# No, you do NOT love me! Stop saying it! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 23, 2004, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314 "2004-11-23T17:45:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/21 "2004-11-23T22:11:26Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > And your response is an exercise in opacity. Not opacity but cattiness. He’s accusing you of bragging (and possibly making shit up, too.) ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/22 "2004-11-23T22:33:55Z")
I’m not too sympathetic here. If you had feelings for the guy, and were hoping that he maybe felt something for you besides, “What a piece of ass!” and then he rolled over and stared in your eyes and said, “I love you!” then you’d be dancing with happiness right now. It’s only because his attention is unwanted and unreciprocated that it’s morphed into “inapproriate.” There are plenty of people in the world that would assume a certain level of intimacy existed after multiple sexual encounters; I don’t get why this guy was supposed to magically understand that fuck-buddy was the limit on how far you wanted to go with him. Not to say you’re obligated to return unfelt affection… but I think you could be a bit less dismissive of someone else’s heart. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 10:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/23 "2004-11-23T22:49:01Z")
Maybe this is too obvious to be considered, but are you sure the guy was awake? Some people say weird things in their sleep. Ecstasy will also make people weirdly emotional in ways they regret in the morning. Or maybe he was trying to get you to leave? There’s a woman comic who had a routine on how when she wanted to get rid of a guy she’s talk about marriage and children. ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 11:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/24 "2004-11-23T23:12:47Z")
> [@Middlecase](#): > > Mmm, lighthouses. And don’t forget the main reason to be flattered when one is compared to an extremely large cylindrical building. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/25 "2004-11-23T23:25:41Z")
> [@The Devil's Grandmother](#): > > Maybe this is too obvious to be considered, but are you sure the guy was awake? Some people say weird things in their sleep. Ecstasy will also make people weirdly emotional in ways they regret in the morning. > > Or maybe he was trying to get you to leave? There’s a woman comic who had a routine on how when she wanted to get rid of a guy she’s talk about marriage and children. Rita Rudner. Loved it. “I never tell a man it’s over. If I want to make sure he’ll never come back, I lean over and whisper ‘I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have your children.’ Sometimes, they’re gone so fast, they leave skid marks.” **Bricker** , I’d agree that **Otto** should be a little nicer about letting the guy down, except a. she told him it wasn’t going to be anything serious between them, so there was no “magically understanding” anything. He already knew what the deal was, and b. Four months of no calls, no emails, no nothing and then “I love you” is a bit oogy. ---
**Author:** ![Keapon\_Laffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e274bd/32.png) [@Keapon\_Laffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keapon_Laffin)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/26 "2004-11-23T23:27:43Z")
> [@The Devil's Grandmother](#): > > Maybe this is too obvious to be considered, but are you sure the guy was awake? Some people say weird things in their sleep. Ecstasy will also make people weirdly emotional in ways they regret in the morning. Yeah, he might have been daydreaming about someone else, and it just slipped out. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 11:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/27 "2004-11-23T23:36:31Z")
> [@Maureen](#): > > **Bricker** , I’d agree that **Otto** should be a little nicer about letting the guy down, except > a. she told him it wasn’t going to be anything serious between them, so there was no “magically understanding” anything. He already knew what the deal was, and > b. Four months of no calls, no emails, no nothing and then “I love you” is a bit oogy. Otto is a he. Both Otto and Otto’s would-be Lochnivar have boy-type parts. And I agree it’s potentially oogy… except that if Otto had been dying to hear those words, and posted a thread about getting back with the guy after four months, and hearing a wonderful “I love you!” and how his heart was singing like an April day on the wings of spring, I’m not sure too many posters would step in to point out that it was oogy. It’s all in what Otto wanted… he didn’t want this attention, so it’s oogy. He wanted it, it’d be musical. That’s all I’m saying. “Oogy” = being much farther down the track than the other person, relationship-wise. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/28 "2004-11-23T23:38:57Z")
Sorry about the gender mess up, **Otto**. :o Thanks for cluing me in, **Bricker** ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [November 23, 2004, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/29 "2004-11-23T23:44:04Z")
> [@Maureen](#): > > Forgive me for asking, but, what did you do? First thing I said was “excuse me?” He said “you heard me” and I said “I was hoping I misgeard you.” And then he started in on the “I could hold you forever” talk. I didn’t want to, like, leap from the bed and grab my clothes so I just kind of hung out for a few minutes. Then I leapt from the bed and grabbed my clothes, with some non-commital responses when he suggested getting together next week (which if he calls I will be “busy”). > [@Homebrew](#): > > He’s accusing you of bragging (and possibly making shit up, too.) Ah. I thought that might be it. **John** , I have no need to make this stuff up. DOn’t know why you would think I would but if the details of my threads are problematic for you please feel free to stay the hell out. > [@Bricker](#): > > There are plenty of people in the world that would assume a certain level of intimacy existed after multiple sexual encounters; I don’t get why this guy was supposed to magically understand that fuck-buddy was the limit on how far you wanted to go with him. I think telling him from the start that I was uninterested in dating him falls far from the realm of magic. He was definitely awake. There were no chemicals AFAIK other than alcohol, and since I met him I don’t know how much. He wasn’t slurring or stumbling or anything. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/74df32/32.png) [@The\_Devil\_s\_Grandmother](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Devil_s_Grandmother)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 12:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/30 "2004-11-24T00:06:32Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > First thing I said was “excuse me?” He said “you heard me” and I said “I was hoping I misgeard you.” And then he started in on the “I could hold you forever” talk. :eek: Ok Otto. If I were you I’d keep my doors locked and get caller ID. And hope he was just Rita Rudnering you. And as for Bricker’s assesment that this wouldn’t be oggy if Otto was ready for a realtionship…IMHO, a declaration of love after four dates would be a deal-killer even if I really, really liked the guy. Most sane people know that declarations of love come about 3 months into the relationship. ---
**Author:** ![Scissorjack](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/c67d28/32.png) [@Scissorjack](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scissorjack)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/31 "2004-11-24T00:09:55Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > Not opacity but cattiness. He’s accusing you of bragging (and possibly making shit up, too.) Oh, dear. Well, I didn’t think it was that opaque, and I was just being silly - my post wasn’t intended to be catty, let alone accusing anyone of boasting or lying: sorry if it gave that impression. For the record, **Otto** , I didn’t know you were gay; that may explain some confusion over my motives. Peace? ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/32 "2004-11-24T00:31:24Z")
> [@Middlecase](#): > > For the record, **Otto** , I didn’t know you were gay; that may explain some confusion over my motives. Peace? My response was to John, not you. No harm. ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 12:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/33 "2004-11-24T00:58:02Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > Then I leapt from the bed and grabbed my clothes, with some non-commital responses when he suggested getting together next week (which if he calls I will be “busy”). The best response, if he calls, is to say that you’re not interesting in pursuing a relationship with him. Saying that you’re busy might give him the impression that next week won’t work, but maybe the following would. Best to nip it in the bud. I know it’s the easiest way, but it’s honest and direct. ---
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/34 "2004-11-24T01:47:34Z")
> [@Middlecase](#): > > Oh, dear. Well, I didn’t think it was that opaque, and I was just being silly - my post wasn’t intended to be catty, let alone accusing anyone of boasting or lying: sorry if it gave that impression. For the record, **Otto** , I didn’t know you were gay; that may explain some confusion over my motives. Peace? Not you, silly. **JohnBckWLD** was the pissy one. ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/35 "2004-11-24T02:33:48Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > Not opacity but cattiness. He’s accusing you of bragging (and possibly making shit up, too.) > [@Homebrew](#): > > **JohnBckWLD** was the pissy one. Homebrew. I don’t need (and certainly didn’t request) you put anything (including words) in my mouth. If you wanna be an interpreter, go apply for a job at Babelfish. ---
**Author:** ![Otto](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Otto](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Otto)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/36 "2004-11-24T04:12:26Z")
I note you don’t indicate his “translation” was in error… ---
**Author:** ![vanilla](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/f19dbf/32.png) [@vanilla](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vanilla)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 4:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/37 "2004-11-24T04:18:50Z")
Everyone Loves Otto ---
**Author:** ![astro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/9dc877/32.png) [@astro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/astro)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/38 "2004-11-24T04:34:05Z")
So gay men say stupid shit after orgasms too? So different, and yet so similar. ---
**Author:** ![Survivor](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/51bf81/32.png) [@Survivor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Survivor)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 7:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/39 "2004-11-24T07:25:32Z")
Jeez, I’ve had that a couple of times and it sure does ruin the fun… The first time, I was speechless… The second time it happened though, I managed to say, “So does my lover”… Never did hear from that guy again… 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SolGrundy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bbce88/32.png) [@SolGrundy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SolGrundy)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/40 "2004-11-24T10:35:45Z")
> [@stpauler](#): > > The best response, if he calls, is to say that you’re not interesting in pursuing a relationship with him. Saying that you’re busy might give him the impression that next week won’t work, but maybe the following would. Best to nip it in the bud. I know it’s the easiest way, but it’s honest and direct. I second that. Yes, it’s kind of weird and inappropriate to be saying “I love you” after so little time together, even if it’s been “intimate” time. But that doesn’t immediately say “stalker.” It could just mean the guy gets too attached too quickly, he got out of a bad relationship or something and is desperate to be in love again, or he just simply misread it and what was just a “hook-up” to you was real intimacy to him. Either way, just avoiding it, or lying to him and saying you’re busy when you really mean you don’t want to see him ever again, is cowardly. If the dude’s good enough to fuck, he’s good enough to be honest with. You owe him at least that much. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314.md?page=3)