# Non-Simpsons Simpsons lines **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 16, 2003, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741 "2003-10-16T05:49:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/1 "2003-10-16T05:49:53Z")
Gotta start at least one more of these. What are your favorite lines from The Simpsons, not said by a Simpson? Chief Wiggum: “Book em on one count of being a bear and one count of accessory to being a bear” “What do you kids find so inviting about my mysterious closet of secrets?” ---
**Author:** ![Dr.Rieux](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dr.Rieux](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dr.Rieux)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 6:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/2 "2003-10-16T06:06:43Z")
Moe: “Do you have any cereal for people with syphilis?” ---
**Author:** ![VarlosZ](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d78d45/32.png) [@VarlosZ](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/VarlosZ)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 6:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/3 "2003-10-16T06:23:25Z")
> [@](#): > > “What do you kids find so inviting about my mysterious closet of secrets?” Gotta correct you here (sorry): “What is your fascination with Daddy’s forbidden closet of mystery???” Now, I’m sure someone will be along shortly to correct _me_. . . ---
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 7:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/4 "2003-10-16T07:13:49Z")
I knew it wasn’t exact, but it was too good to pass up. Mr Burns: I have a lot in common with Oscar Schindler. We both made shells for the nazis, but mine worked damn it! ---
**Author:** ![cletus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/f08c70/32.png) [@cletus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cletus)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 7:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/5 "2003-10-16T07:49:03Z")
Hey Maw, get a load of that there spiky haired kid ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/6 "2003-10-16T08:13:06Z")
(possibly got the details wrong…) Chief Wiggum: “Suspect is traveling in a red… car. I am in persuit, my location - on a road, travelling directly under the sun… now” Feel free to correct me. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 8:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/7 "2003-10-16T08:16:56Z")
Chief Wiggum: Where’s your Messiah now, Flanders? Nyah. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 8:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/8 "2003-10-16T08:18:36Z")
Burns: Exxxxcelllent!! ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/9 "2003-10-16T08:19:13Z")
Hiddley ho neighbour Homer: Get lost flanders! Okley dokley. ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 8:19am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/10 "2003-10-16T08:19:44Z")
Otto: I used to ride on the bus, and now _I drive it_! ---
**Author:** ![Zenster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/z/cdc98d/32.png) [@Zenster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Zenster)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 8:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/11 "2003-10-16T08:21:10Z")
Nelson: Ha-ha! ---
**Author:** ![Lobsang](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/lobsang/32/4067_2.png) [@Lobsang](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lobsang)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 8:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/12 "2003-10-16T08:22:08Z")
professor frink’s scene at loch ness was a classic, but I know too little of the details and therefore would ruin it. Anyone else with a better memory or a more recent viewing of that episode?? ---
**Author:** ![Marley23](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/45deac/32.png) [@Marley23](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Marley23)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/13 "2003-10-16T09:06:10Z")
Apu: I had the most wonderful dream where I died… Manjula: Oh no you don’t- not until they [the octuplets] finish college. Apu: Listen, I’ll die when I want to. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 9:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/14 "2003-10-16T09:11:46Z")
At Itchy & Scratchy Land: Frink: You’ve got to listen to me. Elementary chaos theory tells us that all robots will eventually turn against their masters and run amok in an orgy of blood and the kicking and the biting with the metal teeth and the hurting and shoving. Scientist: How much time do we have professor? Frink: Well according to my calculations, the robots won’t go berserk for at least 24 hours. (The robots go berserk.) Oh, I forgot to er, carry the one. ---
**Author:** ![NicePete](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/ee7513/32.png) [@NicePete](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NicePete)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/15 "2003-10-16T15:29:16Z")
Stonecutter #1: Remove the Stone of Shame… Homer: Woo Hoo! Stonecutter #1: … and attach the Stone of Triumph! Homer: D’oh! ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 4:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/16 "2003-10-16T16:06:17Z")
Krusty: There isn’t a moment that goes by when I don’t think about my father. Except at the track, then it’s all business. ---
**Author:** ![Dizzy\_Fingers](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/aeb1de/32.png) [@Dizzy\_Fingers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Dizzy_Fingers)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 4:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/17 "2003-10-16T16:16:46Z")
Krusty: Eh, I could pull a better cartoon out of my a- [_notices he’s on camera_] -heh-heh-hey-hey! Whoa! Wasn’t that great, kids? ---
**Author:** ![Slacker](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/6bbea6/32.png) [@Slacker](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Slacker)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 4:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/18 "2003-10-16T16:42:27Z")
I like that random grumpy guy that’s seen in a few episodes. His best line was at the Springfield Swap Meet: Marge: Your son or daughter will think this wishbone necklace is really cool! Man: I doubt my son or daughter is that stupid. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Drogulus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e9c0ed/32.png) [@Drogulus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Drogulus)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 5:04pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/19 "2003-10-16T17:04:50Z")
Apu: Shiva H. Vishnu! Milhouse: Remember the time he [Santa’s Little Helper] ate my goldfish, and you lied to me and told me I never had any goldfish? But why’d I have the bowl, Bart? _Why’d I have the bowl?_ Milhouse-like character who’s just lost the girl in _Tango de la Muerte_: Caramba! Once again I will have to sugar my own churro. ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [October 16, 2003, 5:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/20 "2003-10-16T17:49:12Z")
“Little” Vicki, former child star: I’m sorry, Lisa, but giving everyone an equal part when they’re clearly not equal is called what, again, class? Class: Communism! Vicki: That’s right. And I didn’t tap all those Morse code messages to the Allies 'til my shoes filled with blood to just roll out the welcome mat for the Reds. This argument has proven useful in a few of **chumpsky’s** threads. My all-time personal favourite: Lisa: Change what [the talking Malibu Stacy doll] says. It’s your company. Stacy Lavelle, creator of Malibu Stacy: Not since I was forced out in 1974. They said my way of thinking just wasn’t cost effective. Lisa: [gasps] That’s awful. Stacy: Well, that, and…I was funneling profits to the Viet Cong. [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741.md?page=2)