# Non Sequiturs **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [August 5, 2003, 12:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081 "2003-08-05T12:18:59Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 9:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081/41 "2003-08-05T21:57:41Z")
Little children love to play in the sand and build castles and moats and dig great big holes and then bury themselves up to the neck in the sand. It is very important to be fairly close to the water or else the sand is all dry and doesn’t make good castles. But if you bury people in the sand you want to be a bit further back so they don’t drown. Unless they’re already dead, in which case the beach isn’t a good place to bury them to start with. Best check with a lifeguard first before burying anybody on the beach. ---
**Author:** ![Syntropy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/65b543/32.png) [@Syntropy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Syntropy)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 10:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081/42 "2003-08-05T22:13:13Z")
And there’s not a jury in the world that would convict me. ---
**Author:** ![Chefguy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/chefguy/32/138_2.png) [@Chefguy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Chefguy)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 10:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081/43 "2003-08-05T22:14:14Z")
Has there ever been a one-armed-paperhanger? What about the one-legged-entry in the ass-kicking contest? Were they victims of abandoned mines? And just why is it that they’re so _busy_? If they got together, could they form some sort of ass-kicking-paper-hanging consortium? ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 10:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081/44 "2003-08-05T22:17:48Z")
The most common thing you’ll find in most swamps is water. But next to that is mud and then maybe trees. Depending on where the swamp is located there could be lots of cypress trees. They’re neat looking with little knee-like things that stick up out of the water. They’re also conifers and the wood is especially good for building since it’s naturally bugbroof. Ans then there are usually snakes and alligators and lots of mosquitos. ---
**Author:** ![neofishboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/neofishboy/32/444_2.png) [@neofishboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neofishboy)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 10:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081/45 "2003-08-05T22:18:12Z")
As the afternoon wore on, we became fixated on the idea of capturing and crucifying a dwarf. Unfortunately, due to the drugs, it seemed that _everyone_ on the street was in some way odd or misshapen. This led to some discussion and the eventual abandonment of The Plan. Only later, under the harsh light of sobriety did we realize that crucifying people was wrong…so very wrong. The pontooning was excellent, however, and I saw it as a small victory that I had reached yet another midnight mercifully free of tattoos. ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081/46 "2003-08-05T22:42:06Z")
One thing you hardly ever see or hear is a bassoon player in a rock or jazz band. Oboe either. Maybe French horn in a jazz group, but not many of them either. Guess you have to figure that those guys never really wanted to be rock musicians or else there weren’t a lot of guitars in the music store when they went in to pick out an instrument. Bet you they weren’t by themselves that day either. All the same I bet a bassoon could really wail on some blues. ---
**Author:** ![Thunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a8b319/32.png) [@Thunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thunder)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 11:17pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081/47 "2003-08-05T23:17:37Z")
**A** fter all, this is the first post about this. ---
**Author:** ![Rabid\_Squirrel](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e0b2c6/32.png) [@Rabid\_Squirrel](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rabid_Squirrel)\ **Post date:** [August 5, 2003, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081/48 "2003-08-05T23:45:34Z")
My family’s dog is completely normal. It does nothing special, it has average doggy intellect and is of average health for it’s age. It’s breath is sufficiently average in it’s smell, it has all four legs, reasonable eyesight and likes to bark. ---
**Author:** ![verbenabeast](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/c4cdca/32.png) [@verbenabeast](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/verbenabeast)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081/49 "2003-08-06T00:13:25Z")
you know, the only difference between cattle and oxen is that oxen have to work for a living. Well, that and the whole beef cattle are much more likely to be killed and eaten… ---
**Author:** ![Zoe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/a4c791/32.png) [@Zoe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zoe)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081/50 "2003-08-06T01:29:08Z")
Quote the raven, _Snort!_ ---
**Author:** ![neofishboy](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/neofishboy/32/444_2.png) [@neofishboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/neofishboy)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 2:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081/51 "2003-08-06T02:25:08Z")
Now that you mention it … I’m starting to wonder if my thumbs have _always_ looked like this…? No…no…this is new. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 2:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081/52 "2003-08-06T02:30:18Z")
I’ll have a Monte Cristo sandwich, fries, and a Vanilla Coke. Thanks, babe. ---
**Author:** ![TheFunkySpaceCowboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a9a28c/32.png) [@TheFunkySpaceCowboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheFunkySpaceCowboy)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 2:43am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081/53 "2003-08-06T02:43:39Z")
My hovercraft is full of eels. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b5ac83/32.png) [@The\_Mad\_Hermit](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Mad_Hermit)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 3:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081/54 "2003-08-06T03:20:10Z")
…so I was sayin’ to Skullbiter, ya know, that Red Shroud was looking kinda good today, and the berk tried to smack me! So I popped outta there, and hung out near the gate to Plague-mort lookin’ for clueless to peel… ---
**Author:** ![MLS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/919ad9/32.png) [@MLS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MLS)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 3:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081/55 "2003-08-06T03:27:08Z")
Contains: Carbonated water, citric acid, natural flavors, sodium citrate, sodium benzoate (preservative), malic acid, aspartame, caramel color, PHENYLKETONURICS: CONTAINS PHENYLALANINE. Calories 0, Total Fat 0g 0% Sodium 120 mg 5% Total Carb 0g 0% Sugars 0g Protein 0g Not a significant source of other nutrients. ---
**Author:** ![International\_Playboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/48db29/32.png) [@International\_Playboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/International_Playboy)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 3:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081/56 "2003-08-06T03:30:49Z")
Barking spiders, make me warm all over With a feeling that I’m gonna love you 'till the end of time ---
**Author:** ![Thunder](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a8b319/32.png) [@Thunder](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Thunder)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 3:36am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081/57 "2003-08-06T03:36:44Z")
If the light is green, you must see the Queen! ---
**Author:** ![verbigerate](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/a5b964/32.png) [@verbigerate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/verbigerate)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 4:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081/58 "2003-08-06T04:51:57Z")
Why am I replying to some other posting thingy when I could be somewhere else doing the same thing? ---
**Author:** ![Zeldar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/b77776/32.png) [@Zeldar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zeldar)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 10:24am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081/59 "2003-08-06T10:24:52Z")
Virtually any light can serve as a beacon if it’s bright and tall and close to the ocean. Even a campfire in the right hands can serve as a signal fire for sending messages and cooking things. Fires are cute. ---
**Author:** ![as\_u\_wish](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/6f9a4e/32.png) [@as\_u\_wish](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/as_u_wish)\ **Post date:** [August 6, 2003, 11:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081/60 "2003-08-06T11:51:46Z")
Last night in the games lobby in yahoo sheepshead, I said “hello lobby lurkers,” and this guy said he wanted to be a lobby monkey instead of a lobby lurker. And I said, “oh, you want a prehensile tail.” And he said penis, tail, what’s the difference. Which I thought was rather crude and off topic anyway. So I offered to explain the difference to him. And wrote this: Let me explain really quick How to tell a tail from a dick A tail is for wagging The other’s for shagging Now keep things clean lobby prick But I don’t really like the last line–suggestions? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-sequiturs/193081.md?page=4)