# Non-vulgar interjections and insults that are worse than swearing. **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [February 2, 2005, 5:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005 "2005-02-02T17:06:03Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![jester21](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ed655f/32.png) [@jester21](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jester21)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 12:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005/41 "2005-02-05T12:29:56Z")
> [@vinniepaz](#): > > “I hope someone you love dies.” which is very similar to: “I hope that if you ever have a son, his dog dies.” A Jester No-Prize for the one who can answer where that’s from 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Spongemom](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/278dde/32.png) [@Spongemom](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Spongemom)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 8:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005/42 "2005-02-05T20:01:45Z")
> [@](#): > > poopy-flavored lollipop Band name! ---
**Author:** ![Rhubarb](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/59ef9b/32.png) [@Rhubarb](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rhubarb)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 10:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005/43 "2005-02-05T22:11:14Z")
How about … Knock-kneed, buck-toothed, pin-headed incestous offspring of a dog-faced syphilitic whore. Also, when my young ones were young ones, I had to be somewhat creative with the insults I hurled at the insane drivers (who seem to be everywhere). The more fitting adjectives were replaced by moron, bonehead, twit, halfwit, brainless, dead-from-the-neck-up, dip-wad, and jerk. ---
**Author:** ![Alice\_The\_Goon](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ed8c4c/32.png) [@Alice\_The\_Goon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alice_The_Goon)\ **Post date:** [February 5, 2005, 11:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005/44 "2005-02-05T23:18:58Z")
My new favorite: “I thought you’d be nicer since you’re not very good-looking.” I can’t wait to use it. ---
**Author:** ![Neidhart](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/bbe5ce/32.png) [@Neidhart](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Neidhart)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 12:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005/45 "2005-02-06T00:27:24Z")
“Go crawl back under your rock.” “You little maggot.” ---
**Author:** ![Bernard\_Marx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/4491bb/32.png) [@Bernard\_Marx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Bernard_Marx)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 3:15am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005/46 "2005-02-06T03:15:47Z")
> [@](#): > > Originally posted by **Silverfire** > You’re adopted, your parents don’t even love you. I like this one! The version I have heard is: “Oh by the way, your mum called. She said to tell you that you were adopted” ---
**Author:** ![Othersider](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/cab0a1/32.png) [@Othersider](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Othersider)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005/47 "2005-02-06T09:06:44Z")
I mock your value system. You also appear foolish in the eyes of others. Past instances in which I professed to like you were fraudulent. I engaged in intercourse with your spouse or significant other. ---
**Author:** ![Telperien](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/65b543/32.png) [@Telperien](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Telperien)\ **Post date:** [February 6, 2005, 10:17am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005/48 "2005-02-06T10:17:27Z")
I’m personally for any variation on “Shut your pie hole!” Warning: when using “cake” instead of “pie,” said insult can easily become vulgar, since all those food words that start with “c” sound the same. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005/49 "2005-02-07T15:44:16Z")
> [@Harimad-sol](#): > > I’m personally for any variation on “Shut your pie hole!” Warning: when using “cake” instead of “pie,” said insult can easily become vulgar, since all those food words that start with “c” sound the same. 😃 a la Monty Python: “Shut your festering gob, you tit!” ---
**Author:** ![Daithi\_Lacha](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/daithi_lacha/32/5430_2.png) [@Daithi\_Lacha](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Daithi_Lacha)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 3:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005/50 "2005-02-07T15:48:39Z")
> [@Ale](#): > > “Oligophrenic” works wonders. All right! My cats just got a new epithet! ---
**Author:** ![Sevo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ed655f/32.png) [@Sevo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sevo)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 7:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005/51 "2005-02-07T19:11:35Z")
> [@lizardling](#): > > But there’s no way of slicing it for cows – they just stand there and moo at you. A friend of mine uses “stupid cow” frequently and I find it an outstanding metaphor. Stupid cud-chewing cows… I always liked, “I heard you. You’re just insignificant.” ---
**Author:** ![Beware\_of\_Doug](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/278dde/32.png) [@Beware\_of\_Doug](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Beware_of_Doug)\ **Post date:** [February 7, 2005, 8:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005/52 "2005-02-07T20:09:23Z")
I think it’s high time we revived _cretin._ A favorite of Uncle Cecil’s, btw. ---
**Author:** ![shijinn](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/cc9497/32.png) [@shijinn](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shijinn)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 7:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005/53 "2005-02-10T07:51:34Z")
> [@lizardling](#): > > Not just you. Probably because bitch often gets used for women who’re perceived as being aggressive/pushy/etc when they’re being assertive, plus a bunch of other things. > > But there’s no way of slicing it for cows – they just stand there and moo at you. i don’t know why but this is just funny. ---
**Author:** ![Keapon\_Laffin](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e274bd/32.png) [@Keapon\_Laffin](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keapon_Laffin)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 10:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005/54 "2005-02-10T10:29:29Z")
My favourite, from Starcontrol 2: Pouchless lard-log freak, and a leprous, non-functional sex organ and a wallowing, phlegm-filled Dgrunti belly-licker. 😃 ---
**Author:** ![SamIAm336](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/4491bb/32.png) [@SamIAm336](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/SamIAm336)\ **Post date:** [February 10, 2005, 7:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005/55 "2005-02-10T19:39:58Z")
My favorite is old, but tried and true, Goober. no one ever misunderstands ---
**Author:** ![Cinnamon\_Girl](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/9d8465/32.png) [@Cinnamon\_Girl](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cinnamon_Girl)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 3:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005/56 "2005-02-11T03:38:35Z")
> [@Sevo](#): > > A friend of mine uses “stupid cow” frequently and I find it an outstanding metaphor. Stupid cud-chewing cows… > > I always liked, “I heard you. You’re just insignificant.” Or don’t call 'em a stupid cud-chewing cow. All you have to say is: “Oh, just shut up and chew your cud.” ---
**Author:** ![Cat\_Whisperer](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/cat_whisperer/32/4839_2.png) [@Cat\_Whisperer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Cat_Whisperer)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 4:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005/57 "2005-02-11T04:04:49Z")
> [@Harimad-sol](#): > > I’m personally for any variation on “Shut your pie hole!” \ I tell my cats to shut their kibble holes all the time. When my husband and I are play-fighting, we often refer to each other as “poo-filled.” ---
**Author:** ![Nunavut\_Boy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/e95f7d/32.png) [@Nunavut\_Boy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nunavut_Boy)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 4:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005/58 "2005-02-11T04:50:09Z")
Some of my personal favs: “ahh, look, here comes (some jerk), whose mother we wish had a health care plan that included abortion” “shut your cock port” “are we at the part where I care yet?” “Talking to you proves that there are some things worse than death” ---
**Author:** ![picunurse](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/7bcc69/32.png) [@picunurse](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/picunurse)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 6:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005/59 "2005-02-11T06:40:49Z")
When I was out there in the dating jungle, I carried cards the size of business cards for when someone was annoying me. I had four different sayings for any situation. “I’m very sure you’re considered attractive on your home planet…” “I do, but not with you.” “Are you stoned or just stupid?” “How flattering! Fuck you very much. Now, go away.” Thinking he was getting my phone number, he’d walk away smiling. It was best if I could see his face when he actually read it. I know, I was taking a risk, but no one was ever brave enough to come back. ---
**Author:** ![Evil\_One](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/45deac/32.png) [@Evil\_One](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Evil_One)\ **Post date:** [February 11, 2005, 2:52pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005/60 "2005-02-11T14:52:18Z")
“You’re not pretty enough to be a bitch.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/non-vulgar-interjections-and-insults-that-are-worse-than-swearing/288005.md?page=4)