# Nonbelievers: If someone else's preteen child asks you if God exists, how do you respond? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 6, 2009, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220 "2009-12-06T19:56:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 4
**Author:** ![dragoncat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/6a8cbe/32.png) [@dragoncat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/dragoncat)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 9:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/61 "2009-12-07T21:58:40Z")
If a child asked a “believer” if a god exists, that person would have no qualms in telling the child what they believe as if it were fact (perhaps not true for EVERY religious person out there, but in my experience, most). They wouldn’t say “I believe God exists but you will have to decide for yourself.” Why would an atheist say “but you will have to decide for yourself.” Isn’t it enough to say, “not according to the evidence (or scientific evidence, if you prefer)” and leave it at that. If the child grows up not to trust science, so be it. ---
**Author:** ![Gustav](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Gustav](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gustav)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/62 "2009-12-07T23:21:24Z")
Why would someone else’s preteen child ask me directly if God exists? Why didn’t he go to his parents in the first place? ---
**Author:** ![stpauler](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/9d8465/32.png) [@stpauler](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/stpauler)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 11:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/63 "2009-12-07T23:28:07Z")
> [@Gustav](#): > > Why would someone else’s preteen child ask me directly if God exists? Why didn’t he go to his parents in the first place? Lots of reasons and situations where it came up. This happened about this time last year: Our kids were playing with a neighbor kid who had come over and wondered where our “tree” was. The kids said “we’re Jewish” and the neighbor kid turned to me and repeated it as a question to me. I said I’m not Jewish, but the kids are. She had a puzzled look on her face, probably thinking it was an either/or thing. “Well, what are you then?” “Nothing, the only thing I believe in is getting presents.” She liked that answer. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/64 "2009-12-07T23:37:46Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Lying or deluded, by definition. And they will lie, if it serves the faith. The typical believer has no principles at all on anything that serves the faith; look at all the parents who let Catholic priests get away with molesting their children. For most believers, the welfare of their children is a distant second to their religion; they’ll do much worse than lie. Deluded, yes. But I think we also need to allow parents say to kids that what they see on Fox News has any relation to reality, even if it doesn’t. I think your contention about most believers is a bit far from reality. Even the actions of parents of children molested by priests, assuming they were aware of it, came from a misplaced trust in priests, not from anything theological. Same as in the Boy Scouts, even the pre-right wing nut variety. > [@](#): > > Actually, no; once people are thoroughly religiously indoctrinated as a child their judgement is generally permanently crippled. That’s the whole point of indoctrinating them while young and defenseless, and shielding them from any hint that there is any other point of view; to warp them to the point they cannot unwarp themselves. The indoctrination didn’t work on me. Despite five years of Hebrew School, the whole fabric of religion quickly became unknit the minute I found out about the multiple authorship of the Torah. And I think you are underestimating the power of reason. I do agree that it is important to get the atheist story out there, and to let kids know that not everyone believes the same thing - thus my answer. I would never say “yes” to the question. I also agree that some religious people - and just just fundamentalists - seem upset about the case against God being aired, thus the reaction against the Dawkins book from those who would never say a book should be banned but who seem unable to respond to the actual arguments. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 11:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/65 "2009-12-07T23:38:07Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > BTW, how’s your niece doing, **Skald**? > > [ETA] err, that may have come out wrong in tone if read after the last post. I really am just curious, I followed the beginning of that saga but haven’t kept up to date. She’s fine (and my first cousin once removed rather than a niece). She’s also not a pre-teen, and she did not ask me if I believed in God before going through her trials. If she had, I probably would have been blunter with her than I would be with an 8-year-old. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 11:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/66 "2009-12-07T23:44:05Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > If you know the parents are believers, this is still lying, just a cowardly way of doing it without getting your own hands dirty. How is that lying? If the question was “do you believe in god” I would definitely answer no. I don’t think your average ten year old kid is going to understand the fairly complex arguments from evidence we toss around here all the time, so trying to convince him is not going to work very well. Especially since the parents get the last word in. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/67 "2009-12-07T23:49:05Z")
> [@L. G. Butts](#): > > This is what I have answered in the past, and what I would answer today. With my own kids, this would be the starting point, but if pressed, I would share my beliefs. I didn’t wait for my kids to ask. As soon as they were old enough to reason logically we went right to Genesis and started reviewing the contradictions, double incompatible stories, and absurdities. I know they were ready because I’d point out plot holes in books I read to them - when they started finding them themselves they were ready for Genesis. ---
**Author:** ![Gustav](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Gustav](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gustav)\ **Post date:** [December 7, 2009, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/68 "2009-12-07T23:49:28Z")
But seeing how the kid is asking us this question, chances are he/she already has specific doubts/questions that he/she wants adressed. Yeah, no, I need to know why he/she is asking before I know how to answer this. So I guess that’s my response: “why do you ask?” ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 12:00am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/69 "2009-12-08T00:00:54Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > Actually, no; once people are thoroughly religiously indoctrinated as a child their judgement is generally permanently crippled. Then how do the children of any religious people become atheists? Or are those kinds of atheists “inferior” judgmentally to those raised atheist? ---
**Author:** ![Gustav](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Gustav](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gustav)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 12:02am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/70 "2009-12-08T00:02:16Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > Then how do the children of any religious people become atheists? Or are those kinds of atheists “inferior” judgmentally to those raised atheist? “generally” ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 12:12am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/71 "2009-12-08T00:12:39Z")
It’s a weasel word, IMO. OTOH, I suppose there are no surveys out there to confirm my suspicion that more atheists come out of religious families than are raised that way to begin with. So I guess there’s no point to continuing the hijack. ---
**Author:** ![Gustav](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Gustav](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gustav)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 12:14am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/72 "2009-12-08T00:14:43Z")
That’s probably true, since there are more religious families than atheist ones. Especially since it’s usually referred to as a religious household if one is religious and the other isn’t. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 12:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/73 "2009-12-08T00:51:22Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > Then how do the children of any religious people become atheists? Some people are obviously more resistant to infection by religion than others. ---
**Author:** ![Small\_Hen](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ad7895/32.png) [@Small\_Hen](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Small_Hen)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 1:10am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/74 "2009-12-08T01:10:49Z")
I wouldn’t strongly contradict the child’s parent’s beliefs for the same reason I wouldn’t tell a parent to “go easy on the kid!” while they were handing out punishment - it’s not my place and it might undermind the athority of the parent, especially if I go the Der Trihs route and call the parents “liars, delutional, likely to hate you, or stupid.” If it’s a kid I know fairly well, who is, say, older than 11, I’m comfortable saying, “What do you think?” and then sharing that I’m agnostic. If they’re young and I don’t know them, I say, “Go ask your mom.” ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 1:23am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/75 "2009-12-08T01:23:55Z")
Under 10? “You need to ask your parents that question.” Over 10-11ish? “Why do you ask?” and then maybe share my own lack of belief with the kid after getting the answer. But for a CHILD child, no, I will not undermine the parents unless there’s evidence of physical or emotional abuse (including lack of medical care due to “faith”, but I do NOT consider being raised religious (in general) to be abuse). Most atheists/agnostics come from religious families…the teen years are not too late to help a doubting young man or woman to work the whole “God” thing out for themselves. I mean, seriously…would any of the “Tell them God is a fairy tale” people like a religious person to undermine your own child’s faith and trust in YOU? ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 1:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/76 "2009-12-08T01:29:35Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > I mean, seriously…would any of the “Tell them God is a fairy tale” people like a religious person to undermine your own child’s faith and trust in YOU? They will anyway, if they can. At least I’m not telling the kind his parents are servants of evil who want to make him burn forever. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 1:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/77 "2009-12-08T01:35:51Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > I mean, seriously…would any of the “Tell them God is a fairy tale” people like a religious person to undermine your own child’s faith and trust in YOU? Some would, under the delusion that they were saving the kids soul. But that is not an excuse for us to do it. I feel atheist should strive to be more ethical than religionists - not that this is very hard in lots of cases. ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 1:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/78 "2009-12-08T01:37:11Z")
> [@Gyrate](#): > > This, except in the case of death of a loved one in which case the mildest comforting lie I can come up with applies. Although I feel sorta sympathetic with this answer, I really don’t know what “the most comforting lie” should be. ‘Your loved one is burning in puratory for a couple of undred years/in hell forever/is in heaven praising the lord forever/is dead and doesn’t feel anything’ Which is the “comforting lie”? ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/79 "2009-12-08T01:41:18Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Except you don’t have to lie. You have the option of telling the kid to go to his or her parents. I see where you’re coming from, but if anyone asks me for my estimate/opinion, I really don’t think that telling that person that they should ask their parents is any use. ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 1:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/80 "2009-12-08T01:41:21Z")
I usually go with “I think so.” It came up a couple times at work last summer, though, which is difficult because I worked at a government-run summer camp for children, which makes me, you know, a government employee. I managed to shift the conversation into an argument about what the First Amendment does and doesn’t cover with regard to school employees, which I was a little more comfortable with. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220.md?page=3) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220.md?page=5)