# North Korea kills US citizens! \[Not really. This is a (sort of) parody thread.\] **URL:** \ **Category:** The BBQ Pit\ **Created:** [June 1, 2010, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/north-korea-kills-us-citizens-not-really-this-is-a-sort-of-parody-thread/541473 "2010-06-01T08:09:48Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![PrettyVacant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/49beb7/32.png) [@PrettyVacant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PrettyVacant)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 8:09am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/north-korea-kills-us-citizens-not-really-this-is-a-sort-of-parody-thread/541473/1 "2010-06-01T08:09:48Z")
News just in: In the last hour North Korean specialist forces have intercepted a joint civilian US-Japanese flotilla of humanitarian aid ships 90 miles off the North Korean coast. Early reports indicate at least nine American deaths on one aid ship. Reports also suggest the unarmed, largely American crew fought heroically with sticks to resist the attack from the heavily armed invaders in the true spirit of Flight 93. North Korean official sources confirmed the specialist forces, after one of their number had been thrown down a flight of stairs, had no choice but to kill the nine unarmed Americans. At a hastily convened press conference, President Kim Il-sung expressed concerned at the injuries suffered by the North Korean soldiers and paid tribute to their professionalism. It is reported that North Korean forces, after extensive searches of all the aid vessels, found cutlery on board some, and possibly even broom handles. At a current total to the taxpayer of $3billion per annum, North Korea is the largest recipient per capita of military aid from the EU in the world, and has recently secured a further 25% increase on that figure for the next ten years. Supplemental to the $3billion is $2.82billion in additional military aid. North Korea has also requested a further sum of $2.25billion in “grants and loans”. Just the $8.32billion, then. In street interviews later, Europeans expressed surprise that support for North Korea on such a large scale should in any way affect the attitude of the world towards the EU. Vessels in the flotilla have been escorted from international waters to a North Korean port. The names of the nine dead American aid workers are being withheld until their families can be notified. [Link](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Israel_%E2%80%93_United_States_relations#United_States_military_and_economic_aid) ---
**Author:** ![Alessan](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/alessan/32/465_2.png) [@Alessan](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Alessan)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 8:30am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/north-korea-kills-us-citizens-not-really-this-is-a-sort-of-parody-thread/541473/2 "2010-06-01T08:30:52Z")
Gotcha! ---
**Author:** ![2ply](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/2/b2d939/32.png) [@2ply](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/2ply)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 8:54am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/north-korea-kills-us-citizens-not-really-this-is-a-sort-of-parody-thread/541473/3 "2010-06-01T08:54:27Z")
Oh shit you’ve opened my eyes man!!! ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 9:03am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/north-korea-kills-us-citizens-not-really-this-is-a-sort-of-parody-thread/541473/4 "2010-06-01T09:03:58Z")
The thread title made my heart stop for a minute. Easy for you to pull shit out of your ass when you live halfway around the world. That’s not nice. ---
**Author:** ![PrettyVacant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/49beb7/32.png) [@PrettyVacant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PrettyVacant)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/north-korea-kills-us-citizens-not-really-this-is-a-sort-of-parody-thread/541473/5 "2010-06-01T09:04:35Z")
That’s kind of the point. ---
**Author:** ![BigT](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/bigt/32/12044_2.png) [@BigT](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/BigT)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 9:04am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/north-korea-kills-us-citizens-not-really-this-is-a-sort-of-parody-thread/541473/6 "2010-06-01T09:04:50Z")
You’ll have to prove that Israel == North Korea before this will work. You should have picked a more neutral country to prove your point that we’d react differently if it were another country. ---
**Author:** ![HazelNutCoffee](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/h/ac91a4/32.png) [@HazelNutCoffee](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/HazelNutCoffee)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 9:06am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/north-korea-kills-us-citizens-not-really-this-is-a-sort-of-parody-thread/541473/7 "2010-06-01T09:06:41Z")
> [@PrettyVacant](#): > > That’s kind of the point. Yeah, you’ve managed to startle a person living in Seoul. Congratulations. ---
**Author:** ![AClockworkMelon](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/aclockworkmelon/32/10803_2.png) [@AClockworkMelon](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/AClockworkMelon)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 9:21am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/north-korea-kills-us-citizens-not-really-this-is-a-sort-of-parody-thread/541473/8 "2010-06-01T09:21:21Z")
I had a mini “OH SHI-” when I saw the title, too. ---
**Author:** ![PrettyVacant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/49beb7/32.png) [@PrettyVacant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PrettyVacant)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 9:34am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/north-korea-kills-us-citizens-not-really-this-is-a-sort-of-parody-thread/541473/9 "2010-06-01T09:34:13Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > You’ll have to prove that Israel == North Korea before this will work. You should have picked a more neutral country to prove your point that we’d react differently if it were another country. You’re being a little too literal. It’s not science. ---
**Author:** ![Gyrate](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/gyrate/32/3588_2.png) [@Gyrate](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Gyrate)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 10:35am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/north-korea-kills-us-citizens-not-really-this-is-a-sort-of-parody-thread/541473/10 "2010-06-01T10:35:00Z")
As soon as I read the first sentence it was fairly obvious where this was going. Isn’t there a proper thread about the Israel thing somewhere? ---
**Author:** ![enigmatic](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/898d66/32.png) [@enigmatic](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/enigmatic)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 10:50am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/north-korea-kills-us-citizens-not-really-this-is-a-sort-of-parody-thread/541473/11 "2010-06-01T10:50:30Z")
Can we have a mod add a (hypothetical) to the thread title, because as pointed out, the present thread title is pretty unfunny to someone who happens to be living in that area of the world? I don’t want to defend Israel’s actions with regard to this particular incident (or outright condemn them until all the facts are out there) but there is absolutely no way your hypothetical represents an equivalent situation. If North Korea was blockading South Korea and had followed through on an explicitly stated threat to turn away an AID convoy (possibly one which had met them with force despite ostensibly being part of a peaceful protest) perhaps there would be a comparison to be made. The implication in your hypothetical is that North Korea has attacked a humanitarian convoy somehow placed to provide aid to North Korea. Furthermore, even in this hypothetical, if a group of independent American citizens had somehow funded such a mission and somehow managed to sail into North Korea’s waters, the North’s response to such a provocative “aid” missions in their own waters would be entirely predictable and not wholly unjustified. ---
**Author:** ![Rune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e68b1a/32.png) [@Rune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rune)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 10:52am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/north-korea-kills-us-citizens-not-really-this-is-a-sort-of-parody-thread/541473/12 "2010-06-01T10:52:39Z")
What a massive whine-fest this has all turned out to be. Israel should have torpedoed the fucking fuckers and left them to drown. glub…glub…glub… At least there’d have been something to get worked up about. The world would have been a better place too. ---
**Author:** ![jjimm](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/j/ba8739/32.png) [@jjimm](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/jjimm)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 10:57am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/north-korea-kills-us-citizens-not-really-this-is-a-sort-of-parody-thread/541473/13 "2010-06-01T10:57:25Z")
> [@BigT](#): > > You’ll have to prove that Israel == North Korea before this will work. You should have picked a more neutral country to prove your point that we’d react differently if it were another country. Analogy != equivalence. I believe the point being made is that if it were a pariah country, rather than an allied one, we may have a different attitude. That’s the thing to debate, IMO, not that Israel == North Korea. ETA: I should point out, though, that the OP’s NK president was a trifle out of date. (Rune, there was a Holocaust survivor and an 18-month baby on the ships. Would the world be better off without them?) ---
**Author:** ![PrettyVacant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/49beb7/32.png) [@PrettyVacant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PrettyVacant)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 10:58am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/north-korea-kills-us-citizens-not-really-this-is-a-sort-of-parody-thread/541473/14 "2010-06-01T10:58:05Z")
torpedoing is too good for them. How about the tactical nuclear option. If you’re going for collective and indiscriminate punishment, at least try to get some scale on the job. ---
**Author:** ![Rune](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e68b1a/32.png) [@Rune](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rune)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 11:20am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/north-korea-kills-us-citizens-not-really-this-is-a-sort-of-parody-thread/541473/15 "2010-06-01T11:20:04Z")
> [@jjimm](#): > > (Rune, there was a Holocaust survivor and an 18-month baby on the ships. Would the world be better off without them?) Yeah. Fuck them. Sucks for the babe but there was a Swedish author on board too, and taking out one of those worthless suckers is worth a little collateral damage. btw. having survived the Holocaust, gives your actions or opinions no extra worth. Might as well have said there was a German carpenter on board. Just another dude with an opinion. ---
**Author:** ![PrettyVacant](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/p/49beb7/32.png) [@PrettyVacant](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/PrettyVacant)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 11:29am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/north-korea-kills-us-citizens-not-really-this-is-a-sort-of-parody-thread/541473/16 "2010-06-01T11:29:25Z")
Rune - You appear to have not seen enough of Steven Spielberg’s historically based ouvre. ---
**Author:** ![E-Sabbath](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/e/e19adc/32.png) [@E-Sabbath](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/E-Sabbath)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 11:38am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/north-korea-kills-us-citizens-not-really-this-is-a-sort-of-parody-thread/541473/17 "2010-06-01T11:38:16Z")
Wasn’t there a moronic hiker who wandered into North Korea to convert it to Christianity a few months back? If he’d been shot by the border patrol, I don’t think anyone would have taken it as a great crime against humanity. [http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,292818,00.html](http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,292818,00.html) Here’s a border patrol agent shooting a coyote. Pro forma complaint by Mexico, not much else. Face it, these people wanted to cause an international incident. Well, they did. Congratulations. Woop de friggin doo. ---
**Author:** ![Camus](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/c/ba8739/32.png) [@Camus](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Camus)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 1:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/north-korea-kills-us-citizens-not-really-this-is-a-sort-of-parody-thread/541473/18 "2010-06-01T13:06:43Z")
> [@PrettyVacant](#): > > You’re being a little too literal. It’s not science. Given the chief difference between this hypothetical and the Gaza situation - that North Korea is a sovereign nation with the inherent power to exercise control over anyone or anything seeking to enter its territory or territorial waters - what is the point of this analogy? Especially in the case of this hypothetical, anyone who violently resisted being boarded by North Korean authorities by any means assumed the risk they would be shot when trying to enter someone else’s country. ---
**Author:** ![Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/e8c25b/32.png) [@Really\_Not\_All\_That\_Bright](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Really_Not_All_That_Bright)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 1:09pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/north-korea-kills-us-citizens-not-really-this-is-a-sort-of-parody-thread/541473/19 "2010-06-01T13:09:01Z")
> [@enigmatic](#): > > Can we have a mod add a (hypothetical) to the thread title, because as pointed out, the present thread title is pretty unfunny to someone who happens to be living in that area of the world? Or even to someone who lives on the other side of the world, for that matter. ---
**Author:** ![FoieGrasIsEvil](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/foiegrasisevil/32/16638_2.png) [@FoieGrasIsEvil](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/FoieGrasIsEvil)\ **Post date:** [June 1, 2010, 1:12pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/north-korea-kills-us-citizens-not-really-this-is-a-sort-of-parody-thread/541473/20 "2010-06-01T13:12:20Z")
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