# Nocturnal vandals, I will nail your hides to the wall **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 30, 2003, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nocturnal-vandals-i-will-nail-your-hides-to-the-wall/172187 "2003-04-30T16:59:39Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 10\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 4:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nocturnal-vandals-i-will-nail-your-hides-to-the-wall/172187/1 "2003-04-30T16:59:39Z")
I have had it with you sleazy vermin. I am tired of the holes in my fence, the trespassing, the damage you wreak, the threats you make when confronted. Non-violence has not worked. Sweet reason has been ineffective. I have gotten the drop on you, forced you into the car, driven miles into the country, and released you only because I abhor bloodshed. But I’ve had it now, you ravenous, chittering, tick-ridden pests. Derby Day is coming, and the next one of you I capture will be the centerpiece of a big pot of traditional Kentucky burgoo. Woodchucks be damned. You are warned. ---
**Author:** ![alice\_in\_wonderland](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alice_in_wonderland/32/176_2.png) [@alice\_in\_wonderland](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/alice_in_wonderland)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 5:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nocturnal-vandals-i-will-nail-your-hides-to-the-wall/172187/2 "2003-04-30T17:02:27Z")
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Sorry - it had to be done. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![lisacurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/41988e/32.png) [@lisacurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lisacurl)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 5:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nocturnal-vandals-i-will-nail-your-hides-to-the-wall/172187/3 "2003-04-30T17:05:31Z")
Are they evil nazi woodchucks from hell? ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 6:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nocturnal-vandals-i-will-nail-your-hides-to-the-wall/172187/4 "2003-04-30T18:43:08Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Amanita \* > \*\*Are they evil nazi woodchucks from hell? \*\* They seem more anarchist in orientation. I can visualize them parading under the black flag. (Actually, I could see myself taking action under the Black Flag if it weren’t for the environmental consequences). Speaking of nazi influences, my own state university recommends euthanizing nuisance animals (well, chipmunks anyway) by gassing them in a CO2 chamber. :eek: I would probably be on safer legal ground disposing of them on my property, as opposed to transporting them as if they were 19th century felons exiled to Australia. I can picture an Alice’s Restaurantesque scene in prison:\* **Jackmannii** , out in the exercise yard warily notes an approaching convict who resembles a biker version of Shaquille O’Neal. **Menacing Con** : “And what are **you** in for??” **Jackmannii** : “Well, uh…um…violating Section 301c, part 6b.” **Menacing Con** : “What’s that?!” **Jackmannii** : “Er…transporting a pest animal across township lines to the detriment of the public commonweal.” **Menacing Con** : (Eyes Jackmannii with disgust). **Jackmannii** : “Oh, and creating a nuisance.” **Menacing Con** : (slaps Jackmannii heartily on the back, dislodging part of a lung) “Heeeey, you’re all right!!”\* ---
**Author:** ![teela\_brown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d9b06d/32.png) [@teela\_brown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teela_brown)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 8:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nocturnal-vandals-i-will-nail-your-hides-to-the-wall/172187/5 "2003-04-30T20:49:56Z")
I dug up my old thread wherein I recommended [this](http://www.rodexindustries.com/) system to **Scylla**. Essentially, you pump the burrows full of a mixture of propane and oxygen and then trigger an underground explosion. It claims to be very effective. I wonder if scorched earth syndrome is the real reason **Scylla** had to move from his farm? ---
**Author:** ![Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/spectre_of_pithecanthropus/32/12343_2.png) [@Spectre\_of\_Pithecanthropus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spectre_of_Pithecanthropus)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 9:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nocturnal-vandals-i-will-nail-your-hides-to-the-wall/172187/6 "2003-04-30T21:15:26Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by alice\_in\_wonderland \* > \*\*How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? > > Sorry - it had to be done. 😃 \*\* A woodchuck would chuck as much would as a woodchuck could chuck, assuming for the purposes of argument that a woodchuck could chuck wood. ---
**Author:** ![Jackmannii](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jackmannii/32/311_2.png) [@Jackmannii](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jackmannii)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 10:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nocturnal-vandals-i-will-nail-your-hides-to-the-wall/172187/7 "2003-04-30T22:04:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by pugluvr \* > \*\*I dug up my old thread wherein I recommended [this](http://www.rodexindustries.com/) system to **Scylla**. Essentially, you pump the burrows full of a mixture of propane and oxygen and then trigger an underground explosion. It claims to be very effective. \*\* Thank you! What a great idea!! And since there’s a natural gas line running nearby, I can take out that ugly housing development down the street at the same time as the woodchucks! I love technology. ---
**Author:** ![Tripler](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tripler/32/21807_2.png) [@Tripler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tripler)\ **Post date:** [April 30, 2003, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nocturnal-vandals-i-will-nail-your-hides-to-the-wall/172187/8 "2003-04-30T23:58:55Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Jackmannii \* > \*\*Thank you! What a great idea!! > > And since there’s a natural gas line running nearby, I can take out that ugly housing development down the street at the same time as the woodchucks! I love technology. \*\* Yeah, really. If yer gonna try this, [be careful](http://www.oswald.minot.com/Dakrats.jpg), if only for the love of God. . . Tripler Technology is wonderful, ain’t it? ---
**Author:** ![Mangetout](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mangetout/32/19_2.png) [@Mangetout](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mangetout)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 12:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nocturnal-vandals-i-will-nail-your-hides-to-the-wall/172187/9 "2003-05-01T00:38:09Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Tripler \* > \*\*Yeah, really. If yer gonna try this, [be careful](http://www.oswald.minot.com/Dakrats.jpg), if only for the love of God. . . > \*\* > [@](#): > > _(from linked article)_ > “It blew the whole door and the top and sides completely into about eight pieces” Michael Caine was unavailable for comment. ---
**Author:** ![Liz](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/liz/32/17737_2.png) [@Liz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Liz)\ **Post date:** [May 1, 2003, 2:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nocturnal-vandals-i-will-nail-your-hides-to-the-wall/172187/10 "2003-05-01T02:56:01Z")
**Jackmannii** , have you heard about the high-frequency sound pulsars that are _supposed_ to keep unwelcome animals from your property? I’m not sure how well they work, but apparently, they send out a piercing sound that animals can’t stand, but which is inaudible to humans. I’ve seen them in a couple of places, and they don’t seem very expensive. I’ve also heard scattering dried blood will keep animals from certain parts of the yard, but I don’t know where or how one would go about obtaining dried blood! :eek: I believe the sound devices can also be purchased with the ability to create ground vibrations for burrowing animals, but I’m not sure if that would cause damage to your yard or not. You can see some of these products [here](http://www.repelandkill.com/all.shtml). Good luck! Oh, and keep up the non-violent means of removal. If no one else does, I love ya for it. 🙂