# Nominate the stupidest character in a commercial **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 17, 2011, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600 "2011-09-17T05:00:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 8:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/41 "2011-09-18T08:44:14Z")
> [@Nobody](#): > > [ol] > [li]The car must start out as brand new with 0 miles on it.[/li][/ol] Is there such a thing? When I bought my new car, there were 50 miles or so on the clock. Just rolling it on and off the carrier to deliver it the dealership is going to put on a few tenths. But my basic point still stands. As restrictive as those rules are, it could be done. Maybe the Quaker State guys know that their oil is such crap that even if you jump through all the hoops, you still have no chance. If they had faith in their product, they’d promise you’ll make it, and stake their money if you didn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 9:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/42 "2011-09-18T09:22:50Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Is there such a thing? When I bought my new car, there were 50 miles or so on the clock. Just rolling it on and off the carrier to deliver it the dealership is going to put on a few tenths. > > But my basic point still stands. As restrictive as those rules are, it could be done. Maybe the Quaker State guys know that their oil is such crap that even if you jump through all the hoops, you still have no chance. If they had faith in their product, they’d promise you’ll make it, and stake their money if you didn’t. I guess I should have put a smiley at the end to show that I was joking. ---
**Author:** ![Sally\_Mander](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e56c9b/32.png) [@Sally\_Mander](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sally_Mander)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 12:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/43 "2011-09-18T12:35:06Z")
> [@Cuckoorex](#): > > But I’ll also nominate, collectively, the idiots that cannot seem to do something so simple as straining cooked pasta without scalding themselves or using a blanket while watching TV without getting into a tangled mess unless they have some specialty device to do it for them. I’ll second this, and specifically nominate the women who can’t wrap their hair up in a towel after showering, and need some specially-designed towel to do it. > [@salinqmind](#): > > Actually, I can’t remember the last time I ever took an aspirin for anything. Ibuprofen, Advil, Tylenol, and Excedrin have overshadowed the lowly aspirin. Slight highjack, but Excedrin is aspirin. It also contains acetaminophen (which is the active ingredient in Tylenol) and caffeine, but it has aspirin, too. ---
**Author:** ![Lacunae\_Matata](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lacunae\_Matata](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lacunae_Matata)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 3:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/44 "2011-09-18T15:14:18Z")
> [@Cuckoorex](#): > > The “I learned that we have nerves” woman was the one I was coming in to nominate. But I’ll also nominate, collectively, the idiots that cannot seem to do something so simple as straining cooked pasta without scalding themselves or using a blanket while watching TV without getting into a tangled mess unless they have some specialty device to do it for them. I love the commercial for the egg cracking device, which features folks smashing eggs all over the kitchen counters, range, etc. Talk about a solution in search of a problem! ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/45 "2011-09-18T16:06:55Z")
> [@Cuckoorex](#): > > The “I learned that we have nerves” woman was the one I was coming in to nominate. But I’ll also nominate, collectively, the idiots that cannot seem to do something so simple as straining cooked pasta without scalding themselves or using a blanket while watching TV without getting into a tangled mess unless they have some specialty device to do it for them. yeah, how about that guy who couldn’t even open a milk carton without spilling it all over himself! ---
**Author:** ![CWN](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bc79bd/32.png) [@CWN](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CWN)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 4:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/46 "2011-09-18T16:56:06Z")
> [@Nobody](#): > > The following conditions apply > [ol] > [li]The car must start out as brand new with 0 miles on it.[/li][li]You must reach 250,000 miles with no oil changes after purchasing the car.[/li][li]It must be a car. Not a truck, van, Jeep, SUV, or any other type of vehicle.[/li][/ol] Also states they will pay the Kelly blue book value for **you** r car, If you take the government mileage average the car will be 21 years old with 250000 miles!:rolleyes: ---
**Author:** ![Justin\_Bailey](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/justin_bailey/32/8792_2.png) [@Justin\_Bailey](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Justin_Bailey)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 6:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/47 "2011-09-18T18:28:40Z")
> [@Chefguy](#): > > Also, the creepy non-blinking “doctor” who pimps for Restasis. She’s apparently a real doctor (at least, that’s what the disclaimer at the bottom of the screen says). The non-blinking is still creepy as all get out though. ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 7:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/48 "2011-09-18T19:00:37Z")
What about the dumbass who can’t use a flashlight without falling out of the row boat? Dude, who goes fishing in the dead of night, without a camping lantern? That’s for that stupid hat with the lights on the brim. When I was a kid, I would have laughed at people wearing that. (I still would, just not in their face) Or the idiots who are struggling to reach up and water their plants. Hello, it’s called a stepping stool. Use it! (The people in the cooking device commercials shouldn’t even be allowed anywhere near a kitchen) “As Seen On TV” commercials are the best ones for Darwin-Awards-To-Be. ---
**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 7:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/49 "2011-09-18T19:13:20Z")
I nominate the “Nationwide is on your side” dufus with his backpack, shadow puppets, and mannequin-like facial expression. Some of these may be perfectly reasonable products that I will now not be caught DEAD purchasing or supporting because of the stupid commercials! (I have to say I do like the credit-card-carrying Vikings, and the woman who taught her dog Mr. Butters and her cockatiel to sing the hits of the 80’s.) ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 7:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/50 "2011-09-18T19:50:06Z")
> [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > The twit at the bakery who argues with the sheriff-bear cake has got to be on the short list. In an odd way, the actress in that commercial has a sort of sway over me (she’s not particularly attractive, but I guess that I really like her voice or something) as every time I see the ad, I really, REALLY want a little taste of something sweet… (and I am NOT talking about cake or yogurt) ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_Economist](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/c89c15/32.png) [@Evil\_Economist](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_Economist)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 8:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/51 "2011-09-18T20:05:19Z")
No discussion of stupid people in commercials can be complete without the “[Suzanne researched this](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ubsd-tWYmZw)” lady. It was an ad about a wife hectoring her husband into buying a house they couldn’t afford, which aired at almost exactly the same time that the housing bubble began to implode. On some of the financial boards I read, “Suzanne researched this” is still used as a sarcastic response whenever someone has a stupid get-rich-quick idea. ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 9:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/52 "2011-09-18T21:18:24Z")
> [@Lynn\_Bodoni](#): > > As for Snuggies, I find that if I wear my bathrobe backwards, it does a fine job of keeping me warm, including my arms. But then, I’ve also been able to cover myself up with a regular blanket and managed to use my arms. Or I wear a long sleeved fleece nightgown. It’s people like you who are killing this economy, with your “do-it-your-own-damned-self” independence, as opposed to shelling out $19.99 (and if you call in the next ten minutes, we’ll give you two-for-the-price-of-one!) for these finely crafted pieces of [del]shit[/del] quality merchandise. To the OP: dumbest people in a commercial? I nominate any smiling, cheerful woman who cleans her entire house with some cleaning product, only to have her dirty, rampaging family come in and totally trash her house. Her reaction? Shake her head and smile in an “Oh shucks/darn!” kind of way, and _again_ break out her bottle of name-brand cleaner and go back to work of making her house spotless again. Just once, instead of her long-suffering sigh and acquiescent smile, I’d like to see a glare of righteous and deserved anger, followed by a cut scene of her chilled out in a recliner, glass of wine in hand, while her thoughtless family scrubs industriously, like galley slaves, and casting fearful, furtive glances in her direction. ---
**Author:** ![Nobody](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/94ad74/32.png) [@Nobody](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nobody)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 9:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/53 "2011-09-18T21:21:56Z")
> [@ExTank](#): > > It’s people like you who are killing this economy, with your “do-it-your-own-damned-self” independence, as opposed to shelling out $19.99 (and if you call in the next ten minutes, we’ll give you two-for-the-price-of-one!) for these finely crafted pieces of [del]shit[/del] quality merchandise. > > To the OP: dumbest people in a commercial? I nominate any smiling, cheerful woman who cleans her entire house with some cleaning product, only to have her dirty, rampaging family come in and totally trash her house. > > Her reaction? Shake her head and smile in an “Oh shucks/darn!” kind of way, and _again_ break out her bottle of name-brand cleaner and go back to work of making her house spotless again. > > Just once, instead of her long-suffering sigh and acquiescent smile, I’d like to see a glare of righteous and deserved anger, followed by a cut scene of her chilled out in a recliner, glass of wine in hand, while her thoughtless family scrubs industriously, like galley slaves, and casting fearful, furtive glances in her direction. Well, there is that Digiorno where the wife is upset about the messed up carpet. The husband tries to pass it off on a pizza delivery guy, but when she finds the box the husband and a friend wind up having to clean the carpet. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/54 "2011-09-18T22:17:11Z")
> [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](#): > > In an odd way, the actress in that commercial has a sort of sway over me (she’s not particularly attractive, but I guess that I really like her voice or something) as every time I see the ad, I really, REALLY want a little taste of something sweet… Yeah, she does have something. I recognize her from a series of Glad commercials a few years ago, and she played Joyce DeWitt in a TV movie about the behind-the-scenes stuff at _Three’s Company_. ---
**Author:** ![MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/c0e974/32.png) [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MPB_in_Salt_Lake)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 10:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/55 "2011-09-18T22:21:08Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Yeah, she does have something. I recognize her from a series of Glad commercials a few years ago, and she played Joyce DeWitt in a TV movie about the behind-the-scenes stuff at _Three’s Company_. I knew that I had seen her somewhere before, and in this moment of candor, I suppose that I should admit that I think she is actually very attractive, albeit in a somewhat unconventional way. Her and I would do terrible things with that Bear-Sheriff cake. Terrible, frosting-related things… ---
**Author:** ![brocks](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/7feea3/32.png) [@brocks](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/brocks)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 10:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/56 "2011-09-18T22:31:49Z")
> [@picunurse](#): > > I know this is going to get me chased out of the thread by men with torches and pitch forks, but Flo from the Progressive Insurance is too stupid to live, she’s wasting my oxygen with every breath. Who cares how smart she is, when she’s so hot!!! BTW, South Park did a great parody of the Progressive ads during a Terence and Phillip segment. Very subtle. ---
**Author:** ![Maiira](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f04885/32.png) [@Maiira](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maiira)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 10:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/57 "2011-09-18T22:48:25Z")
> [@ExTank](#): > > To the OP: dumbest people in a commercial? I nominate any smiling, cheerful woman who cleans her entire house with some cleaning product, only to have her dirty, rampaging family come in and totally trash her house. > > Her reaction? Shake her head and smile in an “Oh shucks/darn!” kind of way, and _again_ break out her bottle of name-brand cleaner and go back to work of making her house spotless again. > > Just once, instead of her long-suffering sigh and acquiescent smile, I’d like to see a glare of righteous and deserved anger, followed by a cut scene of her chilled out in a recliner, glass of wine in hand, while her thoughtless family scrubs industriously, like galley slaves, and casting fearful, furtive glances in her direction. Yes. This. Dear ad-husbands everywhere: you are no longer an infant, and your wife is not your mother. You are financially independent enough (presumably) to marry and buy your own house. You have gained the necessary intellectual and gross motor skills to clean up after yourself. SO FUCKING DO IT. My own nomination? Anyone and everyone involved in those stupid iRenew bracelet ads. It’s a plastic fucking bracelet, people. It does not do anything. There is ZERO scientific evidence that it has any effect whatsoever (beyond that of a placebo), and it is blatantly obvious snake-oil. It pisses me off so much because anyone who has even a basic understanding of science would see that this is bunk. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/58 "2011-09-18T23:01:06Z")
> [@MPB\_in\_Salt\_Lake](#): > > I knew that I had seen her somewhere before, and in this moment of candor, I suppose that I should admit that I think she is actually very attractive, albeit in a somewhat unconventional way. > > Her and I would do terrible things with that Bear-Sheriff cake. Terrible, frosting-related things… > [@brocks](#): > > Who cares how smart she is, when she’s so hot!!! There is another thread for exactly these sorts of observations, you know. ---
**Author:** ![Boyo\_Jim](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/87869e/32.png) [@Boyo\_Jim](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Boyo_Jim)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 11:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/59 "2011-09-18T23:32:24Z")
> [@Maiira](#): > > …My own nomination? Anyone and everyone involved in those stupid iRenew bracelet ads. It’s a plastic fucking bracelet, people. It does not do anything. There is ZERO scientific evidence that it has any effect whatsoever (beyond that of a placebo), and it is blatantly obvious snake-oil. It pisses me off so much because anyone who has even a basic understanding of science would see that this is bunk. Oh, yeah, the guy in the “Natural Male Enhancement” ads who AFAIK has never had so much as one line of script, just that big shit-eating grin. ---
**Author:** ![ExTank](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/35a633/32.png) [@ExTank](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ExTank)\ **Post date:** [September 18, 2011, 11:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/60 "2011-09-18T23:43:14Z")
> [@Boyo\_Jim](#): > > Oh, yeah, the guy in the “Natural Male Enhancement” ads who AFAIK has never had so much as one line of script, just that big shit-eating grin. But which is stupider? Being a smug git with an (allegedly) large :ahem:, or using Enzyte? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600.md?page=4)