# No, you do NOT love me! Stop saying it! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [November 23, 2004, 5:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314 "2004-11-23T17:45:16Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 11\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Homebrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/c89c15/32.png) [@Homebrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Homebrew)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/41 "2004-11-24T15:36:27Z")
> [@JohnBckWLD](#): > > Homebrew. I don’t need (and certainly didn’t request) you put anything (including words) in my mouth. I’ve seen your picture. No need to worry. Not gonna happen no matter how drunk I get. How 'bout you provide the correct interpretation if I’m wrong, eh? ---
**Author:** ![PunditLisa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/4af34b/32.png) [@PunditLisa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PunditLisa)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 3:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/42 "2004-11-24T15:40:39Z")
If he were a clingy, stalker type, I wonder why it took him 4 incidents and several months in between interludes to suddenly manifest his clingy, stalker personality. He probably mumbled “I love you.” because he just had great sex and felt all warm and fuzzy. It happens. Instead of saying, “Excuse me?” you should have just left it alone. By asking him to clarify, you kind of backed him into a corner. What else could he say that wouldn’t sound potentially insulting? He said you were a great lover which sounds like a reasonable response to an awkward question, IMO. Now if he starts calling you twenty times a day, then I’ll eat my pixels. ---
**Author:** ![RTFirefly](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/c77e96/32.png) [@RTFirefly](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RTFirefly)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 3:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/43 "2004-11-24T15:51:07Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > Last night, after something like four months, he calls and I agree to meet up with him again. After we, um, you know, we’re lying there and out of nowhere he says “I love you.” > > This is someone who I’ve spent a sum total of maybe four hours with in my life This is the part that says it’s oogy. I mean, three encounters that are basically quick fucks, with scarcely the time for heart-to-heart conversations, then four months of no contact. Then on the fourth quick fuck, it’s “I love you.” Maybe **Bricker** ’s right, and if **Otto** had been waiting to hear those words, (or had been meaning to say them yourself), he’d be walking on air. Except that if that were so, I’d conclude that _his_ elevator skips a considerable number of floors, too. So it doesn’t work in any _good_ sense. ---
**Author:** ![plnnr](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7ea924/32.png) [@plnnr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/plnnr)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/44 "2004-11-24T15:58:05Z")
Honesty is always, always, always the best policy. “I’m not interested in pursuing a long-term, committed relationship now. I’m sorry if that isn’t what you want to hear, but it is how I feel.” No need for further explanation. ---
**Author:** ![gobear](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/8dc957/32.png) [@gobear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gobear)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/45 "2004-11-24T16:20:58Z")
A thought occurred to me–does it necessarily have to be romantic, exclusive love? I mean, if **Otto** ’s fuckbuddy cares about him and feels really good about the sex, does his declaration of love necessarily means that he wants a monogamous relationship with **Otto** , or could it mean that he cares about him? I could say that I love **Homebrew**. I don’t want to be his boyfriend because I’m happy with my guy, and I’m not physically attracted to him (no offense). But if we lived near each other, I’d hang out with him, watch DVDs together, listen to his troubles; y’know, be his friend. And if I could say that I love a friend, does loving one’s fuckbuddy make one clingy, or just a caring soul? I like to think that I have made every guy I’ve ever been with feel that he was loved, even if it was only for one night. So **Otto** ’s fuckbuddy might not be a soul-sucking bunny-boiler–he just might really like being with **Otto** when they’re together. ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 7:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/46 "2004-11-24T19:24:48Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > I’ve seen your picture. No need to worry. Not gonna happen no matter how drunk I get. (snort!) I wish I would have said that! ---
**Author:** ![Kalhoun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/3bc359/32.png) [@Kalhoun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kalhoun)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/47 "2004-11-24T19:28:20Z")
> [@gobear](#): > > So **Otto** ’s fuckbuddy might not be a soul-sucking bunny-boiler–he just might really like being with **Otto** when they’re together. And I wish I would have said this, too! Heh. Soul-sucking bunny-boiler. Back on topic…This is entirely possible. Except when he elaborated after the “Huh?”, it sounded more like Big Love to me. ---
**Author:** ![overlyverbose](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/9dc877/32.png) [@overlyverbose](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/overlyverbose)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/48 "2004-11-24T19:40:19Z")
> [@Otto](#): > > Last night, after something like four months, he calls and I agree to meet up with him again. After we, um, you know, we’re lying there and out of nowhere he says “I love you.” > > This is someone who I’ve spent a sum total of maybe four hours with in my life, and he’s saying things to me like “I would hold you forever” and “you’re an amazing lover” (which, you know, is true but still). As he’s saying this I am making mental notes of the exits and surrepticiously reaching for my pants. > > Why did he have to say these things? It can’t possibly be true, and by saying it he’s screwed up a perfectly good fuck buddy relationship. I’m not particularly interested in dating right now, and even if I were I don’t think I’d be interested in dating him. He seems, other than the psycho-love declarations, like a nice enough guy, but he’s not someone I would normally pursue romantically. He was…convenient. And obviously I can never see him or talk to him again. I can’t encourage him in this…what? Obsession? Delusion? Case of mistaken identity? Good God, that’s scary. Like **Amazon Floozy Goddess** mentioned, perhaps sex to him means a lot more than it does to you. You definitely need to tell him, in no uncertain terms, that you do not share his, um, extreme affection. I had something sort of similar happen to me, too. It was frightening. We never had sex - we never had even kissed, but on the second date, the guy got down on his knees and proposed to me. :eek: I hadn’t done anything, and he lived in Arizona (I’m in Missouri). Maybe this guy you speak of has just been looking for love too long and has strongly romanticized your relationship in his head. Either way, you have to tell him how you feel. ---
**Author:** ![misstee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/958977/32.png) [@misstee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/misstee)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2004, 10:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/49 "2004-11-24T22:39:41Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > Has he played “Misty” for you? NO ONE has played me for anyone… Oh wait, you weren’t talking about me. ---
**Author:** ![JohnBckWLD](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/d6d6ee/32.png) [@JohnBckWLD](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnBckWLD)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/50 "2004-11-25T00:12:34Z")
> [@Homebrew](#): > > I’ve seen your picture. No need to worry. Not gonna happen no matter how drunk I get. Ah well. If only I was as cute as Eton Patz when he was in his prime ---
**Author:** ![clairobscur](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/839c29/32.png) [@clairobscur](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/clairobscur)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2004, 12:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314/51 "2004-11-25T00:52:33Z")
I must say \*\* bricker \*\* has a very good point. I’ll try to remember it… [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-you-do-not-love-me-stop-saying-it/276314.md?page=2)