# Non-heterosexual women of the SDMB: A Poll **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [November 24, 2001, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081 "2001-11-24T23:19:31Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [November 24, 2001, 11:19pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081/1 "2001-11-24T23:19:31Z")
It all started at my college’s queer group- we were having a women’s meeting and were talking about to what extent we all fit various queer women stereotypes. (I wear Birkenstocks and love folk music, among other things.) I find myself idly amused that when I go out with my queer female friends, I am very often “the straight-looking” one. It probably has something to do with my hair length, which is just past my shoulders. At any rate, satisfy my idle curiosity (And straight girls, if you want to take it for kicks, be my guest): 1. What do you identify as? 2. How short is your hair? 3. Is it a natural color? 4. If you play sports, what are they? 5. Do people look at you and think you are terribly terribly gay? 6. Do you shave your legs? 7. Your head? Your armpits? 8. What about the queer female community annoys you? 9. What is your idea of dressing up? 10. Do you wear makeup? 11. What are “stereotypically lesbian” things that you do/wear/eat? (Expansive question, I know, but work with me. ;)) 12. What queer/ friendly female recording artists do you listen to? 13. Any thoughts on the butch-femme thing? 14. Were you a repressed Catholic schoolgirl? 15. What do you feel are three very important queer woman issues? 16. How good is your gaydar? 17. How “incestuous” is your dating scene? 18. Describe your dating patterns. (U-Haul, serial monogamy, whatever.) 19. Did you/do you date men? How’s that working for you? 20. Any thoughts on good and bad representations of queer woman in popular culture? and in closing, 1. Tell me a coming out story. Doesn’t have to be yours. Funny, tragic, whatever. [sub]Me? Free time? Pshaw, I say.[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![Daowajan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Daowajan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daowajan)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 12:33am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081/2 "2001-11-25T00:33:48Z")
Okay - I’m gonna give it a try. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > \*\* > > 1. What do you identify as?\*\* Normally this is the part where I insert some smartass remark, like “Orange.” I still can’t say “I’m gay” out loud. I am sweating profusely replying to this thread. > [@](#): > > \*\*2) How short is your hair? \*\* The bottom of my earlobes. No bangs or layers. > [@](#): > > \*\*3) Is it a natural color? \*\* More or less. I had it dyed bronze for a while, looked really cool, and it’s mostly washed out by now. > [@](#): > > \*\*4) If you play sports, what are they? \*\* I go snowboarding once in a while, but nothing really serious. Oh yeah, and I’ve been on many all-girl canoe trips. 😃 > [@](#): > > \*\*5) Do people look at you and think you are terribly terribly gay? \*\* I sure hope not. > [@](#): > > \*\*6) Do you shave your legs? \*\* No. No point. > [@](#): > > \*\*7) Your head? Your armpits? \*\* I shave my armpits, yes. I’d probably never shave my head. I like my hair. > [@](#): > > \*\*8) What about the queer female community annoys you? \*\* I HATE FOLK MUSIC. With a passion. I will listen to Bob Dylan on occasion, but that’s it. And especially where I live, there’s a personality cult. Be politically apathetic, don’t like folk, don’t have 10 piercings on the right side of your body, wear closed-toed shoes all the time, and don’t slobber over Angelina Jolie and Ani DiFranco, and you are not gay. > [@](#): > > \*\*9) What is your idea of dressing up? \*\* Clothes that were washed in the last month. 😃 No, really. I’ll usually wear a pair of black slacks, a plain-colored shirt, shoes that aren’t tennis shoes, and maybe a pair of earrings or something. > [@](#): > > \*\*10) Do you wear makeup? \*\* Yes. > [@](#): > > \*\*11) What are “stereotypically lesbian” things that you do/wear/eat? \*\* I’m a vegetarian, and I own a plaster bust of Sappho (STOP LAUGHING AT ME, YOU PUNKS!!) I also own three pairs of Ugly Corduroy Pants, and I got one of them dumpster diving. > [@](#): > > \*\*12) What queer/ friendly female recording artists do you listen to? \*\* None. I do not like the vast majority of female recording artists. I own a Nelly Furtado album and some Garbage CDs (if they count) but that’s it. > [@](#): > > \*\*13) Any thoughts on the butch-femme thing? \*\* Say it with me now: SHELTERED! I have only a foggy idea of what you’re talking about. Enlighten me please? > [@](#): > > \*\*14) Were you a repressed Catholic schoolgirl? \*\* No, but I went to school with hundreds of them :eek: Gimme some credit here, I was never Catholic. > [@](#): > > \*\*15) What do you feel are three very important queer woman issues? \*\* See my answer to #13. > [@](#): > > \*\*16) How good is your gaydar? \*\* Non-existent. I kind of wish I had some. > [@](#): > > \*\*17) How “incestuous” is your dating scene? \*\* Well, I live in Wisconsin, where most couples are cousins anyway d&r Another “I’m Sheltered” answer. What is an incestuous dating circle? > [@](#): > > \*\*18) Describe your dating patterns. (U-Haul, serial monogamy, whatever.) \*\* I have never been on a date. Remember, I spent my entire life living in backwater towns, and I’m only 18. > [@](#): > > \*\*19) Did you/do you date men? How’s that working for you? \*\* Aside from my funny story abut being stood up by the Jehovah’s Witness kid, no. > [@](#): > > \*\*20) Any thoughts on good and bad representations of queer woman in popular culture? \*\* No. > [@](#): > > **21) Tell me a coming out story. Doesn’t have to be yours. Funny, tragic, whatever.** If my sister finds this thread, this _will_ be my coming out story. \>\_\< Somebody post after this so I feel secure again. ---
**Author:** ![Daowajan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Daowajan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daowajan)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081/3 "2001-11-25T00:34:52Z")
I guess it was just inevitable that I’d fark up the coding. ---
**Author:** ![Corrvin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/bbce88/32.png) [@Corrvin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Corrvin)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 1:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081/4 "2001-11-25T01:16:01Z")
1. I’m a bi chick. (Hey, I’m a Crow, and Crows can be chicks. I’m sure not an old Crow!) I can be a dyke, if you smile when you say it. I date mostly guys but have had my heart broken on both sides of the fence. 2. My hair is just below my earlobes today. Thursday it was more than a foot longer, but I got it cut for my birthday and sent it off to the bald girls in Florida ([www.locksoflove.com](http://www.locksoflove.com) if you’re interested). It’s all one length except my bangs. I have never in my life had a mullet. 3. Umm…mostly. My hair is usually some flavor of red, and tomorrow it’ll be burgundy. 4. I do not play sports. I do not dance (standing up). I watch hockey, though. 5. Apparently when I posted my wedding announcement in my hometown paper, the mass reaction was “Corr’s getting married…to a GUY?” Everyone but me apparently knew I was queer, and simply hadn’t bothered to tell me yet. 6. Leg-shaving…hm. Sometimes, not always. Not a necessity. 7. Head? Never. I have a lumpy head. Armpits, always. 8. What annoys me about the lesbians around here is that they’re all so SHORT. There’s some kind of height requirement or something, I think. “You must be this tall to ride this ride.” I’m 8" taller than every one I’ve ever met…and I have a thing for tall women. Alas. 9. Dressing up: Long skirt, dress shoes, tights or hose, nice shirt and vest. 10. I own some makeup, and I’m technically familiar with how it’s applied. I wore some last on 9/23/95 (when I got married). 11. Stereotypically lesbian things that I eat? Um…women! Other than that, I’m a meat-eating type. I refer to wearing chick clothes as “being in drag” and occasionally shock people online by blurting out, “I’m wearing women’s underwear!” 12. Music? That’s the stuff with notes in it, right? Uhm. I guess if I listened to any, I’d have more thoughts on that. 13. The butch-femme thing…hmm. It’s outdated. I don’t role-play for my relationships, I already impersonate a happy employee 40 hours a week, that’s enough. 14. I’m not a Catholic, but I’ve met a few repressed Baptists. They’re not fun until they open up a bit. 15. queer woman issues: Health care. Too many studies are based on the idea of heterosexual child-bearing women. We really have no idea whether being solely sexual with women affects your reproductive health, how it affects disease transmission, and there’s a tremendous culture of denial about the existence of the lesbian at all in health studies. Politically I’d have to say the adoption movement to allow two women to co-parent a child that one bears. I don’t have a third issue in mind. 16. Gaydar? My ex-husband used to spot 'em for me. I can’t find them anywhere. 17. Hm. I refer to one person I know as “the ex-husband of my ex-husband’s ex-girlfriend” and another as “the ex-girlfriend of my first girlfriend’s ex”…pretty incestuous, I’d say. My ex-husband is now living with the first woman I ever dated and her girlfriend. I can’t even figure out how to describe their relationship to me now! 18. Serial polygamy with the occasional crash and burn into celibacy. Now trying the monogamy thing, and it’s much less stressful. 19. I like dating men. They’re just as warm, cuddly, and soft as women, and they don’t use my deodorant. 20. Stuck on this one. No idea. 21. I don’t have any good stories of my own…and all the good ones I know about other people, I’m not free to share. 😉 Corr ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081/5 "2001-11-25T01:22:45Z")
1. What do you identify as? Lesbian with very mild bi tendancies. 2. How short is your hair? My hair is extremely curly, so it’s actually about down to my shoulder blades. Dry, however, it’s a little past my shoulders. 3. Is it a natural color? There’s a blonde streak. 4. If you play sports, what are they? I used to swim and play field hockey. 5. Do people look at you and think you are terribly terribly gay? Generally people realize that I am gay because I mention my girlfriend a lot and because I frequently keep company with very obviously gay people. 6. Do you shave your legs? Only if I’m going to wear shorts. I almost never wear shorts. 7. Your head? Your armpits? No, yes. 8. What about the queer female community annoys you? Lesbians who hate men and/or spell “women” incorrectly on purpose. 9. What is your idea of dressing up? Generally, a nice pair of slacks and a sweater. If my mother is somehow involved, a dress. 10. Do you wear makeup? I’m generally allergic. 11. What are “stereotypically lesbian” things that you do/wear/eat? (Expansive question, I know, but work with me. ;)) Do: Listen to folk music, listen to Sleater-Kinney et all, have a geek girl librarian thing, be very assertive and not very easily intimidated. Oh, and I have a nearly exhaustive knowledge of lesbian pop culture (films, books, whatever) and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Wear: Ripped sweatshirts, birkenstocks, rainbow stuff. Eat: Um… I kind of like hummus, but not excessively. I’m omniverous. 1. What queer/ friendly female recording artists do you listen to? A lot. Dar Williams, Ani DiFranco, Sleater-Kinney, Team Dresch, the Nields, Melissa Etheridge, Melissa Ferrick, Catie Curtis… the list goes on. But I listen to all kinds of music. 2. Any thoughts on the butch-femme thing? It doesn’t really seem to apply so much to my generation. 3. Were you a repressed Catholic schoolgirl? No, but I know a lot of lesbians who are. 4. What do you feel are three very important queer woman issues? Heath. The appalling gay teen suicide rate. Women’s rights in general, especially people of color issues. 5. How good is your gaydar? Damn good. 6. How “incestuous” is your dating scene? I’ve been dating quietgirl for almost three years. However, at my school it’s very incestuous. 7. Describe your dating patterns. (U-Haul, serial monogamy, whatever.) Consistent. I’m blissfully happy with Jen, so that’s not changing anytime soon. 8. Did you/do you date men? How’s that working for you? The last boy I dated was my freshman year in high school. It didn’t work so well. He was a fundamentalist christian, which didn’t help. 9. Any thoughts on good and bad representations of queer woman in popular culture? Willow/Tara from Buffy, Kerry Weaver from ER= Good. Big lesbian mama who gets herself a man and/or killed in the course of the show = bad. and in closing, 1. Tell me a coming out story. Doesn’t have to be yours. Funny, tragic, whatever. I’m at the point where I’m so out that it’s shocking to me when someone doesn’t know. So my senior year in high school I managed to scare the hell out of a poor freshman when I came to play practice talking about my girlfriend… poor girl took it hard. “Girlfriend? What?” “Oh, didn’t you know that Andy’s gay? What rock have you been under?” ---
**Author:** ![Daikona](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/8baadc/32.png) [@Daikona](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daikona)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081/6 "2001-11-25T01:23:10Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > **1) What do you identify as?** Transgendered bisexual \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. How short is your hair? \*\* Bottom of my ears right now. It’s growing out from a crew cut. I’m debating whether to grow it longer or hack it all off again. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. Is it a natural color?\*\* I’m sure it must occur in nature at some point. Not really natural for hair, but close if you don’t look for long. It’s sort of maroon. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. If you play sports, what are they?\*\* I was in winterguard in high school. That’s all I’ve ever done on an official team. I play soft/baseball, rugby, football, soccer, what have you if there’s a game going on for the hell of it. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. Do people look at you and think you are terribly terribly gay?\*\* Well, no one’s ever looked at me and said “goodness Dai, you certainly are gay today!”, but people tend not to be surprised by it. I know a lot of guys who are less ‘masculine’ than I am. People online tend to think I’m male. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. Do you shave your legs?\*\* Not recently. Occasionally I get weird urges to shave them. Maybe once a month or so. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. Your head? Your armpits?\*\* Armpits yes. I’ve never shaved my head, but I’m tempted at times. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. What about the queer female community annoys you?\*\* Um… I really have no idea. I can’t think of anything off the top of my head other than the kind of stuff that annoys me about people in general. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. What is your idea of dressing up?\*\* Well, my preferred method is nice pants, a button up shirt, and some sort of non-grubby-sneakers shoes. I’ll wear a dresss if I have to, but I complain about being in drag the whole time. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. Do you wear makeup?\*\* Not on a regular basis, but I have been known to on occasion. Wehn I do, I tend not to go for the ‘natural look’. Ok, I wear purple lipstick. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. What are “stereotypically lesbian” things that you do/wear/eat? (Expansive question, I know, but work with me. ;))\*\* I wear men’s clothing… and ‘bad-ass boots’. (Ok, it’s what my sister calls them and it describes them as well as anything.) I used to have a crew cut. I’ve usually worn my hair very short for 4 years now. Eat? I’m going to _not_ answer what I first thought up. ~\_^ \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. What queer/ friendly female recording artists do you listen to?\*\* Well, I tend not to think of music in terms of ‘queer friendly’… Just in terms of ‘do I like it?’ I do listen to Ani DiFranco. Should that go in the ‘stereotypical lesbian’ part too? Other female… hmmm. Nelly Furtado is good. Joydrop has a female vocalist at any rate. I like Sarah McLachlan and Tracy Chapman. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. Any thoughts on the butch-femme thing?\*\* Eh. Not really. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. Were you a repressed Catholic schoolgirl?\*\* Not that I’m aware of. I once wore a plaid skirt though. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. What do you feel are three very important queer woman issues?\*\* Well, if I can step out of ‘queer woman’ and into queer in general… I still think that getting people past stereotypical assumptions is a big one. Add to that equal protection under law (and don’t _even_ try to tell me it’s already there). I’m not sure about a third. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. How good is your gaydar?\*\* Not too great. I can only pick it up if it’s obvious. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. How “incestuous” is your dating scene?\*\* I’ve never dated anyone related to me. But I suspect you meant something different by that. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. Describe your dating patterns. (U-Haul, serial monogamy, whatever.)\*\* I’ve been in two actual relationships, both with males. I’ve been briefly involved, not long enough to ‘count’ with one woman. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. Did you/do you date men? How’s that working for you?\*\* I do indeed. It seems to work pretty well. \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. Any thoughts on good and bad representations of queer women in popular culture?\*\* Well, I want to slap Ellen. Does that count? \*\* > [@](#): > > 1. Tell me a coming out story. Doesn’t have to be yours. Funny, tragic, whatever.\*\* I don’t really have one, that I can think of.\*\* [/QUOTE] ---
**Author:** ![Daowajan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Daowajan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daowajan)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 1:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081/7 "2001-11-25T01:30:56Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Daikona \* > \*\* > Well, I want to slap Ellen. Does that count? > \*\* You’re going to have to stand in line. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 1:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081/8 "2001-11-25T01:58:58Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by Daowajan \* > I still can’t say “I’m gay” out loud. I am sweating profusely replying to this thread. Oh dear. We’ll try to be user friendly. > [@](#): > > I HATE FOLK MUSIC. With a passion. I will listen to Bob Dylan on occasion, but that’s it. > And especially where I live, there’s a personality cult. Be politically apathetic, don’t like folk, don’t have 10 piercings on the right side of your body, wear closed-toed shoes all the time, and don’t slobber over Angelina Jolie and Ani DiFranco, and you are not gay. Oh, I hate the clone mentality. Nice to know I’m not alone. > [@](#): > > \*\*13) Any thoughts on the butch-femme thing? \*\* Say it with me now: SHELTERED! I have only a foggy idea of what you’re talking about. Enlighten me please? [/quote] No problem. Back in “the days of yore” as I shall snarkily refer to them, there was a tendancy for lesbian couples to have one member of the couple be very masculine (butch) and one very feminine (femme). The couple very often embraced traditional gender roles in this way. It’s not as common anymore among younger lesbians, but still very much around. Watch the 1970s segment of “if these walls could talk 2” or Fried Green Tomatoes if you want to see some butch/femme couples. An incestuous dating scene is one where there’s a small group of women and they all end up dating each other. Person A goes out with person B who breaks up with her to go out with person C, who is person A’s ex and so on and so forth. Or, as a slogan would have it, “an army of ex-lovers cannot fail.” Oh, and I am _so_ leading the “slap Ellen” line. ---
**Author:** ![Katisha](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/bcef8e/32.png) [@Katisha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Katisha)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 2:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081/9 "2001-11-25T02:14:13Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > \*\*It all started at my college’s queer group- we were having a women’s meeting and were talking about to what extent we all fit various queer women stereotypes. (I wear Birkenstocks and love folk music, among other things.) \*\* That’s a lesbian stereotype? Wow, I had no idea. (I’m a straight chick who loves Birkenstocks and folk music…FWIW, the Spark test said I’m bi, which just means I fit a lot of the stereotypes. I do, in fact, prefer guys…) [sub]And I’m _still_ a repressed Catholic schoolgirl…[/sub] ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081/10 "2001-11-25T02:25:47Z")
Birks have long been a lesbian stereotype, yes. Actually, “women who wear sensible shoes” has long been a euphanism for those of us who are sapphically inclined… It is worth noting that in general a lot of lesbian stereotypes are nowhere near as hard and fast as gay male ones. A woman in a suit is not necessarily going to be percieved as a lesbian, but a guy in a dress will almost always be percieved as gay. ---
**Author:** ![DoctorJ](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/doctorj/32/2904_2.png) [@DoctorJ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/DoctorJ)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 2:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081/11 "2001-11-25T02:48:24Z")
I love Birkenstocks and Doc Martens. I never wear makeup or shave my legs or armpits. I love Ani DiFranco, and I’ve seen the Indigo Girls in concert nine times–even had dinner with them once. Not only that, but I am sexually attracted to women! Does that make me a lesbian? Did I mention that I’m a guy? 🙂 Dr. J ---
**Author:** ![Biggirl](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/biggirl/32/3294_2.png) [@Biggirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Biggirl)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 2:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081/12 "2001-11-25T02:49:27Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by andygirl \* > > 1. What do you identify as? > An old married fart. > > 2. How short is your hair? > I haven’t cut it in _years_, but it is mostly a bush and comes down to my shoulders when I was it. > > 3. Is it a natural color? > Yeup. Never even thought about dying it. Even after I developed this big ole Bride of Frankenstein silver streak in the front at age 24. > > 4. If you play sports, what are they? > When I wasn’t old, I played handball. Now that I’m old I watch basketball and football and baseball. > > 5. Do people look at you and think you are terribly terribly gay? > More times than you would expect from a married mother of two. > > 6. Do you shave your legs? > Nope. Don’t have much body hair. > > 7. Your head? Your armpits? > Nope and nope. Got a medical condition that precludes armpit shaving. I don’t have too much hair in my pits because of the many surgeries though. > > 8. What about the queer female community annoys you? > What’s with all the coffeehouses? O.K., it doesn’t really annoy me. Once, when I was going to college part-time after I got married a girl tried to convince me that my husband was perpetrating violence upon my body whenever we had sex. She really annoyed me. I told that I was obviousy a masochist 'cuz I loved having violence perpatrated upon my body. > > 9. What is your idea of dressing up? > It is my idea of torture. > > 10. Do you wear makeup? > Not if I can help it. > > 11. What are “stereotypically lesbian” things that you do/wear/eat? (Expansive question, I know, but work with me. ;)) > I hate shopping. I love sports. I drink like a fish. I don’t dress up. I like comfortable shoes. I think women’s bodies are beautiful. – So I’m not gay, I’m actually a man. > > 12. What queer/ friendly female recording artists do you listen to? > I like Melissa Etheridge. I like lotso female recording artists and I never considered whether or not they queer friendly. I’ve got a Margret Cho CD. Does she count? > > 13. Any thoughts on the butch-femme thing? > I think you are what you are. Do these women assume these roles because they think that’s the way couples are _supposed_ to be? Or is this their personality? I dunno, seems sorta forced. > > 14. Were you a repressed Catholic schoolgirl? > I was indeed a Catholic and I did go to school (not a Catholic one), but I’m quite irrepressable. > > 15. What do you feel are three very important queer woman issues? > Gay marriage. Why can’t to people who love each other and want to make a lifelong comitment to each other – not only in their eyes, but the eyes of the community-- do so? > > That’s it. I don’t have (or even know) what are the burning lesbian issues these days. > > 1. How good is your gaydar? > Once my husband and I were in the coffee shop directly across the street from our building. We’d been there a couple of times, it’s a nice place. My husband looks up from his cup and says: This is a lesbian place. > Me: No it’s not. > Him: Yes it is. > Me: There are guys and girls in here. What makes you think. . .? Just then a girl walks in and one of the patrons sitting on the couch up front threw open her legs and arms. With a shreik the new girl launched herself into the welcoming embrace and they started making out. > Me: You may be right. > > 2. How “incestuous” is your dating scene? > My best girlfriend is thinking about sleeping with her brother-in-law. (Her husband is deceased.) > > 3. Describe your dating patterns. (U-Haul, serial monogamy, whatever.) > Serious monogamy. Been married for 15 years. > > 4. Did you/do you date men? How’s that working for you? > I usedta. Found me a nice guy. I think I’ll keep him. > > 5. Any thoughts on good and bad representations of queer woman in popular culture? > How many have we got? > > 6. Tell me a coming out story. Doesn’t have to be yours. Funny, tragic, whatever. Sorry, don’t have any. > > [sub]Me? Free time? Pshaw, I say.[/sub] \*\* ---
**Author:** ![Scarlett67](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/scarlett67/32/7387_2.png) [@Scarlett67](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Scarlett67)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 3:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081/13 "2001-11-25T03:22:26Z")
1. What do you identify as? Married straight chick, nominated “honorary lesbian” by gay friends. 2. How short is your hair? For about 10 years it was pretty much a crewcut, with purple/auburn/burgundy tint now & then. Now I’ve grown it out past my shoulders (and stil growing); once it started going gray, I decided I wanted a cool hippie-earth-mother braid down my back. 3. Is it a natural color? See above. I still do the tint now & then, but usually it’s dark brown with a little silver here & there. 4. If you play sports, what are they? Don’t get into sports much, never played one. Used to run alone. 5. Do people look at you and think you are terribly terribly gay? Not terribly, but I have been mistaken for lesbian a few times – sometimes when in the company of gay friends, sometimes in the company of “gay-looking”-but-straight friends, sometimes with straight friends. 6. Do you shave your legs? Heck no. I hardly ever show them anymore anyway, and my leg hair is very fine. 7. Your head? Your armpits? Head, no (but the idea doesn’t offend me). Pits, no (see Leg Hair). 8. What about the queer female community annoys you? Someone mentioned man-hating and “womyn”-spelling. Add me to that list. 9. What is your idea of dressing up? I love flowing ethnic clothing, because it flatters my oversized self. Even if my body did still work with the skirt/pantyhose/heels thing that I used to love, I think I’ve grown past that. I feel naked without jewelry, and I usually wear something distinctive. 10. Do you wear makeup? Used to, but not anymore. 11. What are “stereotypically lesbian” things that you do/wear/eat? For the past year or so, I’ve been wearing Birks and boots to protect my chronic ingrown toenail. Semi-vegetarian. 12. What queer/ friendly female recording artists do you listen to? Love k.d. lang. There are probably others, but I can’t think of any offhand. 13. Any thoughts on the butch-femme thing? Not really – to each her own. 14. Were you a repressed Catholic schoolgirl? Not Catholic, but definitely repressed! 15. What do you feel are three very important queer woman issues? Hmmm, I don’t feel qualified to answer this. 16. How good is your gaydar? Well, I sensed that there was “something” about my friend Maura when I first met her, so when I learned that she was definitely gay, it didn’t surprise me at all. For all of my other gay friends, I knew about their gayness before I met them. Otherwise, I really have no clue how my gaydar is. 17. How “incestuous” is your dating scene? N/A (but I’m glad you explained this!). My friends are almost all old married folks. (Bo-ring!) 18. Describe your dating patterns. (U-Haul, serial monogamy, whatever.) Boring old monogamy. I married my first boyfriend, NOT out of desperation but because I struck gold on my first try. We’ve been married 11½ years. 19. Did you/do you date men? How’s that working for you? See #18. 20. Any thoughts on good and bad representations of queer woman in popular culture? I prefer not to be clubbed over the head: “Look, this character is a lesbian!” Why not just let the story tell itself? I am following Kerry Weaver’s explorations with interest. She’s a fascinating character. 21. Tell me a coming out story. Doesn’t have to be yours. Funny, tragic, whatever. Hmmm, racking my brains and don’t have one. I think my family has figured out that I am straight. 😉 ---
**Author:** ![NotWithoutRage](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/22d042/32.png) [@NotWithoutRage](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NotWithoutRage)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 4:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081/14 "2001-11-25T04:12:30Z")
1. What do you identify as? Bisexual 2. How short is your hair? Shoulder length 3. Is it a natural color? Almost, thank god. I’ve had a rough hair year. 4. If you play sports, what are they? Nope. None. 5. Do people look at you and think you are terribly terribly gay? No 6. Do you shave your legs? Yes 7. Your head? Your armpits? No. Yes. 8. What about the queer female community annoys you? A lot of them don’t like bi girls. 9. What is your idea of dressing up? A gown, heels, makeup, nails, hair, the whole deal. 10. Do you wear makeup? Not if I don’t have to. 11. What are “stereotypically lesbian” things that you do/wear/eat? (Expansive question, I know, but work with me. ;)) Hmm… I prefer pants. That’s kind of it. And I like girls, does that count? 12. What queer/ friendly female recording artists do you listen to? None religiously. I’m not a music fanatic, unless you’re talking about GLBT Choruses. Then, I’m a freak. 13. Any thoughts on the butch-femme thing? Yep, I’m pretty femme looking, except for the dress and makeup… ok, but I’m not butch looking either. I’m definately more femme acting. 14. Were you a repressed Catholic schoolgirl? Nope, I grew up Jewish. 15. What do you feel are three very important queer woman issues? AIDS, marriage rights, and adoption rights 16. How good is your gaydar? Excellent. 17. How “incestuous” is your dating scene? What dating scene? 18. Describe your dating patterns. (U-Haul, serial monogamy, whatever.) serial monogomy until I meet my true love. Then, the U Haul 19. Did you/do you date men? How’s that working for you? Yes, I date men, sometimes. It works out okay, sometimes, othertimes, not so ok. 20. Any thoughts on good and bad representations of queer woman in popular culture? Note to Rosie: COME ON OUT, the water is fine. 21. Tell me a coming out story. Doesn’t have to be yours. Funny, tragic, whatever. Uh, okay, I came out to my mom in a diner in Pennsylvania, as we were about to get into the car, which my father, who already knew was driving. For three Hours. All kinds of bad. ---
**Author:** ![Daowajan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Daowajan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daowajan)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 4:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081/15 "2001-11-25T04:14:36Z")
My follow-up post on the two questions I didn’t know jack about. Butch/femme: I know what you’re talking about now, but I still don’t get it. Incestuous dating? There are only about 15 other bi women or lesbians where I live. And that’s an all-time high in my life. You bet it’s incestuous. Issues: That one about the medical studies was a good answer. I hadn’t even thought of that. And we need it for straight women who never had kids as well. I am not getting married. I was not going to get married back when I thought I was straight, and my sentiments aren’t going to change now. My personal freedom has always been more important to me than having an SO. Put me down in the “several torrid affairs” category. ---
**Author:** ![Daowajan](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/3bc359/32.png) [@Daowajan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daowajan)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 4:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081/16 "2001-11-25T04:23:33Z")
Oh yes, how could I forget about the bisexual girls? A bisexual girlfriend will crawl into your bed at 2 AM after getting rammed every which way by a league of men! Bisexual people obviously have no morals and cannot commit to one partner! And, of course, EVERYONE knows that bisexual girls aren’t _really_ bisexual. They’re just doing it to be cool and rebellious until the Stepford genes kick in and they settle down with a square-jawed young man behind a white picket fence and start popping out babies! Aren’t you so glad we’re lesbians? WE know that true love knows no gender. ---
**Author:** ![andygirl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a9adbd/32.png) [@andygirl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/andygirl)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 5:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081/17 "2001-11-25T05:13:03Z")
Now now, darling. Breathe, have some decaf herbal tea and check your email. ---
**Author:** ![Sterra](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8c91f0/32.png) [@Sterra](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sterra)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 5:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081/18 "2001-11-25T05:24:49Z")
1. What do you identify as? Transexual bisexual 2. How short is your hair? Down to my shoulder blades 3. Is it a natural color? Yes 4. If you play sports, what are they? None 5. Do people look at you and think you are terribly terribly gay? Yes, but probably not the gay you meant:) 6. Do you shave your legs? Occasionally 7. Your head? Your armpits? Nope 8. What about the queer female community annoys you? The non acceptance of 9. What is your idea of dressing up? Wearing clothes. 10. Do you wear makeup? 11. What are “stereotypically lesbian” things that you do/wear/eat? (Expansive question, I know, but work with me. ) Dunno. 12. What queer/ friendly female recording artists do you listen to? I rarely listen to music 13. Any thoughts on the butch-femme thing? Butches are often FTMs from what I’ve seen. 14. Were you a repressed Catholic schoolgirl? No 15. What do you feel are three very important queer woman issues? Couldn’t say 16. How good is your gaydar? Good. I rarely miss details. 17. How “incestuous” is your dating scene? 18. Describe your dating patterns. (U-Haul, serial monogamy, whatever.) 19. Did you/do you date men? How’s that working for you? I don’t date much. 20. Any thoughts on good and bad representations of queer woman in popular culture? A good story should not show any trace of the authors political leanings. Babylon 5 was a good one. ---
**Author:** ![Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/angel_of_the_lord/32/2949_2.png) [@Angel\_of\_the\_Lord](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Angel_of_the_Lord)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 5:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081/19 "2001-11-25T05:32:08Z")
Well, I’ll fill it out :-). 1. What do you identify as? Bisexual, though slightly more inclined towards guys. I am very much in the closet; I fear my roommate’s reaction, among other things. Only three close friends, my boyfriend, and my ex know for sure. Also, I often feel like I _should_ have been born a bisexual-leaning-towards-gay protective midwestern guy…but this is probably too much information. 2. How short is your hair? A few inches past my shoulders. So not terribly short at all. 3. Is it a natural color? Yes, although it’s not _my_ natural color… 4. If you play sports, what are they? I used to do track and field, and archery. 5. Do people look at you and think you are terribly terribly gay? If they do, they don’t say so. 6. Do you shave your legs? Yes, unless it’s winter and I know that I’m not going to be undressing for anyone for a while…I get razor rash. 7. Your head? Your armpits? No. Yes. 8. What about the queer female community annoys you? The whole anti-guy thing that some people have (I suppose it’s not solely a “queer female community” thing; more of a hyperactive extension of feminism). I happen to like guys, too, and I have mostly guy friends. Also, the anti-bi thing, which I’ve only come across once, in relating to my ex-girlfriend…gah… 9. What is your idea of dressing up? Depends on my mood…either a skirt/top number, or a very feminine dress…lace or whatever… 10. Do you wear makeup? Yes, although not every day. If I’m just going to be lounging around the house, it’s not worth it. 11. What are “stereotypically lesbian” things that you do/wear/eat? (Expansive question, I know, but work with me. ) I’ve been considering no-red-meat-or-pork for some time, but mostly for health reasons. I seldom wear skirts/dresses on my own. Someone said that BtVS fell into this category, and I’m a devotee :-). I also, until recently, wore guy Vans as my shoes. 12. What queer/ friendly female recording artists do you listen to? Melissa Etheridge…and that’s about it. I’m much more about REM, etc. 13. Any thoughts on the butch-femme thing? I’m not into it. I’m me. 14. Were you a repressed Catholic schoolgirl? Nopers. 15. What do you feel are three very important queer woman issues? Marriage rights, adoption rights, and general acceptance into society. 16. How good is your gaydar? Embarassingly bad. 17. How “incestuous” is your dating scene? Scene? 18. Describe your dating patterns. (U-Haul, serial monogamy, whatever.) Two monogamous relationships. One lasted for a month or so. The other has been on and off for 2 and a half years. 19. Did you/do you date men? How’s that working for you? Yes, I do date a man. It works just fine. Much better than the woman I dated… 20. Any thoughts on good and bad representations of queer woman in popular culture? …another vote against Ellen… 21. Tell me a coming out story. Doesn’t have to be yours. Funny, tragic, whatever. I’ve vented about this before in the Pit…but I’ll relate it again here. My ex-girlfriend outed me to my parents while I was in college. She didn’t run it by me first, and we’d been broken up for nearly a year. She just called my house and _told_ them. I had to swear to my parents that I was just experimenting; otherwise, they would have disowned me. So, basically, I had to lie. I also ended up having to come out to my boyfriend; he wanted to know why I was so upset. He was about 1000 times cooler about it than I thought he would be. (Sum total of his reaction: “Jesus Christ, Gabe, that’s _it_? I thought you’d killed someone”). On a lighter note, the person who passed around a petition for Alliance on campus _knew_. First time someone ever picked up on me. Made me happy, for some odd reason. Still scared to come out totally, though. And NEVER to my parents… ---
**Author:** ![fish\_in\_the\_sky](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/7ba0ec/32.png) [@fish\_in\_the\_sky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/fish_in_the_sky)\ **Post date:** [November 25, 2001, 5:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081/20 "2001-11-25T05:35:39Z")
> [@](#): > > \*\* > > 1. What do you identify as? > \*\* Queer. Lesbian if you want to get paticular about it, but I much prefer the term “queer” cos I’m weird as fuck & I dig the word’s nonsexual meaning (I like to say that yeah, I’m queer, but it’s not being gay that makes me so) > [@](#): > > \*\* > 2) How short is your hair? > \*\* I’ve got long hair right now, about down to the middle of my back, but I think this summer I’m gonna cut it super short, like army-boy short, then send my tresses to the afformentioned Locks of Love. > [@](#): > > \*\* > 3) Is it a natural color? > \*\* Yep. A blondish-brownish color. > [@](#): > > \*\* > 4) If you play sports, what are they? > \*\* Uh, no. > [@](#): > > \*\* > 5) Do people look at you and think you are terribly terribly gay? > \*\* No, they think I’m _fabulously_ gay. Seriously, no I don’t think most people would guess just by lookin’ at me. > [@](#): > > \*\* > 6) Do you shave your legs? > \*\* Occasionally. In the summertime, mostly. > [@](#): > > \*\* > 7) Your head? Your armpits? > \*\* Pits, same as legs, summer only mostly. Head - not yet. But I’m considering it. > [@](#): > > \*\* > 8) What about the queer female community annoys you? > \*\* Of the queer community in general, I’m kinda turned off by the obligatory political aspect of it. I don’t like feeling that I am required by queer law to march in pride parades & wear pink triangle buttons & rainbow tube socks & sign petitions & shout slogans & lobby for Change[sup]TM[/sup] & overthrow the system, etc., etc., etc. Yes, yes, yes, I know it’s important; I don’t care. I just wanna kiss girls - leave me alone. Do the straights make a federal case out of their sexuality? I don’t like that being gay is automatically a “big deal” and by virture of being gay I’m expected center my whole life around this one aspect of myself. I like to compare it to being vegetarian. I just don’t eat meat. I don’t liberate lab animals or douse fur coats in red paint or scream “Meat is murder!” to anyone ordering a hamburger. I just don’t eat meat; that’s all. So I’m queer. I like girls. That’s all. > [@](#): > > \*\* > 9) What is your idea of dressing up? > \*\* A nice skirt, something long & swingy, with a simple top. > [@](#): > > \*\* > 10) Do you wear makeup? > \*\* No. I’ve been thinking of buying a tube of lipstick, but I don’t know when I’d ever wear it. > [@](#): > > \*\* > 11) What are “stereotypically lesbian” things that you do/wear/eat? (Expansive question, I know, but work with me. ;)) > \*\* I’ll be watching this thread to see what exactly constitutes a “stereotypical lesbian” thing. Cos I really don’t know. > [@](#): > > \*\* > 12) What queer/ friendly female recording artists do you listen to? > \*\* Uhm, I have a Melissa Ferrick CD. I used to have a M. Ethridge CD, but I sold it. Uhhh… I really dig the 10K Maniacs song [“Stockton Gala Days”](http://www.davemcnally.com/lyrics/10000Maniacs/STOCKTONGALADAYS.asp) - does that count? > [@](#): > > \*\* > 13) Any thoughts on the butch-femme thing? > \*\* Me no likey. I agree with whoever said that it doesn’t apply to our generation (I’m 22). > [@](#): > > \*\* > 14) Were you a repressed Catholic schoolgirl? > \*\* Uhm, no. Should I have been? > [@](#): > > \*\* > 15) What do you feel are three very important queer woman issues? > \*\* ::mind goes blank:: > [@](#): > > \*\* > 16) How good is your gaydar? > \*\* Poor to nonexistant. > [@](#): > > \*\* > 17) How “incestuous” is your dating scene? > \*\* ::shrug:: I’m far too shy to join the local queer scene, let alone date. > [@](#): > > \*\* > 18) Describe your dating patterns. (U-Haul, serial monogamy, whatever.) > \*\* You’re taunting me aren’t you? There’s this girl I like - I _adore_ her, we have so much in commen it’s eerie - and I’ve done every subtly flirtatious thing I can think of to let her know how I feel, but I’m pretty sure she’s straight. Or at least not interested in me like I’m interested in her. So that’s my dating pattern: admire a girl from varying distances of afar & wait for them to make to first move, which they never do. ☹ > [@](#): > > \*\* > 19) Did you/do you date men? How’s that working for you? > \*\* I’ve had crushes on guys like I have crushes on girls, but I’ve never been in a realtionship with anybody. I don’t find the idea of sex with a boy to be completely repulsive, & friendship with a boy is cool, but I have zero interset in a romantic relationship with a boy. I can’t see the attraction. > [@](#): > > \*\* > 20) Any thoughts on good and bad representations of queer woman in popular culture? > \*\* Not really, sorry. > [@](#): > > \*\* > 21) Tell me a coming out story. Doesn’t have to be yours. Funny, tragic, whatever. > \*\* Heh. This ties in with my idea that being gay is not a big deal. And it ISN’T, to me. Apparently it is to my parents. I came out to them just this past October, and I’d been hoping to just make my little speech & talk a bit & go on with the day, but then out of nowhere they’re crying & hugging me & telling its-okay-we-still-love-you etc., etc. And cos they’re crying, I’m crying & I don’t know why. And I thinking “GAH! Where did all these emotions come from? Stop it!” I wish I’d done something different, something silly & unserious, but I still can’t think of anything good. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-heterosexual-women-of-the-sdmb-a-poll/95081.md?page=2)