# Nonbelievers: How do you feel about people praying for you? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 23, 2009, 1:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849 "2009-10-23T13:34:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 3
**Author:** ![akennett](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ee59a6/32.png) [@akennett](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/akennett)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2009, 3:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849/41 "2009-10-25T03:23:26Z")
It’s not going to do me a lick of good (or bad), so if they want to waste their time, that’s fine. Just don’t tell me that you’re doing it and expect me to be grateful. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2009, 4:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849/42 "2009-10-25T04:06:10Z")
It’s silly, but I need all the good wishes I can get (especially right now. I am sick as a dog!) ---
**Author:** ![garygnu](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/garygnu/32/2924_2.png) [@garygnu](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/garygnu)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2009, 7:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849/43 "2009-10-25T07:42:52Z")
Going with, “it’s the thought that counts,” I chose option three. However, it always makes me chuckle because if these people actually think prayer works, they didn’t do much thinking. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2009, 8:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849/44 "2009-10-25T08:13:16Z")
This really depends. If there’s something rough going on in my life then it’s a nice if ultimately useless gesture. If it’s someone, especially someone I don’t know, praying for my heathen soul, then it’s an annoying hostile act. If it’s someone I don’t even know about then it doesn’t matter (example some religion secretly baptizing me in absentia). ---
**Author:** ![Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/bc79bd/32.png) [@Amber\_in\_Treasury](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Amber_in_Treasury)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2009, 9:27am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849/45 "2009-10-25T09:27:44Z")
I consider myself an agnostic, but when someone prays for me, I respect and appreciate the gesture, simply because it means they care. ---
**Author:** ![TWDuke](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/e495f1/32.png) [@TWDuke](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TWDuke)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2009, 9:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849/46 "2009-10-25T09:48:34Z")
I don’t believe in prayer, but I think it’s a nice, though useless, gesture, especially in situations where there’s nothing much else to do. When it can get annoying is in situations where it’s done as a no-cost, minimal-effort-free way of acting like your helping. _“I have to move out of my apartment this weekend!”_ “I’ll pray you don’t hurt your back.” _"Bail has been set at $500._ “I’ll pray for your deliverance.” > [@AudreyK](#): > > I do think that religious-toned condolences should be saved for people you know are religious, though-- such words will be as meaningful to them as they are intended to be. As an atheist, I’d be much more touched and appreciative if a religious person said simply, “I’m thinking of you,” or “I hope you find comfort soon,” rather than “I’m praying for you.” I’d say thank you, but I wouldn’t be able to help thinking “What, I’m not worth praying for? I don’t believe in that crap but I know _you_ do.” ---
**Author:** ![lemac](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/f19dbf/32.png) [@lemac](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/lemac)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2009, 9:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849/47 "2009-10-25T09:58:52Z")
I would be weirded out. People don’t really do that here. Old ladies might light a candle in church for someone, but praying? Weird. ---
**Author:** ![ToeJam](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/dfb087/32.png) [@ToeJam](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ToeJam)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2009, 4:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849/48 "2009-10-25T16:57:53Z")
Here’s a thought I always have: how many people just say “I’ll pray for you.” but don’t do it- I almost always consider it a “nice” thing to say- but I never really know if they go home and do pray for me- and how much did they pray? How did they pray for me? I’m always curious on those sorts of things, and it’s one reason why I RARELY say “I’ll pray for you”- unless I genuinely am going to take the time out to pray for that person, I think it’s just better to comfort them with some secular words instead. ---
**Author:** ![Nava](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/da6949/32.png) [@Nava](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Nava)\ **Post date:** [October 25, 2009, 5:15pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849/49 "2009-10-25T17:15:40Z")
I can’t speak for others, but basically what I do is add the person to my regular prayers. And if I’m going to visit “my nuns” (my family regularly visits a convent of cloistered nuns, they make their living from embroidery but dedicate their life to praying) and we know someone has a surgery coming or whatever, we mention it to them so they will add them too. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2009, 10:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849/50 "2009-10-26T22:43:30Z")
I would have voted for an option between 1 and 2. It doesn’t piss me off but I am not apathetic towards it either. It irks me, especially if I say “no thanks” and they insist. For their efforts, which are admitted small, they could have done something else that is actually helpful to me. I think it’s supposed to make them feel better that they did something rather than me feel better Hmmm…on second thought, I’ll vote for the first option ---
**Author:** ![gaffa](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/e68b1a/32.png) [@gaffa](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/gaffa)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2009, 10:57pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849/51 "2009-10-26T22:57:20Z")
I don’t like people talking about me behind my back. I like it even less when they tell me that they plan to talk about me behind my back. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2009, 11:00pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849/52 "2009-10-26T23:00:07Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > It’s silly, but I need all the good wishes I can get (especially right now. I am sick as a dog!) I truly hope that you will be on the mend and better soon. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2009, 11:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849/53 "2009-10-26T23:01:28Z")
> [@glee](#): > > I assume they mean well in their own way. > But since it’s never been demonstrated that prayer works, I’m not expecting any benefit. > > To me it’s like saying “Good luck”. > > snip.) My hyper-religious aunt got very offended when my mom wished her good luck while on the phone with her. Apparently mom was supposed to offer to pray. Aunt’s response: “WHAT DID YOU SAY TO ME???” Sheesh. ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2009, 11:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849/54 "2009-10-26T23:42:54Z")
I’ll answer from the opposite viewpoint. I have no problem with people saying, “I’ll light a candle for you” or, “I’ll cast a spell for you” or anything similar. It means they’re thinking good, positive thoughts for me, even if it’s just for that moment. And any positive thoughts are seriously appreciated. All people are capable of positive thoughts: religion or lack thereof doesn’t have anything to do with that. And personally, if I tell someone I will pray for them, I totally mean it. I write things down and keep a prayer journal. I am accountable to myself and my God if I don’t. And, once again, positive thoughts: praying for the best possible outcome of any situation. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 26, 2009, 11:51pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849/55 "2009-10-26T23:51:22Z")
> [@vivalostwages](#): > > I truly hope that you will be on the mend and better soon. Thank you. I’m now sick as a less-sick dog. 🙂 ---
**Author:** ![Ann\_Onimous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/ea5d25/32.png) [@Ann\_Onimous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ann_Onimous)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2009, 12:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849/56 "2009-10-27T00:09:24Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Thank you. I’m now sick as a less-sick dog. 🙂 Just don’t stick your head out the window of a moving car. 😃 Seriously: I’ll be sending good thoughts your way and praying for a speedy recovery. ---
**Author:** ![wonky](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/wonky/32/393_2.png) [@wonky](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/wonky)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2009, 12:13am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849/57 "2009-10-27T00:13:39Z")
> [@Juliana](#): > > Just don’t stick your head out the window of a moving car. 😃 Aw, you’re no fun! Thanks for the kind thoughts. ---
**Author:** ![vivalostwages](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/v/d07c76/32.png) [@vivalostwages](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/vivalostwages)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2009, 2:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849/58 "2009-10-27T02:40:47Z")
> [@jsgoddess](#): > > Thank you. I’m now sick as a less-sick dog. 🙂 Hey, it DOES work! Whatever “it” is… ---
**Author:** ![bengangmo](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/50afbb/32.png) [@bengangmo](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/bengangmo)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2009, 2:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849/59 "2009-10-27T02:41:51Z")
> [@Gesturing\_Mildly](#): > > A guy I know, somewhere in between an acquaintance and a friend, just lost his grandfather. I’m a Christian. As far as I know, he isn’t, though he’s never made any “I wish all Christians would FOAD” statements or anything. > > I just sent him an e-mail telling him that I was sorry to hear of his loss, and that I was . . . praying for comfort for him and his family. I deliberated over this last point for about half an hour. I’m not interested in forcing my religion on others, nor am I interested in using a family tragedy as an opportunity to evangelize. I just wanted him to know, for whatever it’s worth. > > I mean, if I was going through something, and a friend said she’d done a magic dance for me, or constructed a voodoo doll in my honor, even though I’d think her efforts were wasted, I’d be genuinely touched that she made any sort of effort to do something that she believed would help me. > > Now, however, I think I should have just said my prayer, let it do whatever it was or wasn’t going to do, and kept quiet. What additional good will come from me telling him? Might even have pissed him off. > > Anyway, nonbelievers, what do you think when you hear someone’s prayed for you? Without reading the post, as I want to give my reaction absent from being influenced. 1. If it were me I would appreciate that you were thinking of me / my family 2. I would appreciate the sentiment expressed 3. I would still be uncomfortable however with “praying” If I was in your shoes and sending the message, why couldn’t you have simply send that “my thoughts and best wishes are with you” or something similiar. Instead of “praying for his comfort” sending him something like “sending thoughts of comfort your way” would have expressed the same sentiment without needing to be overtly religious. Now - as a follow-up, I am not religious, however if I were to send a note in the same situation to a religious person, would it be hypocritical of me to insert a religious tone into the message? (not as overt as praying for you, but maybe - I’m sure she is looking down on you and would like to be remembered) ---
**Author:** ![moonstarssun](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/b9bd4f/32.png) [@moonstarssun](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/moonstarssun)\ **Post date:** [October 27, 2009, 4:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849/60 "2009-10-27T04:34:58Z")
I don’t have a problem with it unless it’s replacing practical, concrete action that a person could take. My cousin’s fridge broke down and her landlord was refusing to buy her a new one. One of her friends said she’d pray for her, and my mom sent her a link to the local tenants rights group. Guess which action helped her get a new fridge? [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849.md?page=2) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-how-do-you-feel-about-people-praying-for-you/514849.md?page=4)