# Non-biological parents: please share your stories **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 16, 2010, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605 "2010-03-16T00:41:07Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 6:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605/21 "2010-03-16T18:45:15Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > I have been the legal Guardian of my youngest brother for most of his life. I’ve always found the term parent very offensive and perfer to be known as a Guardian. You seem to have misread the OP. I asked people to share their stories, not insult their fellow posters. My only other response is Pitworthy,so I put it there. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 6:47pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605/22 "2010-03-16T18:47:26Z")
> [@shiftless](#): > > Whew, that explains the garbled voices in my head telling me to do … strange things, with fish. And they all said I was crazy. It’s not even supposed to be on send. Damn thing’s outta warranty, too. ---
**Author:** ![Clothahump](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/51bf81/32.png) [@Clothahump](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Clothahump)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 7:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605/23 "2010-03-16T19:12:01Z")
Stepdad to two: boy, now 26 and girl, now 23. I’ll call them Tarzan and Jane for this discussion. We met through Taekwondo when they were 8 and 6. SWMBO signed Tarzan up for lessons and I was teaching the intro classes; same when Jane started. SWMBO and I started seeing each other about a year later. Both kids had no problem with that; in fact, the little devils tried to play matchmaker. Their biodad is a walking asshole. Tarzan went through a very bad period of time where he was messed up on drugs because of biodad. Naturally, as the male authority figure in his life, I became the substitute and he took a lot of his rage out on me. He’s now straightened himself out and is rebuilding his life. Jane has had her issues as well, but on her 16th birthday, I hugged her and said, “Happy birthday, kiddo”; she hugged me back and said, “Thanks. I wish you were my real dad.” I will never forget that moment. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 7:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605/24 "2010-03-16T19:23:46Z")
Adopted child, not a parent…but I just wanted to say how much I love reading these loving stories by parental units. Thanks for sharing. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Sarahfeena](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/sarahfeena/32/519_2.png) [@Sarahfeena](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sarahfeena)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 7:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605/25 "2010-03-16T19:27:13Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Adopted child, not a parent…but I just wanted to say how much I love reading these loving stories by parental units. Thanks for sharing. 🙂 Yes, I’m enjoying them, too. Thanks everyone! 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 8:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605/26 "2010-03-16T20:06:37Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > You seem to have misread the OP. I asked people to share their stories, not insult their fellow posters. > > My only other response is Pitworthy,so I put it there. Over sensitive much? Well, I’ve got news for you, not everyone wants to be called a parent. Tell me why we should be forced to conform to your definitions of relationships. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605/27 "2010-03-16T20:09:33Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > Over sensitive much? Well, I’ve got news for you, not everyone wants to be called a parent. Tell me why we should be forced to conform to your definitions of relationships. This is not the thread for that. That’s why I opened another thread. I opened \*\*this \*\*thread to encourage people to share encouraging & uplifting stories. I do that sometimes, just as break between plotting to unleash zombie holocausts on the people of Wales. ---
**Author:** ![Anaamika](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/5f9b8f/32.png) [@Anaamika](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Anaamika)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605/28 "2010-03-16T20:12:37Z")
Why Wales of all countries? I thought they were pretty harmless! ---
**Author:** ![StuffLikeThatThere](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/bc8723/32.png) [@StuffLikeThatThere](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StuffLikeThatThere)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 8:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605/29 "2010-03-16T20:12:43Z")
> [@Slypork](#): > > It pissed me off to get the Census form and see that I would have to declare her as my adopted daughter. That pissed me right off, too. I’m sure there’s a reason for it, and it’s a passing irritation for me, not a crusade, but he is my son. Full stop. ---
**Author:** ![ZPG\_Zealot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/e47c2d/32.png) [@ZPG\_Zealot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ZPG_Zealot)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 8:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605/30 "2010-03-16T20:13:02Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > This is not the thread for that. That’s why I opened another thread. > > I opened \*\*this \*\*thread to encourage people to share encouraging & uplifting stories. I do that sometimes, just as break between plotting to unleash zombie holocausts on the people of Wales. I see, and the fact that I raised my youngest brother is somehow not encouraging or uplifting because I don’t choose to define myself as his parent. He was my father’s son, not my son! ---
**Author:** ![Giles](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/giles/32/60_2.png) [@Giles](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Giles)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 8:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605/31 "2010-03-16T20:16:39Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Why Wales of all countries? I thought they were pretty harmless! Have you ever seen and heard a Welsh male-voice singing _Rhyfelgyrch Gwŷr Harlech_ (Men of Harlech)? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 8:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605/32 "2010-03-16T20:17:32Z")
> [@Anaamika](#): > > Why Wales of all countries? I thought they were pretty harmless! Rhymer, evil, blah blah blah. 😉 > [@Giles](#): > > Have you ever seen and heard a Welsh male-voice singing _Rhyfelgyrch Gwŷr Harlech_ (Men of Harlech)? Doesn’t count for my purposes. They deserve the zombies. Returning to the topic (sort of), I’d like to encourage you lot to check out the movie [Preacher’s Sons](http://www.preacherssons.com/film/index.htm), about a gay clergyman and his husband, both white, who adopt no fewer than five young lads who are in need of parents. I hate everyone (except Mika of course), and even I was touched. ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 8:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605/33 "2010-03-16T20:20:12Z")
My wife and I picked up our daughter in Korea on October 29, 2009(just a few months ago). It’s been great. My wife and I can have kids biologically, too. We tend to notice people think we can’t, but we’re used to it. We just really felt called to adopt from Asia, which is where I met my wife. By the way, ZPG, please don’t relaunch us into this terribly pathetic and unreasoned thread: [Why say Mom and Dad?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=548442) ---
**Author:** ![Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/df705f/32.png) [@Maggie\_the\_Ocelot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Maggie_the_Ocelot)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 8:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605/34 "2010-03-16T20:23:31Z")
> [@Giles](#): > > Have you ever seen and heard a Welsh male-voice singing _Rhyfelgyrch Gwŷr Harlech_ (Men of Harlech)? I’ve heard it in English. Pretty darn cool. On topic: Not a parent (see other thread) but my Stepdad is pretty damned awesome. He and my mom had been dating casually as long as I can remember, but he moved in when I was about 12, and married my mom when I was 16. Imagine going from bachelor to father of an early-teen girl. Can’t have been pleasant for him. He’s a good man, and a good dad. I had him walk me down the aisle rather than my bio-dad. As per the other thread, we are considering various options for becoming parents, including both adopting and having a donated embryo from someone else’s IVF implanted in me - in which case, I would gestate and give birth to a child that would not be biologically mine nor Oni no Husband’s. I don’t see that being any sort of problem. ---
**Author:** ![Smeghead](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f1d935/32.png) [@Smeghead](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Smeghead)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 8:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605/35 "2010-03-16T20:34:09Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > I see, and the fact that I raised my youngest brother is somehow not encouraging or uplifting because I don’t choose to define myself as his parent. He was my father’s son, not my son! Have you shared anything encouraging or uplifting about your experience? No. You’ve simply come in and started flinging poo around. ---
**Author:** ![Slypork](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9fc29f/32.png) [@Slypork](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slypork)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605/36 "2010-03-16T20:48:01Z")
> [@Mahaloth](#): > > My wife and I picked up our daughter in Korea on October 29, 2009(just a few months ago). > > It’s been great. > > My wife and I can have kids biologically, too. We tend to notice people think we can’t, but we’re used to it. We just really felt called to adopt from Asia, which is where I met my wife. > > By the way, ZPG, please don’t relaunch us into this terribly pathetic and unreasoned thread: > > [Why say Mom and Dad?](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?t=548442) **Mahaloth** , thank you for linking to that clusterflop of a thread. In my posting I was sooo tempted to make a snide remark about how some zealots don’t like adoptive parents but I bit my tongue. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 8:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605/37 "2010-03-16T20:48:53Z")
> [@Smeghead](#): > > Have you shared anything encouraging or uplifting about your experience? No. You’ve simply come in and started flinging poo around. [country sawbones] Hold still, amigo. :: quickly injects **Smeghead** in jaw with a local anaesthetic, waits for jaw to become numb, removes fishhook and feeds attached worm to passing cat :: You gotta be more careful, SH. Now take these antibiotics or you’ll get infected. Now don’t be taking any more bait, now, you hear? [/country sawbones] ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605/38 "2010-03-16T21:13:08Z")
> [@ZPG\_Zealot](#): > > Over sensitive much? Well, I’ve got news for you, not everyone wants to be called a parent. Tell me why we should be forced to conform to your definitions of relationships. **ZPG Zealot** , this is not the right place for this argument. If you want to share stories, go ahead. If you want to argue about the correct definition of these terms, take it to another thread. Everyone else is also advised to drop this hijack. ---
**Author:** ![Shodan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9f8e36/32.png) [@Shodan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shodan)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605/39 "2010-03-16T21:23:23Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > How did this relationship come to be? We decided to have children. The doctors said nothing was wrong with either of us, but no pregnancy occurred. There are already several members of my extended family thru adoption, both foreign and domestic, so we pursued that path whilst continuing along the traditional route, and here we are. The agency put us thru a lot of stuff about grieving our infertility, which sounded a little silly at the time (and does so still) but I sort of put it down to “Dumb Stuff I Gotta Do to Get a Baby”. > [@](#): > > How old was the child when she or he came into your life? My son was almost six months, and my daughter about four months. They are currently 21, and 18, respectively. > [@](#): > > How deliberate was your choice? The decision to have children was very deliberate. The choice of adoption vs. birth was fairly trivial. Maybe I would feel like it was a bigger deal if I had birth children, but as it is, meh. On the other hand adoption has a lot of paperwork and home studies and fingerprinting and interviews and background checks, followed by a lot of waiting. We had plenty of time to back out if we changed our mind. > [@](#): > > How long did it take you to come to love the child in question? With my son - about [seventeen hours.](http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showpost.php?p=4724079&postcount=29) With my daughter, I don’t have as clear-cut a moment, but it was no more than a week or two before she had me right where she wanted me. When she was but a tiny lass of two or so, she was asked by my wife “Where do you have daddy wrapped?” and she would hold up her little finger with a self-satisfied smile. She wasn’t kidding, either. > [@](#): > > Have you any regrets–any thing you wish you had done different or better? I wish I had done everything better. Doesn’t every parent? There is a scene in the _Iliad_, where Hector, the great Trojan hero, comes back to Troy after the battle and his wife Andromache meets him with their son, Astyanax. And Hector’s helmet, with the big horse hair crest, scares Astyanax. Hector and Andromache laugh about it, and Hector takes off the helmet and takes his son in his arms. Then he kisses his son, and holds him up to Zeus Sky-father, and prays “May men say of my son - ‘He’s a better man than his father’”. “May my son do better than me.” The prayer of every true father. Regards, Shodan ---
**Author:** ![Mahaloth](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mahaloth/32/1079_2.png) [@Mahaloth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mahaloth)\ **Post date:** [March 16, 2010, 10:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605/40 "2010-03-16T22:07:26Z")
> [@Slypork](#): > > **Mahaloth** , thank you for linking to that clusterflop of a thread. In my posting I was sooo tempted to make a snide remark about how some zealots don’t like adoptive parents but I bit my tongue. I figured some background might help. One thing my wife and I are wondering is about our second child. Will we adopt? Will we have kids biologically? If we have a child biologically, will people assume our first daughter(adopted) was back when we thought we couldn’t have kids? My wife and I are really amazed how many people think adoption = can’t have kids. It never even occurred to us. Then again, we are a younger couple and many who we saw at adoption meetings were older. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-biological-parents-please-share-your-stories/532605.md?page=3)