# Non-Simpsons Simpsons lines **URL:** \ **Category:** Cafe Society\ **Created:** [October 16, 2003, 5:49am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741 "2003-10-16T05:49:53Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![Odinoneeye](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/97f17d/32.png) [@Odinoneeye](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Odinoneeye)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 8:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/41 "2003-10-17T08:04:19Z")
Dr. Nick: Flammable and inflammable mean the same thing? What a country! ---
**Author:** ![otherwiseknownas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/59ef9b/32.png) [@otherwiseknownas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/otherwiseknownas)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 9:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/42 "2003-10-17T09:26:02Z")
Quimby in one of the haloween specials, after he’s insulted the french frog legs or something like that “I stand by my racial slur, do your worst you filthy pretentious swines” ---
**Author:** ![KGS](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/90ced4/32.png) [@KGS](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KGS)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 9:44am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/43 "2003-10-17T09:44:22Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by adam yax \* > \*\*Lisa: The bible says that? > Rev. Lovejoy: It’s somewhere towards the back. \*\* Sorry, that’s a Homer quote. [at the ethnic used car dealer] Homer: What country is this car from, anyway? Dealer: It no longer exists. But it goes twelve hectares on a single tank of kerosene! Jacques (the bowling instructor): My mind says stop, but my heart, and my hips, cry proceed. Marge darling, I want to see you tomorrow. Not at Barney’s Bowlorama, away from the thunderous folly of clattering pins. Meet me tomorrow for Brunch. Marge: What’s Brunch? Jacques: You’d love it. It’s not quite breakfast, it’s not quite lunch, but it comes with a slice of cantaloupe at the end. Lisa: Wait! Those aren’t crash test dummies! Fourth Reich Motors Guy: This exhibit is closed. ---
**Author:** ![otherwiseknownas](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/59ef9b/32.png) [@otherwiseknownas](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/otherwiseknownas)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 9:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/44 "2003-10-17T09:50:44Z")
Moe - Err we dont like the word ‘mutants’ Homer, we prefer freaks, or monsters. Flanders - I dont see any reason why us freaks and norms cant get along ---
**Author:** ![gex\_gex](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/94ad74/32.png) [@gex\_gex](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gex_gex)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/45 "2003-10-17T12:30:09Z")
Rev Lovejoy: Marge have you ever sat down and read this thing [the bible]? Technically, we’re not even allowed to go to the bathroom. ---
**Author:** ![El\_Marko](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/58956e/32.png) [@El\_Marko](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/El_Marko)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 12:53pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/46 "2003-10-17T12:53:09Z")
Two of my favs from Apu: “Mr. Homer, you may emerge from my chips now. The opportunity to prove yourself a man has passed.” and of course, the ever popular: “Ah, the searing kiss of hot lead, how I have missed you. I mean, help, I think I am dying.” ---
**Author:** ![Bryan\_Ekers](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bryan_ekers/32/183_2.png) [@Bryan\_Ekers](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bryan_Ekers)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 1:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/47 "2003-10-17T13:27:35Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by adam yax > Lisa: The bible says that? > Rev. Lovejoy: It’s somewhere towards the back. > [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KGS \* > Sorry, that’s a Homer quote. Well, sort-of. Adam was conflating with another Reverend Lovejoy line, from the episode “Bart’s Girlfriend”. Bart has been accused of stealing collection-plate money, but it was actually Jessica Lovejoy, the Reverend’s daughter. Lisa, knowing the truth, addresses the congregation: Lisa: I know most of you have already judged my brother guilty without any proof, but doesn’t the Bible teach us, “Judge not, lest ye be judged,” Reverend? Lovejoy: [sullen] I think it may be somewhere towards the back. ---
**Author:** ![lost4life](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/c4cdca/32.png) [@lost4life](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lost4life)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 1:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/48 "2003-10-17T13:50:46Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KGS \* > \*\*Sorry, that’s a Homer quote. > \*\* There’s one about gambling where Homer tells Lisa the bible says it’s okay. When she asks where, he says it’s somewhere in the back. Then one about whacking day when Lovejoy reads Lisa a bible quote promoting whacking day. When she asks if she can see it, Lovejoy shuts the bible and say “no.” My favorite is when Moe is talking to all the bar regulars about the dangers of drunk driving: “Yeah, all right. Listen up, guys. The Springfield Police have told me that ninety one percent of all traffic accidents are causes by you six guys” ---
**Author:** ![KidCharlemagne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/ed8c4c/32.png) [@KidCharlemagne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/KidCharlemagne)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 1:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/49 "2003-10-17T13:54:49Z")
This is an easy one for me. Moe is on a date and is very eager to impress the lady: Waiter: What can I get for you sir? Moe: Yea ahhhhh just give me the most expensive thing on the menu stuffed with the second most expensive thing. ---
**Author:** ![Ike\_Witt](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/ike_witt/32/283_2.png) [@Ike\_Witt](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ike_Witt)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 2:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/50 "2003-10-17T14:09:13Z")
Does anybody pick nits like a Simpsons fan correcting quotes? 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Vixenation](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/278dde/32.png) [@Vixenation](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Vixenation)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 2:10pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/51 "2003-10-17T14:10:18Z")
> [@](#): > > \*Originally posted by KidCharlemagne \* > \*\*This is an easy one for me. Moe is on a date and is very eager to impress the lady: > > Waiter: What can I get for you sir? > > Moe: Yea ahhhhh just give me the most expensive thing on the menu stuffed with the second most expensive thing. \*\* Waiter: Very good, sir. Lobster stuffed with tacos. ---
**Author:** ![xizor](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/xizor/32/102_2.png) [@xizor](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/xizor)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 3:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/52 "2003-10-17T15:29:24Z")
My fav has always been this two parter: Ron Howard: Homer, you smell like vodka and glass clippings. Homer: It’s a drink I made up myself. It’s called a lawnmower. You want one? Ron: Yeah, OK. Then later in the episode Ron: Homer, we’re out of vodka. ---
**Author:** ![Lisa-go-Blind](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/7c8e57/32.png) [@Lisa-go-Blind](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lisa-go-Blind)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 3:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/53 "2003-10-17T15:45:28Z")
Cletus (atop a telephone pole): Hey, I could call my ma from up here…HEY MA! Apu: Tonight I’m going to party like it’s on sale for $19.99! ---
**Author:** ![wolfman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/a8b319/32.png) [@wolfman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wolfman)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 4:07pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/54 "2003-10-17T16:07:12Z")
Burns: Who the devil are you? (As Homer stands with a paint can under the giant words ‘I am Homer Simpson’.) ---
**Author:** ![Baggins111](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/9fc29f/32.png) [@Baggins111](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Baggins111)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 6:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/55 "2003-10-17T18:01:28Z")
My favorites haven’t been said yet… Dr. Nick: HI EVELEYBODY! Ralph Wiggums: My cat’s breath smells like cat food. Ralph again (and my personal favorite): I bent my Wookie. ---
**Author:** ![petelin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/71c47a/32.png) [@petelin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/petelin)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 6:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/56 "2003-10-17T18:16:35Z")
Ok here goes…feel free to correct me, these are all from my (faulted) memory: Krusty: “Burn that seat” Moe (to Helen Hunt’s character: “Don’t eat for a week, because I’m taking you out for a steak the size of a toilet seat.” Rod or Todd: “Ow, my freakin’ ears!” Russian Girl: “After Chernobyl, my penis fall off” Moe: “And penis is Russian for…?” Bart: My mom has an earring, does that mean you think my mom’s cool? Milhouse: I don’t think your mom’s cool…I think she’s HOT!" ---
**Author:** ![mobo85](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b19c9b/32.png) [@mobo85](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/mobo85)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 7:16pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/57 "2003-10-17T19:16:51Z")
This whole thing about Krusty getting canned and being replaced with a infomercial for hemmorhoid remedy. Krusty is willing to play Hemmorhoid Sufferer #1. When he’s turned down, he shouts out, “Wait, I can be one of the ‘after’ guys! ‘Ah, that’s better. I can ride a bike again!’” Very funny. ---
**Author:** ![vl\_mungo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/bc8723/32.png) [@vl\_mungo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vl_mungo)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 7:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/58 "2003-10-17T19:34:31Z")
**Mr. Burns:** If you can take advantage of a situation in some way, it’s your duty as an American to do it. Why should the race always be to the swift, or the Jumble to the quick-witted? Should they be allowed to win merely because of the gifts God gave them? Well I say, ‘Cheating is the gift man gives himself. ---
**Author:** ![teemingONE](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b4bc9f/32.png) [@teemingONE](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/teemingONE)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 8:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/59 "2003-10-17T20:56:21Z")
Moe: Yea, Hi, I want to order an escort. Lady over phone: Okay, sir, where to? Moe: To where!? How about orgasmville!? ( I butchered it, please correct me) ---
**Author:** ![Gangster\_Octopus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/a8b319/32.png) [@Gangster\_Octopus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gangster_Octopus)\ **Post date:** [October 17, 2003, 9:46pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741/60 "2003-10-17T21:46:28Z")
Sea Captain (on the phone): Call me back, Ishmael. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-simpsons-simpsons-lines/207741.md?page=4)