# Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas! **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [December 10, 2011, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728 "2011-12-10T13:35:45Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![DCnDC](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dcndc/32/2842_2.png) [@DCnDC](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DCnDC)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728/1 "2011-12-10T13:35:45Z")
No, no, we’re all in this together! This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap- hap- happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fuckin’ Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the _jolliest_ bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728/2 "2011-12-10T14:58:28Z")
Mom? Is that you? Mom…give it up. ---
**Author:** ![CWN](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bc79bd/32.png) [@CWN](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CWN)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728/3 "2011-12-10T15:10:40Z")
Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol? ---
**Author:** ![MsWhatsit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/eb8c5e/32.png) [@MsWhatsit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MsWhatsit)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728/4 "2011-12-10T15:18:00Z")
Fixed the newel post. ---
**Author:** ![interface2x](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/c0e974/32.png) [@interface2x](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/interface2x)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 3:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728/5 "2011-12-10T15:27:01Z")
I don’t know, _Margot_. ---
**Author:** ![joebuck20](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/74df32/32.png) [@joebuck20](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joebuck20)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 4:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728/6 "2011-12-10T16:47:29Z")
> [@DCnDC](#): > > No, no, we’re all in this together! This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap- hap- happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fuckin’ Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the _jolliest_ bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse. You’re goofy. ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 4:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728/7 "2011-12-10T16:54:49Z")
Everybody starts having Holly-Jolly Chritmas Fun™ right now, [or else!](http://hellinahandbasket.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/clint-eastwood-as-dirty-harry-with-his-44-magnum.jpg) ---
**Author:** ![Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bosda_di_chi_of_tricor/32/16845_2.png) [@Bosda\_Di\_Chi\_of\_Tricor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bosda_Di_Chi_of_Tricor)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 6:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728/8 "2011-12-10T18:10:59Z")
I want a BJ for Xmas. 'Scuze me…XXXmas. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 6:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728/9 "2011-12-10T18:21:10Z")
Shitter’s full! ---
**Author:** ![Covered\_In\_Bees](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/7ab992/32.png) [@Covered\_In\_Bees](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Covered_In_Bees)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 6:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728/10 "2011-12-10T18:33:51Z")
Is your house on fire Clark? It’s not everyday someone moves into a new house. This house is bigger than your old one. ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728/11 "2011-12-10T19:00:46Z")
You couldn’t hear a dump truck driving through a nitroglycerin plant. ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 7:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728/12 "2011-12-10T19:18:59Z")
If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be more surprised than I am right now. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 7:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728/13 "2011-12-10T19:42:45Z")
Every time Catherine turns on the microwave, I piss my pants and forget who I am for a half hour. ---
**Author:** ![joebuck20](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/74df32/32.png) [@joebuck20](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/joebuck20)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 7:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728/14 "2011-12-10T19:45:02Z")
You about ready to do some kissin’? ---
**Author:** ![RadicalPi](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/radicalpi/32/9806_2.png) [@RadicalPi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RadicalPi)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728/15 "2011-12-10T23:05:43Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Shitter’s full! Honey, have you checked our shitters? Also, Ellen: Clark, we’re stuck under a truck! Clark: Do you honestly think I don’t know that! ---
**Author:** ![jz78817](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jz78817/32/1028_2.png) [@jz78817](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jz78817)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2011, 11:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728/16 "2011-12-10T23:07:07Z")
Grace? She passed away _years_ ago. The BLESSING! Oh dear… did I break wind? ---
**Author:** ![Shawn1767](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ee7513/32.png) [@Shawn1767](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shawn1767)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2011, 12:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728/17 "2011-12-11T00:43:03Z")
SQUIRREL! Where’s Eddie? He usually eats these things! ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2011, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728/18 "2011-12-11T01:37:58Z")
:smack: I should’ve realized, this being CS, that the OP was probably quoting a movie. From context, I’m guessing one of the Vacation movies. Sorry for crashing into the thread. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2011, 1:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728/19 "2011-12-11T01:51:23Z")
Do you have to sleep with your brother? Do you know how sick and twisted that is? I have nightmares about what he does in his room when I’m _not_ sleeping right next to him. Get off me, you little fungus! ---
**Author:** ![yellowval](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/919ad9/32.png) [@yellowval](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/yellowval)\ **Post date:** [December 11, 2011, 3:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728/20 "2011-12-11T03:31:20Z")
Can I refill your egg nog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere, leave you for dead? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nobodys-walking-out-on-this-fun-old-fashioned-family-christmas/605728.md?page=2)