# Nominate a profession for the Golgafrincham b ark **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 30, 2011, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612 "2011-08-30T12:14:08Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Bakhesh](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/3da27b/32.png) [@Bakhesh](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bakhesh)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 12:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612/1 "2011-08-30T12:14:08Z")
For those of you who haven’t read the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, the Golgafrinchans were a race whose planet was going to be completely destroyed by a mutant star goat. To save their race, they built three mighty space arks. In the A Ark, they put all of their greatest minds, leaders, scientists, artists etc. In the C Ark, they put all of the actual workers, and into Ark B when everyone else (listed as hairdressers, insurance salesmen, middle-management, personnel officers, management consultants, telephone sanitisers and the like) They sent the B Ark off first, and then everyone else stayed home. The Mutant star goat had been made up to let them get rid of the most useless third of their population. The rest of them happily lived on on Golgafrinchan, until the entire race was wiped out by a plague contracted from a dirty telephone. So, which professions would you nominate to put on the B Ark? Who would we all be better off without? ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 12:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612/2 "2011-08-30T12:40:14Z")
Spammers. Telemarketers. Homeopathic “doctors”. Priests. Door to door salesmen, both of the corporate and religious variety. ---
**Author:** ![OttoDaFe](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ottodafe/32/356_2.png) [@OttoDaFe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/OttoDaFe)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 12:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612/3 "2011-08-30T12:47:14Z")
Not a profession _per se_, but IMHO every MBA — especially from someplace like “Bob’s MBA Academy & Radiator Repair” — would be required to prove the ability to achieve something productive (an ashtray would suffice) to be upgraded to the “C” Ark. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 1:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612/4 "2011-08-30T13:21:51Z")
Politicians. Imagine a world without politicians. ---
**Author:** ![Dragwyr](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/dragwyr/32/2855_2.png) [@Dragwyr](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dragwyr)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 1:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612/5 "2011-08-30T13:33:49Z")
Not a profession, but a single person: Some no-talent socialite named Paris Hilton, who apparently thinks she is Og’s gift to the world. ---
**Author:** ![mrklutz](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/ebca7d/32.png) [@mrklutz](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mrklutz)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 3:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612/6 "2011-08-30T15:10:27Z")
“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.” ---
**Author:** ![RealityChuck](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/realitychuck/32/195_2.png) [@RealityChuck](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/RealityChuck)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 3:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612/7 "2011-08-30T15:42:50Z")
Members of the political party I disagree with. One question, though. Is their b ark worse than their b ite? ---
**Author:** ![Azeotrope](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/0ea827/32.png) [@Azeotrope](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Azeotrope)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 4:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612/8 "2011-08-30T16:20:39Z")
Perfume sample people in stores, who try to squirt you with Eau de Skunkfart as you pass by. ---
**Author:** ![Double\_Foolscap](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/85e7bf/32.png) [@Double\_Foolscap](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Double_Foolscap)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 4:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612/9 "2011-08-30T16:24:51Z")
As a telemarketer, I’d like to protest. Well, no, I’d just like to exclude business to business telemarketers 😃 In our place, I offer people who stand in the high street with signs advertising Cash4Gold or similar. Also, anybody who has a company whose purpose is impossible to determine even after reading through their website. If their job was that important, there’d be a name for it. ---
**Author:** ![SciFiSam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/47e85d/32.png) [@SciFiSam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SciFiSam)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 5:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612/10 "2011-08-30T17:19:27Z")
Actually, I have to nominate chuggers. Chuggers make time-share salesmen seem reasonable. Bailiffs - debt collectors - are also mostly law-breaking vengeful bastards, at least in the UK, but I don’t know if I could inflict them on the others in the B ark. ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 5:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612/11 "2011-08-30T17:21:32Z")
> [@Double\_Foolscap](#): > > As a telemarketer, I’d like to protest. > > Well, no, I’d just like to exclude business to business telemarketers :D\ NO EXCLUDING TELEMARKETERS! Damn, even thinking about telemarketers and exclusions is making me mad. I nominate record company executives. ---
**Author:** ![Jenaroph](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/e8c25b/32.png) [@Jenaroph](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jenaroph)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 5:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612/12 "2011-08-30T17:42:43Z")
Amway salespeople. Any MLM marketers, for that matter, MonaVie, Metabolife, etc. ---
**Author:** ![bump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7c8e57/32.png) [@bump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bump)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612/13 "2011-08-30T19:17:16Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > Actually, I have to nominate chuggers. Chuggers make time-share salesmen seem reasonable. What’s a chugger? I nominate salespeople to be included on the B Ark. Without fail, they’ll sell more than their company can deliver, gaining them large commissions, and either leave their customers with incomplete solutions, or leave the rest of their company struggling to meet whatever crazy needs they agreed to for no extra charge. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 7:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612/14 "2011-08-30T19:20:08Z")
> [@SciFiSam](#): > > Politicians. Imagine a world without politicians. There’d be a lot more fighting. Actual _physical_ fighting, I mean. Politics is the art of resolving conflicts without resorting to knives, fists, and guns. > [@mrklutz](#): > > “The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers.” See above. ---
**Author:** ![JoelUpchurch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f05b48/32.png) [@JoelUpchurch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoelUpchurch)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 7:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612/15 "2011-08-30T19:49:04Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > There’d be a lot more fighting. Actual _physical_ fighting, I mean. Politics is the art of resolving conflicts without resorting to knives, fists, and guns. > See above. [http://rcferris.com/Bloom%20County-Lawyers.gif](http://rcferris.com/Bloom%20County-Lawyers.gif) The point here is that lawyers exist to create billable conflict. ---
**Author:** ![Larry\_Mudd](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f14d63/32.png) [@Larry\_Mudd](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Larry_Mudd)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612/16 "2011-08-30T20:03:02Z")
Life Coach. “Hi, I suffer from the sort of intellectual deficit required in order to be attracted by [this sort of pitch](http://www.ipeccoaching.com/timeline-coach-training-programs.htm). Now,\* pay me for personal advice\*.” ---
**Author:** ![h.sapiens](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/e0b2c6/32.png) [@h.sapiens](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/h.sapiens)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612/17 "2011-08-30T20:06:45Z")
Astrologers, psychics, reiki therapists, and others of their ilk. Nancy Grace can be told that she gets to be captain of the b ark. ---
**Author:** ![scr4](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/59ef9b/32.png) [@scr4](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scr4)\ **Post date:** [August 30, 2011, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612/18 "2011-08-30T20:20:27Z")
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**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 1:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612/19 "2011-08-31T01:19:18Z")
> [@JoelUpchurch](#): > > The point here is that lawyers exist to create billable conflict. They exist because people do better with something complicated like law when they have an expert handling details. The alternative to lawyers is for people to be continuously screwed over because they don’t know what they are doing, or for all disputes to be solved by brute force. ---
**Author:** ![JoelUpchurch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/f05b48/32.png) [@JoelUpchurch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JoelUpchurch)\ **Post date:** [August 31, 2011, 6:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612/20 "2011-08-31T06:02:10Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > They exist because people do better with something complicated like law when they have an expert handling details. The alternative to lawyers is for people to be continuously screwed over because they don’t know what they are doing, or for all disputes to be solved by brute force. And who created the complicated laws? [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-a-profession-for-the-golgafrincham-b-ark/594612.md?page=2)