# Not a rhetorical question

**URL:** <https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-rhetorical-question/805880>\
**Category:** In My Humble Opinion\
**Created:** [January 5, 2018, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-rhetorical-question/805880 "2018-01-05T01:01:08Z")\
**Posts on this page:** 4\
**Page:** 1

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**Author:** ![Keeve](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/f07891/32.png) [@Keeve](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Keeve)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2018, 1:01am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-rhetorical-question/805880/1 "2018-01-05T01:01:08Z")

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I am a bit communication-challeneged, and often I miss the subtleties of what people are saying. Sometimes, someone will ask a question, and I can’t tell whether it is rhetorical or not. In other words, maybe they are asking because they want an answer, or maybe they are just trying to make a point but it is phrased like a question.

So I ask them, “Is that a rhetorical question, or do you really want to know the answer?”

I’m looking for a simpler way to ask that question. Something like, “Is that question rhetorical, or is it \_\_\_\_\_\_\_?”

Any suggestions?

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**Author:** ![ThelmaLou](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/thelmalou/32/390_2.png) [@ThelmaLou](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ThelmaLou)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2018, 1:22am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-rhetorical-question/805880/2 "2018-01-05T01:22:01Z")

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I think saying the first half of that question is good, “Is that a rhetorical question?” but skip the second half (“or do you really,” etc.), because it adds a snarky note.

Or you can try repeating the question in an earnest and inquisitive tone of voice, _“I want to understand: you’re asking me if I think it’s worth risking my life to climb Mt. Everest?”_ and see what they say. That might lead to clarification. Or they might say, “I was just kidding” or something.

For the last 40-ish years I made a living writing grant proposals to funders to raise money for charitable organizations. It was MY job to communicate clearly about what my client did, whom they helped, what they needed the money for, etc. It was not the job of the proposal recipient to try to figure out what I meant.

The point I’m making is that if you don’t understand, don’t feel bad. I tend to take the position (not categorically, but in general) that if someone says something and it’s not clear, it’s up to them to make it clear. And you may certainly ask questions to find out what they meant, if you care enough. But it’s the communicator’s job to be clear, not the listener’s to read the person’s mind.

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**Author:** ![Ambivalid](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/a/a5b964/32.png) [@Ambivalid](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Ambivalid)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2018, 1:31am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-rhetorical-question/805880/3 "2018-01-05T01:31:14Z")

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All you need is one question: “Is that a rhetorical question?” The answer you get will address both possibilities, no need for more.

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**Author:** ![Colibri](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/colibri/32/1841_2.png) [@Colibri](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Colibri)\
**Post date:** [January 5, 2018, 2:16am UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-rhetorical-question/805880/4 "2018-01-05T02:16:52Z")

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Since the OP is looking for advice let’s move this to IMHO.

Colibri  
General Questions Moderator