# Not a Sausage **URL:** \ **Category:** Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share\ **Created:** [March 7, 2005, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359 "2005-03-07T14:06:15Z")\ **Posts on this page:** 20\ **Page:** 1
**Author:** ![Rue\_DeDay](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/r/41988e/32.png) [@Rue\_DeDay](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Rue_DeDay)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 2:06pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359/1 "2005-03-07T14:06:15Z")
That’s a phrase I read in my book this weekend. (Iain Banks, _The Business_) I like that phrase. ‘Not a sausage’ means: blank diddly squat goose egg naught nix nothing (regular) squat zilch or zip I don’t think I’ll be able to bring it up in conversation too awful often, but it’s nice to have it back for emergencies. (Yeah, I really _did_ have to pad that out. Why?) You want to know what else was in that book that stuck with me? “Gang aft agley”. I was reading along and that popped up. It sorta _looks_ like words, but what does it mean? Well, I had to look it up to be sure. Actually I had to look it up to have a first clue. (Wouldn’t you know it, my high-powered education, and I don’t know much Robert Burns poetry.) It’s from “To A Mouse” and I’m not going to put the short poem here for copyright reasons. Even though I _said_ it was Robert Burns’ poem “To A Mouse”. Actually I didn’t _say_ right out “To A Mouse” was written by Robert Burns, but you could have inferred. There are two famous lines from that poem: The best laid schemes o’ Mice an’ Men, Gang aft agley And that really clears things right up, don’t it? Well, it didn’t for me, so I had to look around a little more to find out just what the heck “gang aft agley” means. (Did I have an idea? Not a sausage.)(Needs work.) It’s all Scottish, which should be no surprise since we’re talking Robert “Mr. Haggis” Burns. Gang = ‘to go’ (As in “gangplank”.) aft = ‘often’ from ‘oft’ (Only spelled wrong with that ‘a’.) agley = ‘askew, awry’ (But more properly it’s from ‘gley’ meaning ‘squint’, so more literally would be ‘off squint’, but you get the idea.) The best laid plans of mice and men Often go kerblewie. Neat, huh? -Rue. ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 2:13pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359/2 "2005-03-07T14:13:34Z")
> [@Rue DeDay](#): > > The best laid plans of mice and men > Often go kerblewie. Is that anything like “One of the cross beams has gone out askew on the treadle” ? 'Cause they sound kind of related. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359/3 "2005-03-07T14:14:04Z")
Heh. I use ‘Aft gang agley’ and ‘Not a sausage’ all the time. Seems I use the former more recently since getting involved in making videos with some guys I met. The latter, I use more frequently. ---
**Author:** ![WotNot](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/w/e19b73/32.png) [@WotNot](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/WotNot)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 2:14pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359/4 "2005-03-07T14:14:37Z")
Neat enough. So… slow day? ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 2:29pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359/5 "2005-03-07T14:29:03Z")
I’ve always wondered about that phrase: “the best laid plans of mice and men.” It implies that mice make plans. Ok, cartoon mice sure. They’re always planning how to get some cheese or irk the cat, but do real mice do that? I hope that’s not too heavy for the MMP. Friday night’s dinner was ham and potato soup with cornbread. See, I knew ACBG was gonna do something with taters. And true to his word, I got to lounge around and quaff my beverage of choice, which was [sub]surprise! surprise![/sub] beer! We had Chips Ahoy [sup]TM[/sup] cookies for dessert. Then we had “dessert.” Actually, I didn’t cook all weekend. Saturday we got haircuts then went to lunch at the newest of the hog trough all-you-can-eat places which are in abundance round these parts. It was pretty good. Saturday night we watched tv and munched on popcorn instead of dinner. Yesterday, ACBG grilled hot dogs on my grill while I ironed all the shirts that had been hanging in my laundry room for three months waiting to be ironed. I got a new iron. It came with my new Oreck vacuum cleaner which I had ordered which showed up Friday while I was at work. An iron? They sent me an iron? That’s what I thought when I unpacked it Saturday afternoon. Anyways it’s a cordless iron. HAH! You can iron for 90 seconds then it has to set back on the little platform thingy to warm up. Fortunately I can iron with it using the cord too. Yes, I do have an iron. A perfectly good one. But this one is new so I figured I might as well use it. It motivated me to iron stuff cause it was a new toy to play with. Anyways, I was cookless this weekend. That was good. -swampbear (cookless ironer) ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 2:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359/6 "2005-03-07T14:36:57Z")
> [@](#): > > WotNot > So… slow day? For a Monday morning, it really is. I already made $8K for Technical Thingies before 8:30 am rolled around, so I’m thinking of taking the rest of the day off. My salary for the week (for several weeks, actually,) is covered. If I can just convince my boss, that is. I think it’s a grand policy. (Or in this instance, and eight grand policy.) So how did your trip to Raleigh go, **taxi**? Did you get that itch scratched? (Because we all know that’s why you really made the trip, isn’t it?) **Swampy** Did ACBG use the entire ten-pound bag of taters in the soup? Cause that’s a lot of soup. ---
**Author:** ![keeper0](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/b19c9b/32.png) [@keeper0](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/keeper0)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 2:45pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359/7 "2005-03-07T14:45:18Z")
Confluences in Southwest Ohio… I was thinking of the “sausage” expression the other day because I was re-reading The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. In it Marvin laments being given “not an electronic sausage” with which to defend himself against the battle-tank. ---
**Author:** ![Tupug\_Anachi](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/7993a0/32.png) [@Tupug\_Anachi](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Tupug_Anachi)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 2:58pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359/8 "2005-03-07T14:58:41Z")
Meh! Close as I can come to the OP is that I once dated a guy who’s last name is Burns. 😕 So that’s it then…the big sausage. I am reading a terrible book called _Desert Places_ by Blake Crouch. (I wonder if that’s a made-up name.) It’s a terrible book because it’s full of murder, torture, and mayhem along with dark corridors and strangers in the bedroom. For the life of me I cannot put that book down. I am probably damaging my psyche for forever. I did not cook Friday night. I did not cook Saturday night. Last night I cooked steak, asparagus, Hollandaise sauce, and garlic bread. It was good. **swampy** , sure mice make plans. Not like rocket science plans, but they gotta plan when to leave their burrows to eat, when to get back into their burrows so they don’t get et. Oh, and the domestic ones gotta plan just the right time to get on their squeeky exercise wheels and run and run and run so they keep their owners awake all night. 😃 Tupug ---
**Author:** ![Lissla\_Lissar](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/l/8491ac/32.png) [@Lissla\_Lissar](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Lissla_Lissar)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 3:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359/9 "2005-03-07T15:02:28Z")
I don’t think sausages would be improved by the addition of electronics. How would you cook them? ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 3:18pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359/10 "2005-03-07T15:18:18Z")
> [@Sean Factotum](#): > > Is that anything like “One of the cross beams has gone out askew on the treadle” ? 'Cause they sound kind of related. What do you mean by that? ---
**Author:** ![CalMeacham](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/calmeacham/32/35_2.png) [@CalMeacham](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/CalMeacham)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 3:35pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359/11 "2005-03-07T15:35:32Z")
I came across “not a sausage” in the British translation of one of the Asterix book – **asteric and the Cheiftan’s Shield**. Apparebntly that part of France where this is set is famous for its sausages. The translations are done in Britain, and are filled with British puns. It’s a great education for an American to try and understand british puns in a French-originated comic strip. Obviously the “Not a sausage” line was used because it was a sausage-making reghion. In context, it was clearly synonymous with “nothing”. Elsewhere in the same book we have: Obelix: Why did he slam that door so hard? Native: We’re fond of bangers. Took me a while to figure that one out. “Bangers” doesn’t mean “sausages” in the U.S. as for: > [@](#): > > Quote: > Originally Posted by Sean Factotum > Is that anything like “One of the cross beams has gone out askew on the treadle” ? 'Cause they sound kind of related. That’s not a saying, it’s from one of the Monty Python albums. It’s supposed to be a line from a radio drama, and it actually makes sense, in context. It eventually leads into the “Spanish Inquisition” routine. I’ve seen random phrases from Monty Python crop up in a lot of places, quoted and misquoted by Americans who don’t know what they mean. “Hampstered gentleman seeks another Hampsterede gentleman”" showed up in a want ad quoted in Playboy, of all places. It’s from another Monty Python Album, and is an American mishearing of “Hampstead gentleman”. The ad (on the original album) is obviously for a same-sex hookup. The want ad quoting it either doesn’t get it, or they’re so hip that they get it and are misquoting it. I think Playboy was clueless on this one. ---
**Author:** ![The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/t/a87d85/32.png) [@The\_King\_of\_Soup](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/The_King_of_Soup)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 3:36pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359/12 "2005-03-07T15:36:31Z")
With respect (a whole lot because I’m speaking from personal experience and not from academic knowledge), the phrase “not a sausage” has a slightly more restricted meaning than simply “nothing”. It is used when describing personal poverty, as in having not even the cheapest sort of thing to eat. Slavic folk tales in translation use the phrases “not an onion” in much the same way. The phrase “of mice and men” always meant (to me, in my limited understanding) something like “from the least to the greatest” and conveyed the idea that no one was immune from the law of unintended consequences. “Agley,” to me, has a sightly different meaning than “kerblooie.” A plan that goes kerblooie might not get off the ground at all, whereas a plan that goes agley or astray or awry actually works, but against someone other than its intended target. And **Swampbear** , are you nuts? That was a _carpet_ iron, meant only for ironing carpets, after they’ve been cleaned. You obviously don’t know the bliss of walking on a freshly shampooed and ironed carpet, in your bare feet, after all the firemen have left. And **Lissla Lissar** , I’m afraid that I don’t have an electronic sausage recipe. The closest I can come (get ready for rim shot) is one of my grandmother’s recipes (I’m gonna need the rim shot, a brass sting, and a flash of thigh from Natalie over there) for fish and _chips_. This wasn’t very funny. I’m having trouble being funny right now. But I’ll post this anyway because I need to hold on to the idea that I can say things to other people who will pay attention. I’ll make up for it next time, I promise. ---
**Author:** ![Johnny\_L.A](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/johnny_l.a/32/1084_2.png) [@Johnny\_L.A](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Johnny_L.A)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 3:39pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359/13 "2005-03-07T15:39:51Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > What do you mean by that? There’s trouble at the mill. ---
**Author:** ![scout1222](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/34f0e0/32.png) [@scout1222](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/scout1222)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 3:43pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359/14 "2005-03-07T15:43:27Z")
> [@Tupug Anachi](#): > > Meh! Close as I can come to the OP is that I once dated a guy who’s last name is Burns. 😕 So that’s it then…the big sausage. I’m trying very hard to not make a comment about the guy I’m dating and big sausage. No, really. I’m trying. 🆒 ---
**Author:** ![Sean\_Factotum](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/50afbb/32.png) [@Sean\_Factotum](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Sean_Factotum)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 3:44pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359/15 "2005-03-07T15:44:38Z")
> [@ShibbOleth](#): > > What do you mean by that? I don’t know - Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that’s all. I didn’t expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition. ---
**Author:** ![ShibbOleth](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/s/848f3c/32.png) [@ShibbOleth](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/ShibbOleth)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 3:50pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359/16 "2005-03-07T15:50:12Z")
> [@Sean Factotum](#): > > I don’t know - Mr Wentworth just told me to come in here and say that there was trouble at the mill, that’s all. I didn’t expect a kind of Spanish Inquisition. \*\* NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!!\*\* ---
**Author:** ![Taters](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/taters/32/2845_2.png) [@Taters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taters)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 4:02pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359/17 "2005-03-07T16:02:33Z")
My plans often go kewblewie. Perhaps I should just stop making plans, then nothing would go keblewie. Hm, perhaps that too myopic a view. For instance, I was SUPPOSED to go to the mall to buy clothes for my trip next week. Did I go? Huh? No, I did not because **Mr. Taters** kerblewied all my plans. Saturday we were going to clean. Well, we cleaned for awhile, then hubby decided he needed to go to Best Buy and purchase some jewel cases. I went w/him. Hm, jewel cases indeed. We bought those, a Dyson Animal and something else. When we got home hilarity ensued. I have never seen a man, much less a woman, get so excited about vaccuuming. My God, he was giving demonstrations to everybody. That Dyson works as advertised. I was grossed out by the amount of hair and dirt coming from my carpet. Granted, it had been nearly a week since I had vaccuumed, but MY GOD! So, he was so excited that he decided we needed to steam clean too. :rolleyes: Yeah, who’s we? Do I have a mouse in my pocket? You see, when I stated that **Mr. Taters** was demonstrating our vaccuum to all and sundry, what I _meant_ was that I was vaccuuming, while he gushed endlessly about the sucking power of this machine. So, the plan was to tackle the den on Saturday, only we ended up going to play Mexican Train w/some friends. Git your minds out of the gutters, it’s a dominoes game. Sunday, we awoke bright and early, went out and had breakfast, played on the computer for an hour and then vaccuumed, dusted, and steam-cleaned the den. This took almost four hours. Why? Because he has tons of computer crap in there and it needed to be sorted and then the stuff had to be rearranged, and of course we had to move furniture around in there too. We played a game of Mexican Train w/the kiddos between all of this, and I was doing laundry. After steam cleaning the den, we had pizza for dinner, then I steam-cleaned the entry way. After that, the carpet in the den was pretty much dry so I sat my tired butt down in my chair and cruised the internet and played WoW for a short while . Then I went to bed. So, sadly I never made it to the mall. Guess I’ll have to do it sometime after work this week, 'cause Saturday I pack and Sunday I arrive in sunny (better be) San Diego! There were no sausages involved in this post…electric or otherwise. ---
**Author:** ![swampbear](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/swampbear/32/467_2.png) [@swampbear](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/swampbear)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 4:11pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359/18 "2005-03-07T16:11:44Z")
You all will notice that I am staying all aboveboard and non-juvenile. I mean, **Rue** said sausage and **Tuppy** said big sausage and I have not \ once. That’s what you call self-control. Be proud of me. **King of Soup** I bought the wrinkle free carpet just so I wouldn’t have to iron it. I still say mice don’t plan, they just go with the flow. I think they are spur of the momemt critters. ---
**Author:** ![Kythereia](https://avatars.discourse-cdn.com/v4/letter/k/e8c25b/32.png) [@Kythereia](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Kythereia)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 4:22pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359/19 "2005-03-07T16:22:22Z")
I’m very, very proud of you, **swampbear**. _pats on head_ 😃 Has any tried Swedish meatballs? Best alternative to sausage yet, although the ones at my old camp they served for breakfast were _heavenly_. ---
**Author:** ![Taters](https://sea3.discourse-cdn.com/straightdope/user_avatar/boards.straightdope.com/taters/32/2845_2.png) [@Taters](https://boards.straightdope.com/u/Taters)\ **Post date:** [March 7, 2005, 4:31pm UTC](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359/20 "2005-03-07T16:31:21Z")
I like Swedish meatballs… Hey, **Kythereia** , I am glad you posted today because it reminded me of something. I play WoW (quality time w/the hubby) and have noticed a character on the server I play on that has your screen name. How odd is that? I know, it’s probably not you playing, but I just thought I’d pass it along…this is MPSIMS and the MMP after all. I have just been reminded that I have yet another meeting to go to. Sheesh, meetings, meetings; I hate meetings. I can’t get anything done. Gotta dash [Next page](https://boards.straightdope.com/t/not-a-sausage/293359.md?page=2)