# Nominate the stupidest character in a commercial **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [September 17, 2011, 5:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600 "2011-09-17T05:00:32Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 6
**Author:** ![tumbleddown](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e9bcb4/32.png) [@tumbleddown](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tumbleddown)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/101 "2011-09-20T19:23:21Z")
I have a few contenders. The guy who keeps asking his wife to throw him a new roll of toilet paper because he’s just used the last of it. Apparently he can’t walk all the way from the bathroom to the hall closet where it’s kept, so wife makes like Tom Brady and whizzes TP at him. One is too soft and turns to fluff, one’s so rough it shaves a stripe in his head, then the Angel Soft is just right, like Goldlilocks and the baby bear’s bed. Ridiculous dude. Second nominees are the “thanks for the falcon” guy and his wife, who is calling the State Farm agent to complain that he bought her husband a falcon. No, the guy used the money they saved by switching to State Farm to buy a falcon and blah blah. _Who buys a falcon_? This premise bewilders me, but the husband’s insistence that the agent bought the falcon and the wife’s blaming are a one-two punch of not-right-bright. Last would be the woman who happily trumps her dieting officemates by proclaiming that her lunch choice has “zero calories and 25 grams of awesome!” and slaps a vase on the table. She skipped eating to go shopping. Not only is the entire setup an ode to eating disorders, the vase is ugly. And I can’t even remember what store it’s supposed to be advertising I was so appalled by the whole thing. > [@salinqmind](#): > > You’ll be able to do the fox-trot at the country club at Christmas with ease, you don’t have raging cancer! Idiot! Maybe she will, maybe she won’t, even with meds. I’m sensitive to this because I just got an RA diagnosis myself but it’s a lifelong, degenerative disease that causes daily, sometimes intense and inescapable pain. It’s not cancer (nothing is that isn’t) but it’s not a mild thing that disappears out of sight and out of mind just because you’ve got Embrel. > [@Son\_of\_a\_Rich](#): > > The twit at the bakery who argues with the sheriff-bear cake has got to be on the short list. “There’s no such thing as a bear sheriff,” however, makes a fantastic nonsequitur in ridiculous situations. ---
**Author:** ![JohnT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnt/32/15048_2.png) [@JohnT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/JohnT)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/102 "2011-09-20T19:27:13Z")
> [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](#): > > And wheelchair-bound cop Joe Swanson, in _Family Guy_! Not too sure if you’re being snarky, but just FYI… [Hoodwinked!](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443536/) ---
**Author:** ![Lare](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/53a042/32.png) [@Lare](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lare)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 7:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/103 "2011-09-20T19:28:12Z")
As stupidest character in a commercial I want to nominate the guy in the Subway commercial who, seeing a woman with a Subway bag, starts asking her if she’s trying to save money for an entire–and ongoing–list of stupid things. You know the one? “Are you saving money to buy a submarine?” “No.” “To have the outside of your house covered with wallpaper?” “No.” “So you can buy yourself a robot bookkeeper?” And so on until she tells him she just likes to save money. Hmmm. On second thought maybe I should be nominating her for putting up with this for so long. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/the_other_waldo_pepper/32/12370_2.png) [@The\_Other\_Waldo\_Pepper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Other_Waldo_Pepper)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 7:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/104 "2011-09-20T19:32:10Z")
> [@JohnT](#): > > Not too sure if you’re being snarky, but just FYI… [Hoodwinked!](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0443536/) Nothing snarky about it; I’ve seen Hoodwinked, and figured dougie (a) might not have seen it, but (b) might have seen Family Guy. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 7:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/105 "2011-09-20T19:55:00Z")
> [@DrFidelius](#): > > No. He was The Tick! Sorry, The Tick was Townsend Coleman. ---
**Author:** ![Dravin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Dravin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dravin)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 8:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/106 "2011-09-20T20:03:46Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > Sorry, The Tick was Townsend Coleman. > **[The Tick (TV Series 2001–2002) ⭐ 7.7 | Action, Comedy, Sci-Fi](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0242949/)** > > 25m | TV-14 He’s talking about the live action version not the cartoon. ---
**Author:** ![Robot\_Arm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/robot_arm/32/18280_2.png) [@Robot\_Arm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Robot_Arm)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 8:08pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/107 "2011-09-20T20:08:19Z")
> [@Dravin](#): > > [The Tick (TV Series 2001–2002) - IMDb](http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0242949/) > > He’s talking about the live action version not the cartoon. I know, but the original[sup]\*[/sup] is still the best. - I know there was a comic book first, but I think the cartoon was the first actor portrayal of The Tick. ---
**Author:** ![Dravin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/da6949/32.png) [@Dravin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dravin)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 8:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/108 "2011-09-20T20:11:27Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I know, but the original[sup]\*[/sup] is still the best. > > - I know there was a comic book first, but I think the cartoon was the first actor portrayal of The Tick. Ah okay, I wasn’t quite sure if I was version loyalty territory or not. ---
**Author:** ![DrFidelius](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/drfidelius/32/3447_2.png) [@DrFidelius](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DrFidelius)\ **Post date:** [September 20, 2011, 10:03pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/109 "2011-09-20T22:03:27Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > I know, but the original[sup]\*[/sup] is still the best. > > - I know there was a comic book first, but I think the cartoon was the first actor portrayal of The Tick. The original was the best, and none of the moving picture versions came close enough to the comic. “I have pockets!” ---
**Author:** ![67java89](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/6/aeb1de/32.png) [@67java89](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/67java89)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 9:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/110 "2011-10-02T21:28:25Z")
My vote goes to the people on the Tempurpedic commercial jumping up and down on the bed with a wine glass ---
**Author:** ![Guinastasia](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/guinastasia/32/5751_2.png) [@Guinastasia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Guinastasia)\ **Post date:** [October 2, 2011, 11:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/111 "2011-10-02T23:09:17Z")
I like Flo. She’s cool. But I want to slap the bejesus out of Coupon Suzie. What about the guy who falls in the lake because he’s fishing at night and can’t hold the rod, the net, the fly, AND the flashlight all at the same time? Then he gets one of those fucking retarded looking hats with the light on them? Wouldn’t someone just keep a camping lantern there? And then the women who wears it inside when she carries her grocceries in, without switching on any lights until she reaches the kitchen? What the fuck? Most people I know of would have left a light on in the first place. And finally? YOU LOOK LIKE A FUCKING MORON IN THAT STUPID HAT!!! If I saw someone wearing one, I’d laugh my ass off. ---
**Author:** ![Trick\_Rider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/d6d6ee/32.png) [@Trick\_Rider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Trick_Rider)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 2:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/112 "2011-10-03T02:33:58Z")
The moron in those dessert-flavoured yogurt commercials deserves a mention. He spends the entire time looking for the desserts his wife keeps mentioning on the phone and can’t stop for 30 seconds to see that THOSE ARE ALL FLAVOURS OF YOGURT THAT ARE FILLING HALF OF THE FRIDGE! You’d think with that much yogurt in the house, he’d try some and say “This tastes a lot like key lime pie.” Although I doubt he can identify flavours more complex than “yummy”, so that’s debatable. I also have to nominate those kids in the Totino’s commercials that used to be on. What’s their favourite thing to do? Not any sort of hobby or sport, not even just hanging out with some good friends. Eating frozen pizza. Enjoy your lonely, mediocre pizza-filled futures, kids ---
**Author:** ![dougie\_monty](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/439d5e/32.png) [@dougie\_monty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dougie_monty)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 6:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/113 "2011-10-03T06:38:08Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > I like Flo. She’s cool. But I want to slap the bejesus out of Coupon Suzie. […] Why? Just because she’s a busty bimbo with coupons? She’s more articulate than _some_ of the women I see on commercials…🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 9:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/114 "2011-10-03T09:41:51Z")
> [@Don\_Draper](#): > > My vote goes to the guy from the cereal commercial who is standing in the kitchen in the middle of the night, wishing it were morning so that he can eat his cereal. Then he abruptly leaves his house, gets on a plane to freakin’ _China_, takes a shuttle out to the ocean, all so he can see the sun rise…thereby meaning it is morning and that he can eat his cereal. > > Sure, I know it’s supposed to be farcical, but I can’t even pay attention to what brand of cereal it’s for - all I can think is that the time spent geting all the way around the world would certainly be longer than one single night. He could’ve just waited at his house, and day would break at his own home faster than it took him to find the dawn. **Or, better yet, the dude could’ve just eaten his bowl of cereal at night!!** Who the hell is gonna stop him? [emphasis added] > > Just makes me mad. It could be worse – It even happens In Real Life. A certain in-law once expressed surprise when I off-handedly remarked that I ate cereal and milk sometimes in the afternoon. True story. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 9:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/115 "2011-10-03T09:47:15Z")
> [@Hakuna\_Matata](#): > > The husband-to-be on the Trojan Vibrator commerical who slaps the table and exclaims ‘sweet’ when his wife tells him she got 3 vibrators at the her bridial shower. WTF? I can’t understand why he is that excited. I mean I can understand her excitement but what is up with that guy. Drives me crazy every time I see that commercial. Well that and the bad acting by the dumb bimbos with their hair swept back after using the vibrator. They advertise **THAT** on TV??? :eek: ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 9:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/116 "2011-10-03T09:52:03Z")
> [@Oakminster](#): > > I nominate the woman that screams in terror at the picture of a spider on a cellphone, and the guy that proceeds to “kill” the spider by smashing the phone. Screaming at pic of spider: Yes, dumb. Smashing cell phone: BRILLIANT MOVE! Witness, for example, Jimmy Olsen in the new Action Comics #1 who says: “I hate this phone. It’s my own personal stalker.” # – senegoid ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 9:56am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/117 "2011-10-03T09:56:07Z")
> [@Robot\_Arm](#): > > There’s one for Quaker State motor oil (I think) that says something like “we have such confidence in our oil, if your car makes it to 250,000 miles we’ll write you a check for the value of your car.” That doesn’t make sense. They’re banking that the cars won’t last. If you have confidence in your oil, put your money where your mouth is. Offer me a money if my engine fails while using your oil. Besides, how much is a 250,000 mile car going to be worth? Edit: Aha, I see CWN at post #46 mentions basically this idea too. ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 10:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/118 "2011-10-03T10:09:22Z")
> [@42fish](#): > > Maybe the makers of Cialis are figuring “If we can get enough doofuses to sit around in tubs of cold water, the need for our product will skyrocket!” Uhhhh… Wasn’t a cold bath itself supposed to be the cure for the problem? 😛 ---
**Author:** ![Senegoid](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/senegoid/32/6606_2.png) [@Senegoid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Senegoid)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/119 "2011-10-03T10:24:38Z")
My nomination for all-time stupidest character in all-time stupidest commercial, from many many (about 30 to 40?) years ago I think: Warning: Massively insulting to women, especially home-makers! Candidate for all-time most sexist commercial! Hyper-ditzy hysterical hausfrau in a state of panic: Complaining frantically in screechy tone about the ring around her bathtub. Deep male voice off-screen in white lab coat (Yes, from the voice alone, you can just _see_ the white lab coat): “Madam! Have you tried Fantastik?” Hyper-ditzy dame in hyper-ditzy voice: “But Fantastik is my _KITCHEN_ cleaner! [Voice rises to even more hysterical screech here.] _What about my baaaaaaaa-aaaath???_” Deep male voice off-screen in white lab coat: “Madam! Just as fast as Fantastik will clean your kitchen, it will also clean your bath . . .” ---
**Author:** ![voguevixen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5ac83/32.png) [@voguevixen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/voguevixen)\ **Post date:** [October 3, 2011, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600/120 "2011-10-03T21:46:58Z")
> [@Guinastasia](#): > > But I want to slap the bejesus out of Coupon Suzie. Coupon Suzie cracks me up because she reminds me of Mr. B Natural from the MST3K short. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600.md?page=5) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nominate-the-stupidest-character-in-a-commercial/596600.md?page=7)