# No, your magical Christ nail DIDN'T win WWII for us **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 1, 2005, 9:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308 "2005-04-01T21:53:52Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2005, 11:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308/21 "2005-04-01T23:11:09Z")
Ask this halfwit if he’s a big fan of Richard Hoagland, since Hoagland has said the same thing. I presume you pointed out that Hitler couldn’t have been on the verge of winning the war 3 days before his death, since at that point the Allies had pretty much smashed through all of Germany, and the Soviets were at the very least on the outskirts of Berlin. If _that’s_ what one calls being on the verge of victory, then Saddam must be ruling the US by now. ---
**Author:** ![DanBlather](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/f4b2a3/32.png) [@DanBlather](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DanBlather)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2005, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308/22 "2005-04-01T23:21:44Z")
REminds me of the guy who claimed he had George Washigton’s axe. His friend says “that looks pretty good for an axe that old, are you sure it’s real”? The man replys “yes, it’s been handed down through the family for generations. The handle has been replace a couple of times and the head was replaced once, but it’s definitely his axe”! ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2005, 11:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308/23 "2005-04-01T23:24:25Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > I presume you pointed out that Hitler couldn’t have been on the verge of winning the war 3 days before his death, since at that point the Allies had pretty much smashed through all of Germany, and the Soviets were at the very least on the outskirts of Berlin. And since the spear was sitting in a Vienna museum the day Austria was invaded (and, of course, the whole point of the invasion was to secure the Spear of Destiny :rolleyes: ) AND since Hitler made a beeline to it immediately after his victory parade (maybe, depending on who you ask) not receiving it until April, 1945 would mean he should’ve sent it via FedEx rather than DHL. ---
**Author:** ![dropzone](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dropzone/32/7515_2.png) [@dropzone](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dropzone)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2005, 11:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308/24 "2005-04-01T23:25:57Z")
AND this, of course, would require a spear made around 600AD having time-machined back to 30AD so it could be used to jab Jesus. ---
**Author:** ![Miller](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/miller/32/481_2.png) [@Miller](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miller)\ **Post date:** [April 1, 2005, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308/25 "2005-04-01T23:42:00Z")
I totally missed the word “nail” in the thread title. Gave me an entirely different mental image. Something like [this](http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.trenchman.com/cap/cap47.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.trenchman.com/cap/cap47.html&h=606&w=400&sz=75&tbnid=3Um0GGVqaiUJ:&tbnh=132&tbnw=87&start=2&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dcaptain%2Bamerica%2Bnazis%26hl%3Den%26lr%3D), except with a robe and sandels instead of blue spandex. ---
**Author:** ![SlyFrog](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a3d4f5/32.png) [@SlyFrog](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SlyFrog)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2005, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308/26 "2005-04-02T00:00:49Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > Ask this halfwit if he’s a big fan of Richard Hoagland, since Hoagland has said the same thing. I presume you pointed out that Hitler couldn’t have been on the verge of winning the war 3 days before his death, since at that point the Allies had pretty much smashed through all of Germany, and the Soviets were at the very least on the outskirts of Berlin. If _that’s_ what one calls being on the verge of victory, then Saddam must be ruling the US by now. So says you. That’s because you only know what the government told you. In reality, Hitler did not commit suicide in the bunker. As the Soviet tanks approached the Reich Chancellery, a shadowy, mustached man appeared. Thunder and lightning pealed about him, and the air crackled. For Hitler had come to harvest souls from the coming death of the Soviet horde. He had in his hand a spear. A simple, solitary spear. The men in the tanks with the red stars laughed, sniggering at the foolish decrepit man, the symbol of evil who was now a twisted and evil shrew. But they would choke on their laughter in a matter of seconds. Hitler exploded into action. The spear moved like the serpent of Eden, flashing out 5, 10, 100 times, each time piercing the heart of a battle-tested soldier who could do nothing but die, slashing through the metal of tanks that had survived the finest shells Germany could produce. The spear, and Hitler who had become an extension of its death dealing, were the four horsemen come as one. But then, from the carnage and wreckage of 1,000 Soviet bodies, limped forth a web-footed, mustachioed champion of the Soviet people. He carried with him nothing but a knife and a small wooden shield. Certainly this man would fall; nothing could stop Hitler’s murderous vengeance. The spear flashed out, blow upon blow striking at the stalwart defender of the Soviet people. Yet for each strike, for each flashing plunge, the shield jerked out and smashed the blow aside. For what Hitler did not know is that Stalin had come, and he came with the shield of a carpenter. Yes, the one true carpenter, the shield of Christ, made with the pure, tear soaked wood of the True Cross. Hitler staggered, the spear having exhausted his already frail body. Stalin’s saw his time, and his blade sprang forward and sank deep into Hitler’s side. A shaft of light blazed through the darkness, consuming Hitler, and all but the point of the spear, in agonizing holy fire. Thus, the true story of the Spear of Longinus, and how Hitler’s victory, so close even at the end of Nazi Germany, was narrowly defeated by the brave and plucky struggle of one Joseph I. Stalin. The story of how Stalin, and through him Khrushchev, gained the tools of power to found an empire that touched the entire globe. Of course Khrushchev later lost the Spear of Longinus and the Shield of the True Cross to a stealthy and daring night raid by John F. Kennedy against the ships transporting it to Cuba, but that is a different story. ---
**Author:** ![jimpatro](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/b9e5f3/32.png) [@jimpatro](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jimpatro)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2005, 12:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308/27 "2005-04-02T00:05:27Z")
Well, ya know. All spiritualists do it. One guy thinks it’s ridiculous that man spewed forth from the belly of a deity but it’s supposed to be perfectly plausible that a woman was created from a man’s rib. Some of us can sit back and observe the absurdity of it all. ---
**Author:** ![Princhester](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/3e96dc/32.png) [@Princhester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Princhester)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2005, 1:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308/28 "2005-04-02T01:09:21Z")
Ahh, that’s nothing. I make the whole world happen. Everything that I am aware of exists because I am aware of it. ---
**Author:** ![Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/13edae/32.png) [@Stranger\_On\_A\_Train](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Stranger_On_A_Train)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2005, 1:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308/29 "2005-04-02T01:38:53Z")
> [@Princhester](#): > > Ahh, that’s nothing. I make the whole world happen. Everything that I am aware of exists because I am aware of it. 'Minds me of an anecdote from Betrand Russell, in which he received a letter from a woman in response to an op-ed he wrote in which he doubted the existant of sincere solipsists. According to Russell, she claimed to be a solipsist and was surprised that there were not more. :eek: Stranger ---
**Author:** ![tdn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/94ad74/32.png) [@tdn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tdn)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2005, 2:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308/30 "2005-04-02T02:08:19Z")
> [@Stranger On A Train](#): > > Oh, **tdn** , what are you trying to do, scare me? You sound like my mother. I did say it was lore, not proven fact, of course. Much like the Shroud of Turin, it fascinates me not in that it might be the real thing, but that it has collected such a huge mixture of fact, fiction, superstition, and scientific inquisition. And has done so for over a thousand years. It may not be hocus pocus, but there’s some kind of power (of the mundane sort, of course) in an object that can inspire armies to move. And much like the Shroud, if it’s a fake, it’s a damn clever one. I respect that. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2005, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308/31 "2005-04-02T02:14:01Z")
> [@DanBlather](#): > > REminds me of the guy who claimed he had George Washigton’s axe. His friend says “that looks pretty good for an axe that old, are you sure it’s real”? The man replys “yes, it’s been handed down through the family for generations. The handle has been replace a couple of times and the head was replaced once, but it’s definitely his axe”! I wish I could remember who wrote this. He was comparing cultural views, and said that he had gone to see an ancient temple in Japan, and the guide mentioned the temple had burned down three times. He asked, “It’s not the original temple then?” The guide responded, “Oh, yes, it’s original, we rebuilt it completely every time.” It was the _concept_ of a building that mattered, not the physical makeup of the building. Not sure what that has to do with this thread, but it struck me as interesting. ---
**Author:** ![bizzwire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/958977/32.png) [@bizzwire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bizzwire)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2005, 2:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308/32 "2005-04-02T02:21:52Z")
You want a good ol’ pot-boiler of a read? Find a copy of _Yellow Peril_ by Richard Jaccoma (1978). It’s got everything; The Spear of Longinus, the Mafia, Tantric sex rituals, Hitler and Julius Streicher, Yetis, Lubbavicher Rebs in cahoots with oriental criminal masterminds, anal sex, and Dacoits, for starters. ---
**Author:** ![FaerieBeth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e95f7d/32.png) [@FaerieBeth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FaerieBeth)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2005, 2:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308/33 "2005-04-02T02:24:53Z")
> [@tdn](#): > > And they did tell of the lore that any army that posessed it was unstoppable. Silly, it’s not the spear! \< Raiders of the Lost Ark \> The army that carries the _Ark_ before it is invincible \< /RotLA \> You guys need to get with the program of world domination. Not just any artifact will do. 😉 Besides, I’d like to see a spear melt someone’s head! ---
**Author:** ![bizzwire](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/958977/32.png) [@bizzwire](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bizzwire)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2005, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308/34 "2005-04-02T02:25:40Z")
Just wanted to clarify: The yetis _dont_ have anal sex with the Nazis. Sorry if this spoils it for you. ---
**Author:** ![Tuckerfan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/eada6e/32.png) [@Tuckerfan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tuckerfan)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2005, 2:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308/35 "2005-04-02T02:39:40Z")
> [@This Year's Model](#): > > I wish I could remember who wrote this. He was comparing cultural views, and said that he had gone to see an ancient temple in Japan, and the guide mentioned the temple had burned down three times. He asked, “It’s not the original temple then?” The guide responded, “Oh, yes, it’s original, we rebuilt it completely every time.” > > It was the _concept_ of a building that mattered, not the physical makeup of the building. > > Not sure what that has to do with this thread, but it struck me as interesting. IIRC, Douglas Adams mentions it in _Last Chance to See._ ---
**Author:** ![Dubious\_Weasle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b782af/32.png) [@Dubious\_Weasle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dubious_Weasle)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2005, 2:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308/36 "2005-04-02T02:44:39Z")
> [@SlyFrog](#): > > So says you. That’s because you only know what the government told you. > > In reality, Hitler did not commit suicide in the bunker. As the Soviet tanks approached the Reich Chancellery, a shadowy, mustached man appeared. Thunder and lightning pealed about him, and the air crackled. For Hitler had come to harvest souls from the coming death of the Soviet horde. > > … > … > > Of course Khrushchev later lost the Spear of Longinus and the Shield of the True Cross to a stealthy and daring night raid by John F. Kennedy against the ships transporting it to Cuba, but that is a different story. Absolutely Brilliant! Am I the only one who sees the possibilities for a great mini-series here? Or comic, graphic novel etc. May you forever carry with you Weasle dung burritos in your nosepockets ---
**Author:** ![Frank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/3d9bf3/32.png) [@Frank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frank)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2005, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308/37 "2005-04-02T02:56:35Z")
> [@Tuckerfan](#): > > IIRC, Douglas Adams mentions it in _Last Chance to See._ You do recall correctly! In the chapter on the Yangtze river dolphin. His words say it better than I summarized: > [@](#): > > “So it isn’t the original building?” I had asked my Japanese guide. > “But yes, of course it is,” he insisted, rather surprised at my question. > “But it’s been burned down?” > “Yes.” > “Twice.” > “Many times.” > “And rebuilt.” > “Of course. It is an important and historic building.” > “With completely new materials.” > “But of course. It was burned down.” > “So how can it be the same building?” > “It is always the same building.” ---
**Author:** ![Brainiac4](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/brainiac4/32/3534_2.png) [@Brainiac4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Brainiac4)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2005, 1:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308/38 "2005-04-02T13:08:28Z")
> [@bizzwire](#): > > Just wanted to clarify: The yetis _dont_ have anal sex with the Nazis. > > Sorry if this spoils it for you. _Brainiac4 crosses the new addition off his reading list. Dang, and I was looking forward to it…_ ---
**Author:** ![Mycroft\_H](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/898d66/32.png) [@Mycroft\_H](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mycroft_H)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2005, 1:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308/39 "2005-04-02T13:53:51Z")
> [@This Year's Model](#): > > Not sure what that has to do with this thread, but it struck me as interesting. And this line struck me as _funny_! It could be the essence of so much of what goes on on the SDMB. Thanks! ---
**Author:** ![FriarTed](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/friarted/32/1052_2.png) [@FriarTed](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FriarTed)\ **Post date:** [April 2, 2005, 2:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308/40 "2005-04-02T14:00:11Z")
> [@SlyFrog](#): > > So says you. That’s because you only know what the government told you. > > In reality, Hitler did not commit suicide in the bunker. As the Soviet tanks approached the Reich Chancellery, a shadowy, mustached man appeared. Thunder and lightning pealed about him, and the air crackled. For Hitler had come to harvest souls from the coming death of the Soviet horde. > > He had in his hand a spear. A simple, solitary spear. The men in the tanks with the red stars laughed, sniggering at the foolish decrepit man, the symbol of evil who was now a twisted and evil shrew. But they would choke on their laughter in a matter of seconds. > > Hitler exploded into action. The spear moved like the serpent of Eden, flashing out 5, 10, 100 times, each time piercing the heart of a battle-tested soldier who could do nothing but die, slashing through the metal of tanks that had survived the finest shells Germany could produce. The spear, and Hitler who had become an extension of its death dealing, were the four horsemen come as one. > > But then, from the carnage and wreckage of 1,000 Soviet bodies, limped forth a web-footed, mustachioed champion of the Soviet people. He carried with him nothing but a knife and a small wooden shield. Certainly this man would fall; nothing could stop Hitler’s murderous vengeance. > > The spear flashed out, blow upon blow striking at the stalwart defender of the Soviet people. Yet for each strike, for each flashing plunge, the shield jerked out and smashed the blow aside. For what Hitler did not know is that Stalin had come, and he came with the shield of a carpenter. Yes, the one true carpenter, the shield of Christ, made with the pure, tear soaked wood of the True Cross. > > Hitler staggered, the spear having exhausted his already frail body. Stalin’s saw his time, and his blade sprang forward and sank deep into Hitler’s side. A shaft of light blazed through the darkness, consuming Hitler, and all but the point of the spear, in agonizing holy fire. > > Thus, the true story of the Spear of Longinus, and how Hitler’s victory, so close even at the end of Nazi Germany, was narrowly defeated by the brave and plucky struggle of one Joseph I. Stalin. The story of how Stalin, and through him Khrushchev, gained the tools of power to found an empire that touched the entire globe. > > Of course Khrushchev later lost the Spear of Longinus and the Shield of the True Cross to a stealthy and daring night raid by John F. Kennedy against the ships transporting it to Cuba, but that is a different story. Was your Dad in on that also? I thought I was the only one who knew! 😃 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/no-your-magical-christ-nail-didnt-win-wwii-for-us/297308.md?page=3)