# Nominate the stupidest character in a commercial **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 17, 2011, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600 "2011-09-17T05:00:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![elfkin477](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/a9a28c/32.png) [@elfkin477](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/elfkin477)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/1 "2011-09-17T05:00:32Z")
Character in the loose sense, given that most of the idiots in commercials are probably not as stupid as they’re scripted to sound. I hope. I used to think that it’d be impossible to top the stupidity of the person who, in her 50s, learned that asthma comes back, but I was wrong. Someone is dumber. The woman of approximately the same age in a Lyrica commercial that just now [learned that we have nerves](http://www.lyrica.com/video-player/tvcommercial.aspx) is _way_ dumber. I don’t understand, are we supposed to feel empathy for someone this stupid? She’s not everywoman, your average 6th grader can tell you how nerves work in pretty good detail… Anyway, what commercials do you nominate for topping that stupidity? I’m sure you’ve already got one in mind. ---
**Author:** ![Don\_Draper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/b2d939/32.png) [@Don\_Draper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Don_Draper)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 5:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/2 "2011-09-17T05:27:31Z")
My vote goes to the guy from the cereal commercial who is standing in the kitchen in the middle of the night, wishing it were morning so that he can eat his cereal. Then he abruptly leaves his house, gets on a plane to freakin’ _China_, takes a shuttle out to the ocean, all so he can see the sun rise…thereby meaning it is morning and that he can eat his cereal. Sure, I know it’s supposed to be farcical, but I can’t even pay attention to what brand of cereal it’s for - all I can think is that the time spent geting all the way around the world would certainly be longer than one single night. He could’ve just waited at his house, and day would break at his own home faster than it took him to find the dawn. Or, better yet, the dude could’ve just eaten his bowl of cereal at night!! Who the hell is gonna stop him? Just makes me mad. ---
**Author:** ![Cuckoorex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ad7895/32.png) [@Cuckoorex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cuckoorex)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 5:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/3 "2011-09-17T05:29:01Z")
The “I learned that we have nerves” woman was the one I was coming in to nominate. But I’ll also nominate, collectively, the idiots that cannot seem to do something so simple as straining cooked pasta without scalding themselves or using a blanket while watching TV without getting into a tangled mess unless they have some specialty device to do it for them. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 5:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/4 "2011-09-17T05:38:57Z")
The guys in two commercials who, when offered Bayer aspirin for their pounding headaches turn it away at first because, “I’m not having a heart attack.” And then seem surprised that Bayer is for headaches too. :smack: ---
**Author:** ![PlainJain](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/5daacb/32.png) [@PlainJain](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PlainJain)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 5:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/5 "2011-09-17T05:45:18Z")
The winner has got to be the father who is looking for the cord to access the internet. His daughter tell him the cord is invisible - a concept he has trouble wrapping his head around. “Our invisible cord is really long!” . ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 8:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/6 "2011-09-17T08:20:09Z")
There was one several years ago for a window company. Two women are indoors; one is admiring the other’s new windows. Through the window we see the clueless husband trying to light a barbecue grill. He manages to turn the backyard into a smoking crater. Another had a man in a drugstore trying to choose a cough medicine, but apparently overwhelmed by the number of options. A chimpanzee comes in and picks the sponsor’s brand of cough syrup. One person who has not mastered fire, and another who’s dumber than a chimp. One of those ought to win the thread. ---
**Author:** ![planetcory](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/planetcory/32/1032_2.png) [@planetcory](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/planetcory)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/7 "2011-09-17T09:48:21Z")
> [@PlainJain](#): > > The winner has got to be the father who is looking for the cord to access the internet. His daughter tell him the cord is invisible - a concept he has trouble wrapping his head around. > > “Our invisible cord is really long!” > . I second this nomination. It’s what I came to post. Without question the dumbest dumb Dad in TV commercial history. ---
**Author:** ![Paintcharge](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/paintcharge/32/7946_2.png) [@Paintcharge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Paintcharge)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 3:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/8 "2011-09-17T15:49:14Z")
The wife in an ad for some cell phone company. Husband comes in to the greenhouse where she’s futzing with her orchids, tells her he just signed the whole family up for unlimited messaging or some such. She goes on a rant about how can we afford that, and I should have married the other guy. Shut up, bitch. You’ve been with this guy long enough to have kids and obviously are wealthy enough to have a greenhouse and fucking orchids. ---
**Author:** ![marshmallow](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@marshmallow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/marshmallow)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 3:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/9 "2011-09-17T15:58:28Z")
> [@Cuckoorex](#): > > But I’ll also nominate, collectively, the idiots that cannot seem to do something so simple as straining cooked pasta without scalding themselves or using a blanket while watching TV without getting into a tangled mess unless they have some specialty device to do it for them. This is always the highlight of an infomercial, when they say ‘are you tired of doing \?’ Then they show an 8 second clip of people catastrophically failing to slice bread or put food in a plastic container or something. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 4:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/10 "2011-09-17T16:12:23Z")
A commercial some years ago for prescription arthritis pills. Shows some particularly dumb looking middle-aged woman, at a splendid beach house, stumbling along the serene shoreline absolutely dumb-founded and flummoxed by the bad news from her doctor: she has arthritis, or rheumatiz, or at least the beginnings of it. She looks exactly as you would imagine a woman who has been told she has three months to live would look - staggeringly distraught and upset. I felt like saying: hey, dumbass! You’re 60, did you think you were going to keep your limber trophy-wife carcass forever?? You are going to be able to take the miracle arthritis pill. You are filthy rich and can afford said pills. You don’t have a friggin’ death sentence hanging over your head, get that woe-is-me-look off your stupid face. You’ll be able to do the fox-trot at the country club at Christmas with ease, you don’t have raging cancer! Idiot! ---
**Author:** ![John\_DiFool](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/john_difool/32/19543_2.png) [@John\_DiFool](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/John_DiFool)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 4:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/11 "2011-09-17T16:15:27Z")
Can I nominate the Geico caveman? He’s been pwned so many times now that it isn’t funny, but he never suspects something is up in each new installment. ---
**Author:** ![AlsoNamedBort](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alsonamedbort/32/3213_2.png) [@AlsoNamedBort](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AlsoNamedBort)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 4:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/12 "2011-09-17T16:34:44Z")
Also came in to nominate the woman who doesn’t know what nerves are. I hope she gets hired for other medical commercials. “My doctor explained to me that I have a heart, that pumps blood throughout my body.” “Did you know that everyone has a skeleton, that gives us structure?” ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 4:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/13 "2011-09-17T16:39:57Z")
The whiny, emasculated, little bitch of a man who informs his wife “Fiber makes me sad.” ---
**Author:** ![KneadToKnow](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/kneadtoknow/32/3999_2.png) [@KneadToKnow](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KneadToKnow)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 5:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/14 "2011-09-17T17:38:32Z")
> [@Paintcharge](#): > > The wife in an ad for some cell phone company. Husband comes in to the greenhouse where she’s futzing with her orchids, tells her he just signed the whole family up for unlimited messaging or some such. She goes on a rant about how can we afford that, and I should have married the other guy. > > Shut up, bitch. You’ve been with this guy long enough to have kids and obviously are wealthy enough to have a greenhouse and fucking orchids. My problem with that commercial is not that either of them is stupid, it’s that, when told that the unlimited minutes came free when he signed them up for unlimited texts, she doesn’t immediately ask “And how much did _that_ cost?” because that’s what someone like that would actually do. For stupidest person in a commercial, I’ve got to go with the short clip of the girl in the _Baggage_ promo on GSN who is saying, very defensively, “I’m a freak, period. So what?” _You’re_ the one who had to go on a _game show_ to find a date, dumbass. Chill the fuck out. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 6:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/15 "2011-09-17T18:19:56Z")
> [@AlsoNamedBort](#): > > “Did you know that everyone has a skeleton, that gives us structure?” :eek: But skeletons are _scary!_ Are you saying there’s one _inside_ of me? _Right now?_ :eek: :eek: :eek: I also nominate the inept people in As Seen On TV-type commercials. ---
**Author:** ![Hakuna\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/a88e4f/32.png) [@Hakuna\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Hakuna_Matata)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 6:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/16 "2011-09-17T18:30:06Z")
The husband-to-be on the Trojan Vibrator commerical who slaps the table and exclaims ‘sweet’ when his wife tells him she got 3 vibrators at the her bridial shower. WTF? I can’t understand why he is that excited. I mean I can understand her excitement but what is up with that guy. Drives me crazy every time I see that commercial. Well that and the bad acting by the dumb bimbos with their hair swept back after using the vibrator. ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 6:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/17 "2011-09-17T18:35:13Z")
> [@Hakuna\_Matata](#): > > The husband-to-be on the Trojan Vibrator commerical who slaps the table and exclaims ‘sweet’ when his wife tells him she got 3 vibrators at the her bridial shower. WTF? I can’t understand why he is that excited. I mean I can understand her excitement but what is up with that guy… Ever heard the expression “Priming the pump”? ---
**Author:** ![Eve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/9e8a1a/32.png) [@Eve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Eve)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 7:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/18 "2011-09-17T19:17:17Z")
> [@Nobody](#): > > The guys in two commercials who, when offered Bayer aspirin for their pounding headaches turn it away at first because, “I’m not having a heart attack.” And then seem surprised that Bayer is for headaches too. :smack: That was going to be my vote, too! Stupid bastard deserves to have a headache \*and \* a heart attack. ---
**Author:** ![salinqmind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/3ec8ea/32.png) [@salinqmind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/salinqmind)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/19 "2011-09-17T21:58:04Z")
> [@Hakuna\_Matata](#): > > The husband-to-be on the Trojan Vibrator commerical who slaps the table and exclaims ‘sweet’ when his wife tells him she got 3 vibrators at the her bridial shower. WTF? I can’t understand why he is that excited. I mean I can understand her excitement but what is up with that guy. Drives me crazy every time I see that commercial. Well that and the bad acting by the dumb bimbos with their hair swept back after using the vibrator. “Three vibrators? Sweet! Think of the WORK those things are going to save me!” ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [September 17, 2011, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/20 "2011-09-17T22:18:15Z")
> [@Eve](#): > > That was going to be my vote, too! Stupid bastard deserves to have a headache \*and \* a heart attack. Especially the first guy who, as I look it up, actually had back pain, not a headache, but still, when the Korean flight attendant brings him Bayer he assumes she doesn’t understand English and slowly explains that it’s his back, not his heart. :rolleyes: [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600.md?page=2)