He said noncompetitive. Did you even watch the Messiah pageant this year?
He’s not the Messiah. He’s a very naughty boy.
My weight problems are too much to get under control so quickly, so no.
Also, I went to a scam of a school which had a lot of military elements to it and then was an Orthodox Jew, so I need to learn how to live without having every aspect of my life controlled, so doubly no.
Finally, I have an acquaintance who after losing a ton of weight was in the Army for years, and he’s unemployed now too…and I hear his isn’t exactly a unique experience. So triply no.
But thanks for asking 
Have you looked at if hotels are hiring? Front desk work isn’t exactly cushy, but a night watch gig can be both comfortable, decently paid for unskilled labor and stable. Hotel management appreciate stable employees and don’t really care about size as long as you dress up well.
Your best bet here is to find odd job/day labor/landscaping stuff. It’s hard work, but it pays cash, and you sound like you’re not too proud to sweat.
Find the places in Boston where they pick guys up for this work – likely in hispanic neighborhoods. IME, a lot of the foremen and contractors who do the hiring are gonna be wary of a smart, fat white guy; on the other hand, if you can can get to the homeowners who need work done, they may prefer a guy who speaks english. (Make prejudice work for you!) In any event: in spring/summer, there’s a lot of landscaping/gardening stuff to be done. Look for that.
Yeah, retail and food are a crapshoot. Just gotta keep plugging away.
I wouldn’t spend much time applying for jobs on the internet – if your goal is any paycheck, right now, you want to find places that have signs up and you can just walk in. Hit the malls and shopping centers.
I would NOT go to a state or federal agency if your need is immediate: the hiring process for government is typically extremely long, and many of the jobs posted already have an internal candidate selected and they’re just posting it to satisfy the rules.
Good luck.
Can you do ANYTHING? Have you signed up with Temp agencies? The work tends to be irregular, but they’ll usually have you answer phones, or do simple filing/copying/shredding for a couple of days. If you’re as smart as the average bear and can type a little and use MS Office, you have all the skills you need.
The postal service is hiring for mail carriers around the Boston area:
The economy seems to be not so great for hiring in Boston right now, at least compared with New York. My friend, who is a licensed attorney, recently completed a highly competitive Congressional Fellowship working on Capitol Hill directly with lawmakers, and was not able to find legal work in her area of interest back in Boston which is education and special education (admittedly, she’s picky). Anyway she ended up taking a position with Teach For America working with special needs students.
Have you considered Americorps, or TFA? Yes, there is a application process, but it isn’t the case that the “highest GPA wins.” You’ve had some unusual life experiences, that is usually considered a plus in these sort of programs.