# Noah's Ark - Factually correct **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [May 22, 2014, 5:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018 "2014-05-22T17:31:22Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![hotflungwok](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/edb3f5/32.png) [@hotflungwok](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/hotflungwok)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 7:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018/21 "2014-05-22T19:07:03Z")
> [@Thudlow\_Boink](#): > > None of the paintings, figurines, children’s book illustrations, etc. I ever saw showed this. > > There may be an untapped market here. You wanna make a children’s book about Noah’s Ark with a picture of a big boat covered in little windows each with and animal’s butt pressed up against it and various types of shit flying out of them? I can totally see children being interested in that, I want to invest. Personally, I wanna know how he kept the penguins on ice the whole time. ---
**Author:** ![That\_Don\_Guy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/that_don_guy/32/538_2.png) [@That\_Don\_Guy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/That_Don_Guy)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018/22 "2014-05-22T19:23:21Z")
> [@Sam\_Lowry](#): > > I don’t know why people try to find “scientific” proof that there was an ark or a flood. Any explanation would have to involve God using a miracle to make the ark possible, and if your explanation involves God’s power and miracles, then literally anything is possible. In some cases, they’re not looking for “the” Ark or “the” Flood, but some smaller-scale event that would have been the bases for the stories of Gilgamesh and Noah. ---
**Author:** ![Kenm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bc79bd/32.png) [@Kenm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kenm)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 7:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018/23 "2014-05-22T19:35:43Z")
> [@](#): > > Evidently, if you get the right Panda it may eat corn stalks and if you get the right Koala they can be tricked into eating other things that have been sprayed with eucalyptus oil. Thy panda and thy koala haz spechul sos cheezburgers. ---
**Author:** ![Steve\_MB](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/steve_mb/32/5339_2.png) [@Steve\_MB](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Steve_MB)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 7:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018/24 "2014-05-22T19:40:29Z")
> [@Yllaria](#): > > Did the radio mention how they dealt with 40 days of poo? “You never even looked in the bottom of that Ark! Have you looked down there? No? Who’s gonna clean up that mess down there?” ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018/25 "2014-05-22T19:45:17Z")
> [@Steve\_MB](#): > > “You never even looked in the bottom of that Ark! Have you looked down there? No? Who’s gonna clean up that mess down there?” How long can you tread water??? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Sam\_Lowry](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e95f7d/32.png) [@Sam\_Lowry](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sam_Lowry)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018/26 "2014-05-22T19:49:35Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > Well, if his birthday fell during those 40 days of rain, we still can’t tell how long he was floating around. Yeah I see I wasn’t clear. [Here are the verses](http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+6-9): Chapter 7: > [@](#): > > 6 Noah was six hundred years old when the floodwaters came on the earth. > [@](#): > > 11 In the six hundredth year of Noah’s life, on the seventeenth day of the second month—on that day all the springs of the great deep burst forth, and the floodgates of the heavens were opened. Chapter 8: > [@](#): > > 13 By the first day of the first month of Noah’s six hundred and first year, the water had dried up from the earth. Noah then removed the covering from the ark and saw that the surface of the ground was dry. 14 By the twenty-seventh day of the second month the earth was completely dry. So unless I’m misunderstanding, they were on the ark for about a year. > [@That\_Don\_Guy](#): > > In some cases, they’re not looking for “the” Ark or “the” Flood, but some smaller-scale event that would have been the bases for the stories of Gilgamesh and Noah. That’s true. “Scientists” who believe that Noah’s ark is a factual story, not a parable, could find scientific evidence of a flood, and hope people don’t notice that it doesn’t prove that there was a worldwide flood. Or the impossibility of all the animals being on a boat for a year, then dispersing to where they are now in the world. ---
**Author:** ![XT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xt/32/456_2.png) [@XT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XT)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 8:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018/27 "2014-05-22T20:00:55Z")
> [@Steve\_MB](#): > > “You never even looked in the bottom of that Ark! Have you looked down there? No? Who’s gonna clean up that mess down there?” It’s a good thing that animals aren’t susceptible to motion sickness, or that massive flooding entailing covering over all the land would cause a bit of chop, right? 😛 As for the poo problem, well, that’s what toilets are for. I mean, duh! But seriously, OP (because I really expect you to come back and engage in a good faith debate here and all), what about those fish? Massive global flooding of fresh water (and all that debris stuff when the land gets flooded over completely in a short time span) is not going to bode well for the fishes and stuff. As an example of this try pouring in several gallons of fresh water (and dirt and assorted crap) into your salt water fish tank then take note of what happens to the fish in there (conversely, you could do the same with your fresh water tank, to demonstrate what happens to the lakes and fresh water seas that would be flooded eventually with all that salt water stuff when some sort of equilibrium occurs…after, um, 40 days of massive flooding and…er, well, it’s hard to keep a straight face here and hard to believe that anyone who actually thinks about this can be credulous to believe this now that we know how big the earth is, and stuff about animals and plants…and geology…and meteorology…and, all that science stuff…). Er, where was I? Oh, yeah…did you try the experiment? Those things floating at the top now? Those are the dead fish. So, getting back to the fish thing, how? Did they have fish tanks on the Ark as well? Because, you know, this would have to be a pretty big boat. Maybe the translation was wrong wrt the units of measurement. Because my back of the envelop calculation seems to indicate that the Ark would have had to be several times larger…probably an order of magnitude larger at least…to house even 2 of ever species, plus all of the stuff they would need to keep them alive for 40 days (or a year, or a parsec, or whatever), including all of the aquatic species that the original authors of the Bible didn’t know about or consider. Or, you could just man up and say that God did it and not try and go for a rational, scientifically based explanation as to how it could have happened in reality, since, you know, it wouldn’t be believable to anyone who has even a basic understanding of the issues. Good grief, folks bought into Battleship, Pacific Rim AND Independence Day, I’d just go with the ‘God worked his magical powers to bring forth water instantly and without any actual physical effect or evidence, save all the good fish, plants and pandas, as well as a couple of people, then magically made the waters go away again without leaving any evidence and then put the good animals, plants and assorted pandas and shit right back where they came from instantaneously, while making it SEEM that other human populations outside of the Middle East had actually been all around the world during the supposed time this all happened anyway. As for dinosaurs, well, lol, they were just a trick, created by the same folks who built the glaciers, and one day a name tag will be found on one that attributes it correctly’. I think that would work better. ---
**Author:** ![Procrustus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/procrustus/32/2994_2.png) [@Procrustus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Procrustus)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018/28 "2014-05-22T20:03:55Z")
> [@Sam\_Lowry](#): > > Yeah I see I wasn’t clear. [Here are the verses](http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+6-9): > > So unless I’m misunderstanding, they were on the ark for about a year. Thanks. Good for you for reading that far. I never get past page one. ---
**Author:** ![fachverwirrt](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/94ad74/32.png) [@fachverwirrt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fachverwirrt)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018/29 "2014-05-22T20:32:21Z")
**XT** , you understand that the OP isn’t serious, right? ---
**Author:** ![Gedd](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gedd/32/4938_2.png) [@Gedd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gedd)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018/30 "2014-05-22T20:41:18Z")
> [@Procrustus](#): > > Thanks. Good for you for reading that far. I never get past page one. Oh, so then you never even noticed the creation story is in there twice and contradicts itself? Genesis 2:5-7 > [@](#): > > Now no shrub had yet appeared on the earth and no plant had yet sprung up, for the Lord God had not sent rain on the earth and there was no one to work the ground, 6 but streams came up from the earth and watered the whole surface of the ground. 7 Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being. They just got done saying he created light-\> sky -\> water/earth -\> plants -\> animals -\> man. Which is it? Of course how can you expect a book that’s a few thousand years old and which was copied and translated by hand for centuries to be the most exact thing around if it was true? ---
**Author:** ![Sicks\_Ate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/258eb7/32.png) [@Sicks\_Ate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sicks_Ate)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018/31 "2014-05-22T20:48:54Z")
> [@fachverwirrt](#): > > **XT** , you understand that the OP isn’t serious, right? Awww, you just ruined the thread for me 😉 ---
**Author:** ![XT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xt/32/456_2.png) [@XT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/XT)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 9:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018/32 "2014-05-22T21:20:35Z")
> [@fachverwirrt](#): > > **XT** , you understand that the OP isn’t serious, right? :smack: Nope, I totally didn’t get that. Thought this was another drive by like the usual 9/11 Truther You Just Gots To See This New Awesome Video things. Why is this in GD if it’s a parody thread? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Yllaria](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/yllaria/32/3452_2.png) [@Yllaria](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Yllaria)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018/33 "2014-05-22T21:23:33Z")
> [@Steve\_MB](#): > > “You never even looked in the bottom of that Ark! Have you looked down there? No? Who’s gonna clean up that mess down there?” As much as I love Bill Cosby in general and that bit in particular, I don’t think we can count this as a serious theological take on the subject. For one thing, he lists no quantities. (“Riiiiiiight.”) ---
**Author:** ![tomndebb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b9e5f3/32.png) [@tomndebb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tomndebb)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 9:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018/34 "2014-05-22T21:33:38Z")
I see no debate, here. Scorn is better suited to The BBQ Pit, (even if it is simply mocking rather than ranting). Off it goes. ---
**Author:** ![Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/budget_player_cadet/32/205_2.png) [@Budget\_Player\_Cadet](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Budget_Player_Cadet)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018/35 "2014-05-22T21:44:36Z")
Really, at this point, believing literally in the ark myth is the quickest way to reveal that you are completely ignorant and probably stupid. ---
**Author:** ![friedo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/8edcca/32.png) [@friedo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/friedo)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 11:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018/36 "2014-05-22T23:23:35Z")
I’m just curious how Noah sexed all those pairs of dinosaur eggs. Or maybe he didn’t, and that’s why dinosaurs are extinct. Stupid Noah. ---
**Author:** ![Rick\_Kitchen](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/rick_kitchen/32/522_2.png) [@Rick\_Kitchen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rick_Kitchen)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 11:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018/37 "2014-05-22T23:27:47Z")
In the recent **Noah** movie, Noah and his family just wandered through he ark waving smoking bundles of herbs and all of the animals fell asleep till it was time to empty the ark. So they didn’t need to eat all that time. ---
**Author:** ![simster](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/simster/32/1047_2.png) [@simster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/simster)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 11:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018/38 "2014-05-22T23:46:49Z")
> [@Rick\_Kitchen](#): > > In the recent **Noah** movie, Noah and his family just wandered through he ark waving smoking bundles of herbs and all of the animals fell asleep till it was time to empty the ark. So they didn’t need to eat all that time. ahh - an early form of cryogenesis - nice. ---
**Author:** ![Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/e47c2d/32.png) [@Biffy\_the\_Elephant\_Shrew](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biffy_the_Elephant_Shrew)\ **Post date:** [May 22, 2014, 11:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018/39 "2014-05-22T23:50:58Z")
> [@Rick\_Kitchen](#): > > In the recent **Noah** movie, Noah and his family just wandered through he ark waving smoking bundles of herbs and all of the animals fell asleep So the cast stoned those who were without sin? ---
**Author:** ![Kimstu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ecd19e/32.png) [@Kimstu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kimstu)\ **Post date:** [May 23, 2014, 12:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018/40 "2014-05-23T00:31:08Z")
I TOTALLY want the Noah’s Ark narrative to have been based on a true story. Of course, as has been pointed out upthread, the idea is completely unworkable on the scale presented in the Bible, with a worldwide year-long flood survived by a few humans in a huge ark preserving all the world’s animal biodiversity. But it seems quite likely that more minor local (but severely disruptive on a local scale) floods caused by rising sea levels in the Neolithic period helped inspire various prehistoric flood myths. Why couldn’t the ark aspect have a small kernel of original fact as well? If some guy and his wife and sons during one of those floods loaded a few sheep and goats into their logboat and they all drifted around for a couple days till the floodwaters went down, I can see how that would make a great story for postdiluvian firesides. “Grandpa, tell us again how Klag and his family took their goats in the boat when the Great Water came!” And gradually, over the course of many retellings, Klag is embarking not just a few goats and sheep but the family cows and maybe a fox and a lion or two, and so it goes. Oh, and while we’re on the subject of Noah, has anybody heard why the two snakes after the landing on Mount Ararat asked Noah to cut some nearby tree trunks into pieces for them?.. 😉 [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/noahs-ark-factually-correct/689018.md?page=3)