# Non-Apology Apologies and why they don't help a goddamn thing **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [April 13, 2005, 8:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187 "2005-04-13T20:55:30Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 7:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187/41 "2005-04-14T19:44:26Z")
Nope. I’m not a board official. Just an annoyed person. I’m _hoping_ that in the future contempt _becomes_ intended. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 7:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187/42 "2005-04-14T19:46:52Z")
JChrist. Are you always this daft, or just on Thursdays? I’m not going to speak for C K or manhattan, but I will say if there was any contempt, it wasn’t until _after_ you went off your rocker. ---
**Author:** ![MinniePurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@MinniePurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MinniePurl)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 7:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187/43 "2005-04-14T19:48:10Z")
> [@manhattan](#): > > Nope. I’m not a board official. Just an annoyed person. I’m _hoping_ that in the future contempt _becomes_ intended. Funny, doesn’t say “Member” under your name. Coulda fooled me. ---
**Author:** ![manhattan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/manhattan/32/7_2.png) [@manhattan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manhattan)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187/44 "2005-04-14T19:53:08Z")
> [@MinniePurl](#): > > Coulda fooled me. Doesn’t take much to do that, does it? ---
**Author:** ![lieu](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c2a13f/32.png) [@lieu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lieu)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 7:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187/45 "2005-04-14T19:53:48Z")
_You say “tomato” I say “Goddamn it, what the fuck did you just say to me?”_ ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187/46 "2005-04-14T19:56:12Z")
> [@MinniePurl](#): > > What, they DON’T KNOW if they intended the insult or not? Of course they do, they’re the _only_ ones. However, you claimed that the usage of “if” means that they _did_ intend the insult. It it not possible that it was a simple case of poor wording? Get off the conclusion pogo stick already. ---
**Author:** ![MinniePurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@MinniePurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MinniePurl)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187/47 "2005-04-14T20:01:53Z")
> [@manhattan](#): > > Doesn’t take much to do that, does it? I got fooled into paying to be insulted, so I guess so. ---
**Author:** ![MinniePurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@MinniePurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MinniePurl)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 8:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187/48 "2005-04-14T20:07:25Z")
> [@UrbanChic](#): > > JChrist. Are you always this daft, or just on Thursdays? > > I’m not going to speak for C K or manhattan, but I will say if there was any contempt, it wasn’t until _after_ you went off your rocker. Just so we’re clear: me going “off my rocker” (in your opinion) = when I objected to me and a bunch of other posters being characterized as “assinine”? “Asinine” is not an insult now? So I can call any mod “asinine” anytime I want and they can’t warn me? Or is it only an insult if it’s spelled correctly? ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 8:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187/49 "2005-04-14T20:15:13Z")
> [@MinniePurl](#): > > me going “off my rocker” (in your opinion) = when I objected to me and a bunch of other posters being characterized as “assinine”? **Dex** did not characterize _you_ or _anyone else_ as “assinine”. It was aimed at an _act_, specifically the act of asking for medical advice on a message board. ---
**Author:** ![MinniePurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@MinniePurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MinniePurl)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187/50 "2005-04-14T20:16:55Z")
> [@Lute Skywatcher](#): > > Of course they do, they’re the _only_ ones. However, you claimed that the usage of “if” means that they _did_ intend the insult. It it not possible that it was a simple case of poor wording? > > Get off the conclusion pogo stick already. A simple case of poor wording= “I’m sorry that I worded that poorly.” or “I’m sorry that my meaning was unclear” Intended insult that I thought you were too dumb to catch= “I’m sorry if my meaning was unclear.” “I’m sorry if my meaning was unclear” + general attitude of scorn towards all us moron posters = “Why the fuck am I paying for this?” ---
**Author:** ![FilmGeek](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/b19c9b/32.png) [@FilmGeek](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FilmGeek)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187/51 "2005-04-14T20:18:02Z")
You need a smack with the clue stick. No one called you asinine. Period. End of discussion. You may have thought someone called you asinine, but you were wrong. I think you owe us an apology. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 8:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187/52 "2005-04-14T20:18:03Z")
You weren’t characterized as asinine. Here’s what he typed: > [@](#): > > (2) Asking a general audience about home remedies to help you feel more comfortable? Holy cow, what kind of assinine thing is that to do? Ask your doctor! In his opinion, with which you’re free to disagree, as you obviously do, it is the asking that is asinine, not the asker. It just so happens that both are, in this case. ---
**Author:** ![MinniePurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@MinniePurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MinniePurl)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 8:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187/53 "2005-04-14T20:21:36Z")
> [@Lute Skywatcher](#): > > **Dex** did not characterize _you_ or _anyone else_ as “assinine”. It was aimed at an _act_, specifically the act of asking for medical advice on a message board. So, in whatever language you speak, characterising an act as “a stupid thing to do” does NOT mean that the persons who commit that act are, in your opinion, stupid? So, if I say “Choosing the name ‘Lute Skywatcher’ is a moronic thing to do”, I have NOT just called you a moron? ---
**Author:** ![MinniePurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@MinniePurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MinniePurl)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187/54 "2005-04-14T20:25:22Z")
> [@FilmGeek](#): > > You need a smack with the clue stick. > > No one called you asinine. Period. End of discussion. > > You may have thought someone called you asinine, but you were wrong. I think you owe us an apology. I understand that you think Dex didn’t call me “assinine”. However, it’s apparent to me that he did, so I’m not going to apologize. ---
**Author:** ![UrbanChic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/9dc877/32.png) [@UrbanChic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/UrbanChic)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 8:25pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187/55 "2005-04-14T20:25:57Z")
> [@MinniePurl](#): > > So, in whatever language you speak, characterising an act as “a stupid thing to do” does NOT mean that the persons who commit that act are, in your opinion, stupid? Wow, you’re a brand new kind of idiot. Smart people make stupid mistakes. This does not make the person any less smart. It just means what he or she _did_ was stupid. ---
**Author:** ![vetbridge](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/b5e925/32.png) [@vetbridge](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vetbridge)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 8:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187/56 "2005-04-14T20:29:39Z")
> [@MinniePurl](#): > > I understand that you think Dex didn’t call me “assinine”. However, it’s apparent to me that he did, so I’m not going to apologize. I am very sorry that you choose not to apologize. ---
**Author:** ![Skywatcher](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/skywatcher/32/254_2.png) [@Skywatcher](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skywatcher)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187/57 "2005-04-14T20:38:58Z")
> [@MinniePurl](#): > > A simple case of poor wording= “I’m sorry that I worded that poorly.” or “I’m sorry that my meaning was unclear” > > Intended insult that I thought you were too dumb to catch= “I’m sorry if my meaning was unclear.” Still jumping to conclusions, I see. > [@](#): > > _So, if I say “Choosing the name ‘Lute Skywatcher’ is a moronic thing to do”, I have NOT just called you a moron?_ Exactly. You called the act moronic, not me. > [@UrbanChic](#): > > Wow, you’re a brand new kind of idiot. No, just misguided. **Minnie’s** entire argument is derived from something that’s at best an editorial; at worst, a blog. ---
**Author:** ![MinniePurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@MinniePurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MinniePurl)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 8:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187/58 "2005-04-14T20:41:31Z")
> [@UrbanChic](#): > > Wow, you’re a brand new kind of idiot. > > Smart people make stupid mistakes. This does not make the person any less smart. It just means what he or she _did_ was stupid. So, by this logic: I have given birth, but that did not make me a mother. I own a dog, but that does not make me a dog owner. I live in the United States, but that does not make me an American. If a person makes a stupid mistake, it means they aren’t very smart in whatever area they made the stupid mistake in. If a brilliant mathematician makes a driving error, it doesn’t mean he’s not a good mathematician. It DOES mean he’s not a good driver. I didn’t think he was saying I was a bad mother, a bad dog owner, or a bad American. But he did say (or strongly imply) I was an “assinine” poster. He’s free to think that, but when I am paying to post on a board and he’s a board offical, he shouldn’t say or imply it. He should have answered my question in a neutral way, even if he thought it was the most “assinine” question in the history of the world. Hint: neutral means not characterising anyone or anyone’s actions as “assinine” or any other insulting word. Especially not the people who are paying you. ---
**Author:** ![MinniePurl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/cab0a1/32.png) [@MinniePurl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MinniePurl)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187/59 "2005-04-14T20:47:25Z")
> [@Lute Skywatcher](#): > > Still jumping to conclusions, I see. If I cannot imply people’s feelings and intentions from what people say and how they say it, then how the hell does anyone communicate with anyone? Is everyone else in the world telepathic and no one ever told me? And, as the person that said it, if I say “Choosing the name that you did is a moronic thing to do”, that means I think you are moron. If I didn’t think that, I would say it differently. (But just for the record, I don’t really have an opinion one way or the other about your board name, I just used that as an example.) ---
**Author:** ![stretch](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/a6a055/32.png) [@stretch](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stretch)\ **Post date:** [April 14, 2005, 8:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187/60 "2005-04-14T20:47:26Z")
> [@MinniePurl](#): > > “I’m sorry if my meaning was unclear” + general attitude of scorn towards all us moron posters = “Why the fuck am I paying for this?” I’m starting to wonder why you \*are \* paying for this. It seems to me that you are welcome to leave anytime and discontinue paying for this. And just because you are paying for a general service doesn’t mean you, **MinniePurl** , will get to dictate all of the terms of the service. You should have checked past mod/admin history if this was going to be a big sticking point for you on the board. The admins and mods are allowed to have personalities–and this would be obvious to you if you had done your reseach. If you want robot mods/admins who spit out scripted responses to everything, find a board that offers that type of moderation. If you don’t care for the way they do their jobs, find a place more to your liking. Don’t come to a board where the Perfect Master is known for his snark, and then be surprised if his minions have similiar personalities and styles. And on preview, doing a bad or stupid thing does not make the person bad or stupid. Shit, I do 10 stupid things before breakfast some days and that doesn’t make me stupid. Grow up and quitcher whining. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-apology-apologies-and-why-they-dont-help-a-goddamn-thing/299187.md?page=4)