# Nonbelievers: If someone else's preteen child asks you if God exists, how do you respond? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 6, 2009, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220 "2009-12-06T19:56:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 7
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 4:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/121 "2009-12-09T04:21:07Z")
> [@StrangeBird](#): > > More seriously, I think there’s a difference between: > Does God exist? > Do you believe in God? > > The answer to the first is no-one knows (therefore that would be my response). Would you say the same if he asked “Are there such things as vampires”? Ogres? Orcs? If he asked “Is my daddy going to eat me?” would you say that you don’t know? That’s more likely than God existing, after all. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 12:20pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/122 "2009-12-09T12:20:09Z")
> [@tacoloco](#): > > Now I realize that some of y’all think that parents are brainwashing their kids with religion, but remember that it’s the parent’s prerogative to teach their children what they believe. It shouldn’t be, IMO. Parents should be just as proscribed from forcing a particular religion on their kids as the State is. Well, in non-state-religion countries like the US and mine. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 12:30pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/123 "2009-12-09T12:30:38Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > Would “ask your parents” be an inappropriate response to the baby question? Not innapropriate, no, unless you know the kid’s parents are going to lie to him about that, too. > [@](#): > > By giving them a fairy story about birth you are endorsing an incorrect answer. That’s my point. > [@](#): > > But the bottom line is whether you think that your little diatribe, however phrased, is going to make any damn difference when it goes up against what the kid learns in the family environment. Given that every damn child I interact with re: my atheism always goes something like “I didn’t know people like you existed” or “You can _do_ that?”, I think just opening their minds to the possibility is enough. Some people only find out about atheism in adulthood. > [@](#): > > My disbelief was no more rational than my belief. Wouldn’t be committing the fallacy of hasty generalization there, would you? My atheism is way more rational than any of my beliefs ever were. My antitheism isn’t, but my atheism is. > [@](#): > > People who think that someone who is an outsider is going to make an impact by giving a young kid a reasoned explanation for why no gods exist, no matter how correct it might be, are living in fantasy land. I disagree, sometimes only an outsider will tell you the truth, and some kids recognize that. > [@](#): > > When they reach the true age of reason, then I’m all for giving them your best. Naah, it’s often too late by then. Start them young, that’s what I say. If it’s good enough policy for the Jesuits, it’s good enough for me. ---
**Author:** ![tacoloco](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@tacoloco](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/tacoloco)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 1:41pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/124 "2009-12-09T13:41:54Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > I’m on your side on this subject. My answer was “Go ask your parents.” Period. I don’t believe it’s at all ethical to destroy a parent’s authority or status with their child. Now, if the kid was 13 or 14, I’d probably be honest with them about my beliefs. But not a 10-year-old. Sorry if I misinterpreted your post. I agree completely. > [@MrDibble](#): > > It shouldn’t be, IMO. Parents should be just as proscribed from forcing a particular religion on their kids as the State is. Well, in non-state-religion countries like the US and mine. We will have to agree to disagree on this point. > [@Gustav](#): > > How can it possibly be presumptuous when the kid is _asking_ a question? If I asked the kid if he believed in god, and then started telling him why he’s wrong that’d be a different matter entirely. ## You’re right, of course. I was sort of drawing a line from the question the kid asks to a possible follow on discussion. FWIW, I did use the phrase “zealot atheist” in my other post. That’s just my impression from what I read here. I don’t have any particular issue with it. ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 2:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/125 "2009-12-09T14:34:41Z")
> [@tacoloco](#): > > That’s noble and all, but remember that it isn’t your kid and the parents of said child make take exception to you being so frank and forthcoming. > > Now I realize that some of y’all think that parents are brainwashing their kids with religion, but remember that it’s the parent’s prerogative to teach their children what they believe. As I said in my first post here, I’d probably keep my answer down to “I don’t think so”, which I think is fair enough and doesn’t imply absolute certainty. If the parents are really so weak in their beliefs that they want to prevent their kid from knowing there even are people who don’t believe that god exists, what’s that to me? If a kid asks me if dinosaurs lived with humans I’m also not going to respond with “ask your parents”. ---
**Author:** ![Miss\_Violaceous](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/2bfe46/32.png) [@Miss\_Violaceous](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Miss_Violaceous)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 9:23pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/126 "2009-12-09T21:23:39Z")
> [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](#): > > As I said in my first post here, I’d probably keep my answer down to “I don’t think so”, which I think is fair enough and doesn’t imply absolute certainty. If the parents are really so weak in their beliefs that they want to prevent their kid from knowing there even are people who don’t believe that god exists, what’s that to me? If a kid asks me if dinosaurs lived with humans I’m also not going to respond with “ask your parents”. That’s my thing. I wouldn’t try and persuade a child who asked unless their parents were okay with that kind of rigorous debate. But I’m not going to try and hide my beliefs if they ask what I believe, under the idea that I’m somehow corrupting the child by existing. Although there are probably parents who think that. For those who are taking the “parents have the right to raise their children as they see fit” position, do you think that simply admitting that you don’t believe in god somehow steps on a parental right? ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 9:27pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/127 "2009-12-09T21:27:09Z")
The question in the OP was “Does God exist?”, not “Do you believe in God?” There is a difference there. ---
**Author:** ![Gustav](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Gustav](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gustav)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 9:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/128 "2009-12-09T21:44:06Z")
What’s the difference? ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 10:28pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/129 "2009-12-09T22:28:12Z")
> [@Gustav](#): > > What’s the difference? **jayjay** ’s exactly right that I phrased the question as I did on purpose. “Do you believe in God?” is a factual question, albeit one about the auditor’s opinions;; the answer to it does not necessarily advise the child as to what he or she should believe. “Does God exist?” is a request for an opinion–a normative opinion, at that. If the auditor’s response is substantially different from what the child’s parent’s believe, many people would consider it unethical interference ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 10:33pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/130 "2009-12-09T22:33:23Z")
As a general rule, many, many religious people, mostly Christians, not only tell my children that god exists but sometimes that bad things will happen to them (or me or their Mom) if they don’t pray to this mythical personage. So, I should have no problem telling them that god is a lie that their parents told them, like Santa or the Easter Bunny. But I’m only that heartless and cruel on TV. I’ll tell them to think instead. ---
**Author:** ![Gustav](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Gustav](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gustav)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 10:34pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/131 "2009-12-09T22:34:32Z")
But isn’t the answer to the second question implied with the answer to the first? If I believe in God then clearly my opinion is that God exists. If I don’t believe in God, clearly my opinion is that he doesn’t exist. Answer one and you’re answering both. ---
**Author:** ![Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/e99b99/32.png) [@Diogenes\_the\_Cynic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Diogenes_the_Cynic)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 10:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/132 "2009-12-09T22:36:02Z")
Yes, but you can recognize that your opinion is not the same as knowledge. ---
**Author:** ![manx](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/65b543/32.png) [@manx](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/manx)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 10:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/133 "2009-12-09T22:42:56Z")
I forget that other people are religious, and that in some places religious belief and church-going is the rule, rather than the exception. So I would be happy to reply ‘I don’t think so’ if I was asked, and follow it up with ‘but I am wrong about many things. Why do you ask?’ What I would probably do after I’d had a chat with this kid is find a time to talk to the parents, and let them know their child has questions that they might want to talk about. ---
**Author:** ![Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/8edcca/32.png) [@Superfluous\_Parentheses](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Superfluous_Parentheses)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 11:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/134 "2009-12-09T23:02:42Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > **jayjay** ’s exactly right that I phrased the question as I did on purpose. > > “Do you believe in God?” is a factual question, albeit one about the auditor’s opinions;; the answer to it does not necessarily advise the child as to what he or she should believe. > > “Does God exist?” is a request for an opinion–a normative opinion, at that. If the auditor’s response is substantially different from what the child’s parent’s believe, many people would consider it unethical interference I don’t consider it necessarily unethical, though I would be hesitant to state outright that god very likely doesn’t exist to any young child, since they’re probably not fully aware of all the implications and haven’t thought about the issue much anyway. But I’m not going to let that kind of question all up to the parents. That is why I voted for the “you left out…” option and suggested the alternative answer - or you might call it a deflection - “I don’t think so”, which is about what I think\* and not about absolute fact. - and I chose that word carefully. ---
**Author:** ![StrangeBird](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e480ec/32.png) [@StrangeBird](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/StrangeBird)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 11:05pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/135 "2009-12-09T23:05:43Z")
> [@Gustav](#): > > But isn’t the answer to the second question implied with the answer to the first? > > If I believe in God then clearly my opinion is that God exists. > If I don’t believe in God, clearly my opinion is that he doesn’t exist. > > Answer one and you’re answering both. That’s true in a way, but when giving my opinion I like to make it clear whether something I say is opinion or factual. I don’t believe in God, but I wouldn’t say I know with certainty that God doesn’t exist (just as believers do not know with certainty that he does). There’s no evidence that God exists, but there’s no conclusive evidence he doesn’t either. So for me, to simply say “God doesn’t exist” to a child, is less accurate than saying “I don’t know, but I don’t believe in God”. ---
**Author:** ![Gustav](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Gustav](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gustav)\ **Post date:** [December 9, 2009, 11:21pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/136 "2009-12-09T23:21:41Z")
> [@StrangeBird](#): > > There’s no evidence that God exists, but there’s no conclusive evidence he doesn’t either. So for me, to simply say “God doesn’t exist” to a child, is less accurate than saying “I don’t know, but I don’t believe in God”. The latter statement is waaaay more misleading than the former. ---
**Author:** ![jayjay](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jayjay/32/6765_2.png) [@jayjay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jayjay)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 12:18am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/137 "2009-12-10T00:18:26Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > As a general rule, many, many religious people, mostly Christians, not only tell my children that god exists but sometimes that bad things will happen to them (or me or their Mom) if they don’t pray to this mythical personage. > > So, I should have no problem telling them that god is a lie that their parents told them, like Santa or the Easter Bunny. But I’m only that heartless and cruel on TV. I’ll tell them to think instead. And we’re right back to the ethical principle that if someone else is unethical, it doesn’t excuse me being unethical. Sure, there are probably plenty of believers that would do that, but that doesn’t excuse me doing it if that’s the option I choose to effect. ---
**Author:** ![Frustrated\_Wonderer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a4c791/32.png) [@Frustrated\_Wonderer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Frustrated_Wonderer)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 12:26am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/138 "2009-12-10T00:26:37Z")
I think it would be best to simply say “You will have to make up your mind”, than saying “I don’t know of any evidence for it” before that. It gives a suggestion to the kid that a God does not exist and it is best if people figure questions like these out for themselves. ---
**Author:** ![Gustav](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/919ad9/32.png) [@Gustav](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gustav)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 12:37am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/139 "2009-12-10T00:37:25Z")
> [@Frustrated\_Wonderer](#): > > I think it would be best to simply say “You will have to make up your mind”, than saying “I don’t know of any evidence for it” before that. > > It gives a suggestion to the kid that a God does not exist and it is best if people figure questions like these out for themselves. No no no, this doesn’t make any damn sense. “Withhold information, so he can make his own decision”? It’s just feel-good nonsense. ---
**Author:** ![Der\_Trihs](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/der_trihs/32/233_2.png) [@Der\_Trihs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Der_Trihs)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 12:42am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/140 "2009-12-10T00:42:31Z")
> [@jayjay](#): > > And we’re right back to the ethical principle that if someone else is unethical, it doesn’t excuse me being unethical. No, but sometimes it makes behavior that would otherwise be unethical, ethical; self defense being the classic example. There’s also the problem that the sides are not equivalent; the atheist position is the rational one, the one all the evidence points towards. Feeding the kid lies and delusions is not the same as feeding him truth. > [@Gustav](#): > > No no no, this doesn’t make any damn sense. > > “Withhold information, so he can make his own decision”? It’s just feel-good nonsense. What it boils down to is, “cripple the kid intellectually, starve him of information so he’ll make the “choice” we are manipulating him into while we pretend it’s his idea.” [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220.md?page=6) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220.md?page=8)