# Nonbelievers: If someone else's preteen child asks you if God exists, how do you respond? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 6, 2009, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220 "2009-12-06T19:56:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 5
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 1:45am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/81 "2009-12-08T01:45:50Z")
> [@Rhodes](#): > > I am a recently confessed atheist, but my wife and I are at peace with the issue. It’s already awkward though as my 4-year-old is starting to ask all sorts of questions. I find it rather anoying that people everywhere are teaching my kids that God and Santa are real. I will not teach the small children of believers that there is no God, and I’d appreciate if the believers would show the same respect. That’s kind of where I stand. If I was asked I think I’d refer the kid back to their parents, it’s really not my responsibility to teach their child about a subject like this, especially when my views conflict with their parent’s views. Math, History, Sociology etc is one thing, but something faith based isn’t really in my jurisdiction. To the people that said they would tell the kid that there is no god, how would you feel if it was reversed, what if your child came home from the Johnson’s telling you that Mr and Mrs Johnson said their is a god and you’re wrong for thinking otherwise? IMO it’s a subject best left to the parents. ETA, I just realized this thread is on it’s third page and this has probably already been said. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 1:47am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/82 "2009-12-08T01:47:56Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > They will anyway, if they can. At least I’m not telling the kind his parents are servants of evil who want to make him burn forever. Understand that I’m speaking as a fellow atheist here…I have absolutely no belief in any kind of “god”. I have no ulterior motives in saying this. But you are at least near-psychotic on this subject. You are obsessive about religion. I don’t say this to insult you, I only say this to explain why your option not only isn’t popular, even among fellow atheists, but why it’s downright unethical. Your reaction to my reasoning as to why I’d do what I’d do is an example where you miss the entire point of the explanation…it’s not about whether or not the theist would tell your kid that there definitely is a god and he’ll burn them in Hell forever for not believing, it’s about how YOU would feel if this theist did do that. Now turn it around and realize that, in your actions, you are mirroring what you say the theist would do. The fact that you believe that you are (and, IMO, actually are) correct is irrelevant in this situation. It’s about respecting a parent’s right to raise their child without having busybodies come in and undermine them. That right HAS to go both ways, barring abuse. And, again, your personal belief that a religious upbringing is abuse is not an objective viewpoint. Nor is it a legal or ethical viewpoint. If you want your parental rights to be respected, you also need to respect theirs. ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 1:48am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/83 "2009-12-08T01:48:52Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > Then how do the children of any religious people become atheists? Or are those kinds of atheists “inferior” judgmentally to those raised atheist? I’ll have to ask my parents, but my estimate is that they mainly discarded their faith because the roman catholic church were a bunch fucked up assholes when they grew up. And they got more sophisticated later. ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 1:55am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/84 "2009-12-08T01:55:05Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Under 10? “You need to ask your parents that question.” > Over 10-11ish? “Why do you ask?” and then maybe share my own lack of belief with the kid after getting the answer. > > But for a CHILD child, no, I will not undermine the parents unless there’s evidence of physical or emotional abuse (including lack of medical care due to “faith”, but I do NOT consider being raised religious (in general) to be abuse). Most atheists/agnostics come from religious families…the teen years are not too late to help a doubting young man or woman to work the whole “God” thing out for themselves. > > I mean, seriously…would any of the “Tell them God is a fairy tale” people like a religious person to undermine your own child’s faith and trust in YOU? Most atheist etc come from religious families; sure - most families are religious. And seriously, fuck it - I don’t care who asks - I don’t believe in any gods, and I am ready to back up my reasons why. I’m not going to lie to anyone no matter who young about my estimate. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 1:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/85 "2009-12-08T01:57:26Z")
> [@dragoncat](#): > > If a child asked a “believer” if a god exists, that person would have no qualms in telling the child what they believe as if it were fact (perhaps not true for EVERY religious person out there, but in my experience, most). They wouldn’t say “I believe God exists but you will have to decide for yourself.” Why would an atheist say “but you will have to decide for yourself.” Isn’t it enough to say, “not according to the evidence (or scientific evidence, if you prefer)” and leave it at that. If the child grows up not to trust science, so be it. Because many Christian people feel the need to spread the word, almost as if it’s their duty, it seems that many of them feel that every person must accept God blah blah blah, whereas IMHO many Atheists are a bit more open minded and accepting, as in “I don’t believe in God, but if you want to, that’s fine, it doesn’t bother me” More of a live and let live attitude. Beleivers feel the need to try to change others minds to jive with their own, whereas non-believers…don’t (or at least not to the same extent) Also, I think a lot of non-believers have found that it’s very very hard to argue against faith with the faithful. ---
**Author:** ![cerberus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/71e660/32.png) [@cerberus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/cerberus)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/86 "2009-12-08T02:05:17Z")
How would a _believer_ answer this question? If Believers expect non-Believers to defer somehow in the presence of the children of believers, does this work the other way? Is the basic idea reciprocal neutrality? Is the idea to reserve to the parents the big questions? That seems reasonable. ---
**Author:** ![Joey\_P](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/919ad9/32.png) [@Joey\_P](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Joey_P)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 2:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/87 "2009-12-08T02:09:20Z")
> [@cerberus](#): > > How would a _believer_ answer this question? If Believers expect non-Believers to defer somehow in the presence of the children of believers, does this work the other way? > > Is the basic idea reciprocal neutrality? Is the idea to reserve to the parents the big questions? > > That seems reasonable. How would a believer answer this question? Probably about the same way the non-believers would. I think most would either tell the kid to ask their parents or say something very very brief/open and defer the kid to their parents or tell them they have to figure it out for themselves…But there would also be quite a few who would see it as a great oppertunity to sit the [del]doubter[/del]kid down and have a long deep conversation about how God exists and everyone who says otherwise is wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 2:11am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/88 "2009-12-08T02:11:01Z")
> [@cerberus](#): > > How would a _believer_ answer this question? If Believers expect non-Believers to defer somehow in the presence of the children of believers, does this work the other way? > > Is the basic idea reciprocal neutrality? Is the idea to reserve to the parents the big questions? > > That seems reasonable. I may seem reasonable, but it isn’t. One because no-one will stick to it, and two, because it’s a question that doesn’t have definative answer, yet has tremendous implications. ---
**Author:** ![usedtobe](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/u/ec9cab/32.png) [@usedtobe](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/usedtobe)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 5:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/89 "2009-12-08T05:07:44Z")
In case none of the other atheists mentioned it: We do NOT “not believe in God” We DO believe (at least some of us) “there are no gods” To say we “don’t believe in God” is to say that God (note the use of caps in this post) does exist, but we are too stupid to realize it. My response would depend entirely on the age of the child and the parent’s beliefs + do I give a damn what the parents think of me? I’ve been polite with my nieces and nephews - one sibling is a bit too religious - the others are lukewarm. The believer’s kids all turned out atheist… ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 6:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/90 "2009-12-08T06:30:55Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > How is that lying? See post #59 ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 6:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/91 "2009-12-08T06:34:40Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > I mean, seriously…would any of the “Tell them God is a fairy tale” people like a religious person to undermine your own child’s faith and trust in YOU? You mean, like they _already do all the time, with their public worship, door-to-door proselityzing, TV shows, et_-bloody-_cetera_ ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 6:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/92 "2009-12-08T06:37:24Z")
> [@Joey\_P](#): > > I think most would either tell the kid to ask their parents or say something very very brief/open and defer the kid to their parents or tell them they have to figure it out for themselves That’s not been my experience. More on the lines of … > [@](#): > > …But there would also be quite a few who would see it as a great oppertunity to sit the [del]doubter[/del]kid down and have a long deep conversation about how God exists and everyone who says otherwise is wrong. ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 7:46am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/93 "2009-12-08T07:46:29Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > See post #59 Still not lying. It isn’t the answer I’d give, since it doesn’t tell the kid that belief is not universal, but it is not lying. You don’t even know for sure what the parents will say in all cases. ---
**Author:** ![Grumman](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/43a26b/32.png) [@Grumman](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Grumman)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 11:32am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/94 "2009-12-08T11:32:55Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > I mean, seriously…would any of the “Tell them God is a fairy tale” people like a religious person to undermine your own child’s faith and trust in YOU? Why do people think these are at all equivalent? Telling your kid the truth despite your desire to teach him lies is not the same thing as you telling my kid lies despite my desire to teach him truth. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/95 "2009-12-08T12:23:30Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > Still not lying. Of course it is. If a kid asks me “where do babies come from?”, and I say “I’m not going to answer that, but here…” and I then give him _Tom Thumb_ to read or the beginning of _Dumbo_ to watch, you bet your ass I’ve just lied to the kid. Only I’ve lied by proxy. Doesn’t make it not lying - I’m directing him to information I know to be false - IOW I’m intentionally giving him false information…which is the definition of a lie. Doesn’t say there that the lie has top come from my own lips. > [@](#): > > You don’t even know for sure what the parents will say in all cases. No, but I can be\* reasonably certain\*, which is good enough for me not to do it. ---
**Author:** ![I\_Am\_The\_Lorax](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/i/e19adc/32.png) [@I\_Am\_The\_Lorax](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/I_Am_The_Lorax)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 12:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/96 "2009-12-08T12:23:32Z")
Nobody **knows** for sure, but everyone **believes** something. I believe -blank- for these reasons, but I’ve been wrong about other things. What do you think? ---
**Author:** ![Gustav](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Gustav](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gustav)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 12:26pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/97 "2009-12-08T12:26:39Z")
> [@Grumman](#): > > Why do people think these are at all equivalent? Telling your kid the truth despite your desire to teach him lies is not the same thing as you telling my kid lies despite my desire to teach him truth. In fairness, it’s not lying if they believe it’s true. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 12:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/98 "2009-12-08T12:59:03Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > Understand that I’m speaking as a fellow atheist here…I have absolutely no belief in any kind of “god”. I have no ulterior motives in saying this. But you are at least near-psychotic on this subject. You are obsessive about religion. No; I simply refuse to give it a pass. I keep arguing about religion because the subject keeps coming up on the SDMB, not because I am obsessed with it. In places and forums where it doesn’t come up, I seldom if ever mention the subject. ---
**Author:** ![Blake](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/b/a9a28c/32.png) [@Blake](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Blake)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 1:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/99 "2009-12-08T13:35:07Z")
> [@Der\_Trihs](#): > > In places and forums where it doesn’t come up, I seldom if ever mention the subject. Do you really believe this? And I ask this as a serious question? ---
**Author:** ![ShelliBean](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/f9ae1b/32.png) [@ShelliBean](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShelliBean)\ **Post date:** [December 8, 2009, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/100 "2009-12-08T15:50:33Z")
> [@Wesley\_Clark](#): > > So I don’t know how to handle it. Let my brothers kids be tormented with delusions of me going to hell, or lie and pretend to believe in Jesus so she doesn’t have to worry someone she cares about is going to be tortured. > > I never really gave much of a damn about religion. But I know my brother’s kids are going to be told by religious figures that I (as a non-believer) am going to be tortured for all eternity for not believing in their religion if I talk about my non belief with them. Not letting me into heaven, I am ok with that. But they are going to be told that people like me (agnostics) are going to hell on top of it. Ugh. I have to deal with this with my son. His dad and dad’s family are very religious and he cried and stayed up at night with the knowledge that his mother was going to burn in hell. So I did something I never thought I’d do: I lied to him. I told him that I still didn’t want to go to church but that I did believe in god. I know I probably shouldn’t have but he was seriously disturbed at the thought of me burning in a lake of fire to the point of worrying me. I figure we’ve got a lifetime to explore other religions and if this is what he needs to feel some attachment to his dad then so be it. It doesn’t hurt me. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220.md?page=4) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220.md?page=6)