# Nonbelievers: if you HAD to give lip service to one religion, what would you choose? **URL:** \ **Category:** In My Humble Opinion\ **Created:** [October 12, 2009, 6:55pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565 "2009-10-12T18:55:09Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 2
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 8:32pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565/21 "2009-10-12T20:32:29Z")
> [@MeanOldLady](#): > > I was going to say, whichever is easiest, and doesn’t impose any practical changes on my lifestyle, and then I read this. Fuck it, just kill me then. Whoever said Flying Spaghetti Monsterism is hilarious. Why not just be a UU? One-hour services once a week, sermons that largely consist of “Hey, if you guys could not be assholes this week, that would be cool,” and tons of coffee. ---
**Author:** ![commasense](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/commasense/32/3017_2.png) [@commasense](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/commasense)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 8:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565/22 "2009-10-12T20:37:06Z")
How about [Budism](http://www.rejsports.com/lhdv/image/Budweiser.jpg)? Or [Budism](http://wholesalemarijuanaseeds.com/big-bud.html)? Or [Budism](http://www.loc.gov/exhibits/bobhope/images/vc118.jpg)? ---
**Author:** ![MeanOldLady](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/meanoldlady/32/10737_2.png) [@MeanOldLady](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/MeanOldLady)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 8:38pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565/23 "2009-10-12T20:38:40Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Why not just be a UU? One-hour services once a week, sermons that largely consist of “Hey, if you guys could not be assholes this week, that would be cool,” and tons of coffee. Irish Coffee? Then maybe I’d think about it. And the service can’t be too early in the morning. ---
**Author:** ![Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/4bbf92/32.png) [@Heart\_of\_Dorkness](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Heart_of_Dorkness)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 8:40pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565/24 "2009-10-12T20:40:01Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Why not just be a UU? One-hour services once a week, sermons that largely consist of “Hey, if you guys could not be assholes this week, that would be cool,” and tons of coffee. What they don’t tell you is, you can be an asshole, and they still have to give you coffee. It’s the law. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 8:42pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565/25 "2009-10-12T20:42:14Z")
Yep, UU is the way to go. They already have a [jihad](http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2005/04/08/DDG27BCFLG1.DTL) prepped. ---
**Author:** ![Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/ecccb3/32.png) [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Skald_the_Rhymer)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 8:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565/26 "2009-10-12T20:45:54Z")
> [@silenus](#): > > Yep, UU is the way to go. They already have a [jihad](http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/chronicle/archive/2005/04/08/DDG27BCFLG1.DTL) prepped. Somehow I thought you’d be a Bacchist. ---
**Author:** ![Jack\_Batty](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/jack_batty/32/3201_2.png) [@Jack\_Batty](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jack_Batty)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 8:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565/27 "2009-10-12T20:58:13Z")
I got a wild hair across my ass a few years ago about Buddhism. Not that I was getting ready to move to Tibet, or anything, but I did my fair share of reading on the subject. It occurred to me as I was reading that a great many tenets (at least the big general ones) of Buddhism were right in my wheelhouse from the get-go. I like the idea that it’s all inside you. And YOU must enlighten yourself. Etc. I dug that, from what I read, I wouldn’t have been instructed to look anywhere else but in myself for salvation. With all that being said, I guess I would have to say that, were I forced to accept any one of the world’s varied religion, I would go with … … Scientology. I’ve always wanted to be OT VII. ---
**Author:** ![TheMerchandise](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/b487fb/32.png) [@TheMerchandise](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/TheMerchandise)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565/28 "2009-10-12T20:59:27Z")
Reform Judaism. ---
**Author:** ![silenus](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/silenus/32/166_2.png) [@silenus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/silenus)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 8:59pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565/29 "2009-10-12T20:59:48Z")
Hard to find a local temple. Besides, at my age it gets difficult to handle the nymphs. ---
**Author:** ![G0sp3l](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/g/c68b51/32.png) [@G0sp3l](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/G0sp3l)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 9:01pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565/30 "2009-10-12T21:01:26Z")
> [@Who\_me\_1](#): > > Flying Spaghetti Monsterism. The preferred term is Pastafarian. Philistine. :mad: Since I’ve already had the indoctrination I’d select christianity. Easy to fake. Plus I could be all sanctimonious without having to do anything. Like the rest. ---
**Author:** ![Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/f/a587f6/32.png) [@Freddy\_the\_Pig](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Freddy_the_Pig)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 9:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565/31 "2009-10-12T21:13:15Z")
I’ve always kind of liked the Bahais. They allow for more than one prophet, which appeals to me as I could never worship a God that sent one messenger or son or prophet, once, to one tiny group of people and ignored the rest of humanity. Plus, they have that cool temple in Wilmette. ---
**Author:** ![Mississippienne](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/m/d2c977/32.png) [@Mississippienne](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Mississippienne)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 10:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565/32 "2009-10-12T22:06:01Z")
If I had the tiniest shred of faith in a divine power, I’d be a Reform Jew. So I think that’ll be my answer. Buddhist would probably come second. Neopagan for third, or maybe Vodou. ---
**Author:** ![Jettboy](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/85e7bf/32.png) [@Jettboy](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Jettboy)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 10:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565/33 "2009-10-12T22:12:59Z")
Hinduism, definately. The actual _beliefs_ aren’t really my cup o’ tea (although there IS a lot of interesting and potentially profound stuff there), but I love the wild imagry, and all of the exotic gods and goddesses, and the color and the energy. ---
**Author:** ![Duke\_of\_Rat](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/d/ad7895/32.png) [@Duke\_of\_Rat](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Duke_of_Rat)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 11:37pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565/34 "2009-10-12T23:37:26Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > Why not just be a UU? One-hour services once a week, sermons that largely consist of “Hey, if you guys could not be assholes this week, that would be cool,” and tons of coffee. I’m not giving up everything in life just for coffee. Damn their intolerance! ---
**Author:** ![Oakminster](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/o/77aa72/32.png) [@Oakminster](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Oakminster)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 11:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565/35 "2009-10-12T23:45:32Z")
> [@Skald\_the\_Rhymer](#): > > I’m a little surprised. I figured you’d be hooking up with whatever church would be most useful to you in plotting the overthrow of the mildly-evil overlord. Who says I didn’t? Naked dancing hippie chicks will form a most effective diversion for my eventual overthrowing Middlin McEvil. If it takes me a decade or so to train up my super elite harem of freedom fighters, that’s just a sacrifice I’ll have to make for the cause… ---
**Author:** ![NinjaChick](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/n/71c47a/32.png) [@NinjaChick](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/NinjaChick)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 11:49pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565/36 "2009-10-12T23:49:07Z")
My first preference would be Quaker, because the local meeting is of the ‘show up, sit quietly and think for a bit, shake hands with people, have some coffee and donuts, go about your business’ type. If I need to do organized religion, I want to do the one where no one talks. (And if I were a theist, I’d be pretty on-board with the core beliefs of Quakerism.) If I must participate in an organized religion where I need to listen to other people speak, it would be Unitarian Universalism. As far as I can tell their core belief is that everyone is on their own individual quest for the ‘right’ core beliefs, which I bet means you’re pretty unlikely to get lectured at. (Upon rereading I’m afraid that my comments could be construed as saying that neither of the above religions are ‘real’ religions, which is in no way my intent. I just think that they’re the least ‘one-size-fits-all’ of mainstream organized religions, and I’m a fan of acknowledging that one size does not fit all.) ---
**Author:** ![Shakester](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/shakester/32/437_2.png) [@Shakester](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Shakester)\ **Post date:** [October 12, 2009, 11:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565/37 "2009-10-12T23:58:30Z")
Put me down as a Taoist, please. It’s basically a philosophy, even less religion-y than Buddhism. The bonus is that I honestly believe that the Tao Te Ching is one of the wisest things ever written, so being forced to pay more attention to it would actually be a good thing. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2009, 12:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565/38 "2009-10-13T00:34:46Z")
> [@Lanzy](#): > > Attend services? Which one has the least number scheduled? And which ones don’t stone the unbelivers? My college roommate says that, to be a good Catholic, you only have to attend mass once a year. And, as far as I know, no one has even been excommunicated in a long time, let alone stoned. Lots of Catholics disagree with some parts of the doctrine, and do what they want and confess later. And if you are inclined to “sin” a lot, I could see it being kinda fun, as it would just be bragging that no one could even legally use against you. ---
**Author:** ![Tamerlane](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/tamerlane/32/7602_2.png) [@Tamerlane](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tamerlane)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2009, 12:40am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565/39 "2009-10-13T00:40:38Z")
Eh, well, other than the prohibitions on booze, gambling and premarital/gay sex ( what? you can’t have _any_ fun? ), [Baha’i](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bah%C3%A1%27%C3%AD_Faith) seems better than many. ---
**Author:** ![appleciders](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/85f322/32.png) [@appleciders](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/appleciders)\ **Post date:** [October 13, 2009, 12:41am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565/40 "2009-10-13T00:41:26Z")
> [@NinjaChick](#): > > My first preference would be Quaker, because the local meeting is of the ‘show up, sit quietly and think for a bit, shake hands with people, have some coffee and donuts, go about your business’ type. If I need to do organized religion, I want to do the one where no one talks. (And if I were a theist, I’d be pretty on-board with the core beliefs of Quakerism.) Bingo. Quakers are pretty chill, as these things go. Reform Judaism wouldn’t be bad either; let’s face it, Judaism in the USA is at least half cultural, rather than religious. I live with a near-atheist Jew who still won’t touch pork, shellfish, or cheeseburgers. [Previous page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565.md?page=1) [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/nonbelievers-if-you-had-to-give-lip-service-to-one-religion-what-would-you-choose/513565.md?page=3)