# Nobody move, or the penis gets it! **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 17, 2006, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobody-move-or-the-penis-gets-it/348730 "2006-03-17T13:46:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 18\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 1:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobody-move-or-the-penis-gets-it/348730/1 "2006-03-17T13:46:45Z")
[We call this the “Self Inflicted Lorena”](http://www.suntimes.com/output/news/cst-nws-ouch17.html) > [@](#): > > “We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own,” said Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan of the 16th District… > > “About 10 feet from the front porch, right on the sidewalk, was his penis,” Dolan said. Good thing the girlfriend is in Poland, or he’d be in BIG trouble when he gets home. ---
**Author:** ![eleanorigby](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/ee7513/32.png) [@eleanorigby](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/eleanorigby)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 2:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobody-move-or-the-penis-gets-it/348730/2 "2006-03-17T14:03:54Z")
Um. How about he goes from the inpatient acute care unit to the psychiatric one? What would cause a person to do such a thing? I don’t believe for a minute about the GF in Poland-what I mean is, nice try trying to blame her. Can you imagine being the GF in Poland? "let’s just turn on the news. Hmmm. Chicago is on the Polish news. What is this? Jakob Fik? OMG. What? He did what? " “And all because I refused to give him a BJ unless he showered first…” I’d say poor guy, but he did this to himself. WTH? ---
**Author:** ![Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@Man\_With\_a\_Cat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Man_With_a_Cat)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobody-move-or-the-penis-gets-it/348730/3 "2006-03-17T14:06:56Z")
I know - I can hardly clip my nails without wincing. I’m going to take some time today to promise my penis never ever to touch him with a knife. ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 2:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobody-move-or-the-penis-gets-it/348730/4 "2006-03-17T14:54:40Z")
Yeah riiiight. Cut off your dick, throw it at the fuzz, THEN go back in the house and get more knives. It’s as if the guy had heard one dumb-Polak joke too many. ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobody-move-or-the-penis-gets-it/348730/5 "2006-03-17T15:48:14Z")
Oh, man! I was talking about this with the ER nurse (one of ‘em) who treated this guy on Wednesday, and she says it was razored off cleanly - nothing left above the scrotum - and the scrotum was sliced open a little, revealing a pocket o’ testicles when viewed from above… They kept trying to ask him if he didn’t mean that his \*girlfriend \*did it (a la Bobbit), but nope, he insisted he did it to himself. I’m glad they were able to reattach it, but this guy has some serious issues to work on! (And yes, apparently the nurses were quietly humming “Detachable Penis” all afternoon.) 😃 ---
**Author:** ![LiveOnAPlane](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/3d9bf3/32.png) [@LiveOnAPlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/LiveOnAPlane)\ **Post date:** [March 17, 2006, 11:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobody-move-or-the-penis-gets-it/348730/6 "2006-03-17T23:31:52Z")
Way I heard it: He throws it out the window. It hits the windshield of a passing car, with a man and his wife inside. The man goes “SHIT!” Wife goes, “What?” Man goes, “Damn, baby, did you see the dick on that bug!!!” ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2006, 1:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobody-move-or-the-penis-gets-it/348730/7 "2006-03-18T01:26:19Z")
He must have been stoned or drunk or something. ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2006, 3:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobody-move-or-the-penis-gets-it/348730/8 "2006-03-18T03:03:35Z")
I’ve taken care of three self-inflicted peniectomies (my word, not a medical term). In all three cases the man was bi-polar, having a psychotic break. He is lucky he cut it cleanly, they’re hard to reattach when cut with a steak knife or scissors. ---
**Author:** ![MysteryFellow63427](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/a88e4f/32.png) [@MysteryFellow63427](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MysteryFellow63427)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2006, 3:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobody-move-or-the-penis-gets-it/348730/9 "2006-03-18T03:05:22Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > He must have been stoned or drunk or something. AND batshit crazy to begin with. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2006, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobody-move-or-the-penis-gets-it/348730/10 "2006-03-18T03:07:32Z")
I know I shouldn’t but I can’t stop giggling. The title combined with the thread title (great job, **Mr Bus Guy**!) is hilarious. And for a second I thought Mr Bus Guy was really threatening\*\* Little Bus Guy\*\*. :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2006, 6:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobody-move-or-the-penis-gets-it/348730/11 "2006-03-18T06:04:47Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > I’ve taken care of three self-inflicted peniectomies (my word, not a medical term). In all three cases the man was bi-polar, having a psychotic break. > He is lucky he cut it cleanly, they’re hard to reattach when cut with a steak knife or scissors. :eek: Holy shit, that is so incredibly disturbing and sad at the same ti me. ☹ ---
**Author:** ![WhyNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/c77e96/32.png) [@WhyNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WhyNot)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2006, 11:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobody-move-or-the-penis-gets-it/348730/12 "2006-03-18T11:27:18Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > He must have been stoned or drunk or something. Nope. Tox screen came back clean. How nasty is that? ---
**Author:** ![Bricker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/977dab/32.png) [@Bricker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bricker)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2006, 12:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobody-move-or-the-penis-gets-it/348730/13 "2006-03-18T12:41:07Z")
> [@ivylass](#): > > He must have been stoned or drunk or something. I think he was just plain nuts. ---
**Author:** ![Ferret\_Herder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/e47774/32.png) [@Ferret\_Herder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ferret_Herder)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2006, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobody-move-or-the-penis-gets-it/348730/14 "2006-03-18T13:06:57Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > I think he was just plain nuts. _snerk_ Glad I wasn’t drinking my coffee at that moment. ---
**Author:** ![ivylass](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/9de053/32.png) [@ivylass](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ivylass)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2006, 2:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobody-move-or-the-penis-gets-it/348730/15 "2006-03-18T14:08:13Z")
> [@Bricker](#): > > I think he was just plain nuts. Well, if he wasn’t before, he is now. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![Cervaise](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cervaise/32/16693_2.png) [@Cervaise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cervaise)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2006, 6:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobody-move-or-the-penis-gets-it/348730/16 "2006-03-18T18:40:45Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > they’re hard to reattach when cut with a steak knife or scissors How about a hedge trimmer? ---
**Author:** ![Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/regallag_the_axe/32/445_2.png) [@Regallag\_The\_Axe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Regallag_The_Axe)\ **Post date:** [March 18, 2006, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobody-move-or-the-penis-gets-it/348730/17 "2006-03-18T20:03:55Z")
“OH, DEAR GOD! WTF WAS HE THINKING?! IT HURTS JUST READING THAT!” ::shivers:: ---
**Author:** ![Nars\_Glinley](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/nars_glinley/32/8177_2.png) [@Nars\_Glinley](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nars_Glinley)\ **Post date:** [March 19, 2006, 12:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobody-move-or-the-penis-gets-it/348730/18 "2006-03-19T00:30:44Z")
> [@WhyNot](#): > > Oh, man! I was talking about this with the ER nurse (one of ‘em) who treated this guy on Wednesday, and she says it was razored off cleanly - nothing left above the scrotum - and the scrotum was sliced open a little, revealing a pocket o’ testicles when viewed from above… They kept trying to ask him if he didn’t mean that his \*girlfriend \*did it (a la Bobbit), but nope, he insisted he did it to himself. If ever there was a need for a spoiler tag and a TMI warning, this is it. :eek: