\_Bodoni](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lynn_Bodoni)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438/9 "2003-09-13T22:34:35Z")
> [@](#): > > Tell me this isn’t a reference to that horrible, horrible movie with Raul Julia… It’s the title of a John Varley short story. I don’t know if there’s any connection to the movie, never seen or heard of the movie before now. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438/10 "2003-09-13T23:43:20Z")
Yep, the MST3Ked movie was based on the short story. Poorly. ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 13, 2003, 11:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438/11 "2003-09-13T23:48:24Z")
Come on, surely you accept PayPal; _everybody_ accepts PayPal. ---
**Author:** ![LordVor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/90ced4/32.png) [@LordVor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LordVor)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2003, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438/12 "2003-09-14T00:02:35Z")
But this credit card HAS to be good, I just stole it this morning! -lv ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2003, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438/13 "2003-09-14T00:06:30Z")
Avabeth, ``` From The County of Cook, Illinois. No bail bondsmen here. There are two kinds of bonds issued by the courts. Recognizance and cash. If we don't like your face, we'll take your money. Otherwise, in the pokey you stay until your judicial bond hearing. ``` Mangetout, ``` Everybody EXCEPT the police department. The problem is that credit card expenses can be challenged, and the money tied up unfairly by the company. A wise ass criminal wouldn't think twice about holding up the payment, if he/she thought they could get away with it. ``` Shade, ``` See above. ``` ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2003, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438/14 "2003-09-14T00:11:18Z")
FastPay then? or Nochex surely? ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2003, 12:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438/15 "2003-09-14T00:11:40Z")
Shade, There aren’t any crimes bondable for that kind of money, at least not from the enforcement end. That’s the kind of thing left to the courts, i’ve heard of cases where homes are mortgaged to make bail. ---
**Author:** ![buttonjockey308](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/bcef8e/32.png) [@buttonjockey308](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/buttonjockey308)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2003, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438/16 "2003-09-14T00:12:57Z")
Uh…lemme see…nope and nope. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2003, 12:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438/17 "2003-09-14T00:17:53Z")
Oh no…NOT _Overdrawn at the Memory Bank_…NOOO!!! “Mum…my nuts?” Hehehehe… ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2003, 12:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438/18 "2003-09-14T00:19:56Z")
I understand, but what about Transax or direct bank transfer then? What about Cheddar? ---
**Author:** ![Shade](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/2bfe46/32.png) [@Shade](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shade)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2003, 12:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438/19 "2003-09-14T00:21:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by buttonjockey308 \* > \*\*Shade, > > There aren’t any crimes bondable for that kind of money, at least not from the enforcement end. That’s the kind of thing left to the courts, i’ve heard of cases where homes are mortgaged to make bail. \*\* :smack: of course, never mind ---
**Author:** ![Duckster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/duckster/32/1244_2.png) [@Duckster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duckster)\ **Post date:** [September 14, 2003, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438/20 "2003-09-14T00:31:26Z")
Do you take SDMB Travellers checks? You know, the ones that have somebody named Cecil as co-signature and that big raised ink Zotti design on them? 😃 [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-dimwitted-bastard-we-only-take-cash/201438.md?page=2)