# Nonbelievers: If someone else's preteen child asks you if God exists, how do you respond? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [December 6, 2009, 7:56pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220 "2009-12-06T19:56:38Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 14\ **Page:** 8
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 2:05am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/141 "2009-12-10T02:05:18Z")
[Moderator Request]Could you please take the religious debate to Great Debates?[/Moderator Request] ---
**Author:** ![Voyager](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/voyager/32/133_2.png) [@Voyager](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Voyager)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 6:08am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/142 "2009-12-10T06:08:04Z")
> [@MrDibble](#): > > Not innapropriate, no, unless you know the kid’s parents are going to lie to him about that, too.That’s my point. But I expect the parents will give the correct answer when the kid is old enough. If a 16 year old asks this question, I think sitting down for a sex ed lecture might be warranted. Not a 10 year old. Why not let the parents introduce sex in the way they see fit? > [@](#): > > My atheism is way more rational than any of my beliefs ever were. My antitheism isn’t, but my atheism is.I disagree, sometimes only an outsider will tell you the truth, and some kids recognize that.Naah, it’s often too late by then. Start them young, that’s what I say. If it’s good enough policy for the Jesuits, it’s good enough for me. My atheism is more rational also, as is my non-Christianity, but it wasn’t when I was 9 or 10. As I’ve said in other places, I taught my kid the absurdities of the Bible when they were old enough to get it. Before that it would have been pointless. They went to a pre-school in a church with no ill effects. Given that they are both adult atheists now, my method seemed to work. But they were my kids. Plenty of people learned atheism when they were of the age of reason (I did) so reject the idea that unless you get them early they are lost. In fact, lots of kids want to rebel and without a strong logical framework for their lack of belief, they might well rebel against the atheism you tried to force into them. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 6:39am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/143 "2009-12-10T06:39:16Z")
> [@Voyager](#): > > But I expect the parents will give the correct answer when the kid is old enough. If a 16 year old asks this question, I think sitting down for a sex ed lecture might be warranted. Not a 10 year old. I think you’re very … optimistic?..about the age kids start needing sex ed. Or start having sex. > [@](#): > > Why not let the parents introduce sex in the way they see fit? The assumption here is that the kid _asked_ me for information. I refuse to believe that children are the property of their parents. As such, I defer to the parents for absolutely nothing (that isn’t illegal) if the child’s own choices are different to theirs and seem sensible to me. So if a kid _asks me_ a question, I’m going to tell them the truth. I’d phrase it age-appropriately (so I’m not going to give a 6yo a STD lecture, nor will I just tell an 12yo that babies come from inside mommies) but I’m not going to just tell them to ask their parents. I’d do them the courtesy of treating them like the persons they are. > [@](#): > > My atheism is more rational also, as is my non-Christianity, but it wasn’t when I was 9 or 10. As I’ve said in other places, I taught my kid the absurdities of the Bible when they were old enough to get it. Before that it would have been pointless. They went to a pre-school in a church with no ill effects. Given that they are both adult atheists now, my method seemed to work. Given the number of my cousins and nieces who are now atheist, my method seems to work, too. It may not make me the most popular brother/cousin, but that’s a good price to pay. > [@](#): > > But they were my kids. Plenty of people learned atheism when they were of the age of reason (I did) so reject the idea that unless you get them early they are lost. Not lost, just that much harder to reach. I think the number of people who just follow their parent’s religion bears this out. > [@](#): > > In fact, lots of kids want to rebel and without a strong logical framework for their lack of belief, they might well rebel against the atheism you tried to force into them. I wouldn’t force atheism on anyone. Telling kids the truth _to questions they asked_ is not my definition of “forced”. I also don’t hold a particularly high view of people who use atheism as a vehicle for rebellion rather than a chosen lifeway. ---
**Author:** ![Leaper](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/4bbf92/32.png) [@Leaper](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Leaper)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 8:25am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/144 "2009-12-10T08:25:43Z")
> [@Czarcasm](#): > > [Moderator Request]Could you please take the religious debate to Great Debates?[/Moderator Request] I’m not sure it’ll work on this thread, **Czar** ; it seems to be intimately linked to your answer. If you believe (as an objective truth) that religion is a scourge that makes people insane and evil, then there really is going to be only one answer to the question. Heck, that seems to be the dividing line here. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 10:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/145 "2009-12-10T10:41:19Z")
I don’t think religion makes people insane and evil, just wrong. ---
**Author:** ![The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/ce73a5/32.png) [@The\_Bith\_Shuffle](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_Bith_Shuffle)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 10:51am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/146 "2009-12-10T10:51:29Z")
Oops, major malfunction. ---
**Author:** ![CanvasShoes](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/74df32/32.png) [@CanvasShoes](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CanvasShoes)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 12:24pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/147 "2009-12-10T12:24:19Z")
The one regarding telling the child that they need to discuss it with their parents is the closest, only without the part about verbalizing your own beliefs. And I think this stands to reason in any “big life mysteries” not just whether or not you believe in God. Don’t “muddy the waters” by telling the child your own beliefs, just gently steer them back to their parents. ---
**Author:** ![Czarcasm](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/czarcasm/32/4050_2.png) [@Czarcasm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Czarcasm)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 12:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/148 "2009-12-10T12:31:38Z")
> [@Leaper](#): > > I’m not sure it’ll work on this thread, **Czar** ; it seems to be intimately linked to your answer. If you believe (as an objective truth) that religion is a scourge that makes people insane and evil, then there really is going to be only one answer to the question. Heck, that seems to be the dividing line here. This being a poll(not a religious debate), all you have to do is state your own reasons for your answer, and not debate the opinions of other posters. ---
**Author:** ![My\_Darn\_Snake\_Legs](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/f14d63/32.png) [@My\_Darn\_Snake\_Legs](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/My_Darn_Snake_Legs)\ **Post date:** [December 10, 2009, 4:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/149 "2009-12-10T16:43:55Z")
I’m not comfortable answering questions like that from another person’s small child. I’d just tell them that they should go and talk to their parents about it. I won’t disabuse them of tooth-fairy-notions or Santa-notions either. There’s plenty of time for rationality when one gets older. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2010, 2:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/150 "2010-01-12T02:06:27Z")
I would tell that kid the truth: There is no god and it’s silly to believe in one. Maybe I’ve had bad experiences with religious people (I have). Maybe I’m being dickish (Probably). Maybe its too much too soon (Doubtful). But given that I believe there is no god and I hold my beliefs almost as strongly as those who do believe in god, I would be doing myself and the kid a disservice if I were to babble my way out of replying or giving a false answer. I’d look him straight in the eye and tell him it’s a fairy tale. If he says that is his parents’ belief, then I would mock the parents. For too long I’ve held back in things like this or let religious people dictate what is civil and what should be the way things are. No more. It would also definitely matter based on religion. With Christians and Muslims parents, I’d tell them its self serving. With Jews, I’d say it’s like how people who get hazed bond together. With Hindus, I’d tell him their myth isn’t even written very realistically. With Buddhists though, I’d say it’s a nice philosophy to follow for life, but don’t count on anything after death. That pretty much covers the big ones. ---
**Author:** ![Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/b38774/32.png) [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2010, 3:07am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/151 "2010-01-12T03:07:34Z")
> [@YogSosoth](#): > > With Buddhists though, I’d say it’s a nice philosophy to follow for life, but don’t count on anything after death. That pretty much covers the big ones. In general, a close reading of the Buddha’s teachings will suggest that you shouldn’t count on anything after death anyway. ---
**Author:** ![YogSothoth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/y/8edcca/32.png) [@YogSothoth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/YogSothoth)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2010, 4:48pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/152 "2010-01-12T16:48:53Z")
> [@Attack\_from\_the\_3rd\_dimension](#): > > In general, a close reading of the Buddha’s teachings will suggest that you shouldn’t count on anything after death anyway. Isn’t that what I said? :dubious: ---
**Author:** ![shiftless](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/e9c0ed/32.png) [@shiftless](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/shiftless)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2010, 6:54pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/153 "2010-01-12T18:54:06Z")
I am surprised by some of the remarks here. I didn’t monitor every time my children ever asked an adult a question and and I am baffled by the notion that someone would allow their child to wonder around unmonitored and yet would also be bothered when people answer direct questions. If my child asked a religious person a question about religion then I would expect them to answer the question or not based on whether they were comfortable with the question. If the belief system I want for my child can’t stand up to a random comment from a stranger, then he (my child) would be correct in questioning it. ---
**Author:** ![MrDibble](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/mrdibble/32/114_2.png) [@MrDibble](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MrDibble)\ **Post date:** [January 12, 2010, 7:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220/154 "2010-01-12T19:29:53Z")
> [@shiftless](#): > > I am surprised by some of the remarks here. I didn’t monitor every time my children ever asked an adult a question and and I am baffled by the notion that someone would allow their child to wonder around unmonitored and yet would also be bothered when people answer direct questions. If my child asked a religious person a question about religion then I would expect them to answer the question or not based on whether they were comfortable with the question. If the belief system I want for my child can’t stand up to a random comment from a stranger, then he (my child) would be correct in questioning it. That’s a sensible attitude. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-someone-elses-preteen-child-asks-you-if-god-exists-how-do-you-respond/520220.md?page=7)